gullible's travels

What's Your Number

2012-01-01T02:05:00.002+08:00

Chris Evans is so pretty. It hurts.

Colin (Chris Evans) & Aly (Ana Faris) sharing beer and Chinese and making
broke and unemployed look so pretty and poetic in "What's Your Number?"

Welcoming the New Year!

2011-12-31T20:55:00.001+08:00

Hello hello hello from my family to yours! I'm blogging from the comfort of our hotel room tucked safely here in Ortigas. As has been customary for a few years or so, my family hies off to a hotel to keep a safe distance from our neighbors' happy set of fireworks/crackers. Haha!

We're not very big on celebrations really, so on big events like Christmas and New Year's, we're pretty much just whiling it away, waiting from the celebrations to come through.

Just wanted to check in to wish everyone a safe and happy New Year's Eve celebrations! I'm gathering my thoughts trying to put together a list of all the things and people I am thankful for for the past year. Year end report in a bit!

Here's to a BIGGER, BETTER, BOLDER new year. 2012, you will be MY year. Cheers!

Life is Short

2011-12-14T14:49:00.000+08:00

THIS. IS. YOUR. LIFE

DO WHAT YOU LOVE. AND DO IT OFTEN.
If you don't like something, change it.
If you don't like you job, QUIT!
If you don't have enoug time, stop watching TV.
If you are looking for the love of your life, STOP.
They will be waiting for your when you start doing things you love.
Stop overanalyzing. Life is simple.
Open your mind, arms, and heart to new things and people.
We are united in our differences.
Some opportunities come only once, seize them.
Travel often; getting lost will help you find yourself.
All emotions are beautiful.
When you eat, appreciate every last bite.
Ask the next person you see what their passion is.
Share your inspiring dream with them.
Life is about the people you meet,and the things you create with them.
So go out and start creating.

Life is short.
Live your dream.
And share your passion :)

New Year's Eve and my New Year's Ball Drop Wish

2011-12-14T14:26:00.001+08:00

Last Thursday, I caught "New Year's Eve" with B. We pretty much left all expectations at home as is required with Hollywood movies that feature at least two hundred Hollywood heavyweights. There's just no way the twenty-five different plot lines would be "developed" in a way that makes you remember the movie three days after you caught it. It was undrestood that there would just be ogling of pretty faces. That you go in expecting to watch the Hollywood version of ABS-CBN's Sunday show ASAP.

And yeah, when you step into the movie house thinking that, you go out of the movie house happy. And not feeling cheated for paying Php 190 for your movie ticket. All good. Everybody wins. Pretty much.

All the beautiful people, put your hands up!

There's really not much to say about the story. I guess it really is about all those beautiful people jostling for airtime (and your attention) trying to fit their megawatt smile in the big screen. But I'll let you in on a small secret. And yeah, after that parade of beauty, this is my takeaway from the movie :p

My secret wish is head on out to New York and celebrate New Year's Eve at Madison Square Garden with (how to put in a tasteful, non-cheesy way? haha) The Boyfriend and kiss when the ball drops! :) This was what was in my head while watching the movie while all the scenes lead up to the ball drop. Maybe that's why the movie was pretty fun :p

Lila with the Golden Eyes

2011-12-08T12:15:00.000+08:00

So last night I was trawling Facebook and I found this:

Mystery "J" writing to a certain "Lila with the Golden Eyes"

A mystery "J" was writing to a certain "Lila with the Golden Eyes" in the hopes of meeting her again. If the novelty of this thing is somehow lost in translation, let me flesh it out for you. "J" wrote to "Lila with the Golden Eyes" but putting up this tarp in one of the (beautifully manicured) lawns of the Ateneo campus in the hopes of meeting lady love again. They met at a party, talked about random cute things, but our poor boy failed to get the girl's number. The conversation meant so much to him he had to do THIS.

The cynic in me is going all "Weh?" but the closet romantic is winning -- and openly gushing. This feels like something straight out of a Joseph Gordon-Levitt movie! *kilig*

I wonder who "Lila with the Golden Eyes" is? Did she gush as much as I did? Did she realize this was for her? Did she find if adorable or was she appalled? I'm rooting for J!

Oh the joys of finding that one that gets your brand of weird :)

Dreaming in Detail aka My Road to Writing Superstardom

2011-12-08T11:57:00.001+08:00

This morning I woke up around 5ish, in my still very dark bedroom and the cold Christmas-y morning air. My drearm, a very vivid one, came to an abrupt end. I was smiling when I woke up and seriously thought to myself, "I should really write this down, this may be the next 'Twilight' and my foray into writing superstardom" Yes, I think these thoughts at 5 in the morning :p

(Random sidebar re Twilight and Stephanie Meyer. I know Twilight is one of the most detested movies of all time but I found an interesting story about its author, Ms. Meyer, the other day. She apparently was a receptionist who dreamt of someday writing a novel. She was 28 and already had 3 kids. One day she dreamt a vivid dream that had vampires and werewolves and some weird inter-species love affair. She wrote her novel and wrote 15 proposal letters to 15 different publishing houses. she got 9 rejections, 5 no replies, until finally Writer's House decided to buy the rights to her book. She refused a lump sum USD750K payment and opted for a royalties-based payment scheme. The Twilight series has sold over a few million copies and earned over a billion in box office. Suffice it to say, Ms. Meyer's weird dream has her now swimming in unbelievable fortune, thanks to her audacity. There's that, now back to MY reality)

I remember pretty much every detail to my dream when I woke up this morning. Now just a few hours after when I sat down to write about it (in the hopes of coming up with another 'Twilight') I have very little idea what went on in the dream. This is me trying to piece it together.

I was on a writing camp, of course with several other writers. It was in an out of town sprawling property with pretty houses, surrounded with beautifully manicured lawns. The characters in the story were all interesting to me, all very witty, all have interesting opinions about the things I like, which is mostly TV and movies. In a nutshell it was 'dream team' of sorts to me haha. There as this one really tall guy, let's call him Tall Guy, in the group (you know it was going this direction) who I noticed since the beginning of the dream. I thought he was too pretty for me so I never really bothered. (Shet, even in my own dreams I have self-esteem issues!)

Somehow the group found itself in a car and Tall Guy (as dreams go) was seated across me (what kinda car exactly we were driving and how we can sit across each other kinda boggles me, too). Out of the blue, Tall Guy randomly says to me, "I've always thought you were beautiful" #ForTheWIN (This is turning out to be too much of a Kate Hudson romcom)

Then we end up talking the day away. He likes TV and movies, he likes reading, he's witty (he probably sounds bland and generic in this description but believe me, Tall Guy was really fascinating in the dream). Tall Guy is/was such a doll. THEN I WOKE UP.

To try to finish the dream/story (or my Twilight-in-the-making) I thought up some reason to make it exciting. I live in Baguio and he lives in uh, Davao? So we can't be together? That's uh, new.

Okay maybe this dream isn't my 'Twlight'. Haha.

(On the upside though, Tall Guy telling me he thought I was pretty, kinda made my day. Okay, now I feel weird announcing that on this blog. Blush. Haha. Well, dream is maybe no Twilight or ticket to writing superstardom, but I could always use a happy thought. Hmm, I wonder if that means I'll be meeting Tall Guy any time soon? :)

Almost 25yo Tries to Figure It Out

2011-12-07T21:52:00.004+08:00

I'm just trying to find out whether I can still write. There's that and also trying to make word pictures and concrete thoughts from the abstract feelings and ideas all swimming and fighting for space in my head. A good number of things happened in the very recent past and my brain has been fighting for ways to make sense of all of it.

I'm trying not to sound melodramatic but I unfortunately am not succeeding thus far. If it is anyway implied in the last three sentences, I'd just like to clear some possible misreadings of this post. There has been no breakup, no grave illness, nor God forbid, no death to set this off. I quit my job less than 20 days ago. Well, I guess that just kills all potential excitement of this post.

I know that's trivial for most, not a show stopper for anyone. It's just that this decision came at a point in my life when everything feels so tentative. I've never felt so out in the cold like this, ever. I feel like everything is rushing towards me and I am too surprised to do anything.

All these feelings of uncertainty have, of course, a lot to do with the decision to quit my job. But I think this has more to do with turning 25 and living with the expectations, both real and imagined, from a grown woman, a real adult. I feel so pressured to clean up, to live a manicured glossy life, to live like the people on my TV shows.

I don't even know who sets the rules but somehow I am bound by it. Maybe all the thinking is magnifying the thoughts. As it is always said, "what you focus on grows". And just as my brain is on this overdrive, my brain chooses to see colleagues getting married, old classmates raising children, people my age jetsetting all over, meeting important people, pursuing their passion with so much certainty, cleaning up so well -- and in my head, just pretty much doing things I am not doing and looking like they've got it all figured out.

I know a huge chunk of all these thoughts are assumptions my brain has chosen to make to support my theories and may or may not be true. The pressure can be both real or just imagined. But either way, it's eating at me and it's feeding on my paranoia. I want to talk about it with someone but I'd propbably have no idea what to say.

Now I feel this compelling need to run away from it all. But now, unlike a bad teacher in college whose class I can just skip, there's no skipping this one. The pressure just nags at me until I actually know what to do with it. The thing is, I don't know what to do with it.

It may be at the very very back of my mind, but I know these are but roabumps on the journey and that this has a happy ending. But this hope is somehow overpowered by the mob rule in my head that is irrational thinking. I know I'm supposed to enjoy the journey so that the happy ending is sweeter but my stubborn brain refuses to relent and still chooses to flail around and panic.

I wish I could get a sneak preview into my next three years, know that by then all THIS has been worth it, that then all my fears were assuaged and dealt with. But I can't so I have to descipline my brain to JUST BELIEVE that it will all work out in the end.

The tunnel may be long but there is definitely the light at the end of it will be beautiful. REPEAT UNTIL BRAIN UNDERSTANDS.

Make Today Your November 1

2011-11-06T15:51:00.001+08:00

Finally managed to meet with Crisela with Gabb and Dan last Friday for an overdue dinner. The dinner was supposedly set at 7PM but someone, ahem *me*, managed to be late by 3 solid hours. Pretty long story, but just so I don't sound like a horrible flaky friend, I just want to put it out there that I travelled all the way from Alabang to Shangri-la in the awful awful Friday North-bound C5 traffic. That's as far as my excuse will go :p

The Biannual Date
I was just all too happy to see Crisela the second time this year. The second of the two times I see her in a year -- the first before the first Law school sem starts and the other once during sembreak. I must've missed her a lot it didn't take a lot of warm up for me to just word vomit all the stories I have been saving for this "date" with her. By golly, my monologue was practically 2ish hours long! And Crisela being the very very good friend that she is just nodded the night away. Where the 2 boys were the whole time you ask? Asleep by the soft armchairs by Coffee Bean. Forrealz. Haha, I guess they were really tired.

The NaNoWriMo
One of my 2 million stories to Crisela was about the NaNoWriMo. It stands for "National Novel Writing Month" and I was telling her that I stumbled upon it the other day while I was trawling the internet. NaNoWriMo is an online support group (as far as I undertand it -- If anyone involved with the NaNoWriMo feels I got the idea wrong, my apologies and I'd be happy to edit the blog post if needed :) for aspiring novelists. In a nutshell, November IS the national novel writing month and the goal is to start writing by November 1 and finish a 50,000-word novel by November 30.

I was very fascinated by the idea of accomplishing writing a novel but I had a "BUT". I told Crisela I wanted to join in the novel writing BUT they started in November and it's already November 4, and I'm 3 days behind. I must've have sounded like I really wanted to do it BUT the only thing stopping me from writing was the 3-day lag I have behind everyone else.

My November 1
Crisela looked at me, closed her eyes for a bit and gave me that smile. It was a smile that told me "you know you know this but you make it sound like you don't get it so I'll tell you anyway".

And then she said one of the best life advise I've ever had given me -- THEN MAKE TODAY YOUR NOVEMBER 1 :) You can't keep sitting around waiting for the perfect moment to come. You want to spend a month writing a novel and it's not November 1? Write today and make today your November 1.

YOU ARE A GIFT :)
Nothing like a real best friend that reads you so crazy spot on, it's creepy and amazing at the same time. I loved that dinner so much because it reminded me again why Crisela will always be that one whose friendship I will keep coming back to.

Your are a gift. And for that, I will always say thank you :)

And...She's Alive!

2011-10-25T19:45:00.002+08:00

Hello readers of this blog, old and new! Kid's alive! Hello hello :)

Haven't been here in a while and I miss this little tiny corner of the interweb dedicated to all things uh, me. Man, I miss writing! I have all these random stories in my head I am itching to write about but, I'm pulling out the oldest blogger's excuse, "I never find the time."

Also, they put up a firewall in the office internet so since, there have been no random blog posts at 9 in the morning. Too bad for me... but good news for my company I guess? Haha.

This is just me a dropping a line, sending a message to this side of the interweb to say that, "Hey, I'm still alive!" For the 3 people that read the blog, I will still be writing. So yay, I guess :p

Well, "life kinda happened", so my online storytelling sessions had to take a little breather. Willl be back soon! This blog will see stories over the long weekend :)

Ciao for now. Good night!

UP Pep Squad for the UAAP 2011 Cheerdance Competition!

2011-09-16T13:05:00.002+08:00

I miss UP. And I feel bad I won't get to watch the UAAP Cheerdance competition live this year. But that's not to say I am not cheering for the UP Pep with all my heart. I am cheering for the UP Pep Squad with all my heart even thought I will be far away from Araneta this Saturday :)

Here's to the hope that the UP Pep will bag the Championship AGAIN this year! LET'S GO UP! FIGHT!

Wow, just saying UP FIGHT! again made me all goosebump-y! And yeah, I think the future of the UP Pep Squad still looks super bright this year. Time to bring out the shades again, kids! :D

Getting ready for The Big Bang Theory for Fall Season 2011!

2011-09-16T12:38:00.001+08:00

Found this treasure on Tumblr and it really made my day! Thank you fyeahbigbagtheorygifs! Mark your calendars kids, BBT comes back on air on Sep 22! Leonard and Sheldon and the gang in a few more shakes! Can't waittt.

The Big Bang Theory Season 4 Blooper Reel

Not Cleaning Up So Well

2011-09-14T14:31:00.001+08:00

(This is a drama post. There might be some rhyming and rhetoric and some painful plea for attention. You have been warned.)

Some days I feel like a sell out. Today is a "some day". I wonder why I'm not pursuing a burning life passion. I know I'm not doing so bad. It's just that as I grow older, I feel a lot more pressure to make sense of my life, to make sure I am living a life that matters.

And yes, I know perfectly well that these are big ass motherhood statements that have no definite answers. I know very well that "making sense of my life" and "living a life that matters" are measured against some standard I hold against myself. Yes, there are constructs society puts up but it still is up to me whether I will consider that my life has actually "made sense" or "mattered".

I am asking these questions because I am wondering why I didn't choose these other choices. I have a pretty good idea why I am doing what I am doing right now. Wait, I take that back. I have very little idea why I am doing what I am doing right now. (So many why's, it's not even funny anymore.) It's not to say one option is a better choice than the other. It's just growing up just means asking all these questions and crossing your fingers you get answers. Growing up also means being able to live with not getting the answers.

I ask why I am not teaching snotty 3-year olds for the sheer love of children. Or for the burning belief that education is so very important I will dedicate my life to is. I ask why I am not playing drums for a band and getting paid with free dinners, why I am not overcome by an all-consuming love for music. I ask why I am not a professional tennis player, why I didn't consider that an option.

I ask why I am not a writer, why I don't throw all my cares to the wind, spend my nights and days in artistic stupor, and not stop writing until I get my book published. I ask why I did not push through with the move to Biology. Yes, sometime in my sophomore year in college, I seriously considered shifting to Biology to pursue medicine. Why I chickened out and did not even try, why I did not even fill out shifting forms, I do not know until now. But yeah, mostly because the idea was too daunting, the idea too big, the thought of the move too scary.

I ask why I did not take up Sociology. I enjoy the social sciences immensely but I cannot find it in me to commit four years of my life to studying the social sciences. It was not a question of interest, it was more of a question of a big enough "why". I ask why I did not do anything about that "wanting to do theater" feeling I had back in college. I wonder how life would've turned out for me, if I ever did. Will I have liked it because that secret "thespian" has been laying dormant inside of me all this time? Or will I have gotten tired of it 3 months into it because again, it was all about the novelty for me?

I guess unless I get to answer "why I do what I do now" with at least a semblance of certainty, I have a pretty strong feeling the questions will keep eating at me for a long while.

Note to Self #2

2011-09-13T11:54:00.002+08:00

Get your shit together.

Note to Self

2011-09-13T11:02:00.000+08:00

Be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind.
Talk health, happiness, and prosperity to every person you meet.
Make all your friends feel there is something special in them.
Look at the sunny side of everything.
Think only of the best, work only for the best, and expect only the best.
Be as enthusiastic about the success of others as you are about your own.
Forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future.
Give everyone a smile.
Spend so much time improving yourself that you have no time left to criticize others.
Be too big for worry and too noble for anger.

- Christian D. Larsen

Some Monday Mornings Need A Little Help To Start

2011-09-05T10:36:00.001+08:00

Not to dampen anyone's day, I just feel like I have to get this out of my system - woke up on the wrong side of the bed today. I can't say I don't know why I'm not feeling so super, but I feel so stupid with my reason so I'm not saying. Not one to be dragged down by this not so super start to today, I am finding ways to be a little more chipper than I am.

If you're not having the best day yourself, this one's for you, too. Get ready for our collective swoon in 3..2..1.

Thank you, Tumblr.
Look at those puppy dog eyes (yeah, after looking at the abs hahaha)

You're welcome :)

Some Solid Cheese For Your Wednesday Morning

2011-08-31T09:19:00.000+08:00

I heard this this morning over The Morning Rush with Chico. A listener sent in a greeting for her boyfriend:

"Happy anniversary, babe! Four years down... forever to go" :)

I'm not a big fan of the pompous shows of love (yeah, I am) but this one hit a spot. It's like there was fireworks in my insides :p All that certainty kinda makes you heave a sigh for wishful thinking. Hay.

To those with only the "forever to go" covered, goooood morninggg! :)

Crazy Stupid Love

2011-08-29T12:24:00.001+08:00

I've seen "Crazy Stupid Love" twice in the past 2 weeks. The first time with Blanche and her friends Mimi and Koko. And the second one yesterday with Giddi. I knew I wanted to watch it the first time a saw the trailer. But I didn't think I'd like it so much it'd merit a re-watch :)

(Just a heads up, I can so tell this is gonna be a long-ass post with many pretty pictures nicked from the interwebz. Hahaha, consider yourself warned.)

Credits to Warner Brothers.

I'm not in a relationship so I'm hard pressed to think why this movie resonates so much with me. The movie in a nutshell (I will talk about the movie in painful detail, so if you still have plans of watching it and not getting any spoilers, bye bye!) is about two people who have been in a relationship for a very long time and are struggling to remember why they loved each other in the first place. Not in any way remotely resembling my current state right now, but the movie somehow managed to endear itself to me so badly.

I guess the selling point of the movie for me is the fact that it is a secret wish I've had burning in the back room of my head for a while. That out there is this someone that you will share amazing chemistry with and that there is this one person that you will just keep coming back to.

Emily Weaver (Julianne Moore) and Cal Weaver (Steve Carell) were so unbelievably convincing as the high school sweethearts that got married at 17, slugged it out together for over 25 years, and surprisingly made it. Yes, Emily wanted a divorce but that isn't to say they didn't have a great marriage. They didn't come out unscathed, but the fact that they were able to stay at the marriage for that long, and happy for a considerable time has to be something. I really think that is something big considering they probably weren't sure when they jumped the gun at 17.

I loved the movie for the beautiful small moments. That was where the movie was great at. The conversations were heartfelt, the pain was so real, and the sentiments were so raw. I will never forget that scene where Cal and Emily meet again for the first time after Cal moved out. It was in Robbie's (played by Jonah Bobo, their 13-year old son in the movie) Parent-Teacher night.

This was awkward and painful and raw.
And when Cal said, "I miss you, Em", my goodness! my heart broke to a million pieces!

And then there was Ryan Gosling and Emma Stone. I love Emma Stone! And oh my goodness just look at how beautiful Ryan Gosling is! These two can just sit onscreen for a full hour, watching their nails grow and I probaly would've gone out to watch them. They don't even need to do anything, I was sold on these two already. And then they make this wonderful story about this beautiful man and this smart redhead, I'm just so happy I want to cry.

The most amazing bed scene - the one where no sex happens :)

This story arc has been used a million times before. Beautiful stud falls hard for the amazing smart girl and they make beautiful and smart babies together. The Hanna (Emma Stone) and Jacob (Ryan Gosling) is also like that but somehow it's different.

I cannot get over how adorable that sequence is when Hanna storms into the bar and makes out with Jacob. They go home to Jacob's and everything that every other rom-com glosses over is played out in awkward details, like a parody of how everything goes smoothly in every other rom-com. Hanna asks questions like "So, how does this go like...logistically?" and the small talk kind of kills the moment but in an endearing way.

They show the hot and steamy make out on the bed which Hanna breaks by saying "My god, your pillow forms perfectly to the shape of my head! Did you buy this in home TV shopping?". Jacob says yes and Hannah says "Continue" as if there was a pause-play button to the whole thing.

I mean look at that pretty boy. Like seriously look at him.
My gad, the scruff and the arms and that swagger. HOT DEYM.

I think the reason why I like this arc so much (which is kind of how much I like the whole movie hahaha) is because it's just so dreamy. There's this smooth-talking beautiful boy, so beautiful he can get pretty much any girl in the sack, and then he falls, and real hard, in love with a sassy lawyer. I mean just look at the guy! He's so pretty he can eat a pizza sloppily and I still think it's sexy!

I guess that's the dream. That the pretty boy indeed falls in love with the girl who made him think, and who made interesting conversation, and who made him laugh. She was pretty alright, but he fell for her because she was feisty, because she knows what she wants, and she was honest it was awkward. Yeah yeah, I think I'm giving too much of my secret hopes and dreams.

This movie will go down as one of the most heartfelt, most adorable, most heartwarming love stories of all time. That things aren't perfect but that's no excuse not to make the most of it :)

Pardon The Ranting, Venting Required Today

2011-08-25T23:33:00.004+08:00

At the risk of sounding needy and whiny and pushing the envelope of being annoying, I am giving in to the needy, to the whiny, and to the annoying. As with all venting goes, there is no logic, no rhyme or reason to the sentiments - just pure, unadulterated complaining. The goal is to get all the negative out of my system and hopefully be fully rid of all the unnecessary feelings creating a ruckus in my insides.

To you, person who holds this power over me, I hate that you have the ability to ruin my day without having to do anything at all. I hate that you have this power over me. I hate it that you can single-handedly make and break my day. I hate how I was doing really well when today started and then had my happy fizzled out because of something I found out about you. I hate it that I am throwing this tantrum and you have no idea you have everything to do with it.

I hate that you see things but don't get it. I hate that I don't get the deal. I hate that I have no one to nitpick these stupid stories with. I hate that I have this circus going on inside my head. I hate that you are vague and say weird things. I hate that I actually like being around you even though you're weird. I hate how we have this wonderful thing going and my brain is hardwired to analyze and over think it, it takes the magic away. I hate that I am programmed to perceive things the way I do and it's getting in the way of many good things.

I hate that you believe all these things I think are baloney. I hate that these things you believe in get in the way of the things I believe should happen. I hate the law of scarcity and how it fucks my brain up. I hate how I have to write in cryptic prose because I can't tell anyone. I hate how this is eating at me and you don't know it.

I hate how things are the way they are right now. I hate how I am left with pretty much no choice and no control over many things. I hate how things are not going my way. I hate that I care about stupid shit like this. I hate that you merited this much blog space.

There I said it. My system can only take so many weird feelings and overly processed thoughts. Enough of the crazy for now.

How would you tell your crush that you like them?

2011-08-24T09:17:00.001+08:00

Try to subtly insert in conversation. Casually but jokingly say something to the effect of, "Hey, that's why I like you!" or some lame-r/cooler permutation of that. Wait and see how repulsed/delighted they are at the statement. Jokes are always half-meant, remember? Their reaction's always a good gauge whether you should tell them you like them or keep your feelings inside you. Like forever.

Yes?

2011-08-16T13:19:00.000+08:00

Photo credit: A Softer Word

The Boy Should Be All That And More (Anna Oposa version)

2011-08-14T23:24:00.005+08:00

Isa from Everyday Isa took on a collaboration project with a handful of equally interesting bloggers on their take on "Who You Should Date". To jumpstart the collection is a beautifully written, incredibly funky and ubelievably spot on article by Anna Oposa.

I'm reposting the awesome awesome piece here. Let your heart smile and nod in agreement with me :) Great, great read - I promise you.

***
On the Kind of Guy You Should Date
by Anna Oposa

Before we talk about him, let’s talk about you. You need to be the kind of person you would want to date. Get your shit together and leave the needy, clingy, broken version of yourself behind. You are not going to look for a boyfriend because you’re lonely, or worse, on rebound. You are not going to settle for who’s available and willing, because that will never last. Neither are you are going to stay in a wilting relationship just because you’re afraid to be alone and you find comfort in the familiar.

Actually, you’re not even going to look for a boyfriend at all, because you know that the universe will lead him to you when you are ready[1].

Now let’s talk about him. Not Mr. Perfect, but Mr. Perfect For You.

Thank you to Google images, as always :)

Let’s face it: looks matter. Whoever said looks didn’t matter must’ve been hella ugly. This is not to say that you will only entertain Rafael Nadal’s doppelganger, but you will seek a face that makes your heart smile when you wake up next to it. Studies also show that you end up with someone you are equal to[2].

Your family adores him. He charm will your parents by bringing you home on time and being well versed in current events. He will not always agree with your parents’ opinions, because he has his own and can hold his ground[3]. He will watch your little sister’s ballet recital even if she will just be on stage for three minutes. He will play basketball with your brothers, and will laugh when they tease him about the way he dresses or the shape of his face.

When it comes to your girlfriends, he understands that you are shared property. He will woo them by getting to know them individually. He will not put up a fight if you say you need a girls’ night out.

And when you do fight, he will admit his faults and apologize.

He’ll also point out yours to keep your ego and pride in check. He will never tell you what not to wear, how to style your hair, and limit your food intake because you’re getting “chunky.” He loves your body, with all its valleys, peaks, and curves. He will never curse at you, and he will never, ever, EVER hit you[4]. If you allow someone to do these to you, there is not only something wrong with him, but also with you.

A psychological study reveals that the most important criteria for a stable relationship are a similar outlook on religion and complementary drinking habits. This suggests that Sundays will be spent in Wine Depot. Discuss politics, philosophy, world issues, and punctuation marks there. Brain sex and intellectual stimuli are just as important as the physical kinds.

He’s the kind of man he’d want his daughter to date. This means that courtship doesn’t end when the relationship begins. It continues. He’ll bring you red velvet cupcakes just because it’s a Wednesday, text you when he wakes up just so you know he’s thinking about you, and kiss you in your sleep—or at least when he thinks you’re asleep. If you are at an event or club, he’ll have a pair of flip-flops ready, because he knows how much you whine about wearing high heels.

Whether you’ve had a bad day at work or you sealed a major deal, he’ll come armed with the best weapon: Nutella.

Since he is secure about his sexuality, he’s not homophobic and will enjoy the company of your many beloved gay friends. He doesn’t think that writing you postcards from whatever corner of the globe he’s in is “too gay.” He watches chick flicks with you and hands you tissue once you start bawling at the scene where Poypoy tells Basha, “She loved me at my worst. You had me at my best. But binalewala mo lang lahat yun… You chose to break my heart.”

And contrary to the well-loved SWV song that goes, “Can’t explain why your lovin’ makes me weak,” his love should make you STRONG. He does not have emotional baggage and issues from the past that you may find yourself unnecessarily entangled in. He has direction in his life and a purpose greater than himself[5]. He’s someone who dreams with you. The two of you must dream big, so you can grow into those dreams by chasing them together. Your relationship uplifts you, inspires you, and makes you a better person.

And while other girls wish for a happy ending, your love story never ends.

[1] See: The Missing Piece Meets the Big O

[2] In other words, wag ka masyadong ambisyosa, at wag kang magmamaganda.

[3] Besides, guys who just keep saying yes are useless.

[4] Guys like that should be shot. Twice.

[5] In your lola’s words, he is not “pahampas hampas.”

Choose To Live A Life That Matters

2011-08-01T17:54:00.001+08:00

I lifted some beautiful words from the Francis Kong website archive of articles. Here he quotes Michael Josephson of Character Counts. A reminder of the real things that will matter.

***

Ready or not, some day it will all come to an end. There will be no more sunrises, no minutes, hours, or days. All the things you collected, whether treasured or forgotten, will pass to someone else.
Your wealth, fame, and temporal power will shrivel to irrelevance.
It will not matter what you owned or what you were owed.
Your grudges, resentments, frustrations, and jealousies will finally disappear.
So, too, your hopes, ambitions, plans, and to-do lists will expire.
The wins and losses that once seemed so important will fade away.
It won't matter where you came from or what side of the tracks you lived on at the end.
It won't matter whether you were beautiful or brilliant.
Even your gender and skin color will be irrelevant.

So what will matter? How will the value of your days be measured?

What will matter is not what you bought, but what you built; not what you got(,) but what you gave.
What will matter is not your success, but your significance.
What will matter is not what you learned, but what you taught.
What will matter is every act of integrity, compassion, courage, or sacrifice that enriched, empowered, or encouraged others to emulate your example.
What will matter is not your competence, but your character.
What will matter is not how many people you knew, but how many will feel a lasting loss when you're gone.
What will matter is not your memories, but the memories that live in those who loved you.
What will matter is how long you will be remembered, by whom, and for what.

Living a life that matters doesn't happen by accident. It's not a matter of circumstance, but of choice.

Choose to live a life that matters.

All These Feelings In My Tummy

2011-07-26T23:32:00.002+08:00

My tummy feels funny. It feels funny in a way that feels like a few thousand butterflies have been given the go signal to fly around it non-stop. My knees feel like jelly. I feel weak in the knees and it's a little scary that I have no control over it. And my fingers take on a life of their own. They're shaky and I can barely grab my ballpen to write legibly.

All these feelings are new to me again. Like a little grade school kid discovering the wonders of boy bands and MTV and all the funny feelings in the tummy it comes with. It's kinda fun at first and then it leaves you a wanting. Like your grade schooler would want to jump at the next boy band concert, I want to know what comes after all these funny feelings in my tummy.

Photo credit: Sketchfu

I used to kind of just brush it off. I thought it was fun and cute. And then all of a sudden, my funny feelings in the tummy came with weird monsters inside my head -- grown up expectations. And then it kinda stopped being as fun as before.

Now everything has to mean something. Every single conversation, every single encounter, every single stolen look is forced to be loaded with meaning. The meanings may or may not be true but it's the guesswork that comes with it that brings in the frustration. And the monster that is grown up expectations managed to have the power to make it all complicated and not so fun anymore.

In the wake of all the guessing and the second guessing, I realized many important things. It's these small things, it's these small changes in thought that make the world of a difference between cute and fun to weird and creepy.

If it's meant to happen, it'll be easy. If the magic really is there, it shouldn't feel like work. And when it's too difficult, it probably just means you're forcing it.

So stop with the guesswork. Stop with the pushing. If it's not meant, no amount of force will make it happen. Or if it does, it'll just be weird. If it's supposed to happen, it will. Trust that.

Scruffy Boyfriend Peg

2011-07-22T11:21:00.002+08:00

This is how my boyfriend will look like. This is the perfect amount of scruffy and sexy and geeky and handsome and smart-looking and amazing and all that :)

Photo from the Zach Braff self portrait collection from Facebook :)

I won't take it against The Boyfriend if he also writes well and is as incredibly funny as Mr. Braff himself. He is passionate and madly in love with his purpose and happily making his mark in his own pocket of the world. He is charming and gracious and beautiful. He is romantic and interesting and funny and his own adorable brand of weird.

He is exciting and adventurous and writes unbelievable love letters. If there is anything I will not doubt, it is the fact the This Boy is really, unbelievably, so into me, there will be no need for pointless (and might I add, very frustrating) mind games. There will no room for even the slightest bit of emotional confusion. And The Boy's love? It will be so painfully obvious, it will be very very hard to miss. I will come to question many things (as does my brain that's hard-wired for these kinda things) but never will I come to question This Boy's love.

Come find me, babe! :)

I am a Blue Diamond

2011-07-19T09:15:00.001+08:00

I learned that all things happen twice -- the first time in your mind, second time in your in reality. This is me saying this in my mind and harnessing the power of intention.

Know the intentions of your heart and make your own declarations. Cheers to a great life!

****

I always play to win.
I am focused and consistent
I do everything at 100%
I'm excellent in everything I do
I am the best leader around the world
I have 100% integrity, I always do as I say
I always finish what I start
I always attract success
I am richly blessed and happy
I'm more than a conqueror :)

Nothing is Impossible

2011-07-12T09:43:00.000+08:00

I'm sharing a song that was on crazy loop over the weekend. I love the energy of this song. When you hear it, it's impossible to not feel happier and lighter. This version is by PlanetShakers. Enjoy :)

Nothing is Impossible
by PlanetShakers

What Do You Want?

2011-07-12T09:25:00.001+08:00

Good morning!

I hope you are having as great a morning as I am. I just came from a two-day boot camp and I am exploding with happiness at the breakthroughs I was blessed with over the weekend! I am amazed at the power my brain wields and now know better than to just let it all go to waste. I am convinced, now more than ever, that I should feed it daily with the right thoughts and work my hardest to keep the trash as far away as possible.

I just want to share some bits of brain food I got from my The Daily Love subscription. Enjoy feeding your mind and have a great day! :)

****

The Daily Love
10-July-2011

Beethoven was deaf, Milton was blind, but their names will last as long as time endures, because they dreamed and translated their dreams into organized thought.

There is a difference between wishing for a thing and being ready to receive it. No one is ready for a thing until s/he believes he can acquire it. The state of mind must be belief, not mere hope or wish. Open-mindedness is essential for belief. Closed minds do not inspire faith, courage, and belief.

Remember, no more effort is required to aim high in life, to demand abundance and prosperity, than is required to accept misery and poverty. A great poet has correctly stated this universal truth through these lines:

'I bargained with Life for a penny,
And Life would pay no more,
However I begged at evening
When I counted my scanty store.

For Life is a just employer,
He gives you what you ask,
But once you have set the wages,
Why, you must bear the task.

I worked for a menial's hire,
Only to learn, dismayed,
That any wage I has asked of Life,
Life would have willingly paid.'"

- Napoleon Hill
from his classic and best-selling book "Think and Grow Rich"

****

P.S. There's so much more I want to share from my learnings over the weekend. Let me gather my thoughts (and reread my notes) and I will be back with some crunchy food for thought for everyone. See you on the next post.

P.P.S. This I learned from Kunnal Nayar (of The Big Bang Theory) and I'd like you to try cos it unbelievably works. Close your eyes for a second and then smile. Smile a big smile and feel the happiness. Don't you feel lighter? Be awesome today, okay?

Sleepy, Blissfully Happy Silence

2011-06-28T14:40:00.000+08:00

Thank you BlindThoughts for the image

The Interwebs, Self-Diagnosis, and The 15 Signs You May Have Adult ADD/ADHD

2011-06-28T12:27:00.000+08:00

Do you have ADHD?
(See the entire article from Health.com over here)

You're restless
You have a child with ADHD
You have relationship trouble
You smoke
You had academic problems as a child
You're a champion procrastinator
You're a thrill seeker
You lose things all the time
You have trouble on the job
You have a quick temper
You have problems completing tasks
You're impulsive
You can't relax
You're easily distracted
You're disorganized

Ladies and gentlemen, I am a 10 out of 15. I'm still on the fence whether I should take this as a serious warning sign. Hmmm.

2011-06-28T12:05:00.000+08:00

Photo credit: PostSecret

Conan O'Brien's Commencement Address To The Graduating Class Of Dartmouth 2011

2011-06-27T08:47:00.004+08:00

It's a good morning Monday and I started my workweek by turning the car around and heading back home. My car license plate ends with a "1", and as Philippine car number coding systems go, I should be off the roads by 7AM because it's a Monday. And as the awesome {/sarcasm} Ortigas Ext. traffic goes, (which is rather terrible on Mondays, if I did not get that point across), I didn't make 7AM to my destination so I had to turn back. I had to turn back and head home lest I be flagged down and slapped with a Php500 fine for not following road rules.

This explains why am blogging very early on this Monday morning :)

I just want to share the Commencement speech by one of my favorite Irish men, Conan O'Brien (among many, I should say - Jimmy Fallon, Alec Baldwin, and Irish only during St. Patrick's Day, Barney Stinson, but I digress). This address was given to the 2011 graduating class of Dartmouth.

I never bothered about Conan until after the "The Tonight Show" hullaballoo. I learned about him through some old eps of The Tonight Show, SNL, and many many messages of support from Jimmy Fallon. I was, and still am, floored by the guy's humor. His wit is unbelievable and he has amazing grip on comedy. While I know there is the magic of comedy writers behind every Conan ep, the fact that he worked for SNL for a good number of years as a writer tells me the man knows his comedy. Plus his timing is unbeatable. There's no denying the guy has a good head on his shoulders - underneath all that ginger hair (it just has to be said heee).

His commencement address is three quarters humor and 1 quarter solid adult life lessons. It must've felt like the Conan monologue, sitting through the Commencement address. But you gotta admit, the man makes solid arguments. Valuable truth in this speech -- must-read. This will so be worth your 10 minutes :)

***

COMMENCEMENT ADDRESS: DARTMOUTH 2011
by Conan O'Brien
(original transcript from the Dartmouth website over here)

I've been living in Los Angeles for two years, and I've never been this cold in my life. I will pay anyone here $300 for GORE-TEX gloves. Anybody. I'm serious. I have the cash.

Before I begin, I must point out that behind me sits a highly admired President of the United States and decorated war hero while I, a cable television talk show host, has been chosen to stand here and impart wisdom. I pray I never witness a more damning example of what is wrong with America today.

Conan O'Brien at the Dartmouth 2011 Commencement Exercises
Thank you http://www.pagepulp.com for the Conan photo

Graduates, faculty, parents, relatives, undergraduates, and old people that just come to these things: Good morning and congratulations to the Dartmouth Class of 2011. Today, you have achieved something special, something only 92 percent of Americans your age will ever know: a college diploma. That’s right, with your college diploma you now have a crushing advantage over 8 percent of the workforce. I'm talking about dropout losers like Bill Gates, Steve Jobs, and Mark Zuckerberg. Incidentally, speaking of Mr. Zuckerberg, only at Harvard would someone have to invent a massive social network just to talk with someone in the next room.

My first job as your commencement speaker is to illustrate that life is not fair. For example, you have worked tirelessly for four years to earn the diploma you’ll be receiving this weekend.

That was great.

And Dartmouth is giving me the same degree for interviewing the fourth lead in Twilight. Deal with it. Another example that life is not fair: if it does rain, the powerful rich people on stage get the tent. Deal with it.

I would like to thank President Kim for inviting me here today. After my phone call with President Kim, I decided to find out a little bit about the man. He goes by President Kim and Dr. Kim. To his friends, he's Jim Kim, J to the K, Special K, JK Rowling, the Just Kidding Kimster, and most puzzling, "Stinky Pete." He served as the chair of the Department of Global Health and Social Medicine at Harvard Medical School, spearheaded a task force for the World Health Organization on Global Health Initiatives, won a MacArthur Genius Grant, and was one of TIME Magazine's 100 Most Influential People in 2006. Good God, man, what the hell are you compensating for? Seriously. We get it. You're smart. By the way Dr. Kim, you were brought to Dartmouth to lead, and as a world-class anthropologist, you were also hired to figure out why each of these graduating students ran around a bonfire 111 times.

But I thank you for inviting me here, Stinky Pete, and it is an honor. Though some of you may see me as a celebrity, you should know that I once sat where you sit. Literally. Late last night I snuck out here and sat in every seat. I did it to prove a point: I am not bright and I have a lot of free time.

But this is a wonderful occasion and it is great to be here in New Hampshire, where I am getting an honorary degree and all the legal fireworks I can fit in the trunk of my car.
You know, New Hampshire is such a special place. When I arrived I took a deep breath of this crisp New England air and thought, "Wow, I'm in the state that's next to the state where Ben and Jerry's ice cream is made."

But don't get me wrong, I take my task today very seriously. When I got the call two months ago to be your speaker, I decided to prepare with the same intensity many of you have devoted to an important term paper. So late last night, I began. I drank two cans of Red Bull, snorted some Adderall, played a few hours of Call of Duty, and then opened my browser. I think Wikipedia put it best when they said "Dartmouth College is a private Ivy League University in Hanover, New Hampshire, United States." Thank you and good luck.

To communicate with you students today, I have gone to great lengths to become well-versed in your unique linguistic patterns. In fact, just this morning I left Baker Berry with my tripee Barry to eat a Billy Bob at the Bema when my flitz to Francesca was Blitz jacked by some d-bag on his FSP.

Yes, I've done my research. This college was named after the Second Earl of Dartmouth, a good friend of the Third Earl of UC Santa Cruz and the Duke of the Barbizon School of Beauty. Your school motto is "Vox clamantis in deserto," which means "Voice crying out in the wilderness." This is easily the most pathetic school motto I have ever heard. Apparently, it narrowly beat out "Silently Weeping in Thick Shrub" and "Whimpering in Moist Leaves without Pants." Your school color is green, and this color was chosen by Frederick Mather in 1867 because, and this is true—I looked it up—"it was the only color that had not been taken already." I cannot remember hearing anything so sad. Dartmouth, you have an inferiority complex, and you should not. You have graduated more great fictitious Americans than any other college. Meredith Grey of Grey's Anatomy. Pete Campbell from Mad Men. Michael Corleone from The Godfather. In fact, I look forward to next years' Valedictory Address by your esteemed classmate, Count Chocula. Of course, your greatest fictitious graduate is Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner. Man, can you imagine if a real Treasury Secretary made those kinds of decisions? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Now I know what you're going to say, Dartmouth, you're going to say, well "We've got Dr. Seuss." Well guess what, we're all tired of hearing about Dr. Seuss. Face it: The man rhymed fafloozle with saznoozle. In the literary community, that's called cheating.

Your insecurity is so great, Dartmouth, that you don't even think you deserve a real podium. I'm sorry. What the hell is this thing? It looks like you stole it from the set of Survivor: Nova Scotia. Seriously, it looks like something a bear would use at an AA meeting.

No, Dartmouth, you must stand tall. Raise your heads high and feel proud.

Because if Harvard, Yale, and Princeton are your self-involved, vain, name-dropping older brothers, you are the cool, sexually confident, lacrosse playing younger sibling who knows how to throw a party and looks good in a down vest. Brown, of course, is your lesbian sister who never leaves her room. And Penn, Columbia, and Cornell—well, frankly, who gives a shit.

Yes, I've always had a special bond with this school. In fact, this is my second time coming here. When I was 17 years old and touring colleges, way back in the fall of 1980, I came to Dartmouth. Dartmouth was a very different place back then. I made the trip up from Boston on a mule and, after asking the blacksmith in West Leb for directions, I came to this beautiful campus. No dormitories had been built yet, so I stayed with a family of fur traders in White River Junction. It snowed heavily during my visit and I was trapped here for four months. I was forced to eat the mule, who a week earlier had been forced to eat the fur traders. Still, I loved Dartmouth and I vowed to return.

But fate dealt a heavy blow. With no money, I was forced to enroll in a small, local commuter school, a pulsating sore on a muddy elbow of the Charles River. I was a miserable wretch, and to this day I cannot help but wonder: What if I had gone to Dartmouth?

If I had gone to Dartmouth, I might have spent at least some of my college years outside and today I might not be allergic to all plant life, as well as most types of rock.

If I had gone to Dartmouth, right now I'd be wearing a fleece thong instead of a lace thong.

If I had gone to Dartmouth, I still wouldn't know the second verse to "Dear Old Dartmouth." Face it, none of you do. You all mumble that part.

If I had gone to Dartmouth, I'd have a liver the size and consistency of a bean bag chair.

Finally, if I had gone to Dartmouth, today I'd be getting an honorary degree at Harvard. Imagine how awesome that would be.

You are a great school, and you deserve a historic commencement address. That's right, I want my message today to be forever remembered because it changed the world. To do this, I must suggest groundbreaking policy. Winston Churchill gave his famous "Iron Curtain" speech at Westminster College in 1946. JFK outlined his nuclear disarmament policy at American University in 1963. Today, I would like to set forth my own policy here at Dartmouth: I call it "The Conan Doctrine." Under "The Conan Doctrine":

- All bachelor degrees will be upgraded to master's degrees. All master's degrees will be upgraded to PhDs. And all MBA students will be immediately transferred to a white collar prison.

- Under "The Conan Doctrine," Winter Carnival will become Winter Carnivale and be moved to Rio. Clothing will be optional, all expenses paid by the Alumni Association.

- Your nickname, the Big Green, will be changed to something more kick-ass like "The Jade Blade," the "Seafoam Avenger," or simply "Lime-Zilla."

- The D-Plan and "quarter system" will finally be updated to "the one sixty-fourth system." Semesters will last three days. Students will be encouraged to take 48 semesters off. They must, however, be on campus during their Sophomore 4th of July.

- Under "The Conan Doctrine," I will re-instate Tubestock. And I will punish those who tried to replace it with Fieldstock. Rafting and beer are a much better combination than a field and a beer. I happen to know that in two years, they were going to downgrade Fieldstock to Deskstock, seven hours of fun sitting quietly at your desk. Don't let those bastards do it.

And finally, under "The Conan Doctrine," all commencement speakers who shamelessly pander with cheap, inside references designed to get childish applause, will be forced to apologize—to the greatest graduating class in the history of the world. Dartmouth class of 2011 rules!

Besides policy, another hallmark of great commencement speeches is deep, profound advice like "reach for the stars." Well today, I am not going to waste your time with empty clichés. Instead, I am going to give you real, practical advice that you will need to know if you are going to survive the next few years.

- First, adult acne lasts longer than you think. I almost cancelled two days ago because I had a zit on my eye.

- Guys, this is important: You cannot iron a shirt while wearing it.

- Here's another one. If you live on Ramen Noodles for too long, you lose all feelings in your hands and your stool becomes a white gel.

- And finally, wearing colorful Converse high-tops beneath your graduation robe is a great way to tell your classmates that this is just the first of many horrible decisions you plan to make with the rest of your life.

Of course there are many parents here and I have real advice for them as well. Parents, you should write this down:

- Many of your children you haven't seen them in four years. Well, now you are about to see them every day when they come out of the basement to tell you the wi-fi isn't working.

- If your child majored in fine arts or philosophy, you have good reason to be worried. The only place where they are now really qualified to get a job is ancient Greece. Good luck with that degree.

- The traffic today on East Wheelock is going to be murder, so once they start handing out diplomas, you should slip out in the middle of the K's.

And, I have to tell you this:

- You will spend more money framing your child's diploma than they will earn in the next six months. It's tough out there, so be patient. The only people hiring right now are Panera Bread and Mexican drug cartels.

Yes, you parents must be patient because it is indeed a grim job market out there. And one of the reasons it's so tough finding work is that aging baby boomers refuse to leave their jobs. Trust me on this. Even when they promise you for five years that they are going to leave—and say it on television—I mean you can go on YouTube right now and watch the guy do it, there is no guarantee they won't come back. Of course I'm speaking generally.

But enough. This is not a time for grim prognostications or negativity. No, I came here today because, believe it or not, I actually do have something real to tell you.

Eleven years ago I gave an address to a graduating class at Harvard. I have not spoken at a graduation since because I thought I had nothing left to say. But then 2010 came. And now I'm here, three thousand miles from my home, because I learned a hard but profound lesson last year and I'd like to share it with you. In 2000, I told graduates "Don't be afraid to fail." Well now I'm here to tell you that, though you should not fear failure, you should do your very best to avoid it. Nietzsche famously said "Whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger." But what he failed to stress is that it almost kills you. Disappointment stings and, for driven, successful people like yourselves it is disorienting. What Nietzsche should have said is "Whatever doesn't kill you, makes you watch a lot of Cartoon Network and drink mid-price Chardonnay at 11 in the morning."

Now, by definition, Commencement speakers at an Ivy League college are considered successful. But a little over a year ago, I experienced a profound and very public disappointment. I did not get what I wanted, and I left a system that had nurtured and helped define me for the better part of 17 years. I went from being in the center of the grid to not only off the grid, but underneath the coffee table that the grid sits on, lost in the shag carpeting that is underneath the coffee table supporting the grid. It was the making of a career disaster, and a terrible analogy.

But then something spectacular happened. Fogbound, with no compass, and adrift, I started trying things. I grew a strange, cinnamon beard. I dove into the world of social media. I started tweeting my comedy. I threw together a national tour. I played the guitar. I did stand-up, wore a skin-tight blue leather suit, recorded an album, made a documentary, and frightened my friends and family. Ultimately, I abandoned all preconceived perceptions of my career path and stature and took a job on basic cable with a network most famous for showing reruns, along with sitcoms created by a tall, black man who dresses like an old, black woman. I did a lot of silly, unconventional, spontaneous and seemingly irrational things and guess what: with the exception of the blue leather suit, it was the most satisfying and fascinating year of my professional life. To this day I still don't understand exactly what happened, but I have never had more fun, been more challenged—and this is important—had more conviction about what I was doing.

How could this be true? Well, it's simple: There are few things more liberating in this life than having your worst fear realized. I went to college with many people who prided themselves on knowing exactly who they were and exactly where they were going. At Harvard, five different guys in my class told me that they would one day be President of the United States. Four of them were later killed in motel shoot-outs. The other one briefly hosted Blues Clues, before dying senselessly in yet another motel shoot-out. Your path at 22 will not necessarily be your path at 32 or 42. One's dream is constantly evolving, rising and falling, changing course. This happens in every job, but because I have worked in comedy for twenty-five years, I can probably speak best about my own profession.

Way back in the 1940s there was a very, very funny man named Jack Benny. He was a giant star, easily one of the greatest comedians of his generation. And a much younger man named Johnny Carson wanted very much to be Jack Benny. In some ways he was, but in many ways he wasn't. He emulated Jack Benny, but his own quirks and mannerisms, along with a changing medium, pulled him in a different direction. And yet his failure to completely become his hero made him the funniest person of his generation. David Letterman wanted to be Johnny Carson, and was not, and as a result my generation of comedians wanted to be David Letterman. And none of us are. My peers and I have all missed that mark in a thousand different ways. But the point is this : It is our failure to become our perceived ideal that ultimately defines us and makes us unique. It's not easy, but if you accept your misfortune and handle it right, your perceived failure can become a catalyst for profound re-invention.

So, at the age of 47, after 25 years of obsessively pursuing my dream, that dream changed. For decades, in show business, the ultimate goal of every comedian was to host The Tonight Show. It was the Holy Grail, and like many people I thought that achieving that goal would define me as successful. But that is not true. No specific job or career goal defines me, and it should not define you. In 2000—in 2000—I told graduates to not be afraid to fail, and I still believe that. But today I tell you that whether you fear it or not, disappointment will come. The beauty is that through disappointment you can gain clarity, and with clarity comes conviction and true originality.

Many of you here today are getting your diploma at this Ivy League school because you have committed yourself to a dream and worked hard to achieve it. And there is no greater cliché in a commencement address than "follow your dream." Well I am here to tell you that whatever you think your dream is now, it will probably change. And that's okay. Four years ago, many of you had a specific vision of what your college experience was going to be and who you were going to become. And I bet, today, most of you would admit that your time here was very different from what you imagined. Your roommates changed, your major changed, for some of you your sexual orientation changed. I bet some of you have changed your sexual orientation since I began this speech. I know I have. But through the good and especially the bad, the person you are now is someone you could never have conjured in the fall of 2007.

I have told you many things today, most of it foolish but some of it true. I'd like to end my address by breaking a taboo and quoting myself from 17 months ago. At the end of my final program with NBC, just before signing off, I said "Work hard, be kind, and amazing things will happen." Today, receiving this honor and speaking to the Dartmouth Class of 2011 from behind a tree-trunk, I have never believed that more.

Thank you very much, and congratulations.

Embracing The Nerd Within

2011-06-24T15:14:00.002+08:00

Growing up for me means getting to know yourself better than you did the day before. And as I get older, I understand myself more and know better the things I like and do not like so much. All this learning about myself is conveniently pointing me to a certain direction -- that I really am a nerd :p

That the really just 24-year old finds little joy in partying in dark clubs, drinking the night away, and fighting falling asleep at 3AM on the drive home. Or take away everything else, just drinking the night away. Or doing "dangerous" things.

It's fun sometimes. A teeny part of me kinda likes doing that and feels all yuppie grown up and devil-may-care kinda cool. It's fun once in a while. But for some reason, I can't do it every weekend. I think there's a 35-year old trapped inside my body. That or the nerd in me keeps winning. Haha.

Here are some small things I just realized give me so much happiness. Mental note to self, do this more often.

1. Hang Around in Bookstores
I was in Bestsellers in Podium two days ago and I just realized how happy and right at home I feel when I'm inside a bookstore. There's just something so magical about shuffling between bookshelves and being surrounded by all those books!

There's just something magical about shuffling between bookshelves :)
Photo credit: http://intentiontotreat.blogspot.com

What made the Podium trip extra special was the rain. It was raining right outside so the bookstore felt extra homey and cozy. Between all the beautiful book covers and the tiny little trinkets, I have a feeling I can prolly spend an entire day inside the bookstore.

2. Reading Greeting Cards

I'm a bit apprehensive about writing this one down. This has been a guilty pleasure of mine for quite a while now and I've never really told anyone about this. (Other than Tet in my super secret purple card. But that kind of doesn't really count cos he's too far away to pass judgment.)

card photos from Hallmark :)

Here's the dirt: I get all giddy when I hang around the greeting card section. The "Between You and Me" area of the Hallmark greeting card shelves have a special place in my hear :p I think I can spend many hours just going through each and every one of the cards on display and have a genuine good time. I get really "kilig" with the reading and just between you and me... I feel like I'm drowning in endless possibilities (TMI haha) every time I open a new card.

card photos from Hallmark :)

The cat is out of the bag -- I really am an awful sap :p The love letters and the mush and the all the grandiose displays of affections, gad I live for this stuff! Haha.

3. Sitting Around, Tea Time Conversations
I cannot say how much I enjoy great conversations. Maybe I really am an old English lady who lives for tea-and-crumpet time. I like talking more than I like uh, 'bumpin and grindin' (haha, do people really actually say that?)

I cannot say enough how much lovely conversations make my heart smile. Witty banter and interesting stories and picking interesting brains really have a way of making my day.

This may be on the beach by the sunset (or sunrise, if and when I get to wake up for it), in a cozy coffee house, by the car parked over some nice cliff overlooking the city, or a sweet little spot by the Sunken Garden -- I am such a sucker for downtime spent in good conversation.

P.S. Dear heavens, hear my prayers and send me this 'person' for my awesome lounge around conversations :)

I Want To Believe That

2011-06-13T08:20:00.003+08:00

I found this on Surot's Tumblr. It felt like something my heart had been wanting to say this for the longest of time. You know this just merits a reblog. (Also because Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist is one of my most favorite movies heee).

***

Photo Credit: sweepingstatement.tumblr.com

I used to think that when I got older, the world would make so much more sense.
But you know what?
The older I get, the more confusing it is to me.
The more complicated it is.
Harder.
You’d think we’d be getting better at it.
But there’s just more and more chaos.
The pieces- they’re everywhere.
And nobody knows what to do about it.
I find myself grasping, Nick.
You know that feeling?
That feeling when you just want the right thing to fall into the right place, not only because it’s right, but because it would mean that such a thing is still possible?
I want to believe that.

- Rachel Cohn, Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist

***
I think I am in a place right now that not only do I want to believe it, but that a big chunk of me knows that my things will fall into the right place very soon in my very near future -- not only because it's right but because it's possible :)

The Boy Should Be All That And More :)

2011-06-06T23:52:00.005+08:00

Here's a beautiful piece on finding the one that's "all that and more". I was randomly going through Facebook when I stumbled upon this link from Barre. An awesome awesome entry from Isa Gabriel on the standard you should hold against who you should date. Ang ganda ganda, naka-ngiti ako mag-isa habang nagbabasa :) Read and be inspired.

***
You Should Date...
By Isa Gabriel

The person I want you to date exists and I want you to wait it out until you meet them. Because, in case you haven’t yet, you will. Waiting is for the brave – it means watching years pass, noticing yourself growing older and sitting through wedding after wedding after wedding. It means bottling that slow-rising fear. It means questioning your standards and running the risk of settling.

One day soon I will have this --
sitting by the beach, random stories, holding hands - quiet, steady happy :)
Photo credit: Google images (as always)

I wish someone had told me that the person I was meant to be with was a real actual living person, breathing in some part of the world and waiting, too. I did not believe in romantic destiny so I projected all my hopes into the wrong people and tried desperately to make these wrong people right. In the end, no one won and the aftermath was a combination of devastating grief, self-loathing and crippling regret. I do not want that for you.

Wait.

The person I want you to date might be making morning coffee right now or sleeping through a thunderstorm or getting a degree in Physics. Wait. I mean it. Every other person will be a cheap imitation of the real thing.

The person I want you to date believes in big things. This person has a passion and pursues it with a hunger that could set the world on fire. This person believes in setting goals and making them happen. Trust me: you will never regret being with someone who is madly in love with their purpose in life. When you meet this person — this unstoppable ball of good fury — I want you to have a vision of your own. A goal you can shape your life around. I want you to have a desire to change the world, whatever pocket of it you belong to. You can’t be stagnant when the person you’re with is active and dynamic. Life is a grand celebration of doing great things that matter and you (yes, you) play a huge part in all of it.

The person I want you to date has character. When you’re young, all you’re looking for is personality. Charm. Compatibility in music and book taste and food preferences. I think these are all well and good but character is what sustains a relationship when all of these things change. Personality is ever-evolving, character grows and amplifies in time. Character is when a person does beautiful things without seeking credit. It’s when someone doesn’t quit — even if every fiber of their being begs them to. It’s the ability of someone to graciously expend back-breaking heart-wrenching love to someone who has disappointed and failed them. Character is that beautiful thing that gets molded over time and experience. Be someone with character and never settle for someone without it.

The person I want you to date will be into you. Really, really into you. There will be no need for pointless mind games, no room for even the slightest bit of emotional confusion. The person I want you to date will be crystal clear about their intentions towards you. They will not win you over with sweet nothings or romantic gestures. Their love will be bigger than the superficial trappings of courtship. The person I want you to date will take the time know you. They will see everything there is to love about you and they will look at the core of all the bad stuff and not balk. They will not run at the first sign of ugliness. Instead, they will love you through it.

I want you to know that the person I want you to date will fail you. Give them the grace to be human. (You are one, too.) Don’t listen to those stupid quotes that tell you that the person who loves you will never make you cry. I want you to realistically approach this thing we call human relationships. Hurting one another is part of the messy dynamics of getting close to someone. But the person I want you to date is a person who knows how to resolve conflict especially when it blows up in both your faces. Their ego will never be too big to own up to their mistakes.

And when it comes to their love for you, YOU WILL KNOW. Their love will be the most painfully obvious thing in the world that though you will come to question many, many things in life, you will never — not even once — question them.

And you know what? They will believe in you so much that you will never feel compelled to question yourself. You will put all your insecurities to rest because the person I want you to date will, more than anything, make you feel that you matter. Always. And you know why? Because you do.

I’m sure it sounds like a long shot but what if you dared to believe that the person I want you to date is real? Love is greater than cynicism and this is what I believe — yes, me, the last single girl in the world: While some people think this all sounds too good to be true, there is a God who is out to give us things that are much too good to be false.

Believe. Don’t settle. And in the meantime: become the person that the person you’re looking for is looking for.

***

Thank you, Isa :)

I Hope Our Kids Are As Weird As Us

2011-06-05T22:31:00.003+08:00

Photo credit: PostSecret

No kids on the way, no plans of kids in the near future, and I guess most relevant of all is that, no baby daddy -- at the moment :p

I saw this as the first postcard on this week's PostSecret and I thought it was a cute thought. I want that for me. The hope is that I marry a guy that's sweet and smart and funny and quirky :) I want him to be the right amount of quirky I'd want our kids to be weird/quirky/kooky/characters like us, too. This is a pretty faraway thought from my reality today but it's cute to toy with the idea. Makes me smile thinking about it.

I know my Lord knows my heart. I know I am made for love. I know that one day I'll be given my gift and it'll be (quirky) and super awesome :) Can't wait!

Little Boy Catches his First Fish!

2011-06-03T16:20:00.000+08:00

This video is too adorable for words :) I loved how the boy was all too amazed after he catches his first fish. Catch around 1:15 when the boy goes, "Does he like me, Dad?"

Lovely watch. Go press play :)

Wrestling with Restlessness

2011-06-03T12:16:00.000+08:00

I'm crazy restless and I don't know why. Like i tweeted, I have this weird hankering for something I can't seem to put a finger on. I know, labo. I can't stay put and I I feel like am wrestling with this weird need to take off. Hmm.

Not the best feeling in the world. It's like there's this something I need and I can't do anything to fill it because I don't even know what it is. Wow, that's a boatload of crazy.

What Do You Like In A Boy?

2011-05-29T08:45:00.003+08:00

"What do you like in a boy?"

If I were given a hundred pesos for every time this question is thrown at me, I can probably get me new a iPhone. Haha that's a stretch, but you get the drift. When people find out that I'm single and not dating, they feel compelled to run up their list of boys and try to match them to the boy that I will be describing.

The thing is, every single time I am thrown this question, I find myself just looking out the window and spacing out. The words choke me out. (It doesn't really help that on one of the times I was asked this, the boy I wanted to describe was seated across me, so I most definitely choked. If that's not awkward, I'm not sure what iz). For some reason, I am drowned in embarrassment and I feel a little too naked to be talking about THE boy.

So this time, I'm writing this down. Next time I get asked, I will come prepared. Also, this is me throwing it out there that this is THE boy that I like. I trust in the powers that will eventually (hopefully sooner than later) bring me and this boy together. Naks!

Photo Credit: bradley.chattablogs.com

Let's get to the boy in question. Even when I choked the last time, this much I was able to say - he has to be tall, and taller than me even when I'm in heels. Broad shoulders are a must and hopefully he is well-built, too. I remember having this conversation with a friend about how big girls always like men that are bigger than them. I think it's this perennial paranoia that has to do with your your boy being to envelope you and make you look like a small, can-pass-for-a-damsel-in-distress kinda girl.

I want a scruffy boy. Much as this is getting all nit-picky, since I'm throwing this out there, then might as well. I want THE boy to be good looking enough to pull off the "dirty look" -- requisite 5 o'clock shadow and that easy, I-didn't-think-about-this-but-I-look-put-together kinda style. Heee. Oh, and he has to look smashing in a pullover. (Okay, I think the boy I like now is falling off from my THE boy list! :p haha)

My boy has to be able to talk well. I am sucker for great conversations and if you can't give me that, that would be a deal breaker. I've tried hanging out, not necessarily on a date, with really pretty boys who can't carry their own on small witty banters and I really found myself turned off. Apparently, I can tolerate less-pretty-but-witty than I can tolerate pretty-but-no-wit. Great conversations are a must.

I also want someone who is someone his family and friends will vouch for and say is a good person. I've known quite a lot of people and those generally well-vouched for are usually the ones that have a good grip on their values. I can't be with someone who does things just because they're cool. I guess 24 (or older) is just too old to be doing things that way. I need someone who can stand his ground and who knows, or at least has a good idea, of why he's doing what he's doing.

I need someone fun and can be spontaneous. I've lived all my life always walking on the safe side and always being scared of breaking the rules. I'm too scared of breaking the rules I end up going about day in and day out just thinking about the rules. I'm not saying I want someone who is a rule-breaker. What I'm saying is I want someone who knows the rules, knows how to play the rules, and knows how to toe the boundaries. Because yeah, if you're not living on the edge, you're taking up too much space :p

I want someone that's fun to travel with. Or better yet, I want someone that's just fun to be with. I know I'm having fun when I have no care for whatever's around me or wherever I am. If things around me stop to matter, then I'm having the best time :) I need someone who can make me feel that.

I need someone who wants to take care of me. That's never really been my strong suit but I'm working on it. So in the meantime that I'm a work in progress, I hope THE boy takes care of that department. And well, even when taking care of people becomes my strong suit, I still want THE boy to take care of me.

There will be more things I like in a boy. Maybe one post just isn't enough :p Oh, and before I forget, THE boy's hand should feel just right to the hold. This I don't know how to describe, but I'm pretty sure when we get there, I will just know :)

Waking Up Happy

2011-05-26T09:31:00.002+08:00

Today I woke up happy. And it felt gooood. Haven't known this feeling in a while and I'm all too happy to be reacquainted.

No, there's no boy making me wake up happy. Neither is there, I don't know, a new car perhaps, making me wake up happy. Corny as this may sound, I got me new perspective :)

It's amazing how just a change in perspective makes a world of a difference. Now I'm drunk with possibilities, reeling from all good things that all this positivity is bringing in, and excited at all the great things I am looking forward to. My world just opened up to a whole host of many many things wonderful.

I am grateful and my heart is filled with joy. I am perennially smiling. And again for the first time in a long time, it's not to hide some pocket of loneliness I feel inside but an actual manifestation of happiness. I am amazed at the downpour of love and life and laughter from new and old friends alike simply because I opened myself up to it.

Apparently sometimes, you need to say yes a bit more :)

Goodbyes Are The Suckiest

2011-05-23T17:57:00.001+08:00

Boo goodbyes. I feel so sucky right now I don't even know how to call this feeling. I feel a little pathetic too because I know that it's such a short trip for me to be throwing this fit. And there's Facebook and Skype and everything else I need to stay connected, so there's no way I won't be able to talk to Tet again.

But yeah, I guess goodbyes are sucky in that whether the sucky feeling is merited or not, it still is awful. I know this will shake off soon enough but for now, I'll wallow. BLERG.

Ties that Bind Halfway Across the World aka The "Moses Flies To The Philippines One Random Monday" Story

2011-05-20T15:43:00.006+08:00

The Picking Up At the Airport Part
It was a sleepy Monday afternoon when, from out the blue, I got a tweet from Tet asking me if I could, and I quote, "scoop me up at the airport on Tuesday around 10?"

What do you say to that? I haven't seen him in years! Of course the answer is , YES I absofrickinlutely CAN. I was too giddy all I ever got to type was - OMG. ARE YOU KIDDING ME. YOU BETTER NOT BE.

A flurry of tweets in between and the next one I got was, "I got the tickets!!!" and the rest of that crazy Monday was a blur of stupid smiling to myself and random bursts of OMG. I CAN'T BELIEVE TET'S FLYING OUT. Long story short, I got to the airport on Tuesday and scoop him up I did.

Here's how the Twitter exchange on the spontaneous trip between me and Tet look like.

Just a little side story on how I almost did not see him and picked up another guy that wasn't Tet. Here goes: I got to arrivals a little later than expected because traffic at the service road was crazy. To amp the excitement some more, my phone lovingly died on me. So yay!

First attempt to pick up Tet, I scaled the whole arrivals looking for Moses. I must've walked Bays 1 to 20 about three times but still no signs of Tet. There was this guy though, in a very uncharacteristic boring black shirt and non-descript white baseball cap. I felt Tet wouldn't show in those clothes but the guy looked eerily like Tet so I was positive that must've been him.

I got fooled once, so I ended up shouting "Tet!" thrice with my beaming omg-I-have-not-seen-you-in-five-years! smile while walking to said guy in black shirt. I called out with a loud voice but I was four feet away and he still wasn't flinching. Doubt swept over me and I walked away still not knowing whether Black Shirt guy was Tet or not. Even more exciting, since my phone died so I have no way of ringing him to check.

I got whistled at by the guard, which means I have to bring the car around again. Second round at the arrivals and who should I see.. Black Shirt guy still there with all four taped up boxes neatly stacked on his trolley. I said to myself I'd go around the arrivals one more time and if still no one, I'd poke said guy in black.

So I turn around to walk to the other side and SURPRISE! Tet was right behind me! I was so surprised/flustered/ecstatic/relieved/unbelievably happy to see him, 2 seconds after seeing him, I hugged him so tight, it broke any ice there was. I let go of him, to check if it really was him, and then I hugged him again. I lost count of how many times I said "Ohmygod".

We sat in the car for about 5 minutes kind of soaking it all in. The whole 5 minutes was pretty much just me saying, "Omg. I can't believe you're here" and then holding his arm to kind of assure me that he really IS here, skin and bones and flesh. I have no words for I felt that night :)

Next up: The 24-hour Kat+Tet Marathon and The Fake Engagement and the Fake Pregnancy Scare

Today I Am Reminded That Life Is Beautiful :)

2011-05-16T17:24:00.001+08:00

I am reeling. I haven't been this happy in a long time. I will remember this moment as a small pocket of happiness I will go to when I am asked to go to my happy place.

I am now taking a minute, to soak in the beauty of this moment. My heart is bursting to the seams from this happiness and I have this stupid smile on my face I cannot seem to wipe off. I have these tiny bursts of electricity coursing through my body that feels like a celebration of the happiness. Like fireworks! :)

I will make a mental note to remember this day, this moment, when everything felt right with the world. My body is sore but my heart is full from the happy Sunday of laughter from all the activities of the LD Olympics yesterday. There's this interesting person who reminded me that people can be kind just because. And and... my best friend is flying halfway across the globe to see me! Best-est Monday ever!

As far as my 24-year old heart, this is a moment in my life I'd like to remember for a very long time. Thank you for reminding me that life is beautiful :)

It's You Again, Non-Phantom Person

2011-05-16T12:56:00.001+08:00

15 May 2011
As much as I’d like to not admit it, I spent considerable time this week waiting for {insert favorite day} to come.

I got to {insert place} a little before 1PM. I went to my usual parking lot and who should I see marching towards the open lot but {insert name}. As I was backing up {insert name} was making his way to his car, parked incidentally in the same lot. I smile to myself and thought, how’s that for waiting all week?

As I watched him walking, I apparently said out aloud, “Did I really like this guy?”

I was looking at him and he just looked painfully shy, although I know he wasn't. He looked unsure to me, too, although I know he wasn't. All of I sudden, I wondered to myself if this was the guy I wrote a boatload of random stuff in word documents about. It just oddly felt like another person.

I put all my things together, dabbed on my smudging eyeliner, put a little bit more blusher, and made my way out. I enter {insert fast food} and I see him there in {insert where he was}. He immediately says something about which table I could take. I settle down in one of the booths, and make sure I can see him from where I was seated.

We never made conversation that day. Well two, if a "hey" and a "I'll leave my computer here yeah?" counts. I never saw any of the awesome things I thought he was that day. He felt like a totally different person from the one I remembered a week ago.

Yeah, I think there is the real live {insert name} and my phantom person. Two different people. Oh well. I’ll see him again {insert day when I'll see him again}. Let’s see how that pans out.

You, Person, You

2011-05-16T12:36:00.004+08:00

11 May 2011
I’m more than surprised that up until today you’re still staying rent-free inside my head 2 weeks after that fateful day when you were so sweet you {insert that secret sweet thing you did}. I haven’t seen you for over a week and I have actually forgotten your face; I have forgotten how you look like. All I remember is how you have a preference for plaid and how I think you really need a haircut.

I have also not forgotten how terribly nice of a person you are and how likeable you are to everyone. And more than anything, I also will never forget the great cheesy irony of how I feel about you – how awkward I feel around you but at the same time how right at home I feel with you. Whoah. That WAS cheesy.

I’m a little confused with this, I don’t know what this is. I know I like the idea of you but I’m not sure if I like you you. You are excellent on paper and my biggest fear is that I have projected all these winning qualities on you, given I have written a shitload about you. Thoughts not necessarily of facts about you but more of thoughts of how I think you are. I’m scared that I’m liking a phantom person; made of all the awesome things I badly want you to be.

But I guess I’m too giddy to pay attention to that now. I’m too drunk with possibilities to actually consider how loud a thud this would make if it ends up falling apart. Today, all my head cares about is how I’m liking how this is turning out in my head. What I’m sure of is how when I got hit on by this someone with that {insert weird compliment} , all I could think about was how much I like you.

This is getting scarier and scarier as I put more and more blocks on top of this {insert name} tower. I keep pulling blocks from behind my ear as I watch the tower grow. Some of it real, none of it real; I don’t really know, I can’t really tell.

Or it could be just as simple as me liking someone. But I refuse to see it as that. Because even if this can get scary, all this creation of a phantom person, all the endless possibilities, it’s infinitely funner than just calling it what it exactly is – simply liking someone. Let's roll with it for now.

Very Vague Thoughts for the Sake of Novelty

2011-05-09T12:01:00.001+08:00

It's 10AM on a beautiful Monday morning and in the middle of completing my weekly reports, I'm shuffling in-between browsers. I'm trying to sneak in a morning journal entry to try to put to writing some thoughts and things.

I've been wondering, looking for a way to write this that doesn't call much attention to. Yeah, and I kinda figured that's exactly the way to call attention to it. So, let's just pretend I didn't write that and roll with the Monday thoughts, yeah?

***
There is no feeling, only thinking. Do you know "The Cheklist"? I've been ticking a lot of those boxes on my own checklist. It's a little scary because I haven't stopped thinking about this since the checklist gods went to work. If you don't know "The Checklist" I'm sorry, I can't tell you.

I am trying my best to be vague, to give away a teeny tiny bit so you get an idea (I hope) of what I'm saying but not give away too much that it cheapens the whole thing. You know how when you talk about something too much the novelty runs away faster than the Kenyan marathoner? That's the last thing I want to happen, especially since nothing has really happened. At best, it's a beginning I don't want to jinx. At worst this is but just me and my wandering mind.

So for now, I will leave it at that. Maybe some entries here and there, entries that will be very very vague they may be annoying. Or adorable, can't really say. But consider yourself warned. In the meantime, l let it linger.

Sometimes my GodWhispers Email Subs are too Spot on

2011-05-06T08:45:00.001+08:00

Today, I opened my gmail subscription and it read this (I feel compelled to paste everything; the whole thing is too true!)

Good morning dear reader! Whether you went to this blog on purpose or you stumbled upon it by accident, this message may be for you, too! :)

***

Dear Katrina and You-who-are-reading-this,
You’re too critical. Towards others. Towards yourself. Katrina, lighten up. Life is too beautiful to remain cranky, complaining, and unforgiving. See the love I have for you. It’s everywhere around you. Love yourself. Forgive yourself.

I love you,
God
PS. Enjoy life, Katrina. Enjoy yourself. If you don’t, no one else will.

***

It always never hurts to lighten up a bit, take less offense and be a teensy bit happier than you normally are :)

Thought Catalog on Loneliness Hitting and Where it Hurts

2011-05-05T10:53:00.002+08:00

I stumbled upon this article on Thought Catalog by Shalene Gupta about loneliness and being alone. I'd do the piece injustice if I try to describe is "nice" or "well-written". But this much I will say - it hits where it hurts.

I know loneliness pretty well. While I don't wear it proud like a badge, I recognize that I've struggled with it for a long time. And every now and then, actually sometimes more often than I can handle, I still do. It's not just sad. It's that feeling of being alone and hard as you try, not being able to do anything about it.

I'm posting direct quotes from the article which made so much sense to me, I'm pretty sure I have the exact same sentiment written down in my personal journal. Props to Shalene. Read the whole article here

People are Asleep, Abed, Abroad

Even in the event of minor tragedies, the hour when you wanted someone to hold your hand and say nothing but “I understand”, it is difficult to find someone. People are asleep, abed, abroad.

***

This is Friendship, This is Love

There are so very many things that are never talked about. Instead you shut your eyes, you tell yourselves this is friendship and this is love, and you never say, where were you when I needed you, and you never wonder why you are attacked by sudden, terrible bouts of loneliness.

***

When the Sky Falls Down, at Least Someone Will Know it Fell Down on You

And it is even harder to look up from this loneliness, to see how everyone else is surrounded by packs of people, and then you wonder, what you did, why it is you have gone wrong. Sometimes, the loneliness is so terrifying all you can do is rush from one party to another, anxious to meet more and more people, so that when the sky falls down, at least someone will know it fell down on you. Paradoxically, when you rush from party to party, you become lonelier than ever. You can not meet people at parties. Too much noise for conversation.

***

Lucky, not Lonely

Or you cling. You leap frog from relationship to relationship, preferably romantic, and maybe it is bad so you get out, but, worse, maybe it’s good, good but a little off, a few streaks of something sour, a couple discordant notes, but it’s good enough, so you stay, and you stay, and you tell yourself you are very lucky and you are not lonely. Of course you are not lonely. Lucky. The words are book-ended by the same letters, but the substance of their centers is completely different, do not confuse the two. Lucky, not lonely.

I Wonder How it Feels Like

2011-05-05T09:17:00.001+08:00

I caught the Royal Wedding on TV with my folks at home. We were flipping channels for a while and finally settled with the BBC coverage. We caught the whole thing. We started watching when Prince William boarded his Royce and made his way to the Westminster Abbey with Harry (who btw, looked super in that very princely outfit). And then Mrs. Middleton, then Prince Charles and Camilla, and then the Queen and Prince Philip - and finally Kate, in her beautiful (understatement) Alexander McQueen gown :) She looked glorious!

Little Grumpy Flower Girl totally steals the Royal Couple's thunder --
while still being totally adorable!

I think Kate lost considerable weight. I would think some of it she lost on purpose but some of it because of the stress and pressure from all the planning. But she looked divine! I was just so fascinated at how everything looked polished, in place and yes, perfect, if you may. It seemed like an alternate reality!

Everyone looked on TV like they were wearing exactly the right thing. Like there was a "costume director" that called out the clothes so they'd all look appropriate on TV. With the exception of the two princesses behind the Queen who looked a bit confused with their hats, everybody looked TV-ready. There was not a flower not in place. The timing of the entrances was flawless. Heck, even the two priests in black who pulled out the cushions where the Prince and Kate knelt were in perfect harmony!

While of course I was riveted to the ceremony with pretty much the rest of the world, I couldn't stop thinking how different these people's lives are from the common folk. The whole time I was preoccupied with thoughts about being born into royalty, having a last name with unbelievable stun value (or not having to use a last name at all) and hobnobbing with only all the beautiful, the powerful and the wealthy of the world.

I'm one of the very few little girls who never really dreamed of becoming a princess. I read a lot of fairy tales growing up but I kind of never got to relate to the blonde girl in the book who gets into a lot of trouble with witches and always gets saved by the dashing young prince form the nearby castle. Watching this wedding though, made me seriously wonder how all that'd feel like. Hmm.

I am Tired

2011-04-26T17:57:00.000+08:00

I am overwhelmed by this unshakeable need to run. And to run away far.

I am tired of many many things and my heart just screams for the new, the uncharted. While I have this great love in my heart for my family and friends, I feel this need to run away. I feel like the only way to turn the page is by running away.

I am tired of waking up every morning at 6, taking a very quick, very rushed shower, running to work and guessing and second guessing whether I'll make the time. I'm tired of sitting by my desk trying to make productive use of my day. I am tired of a vacillating superior who keeps changing minds and leaves me hanging. I am tired of trying to make what I do matter and swimming in all that frustration at the end of the day. I am tired of flailing and not getting any help. I am tired of not knowing what to do and I am more tired of not knowing where to go.

I am tired of I am tired of making excuses and I am also tired of hearing excuses. I am tired of underperformance and I am tired or being okay with underperformance. I am tired of being where I do not want to be anymore. I am tired of wishing and I am tired of me not doing anything about it. I am tired of being tired of this shit every single day. I am tired of wanting to run away.

I want to be somewhere I want to be. Maybe I should give in this unshakeable need to run. I'll be tired but then I won't be so tired.

The Great Backlog

2011-04-19T16:55:00.002+08:00

Earlier today as I was browsing through iPhoto, I realized just how many pictures I have that I have promised (myself/or another person) to upload that never got around to. This also reminded of this mental checklist I have of blog posts that I have every intention of writing, but like you guessed... I also never got around to.

I still am wondering to myself whether I have very little time on my hands (with my 8AM to 6PM desk job) or I have little to nil time management skillz. But I digress.

Just as a reminder to myself, an actual checklist inspired by my mental checklist,

Blog entries that I HAVE to write

JR's Happy Birthday Bora
My 24th Birthday (I actually have a folder on my gmail of all the email prompts of all the Facebook greetings I received! I also haven't erased the birthday messages sent through SMS until today. Heee. I just realized the other day that -- omg, it's been 2 whole months since my birthday and "belated" won't even be enough an introduction for this would-be blog entry hahaha)
Bkk trip
That random day I went to UP and wished I was 18 and back in college
Sunday Family Fun with Sharegroup at Timezone!
7th High with the Younghusbands (yes, we were there :p What we, Mahal and me, thought to be a "private party" turned out to be a wait for it... fans day! Hahaha)
Blah Wee Nam Kee

AND AND...
The Script Live in Manila!

I will make a dent on this list this long weekend! Fingers crossed!

Saging at Kamote

2011-04-19T16:04:00.003+08:00

Saging at Kamote -- that's the plan. The diet plan, that is. (For non-Tagalog speakers, "saging" is banana and "kamote" is sweet potato.)

The Journey that Led to Saging at Kamote
I've always had difficulty losing weight. I'd like to think it's in our genes to have these big hips and short, stubby arms. But then again, with my sweet tooth, I also have a knack for choosing the more calorie-packed desserts and food options. Sweets and me have a very complicated relationship but have no intention of parting ways any time soon. But yeah, I'd still like to think it's the genes :p

Let's count the events down that led to today's "saging at kamote" decision.

Happy Birthday
It started on my birthday month. My birthday month, February, came after Bora. This meant that after all that scrimping (although, as an after though, not so much pala) to look fairly decent in a bikini, I spent a good chunk of the month eating all sorts of junk, making up for all the "good" food (read: bad aka calorie bombs) I tried to avoid leading to Bora. Also because it was my birthday month, I (naively) assumed it was a free-pass for all things uh, in excess.

At Kanin Club for my birthday, third time in a row!

My family meets "Sinangag na Sinigang"

for the first time :)

It didn't help as well that my 24th year came with a lot of emotional baggage and wait for it... emotional eating. February was a blur of random ice cream treats, plenty of chicken wings and many many kinds of dessert.

Bangkok
Shortly after my birthday month wrapped up, we flew to Bangkok for vacation. I again, (naively) assumed my free-pass got an extension. I ate to my heart's delight, with not a thought or care for calorie computation. This was after all, I said to myself, one of the few vacations I take with my family.

At the Bitec Convention Center BKK, eating some sort of uh,
sweet pancit bihon. This is me being 'adventurous" :p

At a Buddhist Temple (I forget the name :p) with the folks!

With the Bangkok one though, no qualms :) Sulit na din ang 5lbs!

Balikbayans in the House!
And when I say "balikbayans in the house" I don't mean it like the club DJ means it. I mean it like "we have balikbayans staying over in the house for 2 weeks". I wrote about it a few entries ago when I talked about how my Tita Nene and my Tito Cesar who stayed over for a fun two weeks in the house.

In the Philippines, having balikbayans over mean endless trips to the Duty Free store. And I think all Pinoys would have to agree that trips to Duty Free mean CHOCOLATES. Plenty ass chocolates.

At Kanin Club (again!) after my speech at TU

Since our guests came, the food hasn't stopped coming in, too! They would go visit their other relatives and come home with jsut so much food! And they never stop offering us food. And for some reason, you kind of don't wanna cross your visitors by declining when they offer. I guess it's really the Pinoy brand of hospitality where you do things to make sure your visitors are happy. For us and our visitors, those "things" meant eating any and all the food the bring home and offer.

It also doesn't help that we are almost drowning in Heshey's kisses and many other kinds of wonderful chocolate. With chocolates, I know my way even without the balikbayan prodding :p This playing host to our kind guests meant not a craving not satisfied and also -- omg, I can barely fit into my office uniform.

And Finally, Saging at Kamote
Okay, I figured just now how long-ass that intro was. The only point I am trying to make is that, I need to lose weight. And to do that, saging and kamote!

Oh, also because Kuya (my Mum's youngest brother) is getting married! Woop Woop! Kuya Ton and Ate Mae are tying the knot on May 13 (yup, Friday the 13th y'all) and surprise, I will be part of the entourage. Which means I will be wearing a gown, which means the gown will look a lot prettier minus a few pounds.

So yeah, saging and kamote. Cross your fingers for me and my new friends, saging and kamote for the next 22 days! I have no idea how long I can keep this up, so wish me luck! :)

Washing It all Away

2011-04-16T11:10:00.000+08:00

Last night I cried like I've never cried before. I cried so long and hard I couldn't breathe. I cried like a 5-year old and it felt good. I cried with someone and all that crying felt a little less lonely.

It felt like a washing away -- a washing away of all the misery of keeping all those bad feelings inside, a washing away of all that pretension that I am okay, a washing away of all those things that keep me from facing all that loneliness.

I wouldn't say all the loneliness went away. It still is there, and I think it will be for a while. But all that crying felt like a cleansing; like a facing of the music, like an admission that there is something wrong. And I guess only when you come to terms to the fact that there is something wrong will you be able to do something about it.

Maybe this will sound odd, but I'd recommend a good cry to any 24-ish yuppie, to any young adult at the cusp of that straddle between being someone's kid and being their own person, to anyone at the helm of any kind of loneliness. You'd think it's pointless cos it probably won't do anything to change your situation but I'd tell you otherwise. It doesn't change your situation but it changes you.

A good cry is like a "refresh" button. Maybe yours is a long time coming.

That Dormant Monster Inside You

2011-04-15T15:09:00.002+08:00

It's so sobering a thought when you come to realize that you are a horrible person. And by horrible I don't mean the going-on-axe-killing-sprees or robbing-your-80-year-old-lola kinds of horrible. More of the what-the-fuck-have-you-been-doing-with-your-life kind of horrible. The kind of horrible which answers questions like the previously asked with for-the-love-of-all-good-things -- nothing. The realization comes at you unannounced and then it hits you like a speeding truck at 2AM on a Friday night.

Your brain knows it should hurt, this kind of huge realization. After all, you spend a good chunk of your life channeling a good part of your energies trying to be at least a decent kind of person. But somehow, any and all kinds of feelings are shunned by every single part of your being. Your reality springs this kind of realization on you and your body refuses to acknowledge. You feel nothing. Except for maybe that faint ringing on your left ear and that weird kind of pulsating sensation on your right shoulder, flowing through your arm down to your wrist. Other than that, nothing.

Just as you were coming to terms with this new realization, someone comes to you and actually points it out to you -- that you, indeed, are a horrible person. How's that for validation?

Your brain knows it should hurt, but you don't feel anything. Maybe your head's too surprised and confused and it can't decide which emotion to pick. Your brain knows you should be ashamed that you are a horrible person, that you should be angry because your circumstances turned you into this person, that you should be angry at yourself for letting that monster slowly creep into your being, and maybe that you should pity yourself. But nothing -- not a tear of anger, not a smidgen of shame. Or maybe this is the feeling, that general darkness about you. No feelings, only thoughts. Only thoughts of certainty about how you should feel.

Today, something changed. I know I will never be the same again.

In the World of Pretty Boys, There are The "Adam Levines" and the "Zach Braffs"

2011-04-10T01:54:00.004+08:00

I was watching an old old SNL ep with Zach Braff and musical guest Maroon 5. As I was ogling Adam Adam Levine and thinking how pretty he was during the musical number, a thought came to me -- in the world of pretty boys, there are "Adam Levines" and there are "Zach Braffs". (It is 1:19 AM as I write this, so I won't take offense if you consider this drunken conversation hahaha)

The "Adam Levines"

I was never a big fan of Adam Levine or Maroon 5. I don't follow the band but I kinda like their songs. (It's pop, what's not to love.) It doesn't hurt either that the front man, the very pretty Adam Levine, isn't bad to look at. Okay, that's a gross understatement. Look at that face.

Look at that face. I mean seriously look at that face.

But I never really paid attention to Adam before. Then Maroon 5 came on the SNL ep I was watching and that's when it dawned on me how frackin pretty this Adam Levine boy is! I usually fast forward through the musical numbers, but this one I played to watch. (So far I've only not forwarded through: Florence + The Machine, Chris Brown, Cee Lo Green and Jessie J.) I watched the musical number not necessarily because Adam was so good a singer (but I'd have to admit, his voice is iconic, you just know it's a Maroon 5 song) but because he was just beautiful. Chiseled face, omg that pretty mouth, piercing green eyes and wait for it... killer abs. He's the stuff adonises are made of. He's so pretty you'd wonder if he actually has to look at girls to find pretty.

These are the "Adam Levines". Pretty pretty faces that make for "omg's" that have to be said out loud. I get the pretty but for some reason the "Adam Levines" don't really have an appeal to me as a girl. I find them uh, too beautiful.

And then there are the "Zach Braffs".

The "Zach Braffs"

And then there are those that are cute and not too ripped but are adorable and funny. Since this is the world of pretty boys, I don't mean the Jonah Hill-types nor the Michael Cera-types. I'm talking about the grown up thirty-ish men, with the lopsided grin and the imperfect face. And they're adorable because they're funny.

Zach has this perennial "surprised" look with the blue eyes.
Oh, but when he starts talking? That's my boy.

They're the ones that make you think they're the kind of boyfriend that'd say funny things to you and make funny faces and adore you because you laugh at the their jokes. They're pretty but not so pretty so they feel like they have to compensate by being funny and nice. You get what I mean?

And I've always always adored the "Zach Braff" types. The pretty boys that don't think they're pretty but know that they're funny. They're two notches cooler than the Ted Mosby-types that are a little lame because they're cheesy. The Zach Braff-types are kinda lame too but that's what makes them so endearing. This SNL ep I caught made me think Zach Braff was really funny. Now I kinda wanna watch Scrubs.

(Okay, if you've gone this far on this post, you must be really bored. This post doesn't make any sense even to me hahahaha)

P.S. Random sleepy Saturday night thought: I wonder where my Zach Braff is. I just hope he's kinda just around in one of my circles. I honestly don't like anyone (like a boy) at all. Is that even normal? Oh, but I don't like girls. I like boys, there's just no boy I like at the moment. And by boy, I mean real live boy that doesn't apear on TV that I can high five any time I want. Mmmkay, I think that's enough word vomit for now.

Bye Bye Day

2011-04-07T23:46:00.001+08:00

Tonight I went home to a house that's a little more quiet than the one I've been coming home to for the past 2 weeks. I was surprised at this sinking feeling at the pit of my stomach. I opened the front door and my unofficial "welcoming commitee" wasn't by the couch. There also was no more excited "hello hija!" when I stepped in. I apparently am a lot sadder than I expected to be.

My Tita Nene and Tito Cesar, who spent the last two weeks with us in the house, are on their way back home to the States today. Right about now, they are probably boarding their plane to take them back to Melbourne first, and a few days back to the Houston, Texas. It's bye bye day to my two favorite senior citizens.

Two weeks ago, my Tita Nene and my Tito Cesar flew in to vacation in the Philippines for the first time in eleven years! So that Friday in Causeway was the first time I saw them. EVER. They're in their 70's but they both look pretty good for their age. They're both feisty and have an arsenal of many many stories.

I loved having them in the house. There's always that happy breakfast banter since they're very much morning people. There's that playful bickering old couples do so well. And since it's the first time we're being audience to the schtick, it's just hilarious. There's that endearing lolo and lola vibe they bring to the house. My Tita Nene is just amusing with her fesity lady stories and my Tito Cesar exudes so much of that "Lolo from the Bear Brand commercial" energy.

They only stayed 2 short weeks in the house but I miss them. They were lovely guests to have. Other than the fact that they were very generous, they were really fun to have around! Plus I guess, coming from a very small family of three, it is a nice welcome surprise to have other voices in the house :)

They said they'll definitely be back. But that's maybe in two years time? I guess that part of me that misses them a lot is that part of me that wishes there were more people in the house. Ohwell. I hope this temporary separation anxiety will pass soon. In the meantime, I wish my Tita Nene and Tito Cesar good health and many more happy vacations til their next visit to the Philippines :)

What to Say to Impressionable 14-year olds

2011-04-02T11:45:00.003+08:00

I am 2 days away from the the speech I am to deliver in front of very impressionable high school freshman, sophomores and seniors. Oh, and before I forget, honor high school students. I know I have manny many things to tell the kids, but I think the bigger challenge lies in that I have to be able to talk in "their" language for whatever it is I am going to say to make an impact.

Let's back up a bit. Over a month ago, I got an invite from my 6th grade adviser who now is the principal of my old high school. She asked me to speak in front of the honor students and special awardees for the Recognition Cermonies. It was daunting to me but then I got overcome by excitement and a few moments later pride and joy (haha yes I need big words because that really was how I was beaming when I found out!) I knew I wanted to talk to the kids. I wanted to tell them the things I wish I knew when I was their age. I want to let them know how to be awesome! Hahaha. (But yeah, I'm serious about the awesome-ing).

Photo credit: http://thedailyrecord.com

I guess I also want to talk them because this would be a chance for me to take stock of the things I believe in. This is a chance for me to get to know myself better. And interestingly, it is when I have this goal to impart that when I learn the most. I guess it's the way I try to make sense of it by explaining that I also get it get it myself.

Right now, I'm still writing. Carving away my essay, taking out the unimportant and giving way to the essential. If you find it in your heart to say a small prayer for me in this exciting endeavor, please do. I need all the help I can get :)

This will be my first time to speak in front of an audience as the main speaker. While speaking does not necessarily scare me (of course, I get nerve-wracked, too but in manageable degrees), I guess I am scared because it such is a big responsibility! Also this is something new to me. I will have kids and parents look up the podium in the hopes that listening to me will at the least be worth their while.

I am scared I am but also quivering with anticipation. I hope the kids get to appreciate the lessons I hold dear to my heart and by themselves see the sense of it all. May Monday's talk be productive use of all of our time. Cheers to scary new things!

P.S. Thank you to our Pastor, Pastor Jody, for being very patient with me with all my questions. Your sharing helped build my piece. Thank you, thank you.

P.P.S Ted Mosby will make a special um "appearance" (his name, at least) in the talk :p

On a Day That Took All of Me Not to Cry at 8AM

2011-04-01T09:38:00.000+08:00

To say 'to say today was awful is an understatement' is an understatement. (Okay, I just put that in to sound Liz Lemon kinda smart -- inspired by, 'My single "My Single Is Dropping" is dropping').

That aside, today hasn't been kind to me. It really did take all of me not to cry at 8AM. I have people that are way more grown up than me, in age at least, that make me feel like they devote all their energy into being an ass to me. Other grown ups that are just difficult. And other grown ups that just make all sorts of excuses to not act like grown ups. So my beef is about grown ups, asses, and grown ups that are asses. Gah. Yeah, I guess sometimes shit just chooses to happen to you on a sunny Friday mornings.

I blogged today because I wanted to give myself some pep talk. I really don't want to be that snarky person with the dark cloud so big people can touch it (cos I'm scared sometimes, I am turning out to be that kinda person). Just when I was almost losing reining in the waterworks, I open my GodWhispers mail today. It said:

Do you feel heavy inside because of your problems? Let me lighten your load.
Fly,
GOD

P.S. Wings don't make one fly, Katrina. It's your happy heart that will make you soar. So be happy today. I need you to reach the stars to inspire others.

***
The having a happy heart is hard enough. The reaching the stars is even harder. The inspiring others is much harder. But yeah, I guess it's in the struggling that you grow. Realizing that doesn't mean though, that it's NOT such a pain! One big UGH for all these hard things. But an even bigger THANK YOU for the One who is there to lighten my load. I can do thiz.

Also, it doesn't hurt to get a hug.

Some Days You Just Kinda Need A Hug

2011-03-30T16:06:00.001+08:00

One of those 'some days' is today. Today I kinda just need a hug. One big bear hug to engulf all of me and make me feel like everything is going to be alright. Alright because all the dark and heavy clouds of sadness hovering around my head, all the worries and concerns, all the pain and anger, all the issues and insecurities I have held on to for so very long and unconsciously refuse to let go of will be taken away. I need one big bear hug to tell me that.

Photo credit: Unknown

(This photo came out in the wake of the infamous 8.9 Japan earthquake, a Panda refusing to let go of rescuer's leg because of fear from the earthquake and the subsequent aftershocks)

I need a hug to be my go-to place right now. I need a hug because all the thinking isn't helping and all that sadness keeps winning. I need a hug because I am so tired of being sad. I really really really need a hug.

How To Be Boring

2011-03-29T15:10:00.000+08:00

An excerpt from an interesting article on Thought Catalog, "How To Be Boring". Read full article here.

If you’re boring, it means you’re not paying enough attention. After all, life is too insane to be boring. Life is “Are you fucking kidding me? Let’s fight for this!” Life is “I feel things all the time. I’m interested in everyone’s story.” It’s not, “I love french fries and not knowing how to talk to people and I really think Josh Duhamel is a good actor.”

Running High!

2011-03-25T00:14:00.002+08:00

I crammed running mileage tonight. I know that it's a bad idea but between two evils, not logging running mileage and cramming running mileage, I think I chose the lesser evil of the two.

1.1k warm up walk/jog
8.8k steady pace run
1.1k cool down walk
-------------------------
11k

Hey, Not too shabby for a jumpstart. I was just targeting 2 rounds at the oval (4.4k) just to see how (not) ready my body was for Sunday's 10K. I tried pushing to 3 rounds, and then next thing I know, I was running my 4th round. I just kept running until my feet felt like they were about to break. Haha. On the upside though, I felt like tonight's run jumpstarted my legs back to running :) Maybe no PR's for Sunday, but I hope I at least get to finish the 10K strong.

The UP Acad Oval at around 10PM

Tonight's run wasn't very easy. I felt jiggling um, "jelly" (as in, "I don't think you're ready for this jelly" jelly...) in many many places. My butt was jiggling, my tummy was jiggling and I really felt the brunt of the weight, especially during the first 2km/first round. But I just kept running, in the hopes that I will eventually (by eventually, I meant tonight) break out of this "non-running" phase. I am happy to report that I did break out of the phase :)

As I was pushing kilometer 5, I felt that familiar spring in my step and I remembered why I fell in love with running. My mind was very clear, my head was set on training and that familiar thought of pushing to run longer distances went for a happy visit. I was in my happy place again :)

10K on 2K Training Mileage and Some ISO Things

2011-03-24T18:31:00.004+08:00

It's 6:21 PM and I am crazy tired. We just wrapped up a whole day of ISO Internal Audit. For the uninitiated, ISO is a standard by which you get certified after complying with a set of standards on organization management or environmental protection or both. An ISO certification means you meet way too many times about anything and everything in the company and use way too much paper than Mother Earth can tolerate. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for ISO cos it's a good thing for putting order in organizations, it's just that... all that paper work is a bitch.

We started meeting at 9AM this morning, met til lunchtime, had a 40-minute break for lunch, resumed audit, moved audit locations, audited some more, moved audit locations back to the office again, audited some more, before we finally finally, thank the Lord, called it a day. I am drained beyond comprehension. (Okay, that may be an exaggeration, but I'm sticking with it cos it sounds good on the blog).

Now am gearing up to run my usual Thursday night run and I have no idea where to get the energy to run AT LEAST 5K. If it were an ordinary Thursday, I would've bailed on myself and totally gone home to NOT run. Maybe grab a 2-piece Chicken Joy on the way home. But I have a 10K on Sunday and so far this week, I have only logged 2K of running mileage and some wimpy cardio. There's no way I could survive my 10K by just 'winging it'.

So now, I'm gonna rest a bit, watch some Mr Sunshine, and then haul my ass out of the office and FORCE myselft to run. With only 2K training mileage, I don't think there's any other option.

Just to put it out there, I miss running. I haven't run in a while and I miss the whole routine of pounding the pavement, getting some solid alone time and feeling awesome after a good few rounds at the Acad Oval. I dread running tonight cos I am SO tired. But I really really WANT to and I really really HAVE to run tonight.

Alrighty, enough yakking for now. Resting a bit and then off I go to UP. This is me cheering myself on >> You go, kid!

The Pretty Boy Hiding Under The Dirty Camos

2011-03-21T23:26:00.002+08:00

So last Saturday, me and Dad went to watch, are you ready for this... "World Invasion: Battle Los Angeles." (Can you really expect a movie with that title to be at the least, good?) Dad wanted to see it, me not so much. But as a dutiful daughters go, I went out to watch with him. It was a "meh" movie at best and a little too much testosterone for my taste. At some point I got a headache from all the machine gun shooting and camera panning and zooming.

It would've been a waste of over two hours of time but our friends from Columbia Pictures sure know how to make you think, "not so bad". Some twenty minutes into the movie and out pops this pretty boy onscreen. Meet, Lieutenant William Martinez of the US Marines aka Ramon Rodriguez in real life.

Photo credit: www.cinemovie.tv

This baby boy puts a whole new different meaning to pretty. Look at that face. And that hair. And omg those eyes. And that five o'clock stubble. This boy is "werkin it" without even trying to. Heee. Just sharing new eye candy. Swoon time, all together now :p

How Awesome is 10,015 Hits? :)

2011-03-18T21:19:00.001+08:00

We've officially been visited 10, 015 times! What up!

I just want to give a shout out to the very very random people who drop by the blog and take a few minutes to read my two cents worth on also very very random stuff. While I'm very happy just posting entries and "throwing it out to the internet black hole" for release, it gives me a good feeling to know there are other people who appreciate the writing.

Photo credit: http://cristycrossphotography.blogspot.com

I was really wary of the comments in the chatbox before. Some of the links were pretty weird so I started thinking that "robots" aka spammers have infested my chat box. But after a few kind words from some very patient readers, who were very gracious to post hi's, hello's and some very nice things about the blog, I am now convinced I have real, actual people readers! Trust issues? Hahaha!

Also, my friend PV (Hello you! So you'll feel special when you drop by here again :) Lemme know it it's okay to reveal you identity here hahaha) gave me some blog "audience" advice. He said to talk back to the readers who take time to post greetings on the chatbox. So if and when I become an "international blogging sensation" *cough in the next 2 years cough* (dreams are free so, dream big yeah?) I have this guy to thank for teaching me to "talk to my audience" :)

As a first time effort, I'm saying hello to Anne, Cynthia, Sophia, Drew Ranger and Blogobo from the chat box! Cheers to you guys who appreciate the quirky and the weird! Hahaha. Let's keep this blog online longer, shall we?

Lovely Day, Ugly Feeling

2011-03-15T10:51:00.000+08:00

I skipped work today due to light fever and a nagging cough. Yesterday, I went home early due to light fever and a splitting headache. I feel a little off skipping work because I just came from a 4-day work leave to for my Bangkok vacation. Feeling like an unprofessional notwithstanding, I cannot find the energy in me to go to work.

The feeling is ugly. It's a lovely sunshiny day outside, a full day with endless possibilities, yet I choose to stay in and nurse this small sickness. I have so much work backlog, partly from bad time management, but I'd also like to think, largely because of the very large scope of my job. I get dizzy thinking about all the work to do. It doesn't help that all I've been getting this week are bad news from everywhere.

I think my head is spinning in part because of the upcoming events this Thursday and Saturday. And just like the past 2 years, I have no one but myself to run to, and well, to berate, when things go awry. I just want to throw it out there... it is REALLY VERY TIRING.

But because this is real life, adults can't just run away and forget about it. Well, technically I can, but just the thought of the chaos (and the world of pain -- bad blood and all) it will bring me, I know the smart decision is to choose not to. I will have to clean up the messes (is there a plural for 'mess'?) and soldier on til it's clean enough to exit.

Oh, real life.

Things I Lift In Prayer

2011-03-14T20:42:00.001+08:00

I am one with the rest of the world in prayer for the tragedy that befell Japan. It is indeed very sad to hear of the damage it has wreaked all over the country caused by the nightmare 8.9 magnitude earthquake and the horrendous tsunami. I would think the vivid photos and the videos all over the news and the internet do little to approximate the horror of being unfortunate to experience it.

My heart goes out to the families who lost their houses and belongings, more so to those that lost loved ones. My heart also goes out to people everywhere in the world who have friends and loved ones in Japan and who had to go through the pain of locating them and asking whether they are dead or alive. My heart also goes out to those who are still currently trying to find ways and means to contact Japan.

I, too, am going through my own personal turmoil, although definitely not as great and as grave, as these very unfortunate incidents in Japan. Not to be insensitive to the grief and sorrow of those in Japan, but I just feel like I feel the gloom, not just on the outside -- from the news on Japan, but also inside, with my own personal woes. As a matter of personal conviction though, I feel it a little inconsiderate to rant about my small issues in the midst of this great tragedy that many people, not just in Japan but all over the world, have to soldier through.

I offer a moment of silence for the pain, the agony, the horror, the trauma and the loss of these poor people. May God bless you with enough grace for the days ahead and the tenacity to move forward from this. I hope my small prayer of request be one with the rest of other prayers for Japan. May the Father find favor in these prayers and bless those we pray for.

It's a Sad Day, It's Bye Bye BKK Day

2011-03-11T11:32:00.003+08:00

I am sitting by my lonesome in an almost empty hotel room, waiting for Mum to call me to go down to bring the stuff. Yes folks, it's the last day of the Bkk vacay (hey, that rhymes!) and while a Friday is always something to be thankful for (at least when you're on your ass 9 to 5 -- or in my case, 8 to 6 -- on a regular work day) today it's a bit different. Today we leave to fly back to the Philippines -- or as the Thai call it, Filipin.

It's been an awesome 4 days of broken English, hand/sign language and a motley of different feelings ranging from fascination, exhaustion, a little bit of frustration sometimes, but since it's my first time here, mostly excitement at the next "attraction".

We've been duped by a taxi driver, "flew" on tuktuk and walked and walked til our lower backs gave up. I've haggled like a heartless person, giggled at the funny way the locals talk, made some pretty stupid purchases and and... wore my cross trainers with jeans -- so yeah, I guess we've had the "full" tourist experience. Today we bid Bkk bye bye. I am to be leaving but also happy to be coming home. Yeah, and other funny crap like that.

Full Bkk photoblog soon! (Or at least when my free sked and writing hand agree at a time) Hee. Here's a snippet of what's to come (mostly photos of me, hahaha) in "the" photoblog.

Pretty Thai girl (with pretty Pinay friend, hahaha)

Laterz, Asian brothers from another mother! Khap kun kha!

The Airport Ceiling Has Rust Spots

2011-03-08T10:06:00.000+08:00

I am sitting and waiting by the international airport and then there's free wifi! Score! So let me ramble a little to help me while away til boarding time.

Today we fly to Bkk :) Yay! Dad's flying for an official convention and my Mum made a good case on why we SHOULD tag along. So here we are, with one of Dad's business colleague, my cousin and Uncle, Bkk-bound in a few! Woop!

Anyhoo, I knew I was gonna kill around 2 hours worth of idle time so I said I was gonna be productive and update my resume. It's been over an hour since I first opened the resume file but I can't find it in me to get a headstart on the writing. Blerg. My head's in the clouds alreadyyy. Well, I kinda knew this would be an exercise in futility. Heee. So now, am blogging.

Oh, now I remembered! I have thank-you-for-your-birthday-greetings entry to write! Be back in a bit :)

I Wonder What They'll Say On My Eulogy

2011-03-06T23:46:00.001+08:00

Came home just about an hour ago from a wake. Dad's cousin died of a stroke at the very young age of 35. The crowd was pretty big, mostly family and close and distant relatives.

The mood was morose and pensive. I would think friends and family alike are thinking to themselves what this death means them, how the dead touched their lives and how they will move forward after this.

I can't help but think to myself, I wonder how things would be like if I go? Will my wake have many guests? Will the mood be morose and pensive? Who will say my eulogies and what stories will they tell? Will people say I touched their lives? Did my life really matter?

I'm kind of embarrassed at the vanity of my thinking about myself in the midst of someone else's death, in the midst of someone else's loss. But I guess there's really just something about other people's deaths that make you think about your own. Not that, I want to know the answers to my questions now or any time soon, that can wait um, a hundred more years :p

I guess the hope is that I live a life that matters. More importantly, a life that matters to the people that matter to me. I want to find out that I touched the lives of those around me. That those I loved like crazy loved me also like crazy. And that my life and my love and my friendship made a difference. Pretty ambitious stuff, huh? Dream big, eh!

This may have been a little morbid, talking about my own death and all that dark stuff. But really, all that talk about death and dying really points you back to assess what kind of living you are doing. I think this means I gotta start living bigger now -- to make sure I get awesome eulogies :) Hahaha!

Chutzpah Isn't In The Genes?

2011-03-04T11:23:00.000+08:00

"People think chutzpah is in the genes. It isn't.. it's in the needing and wanting and being willing to fall on your face. It isn't fun.. who wants all that rejection, but life is sweeter if you make yourself do uncomfortable things."

- Helen Gurley Brown

My Morning Validation :)

2011-03-04T08:59:00.002+08:00

After coming out of that pretty dark place that is February (yeah yeah I know, birthday month and all, separate post for this), I jump at pretty much every and all opportunity for validation. Today's validation came in through my GodWhispers email. It was so nice I literally got "kilig" -- I tried, but I just can't find the exact English equivalent to encapsulate the whole gamut of feelings captured by "kilig" :)

Without further ado, here's my pocketful of sunshine:

Dear Katrina,
So what great, wonderful, phenomenal thing will you do today?
Best,
God

P.S. Katrina, just being you, sitting there and existing in my world, makes me dizzy with delight. You have no idea how happy you make me.
***
I can't believe how I am reeling at this :p Just the thought that someone is "dizzied with delight" at the thought of me, I can't help but beam with pride at myself! Dear whoever is reading this, I want you to know that, someone somewhere is dizzied with delight at the thought of you :) You, yes you, are AWESOME!

***
P.P.S. We're watching Kaos tonight! Hello beautiful albino tiger, later! :)

Lurkers and Friends

2011-02-24T14:06:00.000+08:00

Sometimes I wonder who gets to read this blog. There are times I'm relieved I don't know who gets to read my secret thoughts. There are entries here that make it mortifying to find out who else knows what shit I put here. There are times though, that I am overcome with curiosity. Whoever actually gets to read this blog?

We are Actually 4 Years Old?!
This blog for the longest time has kind of been just a sounding board. This has never been one of those blogs that I "advertise" for people to "hit it up" or "drop by". In the 4 years of this blog (Whoah! It's been 4 years?! I should prolly celebrate a blog anniversary or something!) this has always been my secret personal space on the interwebs, my tiny little corner where I can bitch, swoon, and do things without others poking their metaphorical finger on my metaphorical personal bubble. This has also been that place I tell my friends about when we don't see each other and I want them to know about my life. It's also kind of my personal therapist, my free personal therapist, who gets front row center seats to my two cents worth on everything.

The Parable of the Hit Counter
Interestingly, every time I check, the hit counter keeps jumping. Which I would think, means that there are people (other than me hahaha) who go through the blog. Most of these people are lurkers, though. You know, just going around and looking, no comments, no hi's or hellos. The people who regularly comment, on the other hand, are some of my really close friends who I would've no problem telling these stories to in person.

The chat box is another story altogether. Either the robots have attacked and taken hold of that chat box or I really have that many fans going gaga over this blog. I can't really decide where to put my money on. But you know, whether robots or rabid fans, it still tickles that vain little kid inside me with all that validation, real or imagined.

Roll Call!
So in the spirit of curiosity, I'd fancy a little experiment. Can the readers of this blog post a comment on this post? I kinda wanna know who else gets to read my shit. (If no one says anything, it's kinda just pathetic, don't you think? Hahaha)

Can all the cool people in the house (err, blog) put your hands up? Show some love! :) Who knows, we can probably have brunch one Saturday morning. Or not. Who's to say? :p

Blerg

2011-02-23T13:09:00.000+08:00

While I do not want to ruin the recently happy mood of this blog, I think this may be the best avenue for this um, thing. I have no intention of announcing this um, thing to the world for audience. I just want to let the frustration out cos well, it sucks to keep it in.

Some things suck -- even when you know it's a fact of life and even if you know it's out of your hands. I guess it takes a lot of growing up to understand that not everyone around you will like, heck even understand, some things you do. Sometimes no malice is intended, sometimes no ill will is meant, but some people chose to read into it. Some people chose to put color into a perfectly valid choice.

This is not to say I am scot-free. I just made a choice, I just decided what things I like and what things don't like. I never expected to get applause for it but I also never expected to be persecuted for it. We all make choices and while I made mine, I guess others made theirs, too. Mine was to rid myself of unnecessary virtual information and theirs was to pass judgment on my choice.

It sucks but I guess this just is one of the ugly things of real life. Just live with it, I guess. That is not to say though, that it doesn't irritate and frustrate me or give me this ugly feeling, because it does. And it sucks a bit more cos I stand here unable to do anything, cos this choice is the one that does the least damage. Blerg.

Me and The (Plastic Balloon) Dog

2011-02-19T22:45:00.003+08:00

You know those plastic balloon dogs with paper feet at the bottom? The ones 3-year old kids bug their Moms to get for them which they then drag by the floor as if it were a real, living, walking dog? I finally bought me mine today!

Meet Tiger. Yes, he has a name ;p

I've always wanted to get one of these drag-me-like-I-walk-for-real plastic balloon dogs. I've known about them since early last year, and think whatever you want, but I've always wanted one for myself :p For some reason, I never got around to buying. I knew it was cute, but I think a part of me thought it was stupid for a grown woman to be walking around dragging a dog balloon she obviously owns. I never mustered enough balls to buy one for me until today!

We were at SM Taytay earlier, as I tagged with the folks for some Saturday errands, when I saw the spotted plastic dog hanging by the balloon stall. I guess it's because it's my birthday tomorrow that's why I'm extra brave and extra confident I'd get away with it. No one ever failed with, "But it's my birthday!"

And for the full experience, I really did drag "Tiger" (yes, this balloon dog has a name!) all over the mall! I walked around the mall, into the department store, and all over most probably looking like a retard with this fake dog that's pretend-walking. But it was fun!

I was most popular with kids. I have 3-year olds and baby infants craning their necks for a look at Tiger. The adults were a different lot. I had a merry mix of adults who felt differently about the Tiger thing. Some were fascinated with the schtick, some were surprised at the adult with the balloon dog and some were just confused. Along with the dragging of the balloon dog, part of the fun was looking at people's reactions!

The novelty of the walking balloon dog still makes me smile. It's just too cute! Who knows, I might take Tiger for another day at the mall :)

Prelude to the Birthday Weekend

2011-02-18T23:56:00.002+08:00

A little over 24 hours from now, I will be turning 24 :) And to jumpstart my birthday weekend, I have Mum to thank for my freshly changed new bed linens!

I am looking at a pretty uneventful weekend. And nope, I don't say that with a sigh. I say that with a quiet, happy smile :)

On Saturday, I will not wake up to the sound (or for my busted phone, to the vibration) of my alarm. I will wake up when my body wants to, look at an empty schedule, open for whatever calls on to my fancy. I will make time for "visioning" (yes, finally!), writing on my journal, watching all the TV I want, lounging around like an islander, maybe a haircut and a massage. No hurried schedule, no rush, no time-squeezing, only a leisurely considering of what to do next. Oh, the joy!

Now that I've come to terms with the fact that I really am a homebody, I will milk this weekend of all things that make a homebody happy. We're rocking this birthday weekend, domestic style! Hahaha!

Then Sunday, my actual birthday, small lunch with parents, maybe some shopping, and more leisurely wandering. This weekend will be good, I just know.

Happy birthday to meeee :)

P.S. On a totally unrelated note, I apparently have a standing invite to speak at the TUMCS Recognition Ceremonies. I told Dan I was gonna think about it over the weekend but really, I wanna do this. Heeee. Now the order of the day is -- to think up things to shake up to-cool-for-school 16-year olds. I'd love to be able to tell them things I wished my 16-year old self knew back then. This should be awesome :)

Thank You, Sweet!

2011-02-18T23:41:00.001+08:00

Thank you Sweet for being that person from 10 years ago, who always reminds me how it is to be happy and carefree and trusting. Thank you for being that someone who reminds me how it is to be 17 again :)

At Promenade after "Just Go With It"
aka the-DEYM-Hawaii's-so-friggin-pretty movie :)

(um, ew sa double chin - kaso eto lang picture namin eh. Hahaha)

You have no idea how much that Wednesday date did for me! I am not kidding, I literally felt the heaviness from my shoulder go away :) Thank you for listening and being that other "only child" who gets it gets it. You don't know how much it means to me, thank you.

Thank you for bringing back that giddy feeling inside only old friends are able to give you. Cheers to many more stupid stories and grown up issues and everyday things. Cheer's to milestones and to achievements and to heartaches and heartbreaks we will weather, hopefully together. Here's to many many many more years of friendship. You know I love you :)

I Think I Need A Good Cry

2011-02-16T10:08:00.001+08:00

There, I said it.

This serves as a fair warning to my friends. I can totally see it coming I just don't know exactly when. At this point, I would like to solicit all the love you can find in your heart to spare me. If I break down in front of you, please have the heart to sit it out with me.

I'd go all details on whatever shit this is if I could, but you know how sometimes, you're too hurt to even make sense of it. Sometimes, it just hurts, and that's all you know.

Also, I've never been the talk-y kind with my issues. So if I am entitled to any love from the goodness of your heart/merit of our friendship, I'd appreciate if you don't force me to vomit out stories. It's not that I don't want to tell you. It's just that, sometimes I really have nothing to say.

Let it be said though, that I'd never say no to a hug.

My First 10K @ Condura 2011 :)

2011-02-15T14:35:00.003+08:00

(Hallo, today is the 15th of Feb already and my run has been a good 9 days ago. Only publishing today because of uh, the lazy writer's hand. Heee)

On Sunday, I ran, AND FINISHED, my first 10K! It's an incredible feeling and I am still amazed at the feat. Not to pat my back or anything, but more of because I am thankful I am able to do this now :)

What an awesome feeling to wear that
finisher's medal! Woop! :)

November 2010, plans for JR's Broacay Birthday floated. As soon as I booked tickets to Bora, I also registered for the Condura 10K. This was to get back into running, but also to force me to run to lose weight for Bora -- now that's another story. Haha.

The move to register for 10K was a bold one for me. I've never ran that long. I said pretty long shot, but what the heck. I knew I wouldn't graduate to longer distances if I don't push it. And Condura looked like a good start. I started training in December break my feet in back into running, and well, to fight off the holiday weight gain, too.

I stuck to my gym schedule and tried to run thrice a week: Tuesdays on the treadmill after Pump, Thursdays alone in UP (which is such a wonderful experience altogether, I'll write about it in another entry), and Sunday mornings, sometimes alone, sometimes with the folks, also in the UP acad oval. No PR-beating concerns yet for me, all I was training for was stamina to finish my 10K strong and injury-free.

Come race day, I was up at 3:30 A.M. and was walking the streets of Ayala by 4:15 P.M. I bumped into Mav and her friend Iola (hello, Iola!) and it was crazy how we were laughing so loud at 5 in the morning!

With Iola, Lace and mav, post-10K :)

We were batch F, which meant that we were the 6th batch to be released at the start line after the first gun start. Come 5:40 AM, we made our way through the 10K course. I started with an easy pace, a light jog I knew I can keep up for the next hour or so til I finish all of the 10 kilometers. My goal was to keep running all throughout the 10 kilometers and stop to walk only after the finish line.

I loved that moment when I started pounding the ground. I felt so strong and able, it was a beautiful moment :) It was dark when we started running and we were enveloped in a sea of people all bursting with energy, so very early in the morning. I ran the first kilometer with Mav and Iola. They wanted to walk a little after the kilometer 1 mark and told me to run ahead, so I did.

I went off to go up the Skyway alone. It was a really awesome feeling! I peaked right around kilometer 3 after the Skyway turnaround. I had this big (stupid) smile on my face and at that moment, I felt like nothing can bring me down.

Thanks to the Condura Skyway Marathon Facebook page for the photo :)

Right around the end of the Skyway pushing to Buendia, I said a short prayer of thanks for my able legs, for the ability to run, and for that beautiful, poignant moment. It took all of me not to cry. I cannot explain the kind of gratitude I felt in my heart at that time. I will always remember that moment to be one of the happiest moments of my life :)

The sun was rising as I approached Buendia. I knew I had enough energy to finish the race but right around this time, the strain of the past half hour is starting to creep up on me. But I was there for a reason, to run all of 10 kilometers, so I soldiered on. You will finish this race and you will finish strong, I told myself.

The Ayala crossing marked Kilometer 5 and I remembered my last run (Rock & Run - in the rain! Awesome, awesome time!) where I only ran 5K. I was so elated that I am now running double that distance that day so I LITERALLY pat myself on the back! Hahaha! I kinda felt stupid doing that, but a bigger part of me felt mighty proud!

A little past Kilometer 6, I had to give in to a bathroom break. I was debating whether I should or should not pee. But not stopping to pee would mean I probably wouldn't be able to finish my race from holding it in, so I had to go. I wanted to berate myself for not mastering my fluid intake and well, my teeny tiny bladder. And then like a friend playfully hitting you on the head, I realized, hey this is my FIRST 10K! Why act all 'competitive triathlete' when all you are now is a 'fun runner'? Hahaha! And that my friends is the story of how I went from "Damnit you freakin bladder, control yourself!" to "Eeh, first long run. Charge it to newbie runner experience" and then kept on running.

Just a few steps away from the finish line! Woop!
(My ONLY running photo. Just half of me, pero thanks Dad!)

Kilometer 7 was when the struggle began. We started to make our way through the Bel-Air flyover to cross EDSA on the way to BGC. It was a steep ascend (or maybe looked steeper cos I was already pretty tired) and it felt really long before we hit the top of the flyover. I switched between walking and running, hoping to get through the ascend a little faster through the momentum. And then the descend... finally BGC! Last 2 kilometers!

Right around a bend to the finish line, there was a drum and bugle band! I could hear the drums from half a kilometer away and I couldn't be happier! Then there was this poster that read, "crossing that finish line will change your life forever."I don't mean to be overly cheesy, but running does have it's way of doing exactly that :)

Again, credit to The Condura Skyway Marathon Facebook page
for this very beautiful photo :)

As I made the turn to the street leading to the finish line... goosebumps. I was very very close to finishing my first 10K! I could see the finish line now! And even though I was tired, I felt like there was more bounce to my step now, that it ever had the past 9 or so kilometers. I can feel my very own orchestra playing in my head as I approached the finish line. The close the finish line gets, the stronger I feel I get. It was as if I hadn't been running the past hour. 50 meters.. 30 meters... 10 meters... 3 meters... FINISH LINE. THE FEELING WAS GLORIOUS.

I went straight to the claim booth, got my water with my loot bag and medal! I hurriedly unpacked the plastic, untangled the medal and proudly wore it over my chest! It probably was a little tacky to wear the 10K medal around the 21K and full mary finishers, but I just couldn't care any less :)

It may have taken me close to an hour to look for them (Oh yeah, I didn't bring with me any cell. And when I called using Lace's phone, surprise! My dad didn't bring his phone, too!), it doesn't make my gratitude feel any less. Thank you Mum and Dad! Thank you for waking up at 3 in the morning on a beautiful Sunday morning, driving me to Fort and waiting for me to finish running all of 10 kilometers!

And as a bonus, phot op with Rovilson. Heee, I just had to put this up. Meet my new "running friend" Hahaha!

Check out how AWKWARD I was! Now I understand when Marsall says,
"What do I do with my hands? What do I do with my hands before?"

My takeaway from this race? I want to run 21K in CamSur on September this year! Dream big, yeah? :)

Sometimes You Wish It Were As Simple As - Leave If You're Miserable

2011-02-07T15:45:00.003+08:00

But yeah, being an adult means it's more fucking complicated than that.

Note to Self

2011-02-07T14:29:00.000+08:00

To those who have given up on love: I say, “Trust life a little bit.

Maya Angelou (via xstereolovex)

(Source: quote-book)

Gabe X Ramiele

2011-02-04T13:39:00.001+08:00

This is the kinda love you hold out for :)

I read this tweet on my newsfeed and I was reduced to pieces. I seriously had to take a moment to gather myself. I was floored at the announcement, awed at the genuine love and left pining. Heee. It's always been this kind that I've been looking for. Ah, beautiful :)

I love how Ramiele and Gabe are beautiful together. There's this awesome quiet and steady about them you can tell they're doing something right. The hope is that they know how lucky they are to have found this beautiful thing :)

And for those still looking, let us all practice (prayerful) patience, keep our fingers crossed and know with quiet assurance that we are holding out for something beautiful :)

You Live A Charmed Life

2011-02-03T08:57:00.001+08:00

My GodWhispers today read:

Dear Katrina,
Just dropped in to tell you that you live a charmed life.
Wink,
God

P.S. I know. Sometimes, you forget, Katrina. So I'm reminding you. Just do what's right and relax. Everything will fall in place.

***
To the very kind Mr Bo Sanchez, you have no idea how helpful these little trinkets of love are. Some days you just need someone to tell you. Thank you, thank you for your kindness.

Be patient

2011-02-02T17:27:00.000+08:00

Photo credit: PostSecret

Bora Preview

2011-02-01T18:17:00.001+08:00

THE LIFE -- A book and a drink by the beach and friends' laughter in the background. I can live like this :)

Photo credit: Claire Ericta

The Crossfit Experience

2011-01-27T17:27:00.008+08:00

I stumbled upon Crossfit on Twitter. I saw a tweet from Joaquin Valdez (of Breakfast fame) about almost "puking" doing this mysterious thing called "Crossfit". Then another tweet from Gabe Mercado (of the "Okay ka ba, yan?" fame) about feeling, in his words, "...ni rape ng dalawampung elepante na drug adik. Ganyan ang pakiramdam ko pagkatapos mag cross fit workout".

A few google searches after, I found the CrossfitMnl website offering free trials. I gave it a shot, and luckily they emailed back saying they'd love to see me for a trial workout. It was a Monday night.

Photo credit: http-//www.pinoyfitness.com

I went in through their quirky, huge, red door. Exchanged pleasantries with Ferdie and off we went to the what he calls, "Intro workout". He said 15 minutes and I was all, "15 minutes, really. Just 15 mnutes" in my head. I thought, "Dude, I do 3-hour marathon workouts with weights and crazy cardio, and you're giving me just 15 minutes?! Sana nag-yoga na lang ako." Buti na lang I did't say it aloud!

Shet, I was dead meat by the end of 15 minutes. LONGEST 15 MINUTES OF MY LIFE. Dude, I've never been THAT tired in my life. My knees were wobbly, I was sweating like a pig, I was tired as hell and I couldn't decide whether I wanted to puke or cry.

For the unitiated, here's a rundown of what that infamous 15 minutes consisted. Probably looks like chicken feed from the photos but I tell you, SHET, ANG HIRAP.

There's a W.O.D. (Workout of the Day), which for the trial version, you have to do in circuits. It's 15 full minutes of non-stop circuit of 7 wall balls, 7 pull ups, 7 box jumps and 7 burpees.

Photo credit

diablocrossfit.com

Wall Balls
For the wall balls, you stand across a wall and start with a squat squarely on your knees. You rise and throw a weighted ball (mine was 5kg, lighter than the recommended 7kg for females; 9kg for males) aimed at a line on the wall, and then catch it back down. Then back to squat again. One set is seven wall balls.

This was fairly doable. The squats were manageable since we do a good number of weighted squats in Pump. But right around the fourth circuit, I really felt my form deteriorate from confident stance to "Sheeeet, are we there yet?"

Photo credit
games2008.crossfit.com

Pull Ups
You then run to the poles to do pull ups. You hang by your hands on the monkey bars and pull yourself up so your chin touches the bar. As luck (or my weight) would have it, doing unassisted pull ups was impossible for me. Crossfit anticipated this and installed rubber bands to assist in the pull ups. You slip one foot into the loop and the elastic recoil helps hoist you up to the bar. Again 7 reps for this bitch.

(I think this killed it for my shoulders. It's been 3 days since the Crossfit trial and my shoulders are still burning. I wonder how this'll turn out during stretches for my yoga class. Hmm.)

Photo credit

games2009.crossfit.com

Box Jumps
Next up is the box jumps. I just wish with all my heart I looked as nimble as this graceful girl with the washboard abs as I did my box jumps reps. For shame, with all the jiggle I felt as I jumped atop the box, I knew I was waaay far from this

You stand squarely at the bottom of a box, jump to the top of the box (I did the 12"-box, lower than the recommended 16") and then jump back to the floor. Again seven times over. (Buti na lang hindi ako nagmaganda at pumili nung 16" box. Death.)

Photo credit
physedclass.wordpress.com

Burpees

To complete the circuit, you have the burpee. In a nutshell, it's a push up and jumping jack rolled into one bitch of a movement. You start with a plank position (I did mine on my knees) do one push up, jump to your feet, do a jumping jack and then jump back on the floor. This was tiring as hell.

While the others are fairly easy at the beginning, this baby is DIFFICULT since set 1. My first 3 circuits were fairly fluid, but come circuit 4, I was literally crawling. This officially took away any semblance of poise I thought I had.

I was told I did pretty impressively, with 6 rounds of the circuit in 15 minutes. Apparently, the standing average was 5 rounds for boys and girls. So, "Yay, self!" Hahaha. And to cap the (very tiring) night off, I get to write my name on the board and put "6" beside it! What up!

I seriously wasn't exaggerating when I said I wanted to cry AND throw up. i was surprised at the shock it gave my body considering I do pretty intensive cardio. Crossfit IS something. I'm giving it thought.

I'd just like to give a shout out to the he very nice, Coach Ferdi. I trained with the very nice Coach Ferdi on Monday night, who I found out from searching for Crossfit MNL on the internet, is a seriously badass elite athlete. I'm thankful that he was very nice in guiding me through the workout, pushing to a strong finish and answering ALL (and I asked a LOT!) my questions after the workout.

So, if by any chance he stumbles upon this, thank you very much Coach Ferdi for my very nice experience at Crossfit MNL.

Now the big question is... to Crossfit or not to Crossfit. Hmmm.

To Claire, From Sonny

2011-01-14T16:55:00.001+08:00

This is a film made by 17-year old Josh Beattie. I randomly popped into Tumblr and stumbled upon this video through Naked Words. I have no words for how wonderfully written this piece is. It awakens the teenager in you and makes you all warm and squishy inside. It's beautiful :)

Dear Claire,

Okay, well um. Where to start? You’ll probably never read this. In fact, chances are it won’t even reach you. I’m probably just writing this for myself, you know. For therapeutic reasons. I guess I should just say all this stuff. Especially by now, but it helps to write things down or else I stutter and forget, and generally make an idiot of myself.

It’s September 3rd today. That means it would have been our two years and 6 months anniversary. You know I always complained that month anniversaries were for twelve year olds but you always kinda liked the idea so happy hypothetical anniversary. I know you’d probably roll your eyes at me, bringing that up and I’m aware that it’s been well over a year since now you, uh, left me. Well one year, three months, and sixteen days. I think right now, I’ve finished the process you know? And I’ve finally come to terms with the fact that you’re not going to come back—ever. And I think I’m out of the phase where I just lie on my floor hoping that you’d just turn up on my doorstep. You know what, I’m doing okay. Getting there, baby steps.

I’ve even um, I’ve even been sorta seeing a girl. Jess, is her name. They’re going to keep telling it’s a, you know, a positive step in getting over you and stuff. And don’t get me wrong, she’s a nice girl but, different. It’s funny. Your muscles have a certain memory about them. That’s why we can tie our shoes or play piano without looking. But then you spend a long enough time with someone and your bodies memorize each other you know? The warmth of your back, the pace of your heartbeat, your tickly eyelashes and the way your fingers would curl in sequence when I used to play with your palm. Another person is like moving to a new country where you don’t know the language. It’s a scary thing. And she voluntarily eats celery. Who does that?

You know people are always on about, “You’ll find someone else! There’s plenty more fish in the sea!” Well you know what, I feel like a friggin’ fish in a bucket. I’ve been reading lots. Non-fiction mostly. Did I ever tell you about the theory of the multi-verse? It says that there’s an infinite amount of hypothetical universes parallel to ours that contain every single possible set of circumstances.Kinda got me thinking you know? Means that somewhere, there might be a world in which on that 15th of February, we never had that argument, and I didn’t say all those things I didn’t mean, and you didn’t walk away without another word. Or maybe there’s another world in which I—chased after you. And we’d still be together and catch the train together, and do couply things and have bubble tea with those god-awful slimy globules of jelly down the bottom which I hate.

Sometimes, on my way, I walk past your house and every time I do, I get this weird urge to knock on the door which is stupid because I know you wouldn’t answer it. Well, in any case, it’s technically your old house now. You’re—nowadays, you’re quite far away with your new life and all. I wonder if you even remember me sometimes. I—I wish you’d talk to me. Give me some vague sign that you do remember. ‘Cause you know what? I’m not doing well, life is actually pretty shit. And look at me. I’ve gone this whole page without using the L-word once so far. But looking at it objectively, realistically I—I’d say that I still love you. And I’m kinda afraid I won’t ever really stop—loving you. I hope they’re treating you well up there because I miss you more than ever.

Love, Sonny.

The Holiday Fuzzy Feeling Conundrum

2011-01-07T15:59:00.001+08:00

(You can tell I has alotta fun putting up that title! My most recent The Big Bang Theory episode just finished downloading, so if you're wondering where the heck that title came from, there goes your answer.)

I'm not such a fan of the holidays, that much I know about myself. I still haven't gotten to the bottom of it (let me get back to you on that after I discuss it with my shrink -- after I find me a shrink) so no elaborate explanations yet from me.

This year though may be monumental in that it marks the first year that went by without me "feeling the season". I was surprised about not getting that "Warm And Fuzzy *Just Because* It's The Holidays" feeling in the tummy this year, not even once. That's a thing, right?

Photo credit: http://usembassykyiv.wordpress.com/

Though I am not one to be all jumpy about Christmas, I remember every year since as far as I can remember, getting that holiday feeling -- from a cold breeze, from seeing all the lights and trimmings, heck, sometimes even from just the Christmassy smell of the air! You know that feeling? It's that moment you have when the sheer happiness of the holidays dawns on you and everything is so rife with cheer that you feel it. The feeling fills you up and you walk with a little bounce on your heels, at least during the height of the season. I'm not the biggest fan of the holidays but I still get a high from "feeling" the holidays.

This year though (2010 I mean), was different. I was waiting for it to hit me. I saw the lights, I got gifts (thank you to all my friends and family who went out of their way to get me something! The "magical" feeling my be gone but I am grateful for all of you!), I felt the cool breeze, but the "magical" feeling never came. I think this is me officially being ushered into adulthood, albeit in a very unceremonious, a little sad way.

The holidays came and went and my now adult brain tried to make sense of it. Usually, at this time of the year, after getting that holiday high, I automatically shift to pensive and brooding (in a good, reflective way), I become extra nice, and yeah there's that proverbial spring in my step. But this year, I was just my normal self -- sometimes angry sometimes angst-y, but most of the time, I couldn't care less. Oh well.

Don't Hurry.

2011-01-04T13:57:00.000+08:00

I've a backlog of GodWhispers from over the holidays that I did not get to see. I opened the emails just now, and as always, they're a pleasant surprise of happy little reminders about thoughts and things we most often forget. I especially loved the email that said to not hurry. Here's the message in its entirety.

"Don't hurry. You leave a lot of meat on the bone. You rob yourself of much joy from each day. You miss out on life-changing lessons from the stories happening to you. Enjoy life.

Take slow walks. Sit on a bench and pray for the people who pass you by. Take breaks. Breathe. Sing. Smell. Feel. Touch. Taste. I designed life to be lived this way."

Oh, joy.

Don't Try To Succeed Alone. It Will Never Work.

2011-01-04T13:46:00.000+08:00

Again, inspiring words from the very kind Bo Sanchez through the GodWhispers subscription. This message hits home hard. I try to do it alone because I am embarrassed to ask for help, because I am hardwired to do things on my own, maybe because I am an only child, or sometimes just because there's no one around.

Try as I may to say I'd like to stick to the way I do things, the fact that my way comes with so much frustration probably means there is wisdom to asking for help.

Like my GodWhispers said, "Don't try to succeed alone. It will never work. The climb to success can only be done by team effort. Who is your dream team? Start recruiting. It's so much happier this way."

Dog Names!

2011-01-03T17:46:00.003+08:00

I don't want to write this post on dog names yet, cos I haven't written my token "Holidays - 2010 Edition" entry and my other token entry, "Things I Am Thankful For - 2010 Edition". Add to that, I still am remiss on my "Why I Am Talking About Dogs Recently" entry. Heee.

BUUUT, I need to put down my dog name thoughts somewhere lest I forget them! The dog is yet to come, but if it comes in the next 3 months or 24 months, who's to say, I'd love to be ready with a name!

Aww. Isn't he a cutie? Oh, and doesn't he look like a Bruno to you? :p

From little internet reading, I'm leaning towards getting a pug. Low maintenance apartment dog, non-yappy and happy! Mum's a little concerned about the smell from the folds of the pug's face so if from more internet reading we get more discouragement from the pug smell, we might opt for a bichon frise.

This little Bichon Frise look like a Skittles to you?
My Dad said this dog looks *so* mabango! :)

Last night, Mum and I were tossing some ideas. For some reason, I said Benny from the top of my head, and then realized it kinda sounded like a name one of my Lolo's friends would have. Then Mum said Tiger, which I thought was pretty cool. I also came up with Skittles, which I'd consider if I weren't getting a pug. Somehow a perky, colorful name like Skittles doesn't sit so well on a macho dog with a scrunched up face. Maybe Bruno. Ya think?

Mum also said Filemon, after my great grand Lolo. Might consider but then I might feel a semblance of disrespect everytime I call out Filemon without a Lolo preceding it! Haha. I might also go for Morgan. And while Morgan of the Burbank Buy More may be the more modern call back to the name, I'm thinking Morgan the bear of the Bananas in Pyjamas fame, for some 90's charm. Haha. Then I thought up Tyler. This has got to be my favorite name so far :) Tyler slides off your tongue so well, yeah?

I might also consider Chuck, of course in loving reference to the most adorable nerd, Mr Bartowski :) Then today after googling dog names, I saw Tripper which might fit with our pug friend. Or Trip.

This dog naming is turning out to be an amusing pastime. Until the dog comes, I bet there will be so many more names and more google pages to be seen :)

So Last Night I Had The Most Expensive Dumpling In My Life

2010-12-23T00:01:00.000+08:00

Tuesday night was GMI Xmas Party night at the very very posh Circles Event Cafe at Shang. Playing host is your truly, late for the 630 call time and all.

I literally jumped out of the car as soon as I got to Basement 2 and darted to the Japanese room where everyone was -- except for me. Huffing and puffing I had to arrange everything (since I also was one of the two Christmas elves for physical arrangement) and put everything into place. My stress levels were shooting through the roof, my heart wanted to jump out of my chest and my guts felt like they were playing tag inside me.

After setting everything up, I finally managed to go around the buffet and get me some yummy buffet food. I got a nice piece from the steak carving, some pecans and hazelnuts, and a shy little dumpling from the Chinese table. I made my way back to the Japanese room and tried my best to down the little food I put on my plate. But all that stress won't let me. I felt gag-gy and the food won't go down well. All I was able to wrestle with down my throat was one lonely dumpling.

Just as I was about to run out to go get me more food, hopefully warm ones, I had to start the program. So all night, all I had was one lonely dumpling. And yeah, they paid X thousand pesos for my ticket to the buffet -- and all I had was one lonely dumpling. Most expensive dumpling ever.

Today I Wish I Were In A Perfect World

2010-12-14T08:55:00.000+08:00

Photo credit : Stuff No One Told Me (But I Learned About Anyway)

BE HATED

2010-12-13T18:11:00.003+08:00

There are a great many bad people in the world, and if you are not offending them, you must be bad yourself. Popularity is a sure sign that you are doing something wrong.

- Adrian Tan

DO NOT WORK, PLAY.

2010-12-13T18:10:00.003+08:00

Find that pursuit that will energise you, consume you, become an obsession. Each day, you must rise with a restless enthusiasm. If you don’t, you are working.

- Adrian Tan

2010-12-01T14:26:00.000+08:00

Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist

The way you're moving in your sleep

The way you look before you leap

The strange illusions that you keep

You don't know what I'm noticing

This Is The Purpose For My Existence

2010-12-01T11:30:00.001+08:00

I am filled with both envy and awe. I was reading Francis Kong's November 30, 2010 article "What Motivates Artists" and as always, "whoah moment" courtesy of Mr. Kong. He ended the article with the single most certain statement that made me say to myself, "So this kind of certainty IS possible."

Reading this kind of reignited the fire of belief in me. I pray with all my heart I see that day I will utter this very same statement.

***
I have been called to do what I do. This is the purpose for my existence. My Creator has blessed me with this talent and He has given me the responsibility to use the same in inspiring people. The responsibility is heavy, the work is never done, the efforts to improve is demanding but the fulfillment and joy is there.
(Kong, 2010)

Why Do You Do What You Do?

2010-11-30T09:00:00.000+08:00

I start this Tuesday morning with a wonderful message again from the very kind Bo Sanchez. This man asks the difficult questions, it's hard not to pay attention.

I'm sharing again the questions from my GodWhispers.com subscription. I'm sharing for anyone that needs to ask the questions but may be too afraid to ask cos they are not ready for the answers, or for anyone at all that needs to hear. This message is brought to you by the Sunny Tuesday Morning and the Letters T for Tough and L for Love.

***
Why do you do what you do? Always examine your motives. If you discover that what you're doing doesn't come from love, abandon your course. Stop. And pray for love. Everything you do must come from love. Everything!

I've planted great love within you -- It's there waiting to guide your every step.

Because Anything Less Than Bliss Is Second Best

2010-11-28T09:58:00.001+08:00

Photo Credit: Things We Forget

Choose

2010-11-23T10:19:00.009+08:00

If it isn't hot and fiery passion or an outright, albeit consensual, sellout, what are you still doing there? "It" can be whatever for you -- a juvenile relationship, a long-term relationship, a job, a business venture, a project, a hobby, whatever you choose it to be. For me it becomes a question of a job/ life vocation of choice/ means of living/the something that takes the biggest chunk of your time every day.

I don't mean to make it sound polar, you know how passion always goes with poverty and a life of bliss in certainty while selling out always means a meaningless existence and a life of guilt. Sometimes you do what you love and you end up getting the best of both worlds. Sometimes you make as much money, or surprisingly even more, doing what you love, as if you "sold out" and did something your heart wasn't on, supposedly "just for the money".

Photo credit: PostSecret

Take for instance the respected Mr Francis Kong who does what loves which is inspiring people through is leadership programs. (Random thought: OR did he just love what he did that' why he ended up immensely successful? Highly likely and hard to tell, but win-win whichever way, anyway). When you read his writings and listen to him talk, you know instantly he is burning with such a passion for what he does. He is happy and at the same time is successful in more ways than just monetary -- best of both worlds.

On the other hand, sometimes you supposedly "sell out", let go of the altruistic dream, do something "just for the money", and find out that whatever you end up doing is actually not so bad. Maybe not as meaningful as your original plan but a valid choice at the end of the day. Let's take for instance Marshall Ericksen of HIMYM who ended up working for GNB as a bank lawyer and not an environmental lawyer fighting for the chimps, as originally planned by College Marshall. He originally wanted to live "The Dream" -- lawyering for a cause but at the same time saying bye bye to the good life. But his wedding happened and the home mortgage happened, so he ended up "selling out" to become a lawyer for GNB. He let go of the dream but eventually, he ended up NOT miserable and actually came around to corporate lawyering.

The point is, both men did not cower at the enormity of the choices ahead of them and made a stand. Francis Kong believed in his idea and believed with his heart that he can have the best of both worlds. Marshall Ericksen, albeit a fictional character, had the balls to do something while the environmental lawyering isn't happening for him.

My bone to pick now is that I just want me to take a stand, have balls, man up, stop moping and actually do something. Life never ceases to move on, with or without my consent, and whether I while time away or move quickly, I can never be 23 again two years from today. I just feel like if I am not pursuing something I am willing to give all my life for or working my butt off so hard I can literally "do whatever I want", just one or the other, I am not living my life to the fullest. I am not living my life on the edge, I must be taking too much space.

I need something to believe in that's bigger than me. I want to be able to say "this" is what I am passionate about and not stop at lip service. I want to be willing to fight tooth and nail for whatever that "this" is. I want to be able to say I can live without all the fancy, and even though I mind the inconvenience, I'd still soldier on happily -- because I am doing something I love. I want to be able to answer proudly when asked about "what I do" and tell people exactly why I do it. I want to be able to answer my "why's" even just for myself.

I want to beam with pride every time I am given the chance to share about my thing and have that burning desire inside me to tell people about the goodness and the beauty of this thing. I want that something that will hurt so bad sometimes because I feel so strongly about it. I want that kind of something I will feel so dedicated to it will be worth whatever pain it comes with -- even if it means I'd be doing it by myself. Now to find that thing. Hmmm.

Or, maybe if I am not at all lucky to find that passion, that one true love of my life (and by "one true love" I mean a cause, a 'something beyond me', and not a boy, mind you) I'd settle for making an unbelievable amount of money. I'd buy my happiness. And yes, I know that isn't exactly virtuous but sometimes life is like that, and you have to roll with it.

I am not saying I will be proud my life will entirely be about amassing money and making that my life's end goal, but I have a feeling I will take comfort in the fact that I am celebrating some semblance of success in my life. Maybe not the sweetest kind of success, but a success nonetheless. Whether I am doing it for something I do not really believe in, or have no specific feelings for -- no love or hate, maybe indifference -- I am making enough money to make the indifference not matter. Whether I am happy or not, I have a feeling I will take comfort in the fact that I am doing something right. The money will kind of serve as the insulator against all the things missing from the puzzle. Like I said, not the best choice, but sometimes settling is the only choice. Mmmkay, saying this makes me feel dirty.

Whether it is passion I choose or a life of store-bough happiness, I fell it boils down to one thing -- I have to make a choice. I am so convinced only this two will answer all the questions hanging around in my head. The dangerous middle ground is so appealing, so comfortable and so safe without risks. But it also is too sad, too boring, and yes at times, too embarrassing. It is slowly lulling me to a life of a half-sleep, to a life of passivity, to a life of settling without any semblance of consolation.

So yeah, like the PostSecret postcard, choose one OR the other. Choose with great care. And most importantly, CHOOSE.

What You Cannot Imagine Cannot Take Place

2010-11-22T10:33:00.001+08:00

So this morning I read my email subscription to GodWhisphers.com from the kind Bo Sanchez. Today's message was spot on. Too spot on, it hurts a bit. I'm putting it up here in the hopes it that it also serves to inspire whoever needs to read this message.

***
What you cannot imagine cannot take place. You have to learn to imagine again. It's more powerful than your intellect. Imagine your desired future everyday. And make this imagination your intercession.

Sometimes, it's painful to dream. So many of your dreams have been dashed to the ground. But you still have to dream. Never give up. It's the only way to fulfill them.

Quirky Internet Thingums

2010-11-18T13:51:00.000+08:00

A few weeks back, I saw a link to "Best Internet Photos of 2010" or something like that. (To the author my apologies, as I did not, for the life of me, copy the link to the great great article. Sorry!) It was a compilation of all the awesome internet junk created in the year 2010.

This one photo stood out for me as very quirky and unbelievably heartwarming. It's an invite to a certain Jill&Matt wedding telling their very long love story. Read and swoon away :)

Im reposting this image without credit -- my apologies to the owner.
I, however, do not lay claim to ownership of the image.

That's the dream. This is the kind of invite I'd like to send out. Isn't it the cutest? :)