Sexist, Ageist, Fattist, Pretty-ist Saturday

So yesterday was the Muay Thai Marathon. I was puyat the night before and I feel the week's stress taking it's toll. Plus, the GX room aircon was busted. I don't know if one of those things, or a mix of all those things, but I was just not in my combat mojo yesterday. I was slow and tired and literally dragging my arms and legs to follow the tracks. I could've just gone out of the room, stayed in the lounge to read the papers or gotten baked in the sauna -- but I stayed. I hate that feeling when I bail on a class and then figured our later that I could've gotten my second wind. Long marathon story short, I amazingly finished my 2 hours. Albeit a little too sloppy and ungraceful, but technically I still made it in one piece to the end of the class.

My sexist, ageist, fattist story goes like this. Marathons are usually team classes. You have a few instructors taking turns, leading a few tracks at a time. The last chunk of the marathon, a new girl went on stage. I have been doing marathon for quite a while so I knew a pretty good number of instructors. I know the ones who teach the Eastwood classes and some of the ones who guest-teach. But this new one, I've never really seen. It was kinda weird there was no warm feelings of welcoming from me for this girl in the pink spandex. I'll tell you why. Maybe you'll feel the same after my word picture.

Pink Spandex Girl (PSG) is a middle aged woman, probably in her late 30's and um, not in perfect combat form. Now, you're probably asking, what is THE perfect combat form? I would say toned thighs, prominent jawbone, firm arms, and unbelievably flat tummy. Now I know that sounds unfair. But lets go on with the word picture. PSG has muscular thighs, but in a muscular-thighs-that-look-too-chunky-for-a-woman kind of way. It's muscular but it has that jiggly thing going when she does knee raises. Arms not too firm, and much like the muscular thighs have a pretty attention-getting jiggle to them. I am completely aware that this has MEAN written all over it. This is where my v brillian (according to me) title comes in. The fitness world is a cruel place to be, most especially for those who are supposed to be the fitness gurus i.e. the group exercise instructors. The group classes are sexist, ageist, pretty-ist, and fattist.

What is an ideal group exercise class instructor? This will sound unfair and to a point ridiculous, but for some odd reason, this is the unwritten rule to this profession. The ideal group exercise instructor is male, young, unbelievably toned, and good looking.

You see the truth to this rule when you observe which classes are the most packed. Check the instructor heading the class and he most probably fits the bill, this bill. The good looking bit is pretty relative since this is all a matter of taste, but the male and the young and the unbelievably toned -- all non-negotiables.

So PSG is still right in front on the stage, doing her thing. And I must say, she is pretty good at what she does. She knows the tracks pretty well, she is brimming with energy, and she knows how to hype the class. But yeah, the group still has this non-warm, to some point pretty smug welcome, if that's at all a welcome, for her as she leads the class. You ask why? At least as far as I'm concerned, its because she's -- one a girl, two older than than 25 (or at least she looks like she is, err sorry i'f you're only 23! Heehee), three has those jiggly things, and four well um, beauty isn't her best. So you see right there, I am a girl (trying to rationalize the non-warm welcome for her) but I feel this way about her too. That's in your face sexist, ageist, pretty-ist, and right smack fattist.

I think about why I write about this. I'd like to think not to correct, much as I'd like to I also know how it's gonna be futile. And much as that is a lame reason, it also is a bitter truth. I also think neither to condone. I'm guessing as an acknowledgment of things that happen. Yeah, it can get pretty cruel.

You think PSG knows this?

Risque and Restless. And well, Sorry.

Risque is good. At least for me, it gives me this sense of bold and young, and well, I know P will laugh as I say this, but yeah, risque makes me feel cool. Yeah yeah, put down the L's on your forehead. Sometimes I feel like I've been staying on the safe side a little too long, it gets a bit boring. A taste of the dangerous, if I may use some more cliches uh, makes me feel alive. Ugh, came out wrong. But yeah, I think you get it.

Out with my attempt at a decent introduction and on to my story story. As with my other attempts at being risque, this latest one, actually ones, to say the least didn't uh, make me feel alive. It's definitely adrenaline rush -- but not the fun kind.

Saturday night was dinner night with the B's cos PV flew to Manila for a quick quick weekend. (I think I have to write a separate happy entry with all the photos, because that Saturday was a happy Saturday. But yeah, I get into these stupid things, so I have to write this remorse entry first. Happy entry in a bit). We had a quick bite at Rockwell to meet Rach, and then planned to go to Ewud for a supposed party. So convoy from Rockwell to Ewud, we took McKinley. We were driving at around 1AM very early Sunday morning. This very brilliant kid made a very bright decision and for some really stupid reason, are you ready for this? Drum roll please! Got caught for --- beating the red light. Take this, that big intersection in McKinley when you come from the Polo Club and Forbes (sashaaal! Hahaha!). And wow, of all places to be a disobedient driver, kid decided to do it -- at The Fort. Talk about bright bright smart decisions. Really smarttt.

So yeah, just when I thought I got away with the stupid thing, I look into my rear view and there was this dude with the familiar red and blue lights flashing from his bike. Oh, it's the Taguig police. AND he's after me. Because stupid was rad that early Sunday morning, I just kept going, thinking maybe if I just keep driving, Mr. Officer will go away. And then I quickly (thank God) realized that I wasn't in some Charlie's Angels flick. So, I slowed down and pulled over. And then convenient realization, I am driving with a proud Professional license in my purse, so yeah it's gonna be EXPENSIVE. Yes, all caps because it's that expensive. I knew there was no getting away from this so I knew I had to apologized to the officer. It was such a relief that I was just given a warning. Took my OR/CR and scribbled police notes on my paper. You can just imagine my sigh of relief. I must've said like twenty thousand thank yous. Nothing like getting pulled over to shake you off from your proud driver stance.

Or so I thought.

With the ink on my my license OR?CR still pretty fresh from Sunday morning, look what surprise was awaiting me by E. Rod Jr. on a bright sunny Monday morning. So much for lessons and other fluffy shit like that, stupid kid strikes again. Left the office 10-ish to go to an 11AM meeting somewhere in Crame. I was south-bound along E. Rod., making a right to Green Meadows. Oh, lemme surprise you. Second lane from the right and I take a sharp right, proudly overtaking the PUV. The surprise is on me, as I make my way to my right turn, an officer in blue flags me down. Deja vu much? All I could muster was a long and quiet "shiyeeeet" under my breath.

Sunday was Schmuck Beats the Red Light day. Monday was Stupid Still Hasn't Learned Her Lesson day. Swerving. By this second time I pretty much know the drill. Roll down your window, show your license, and well, show them how stupid you are by brandishing the part that says Professional on your card. I was being charged Php 700 for my stupid swerving mistake. I was told I have to get my license from Makati. Double Shit. I just felt really stupid being flagged twice in consecutive days. That was a really ugly feeling.

The officer mentioned Php 700 and a 3-day driver reeducation seminar, if I heard him right. I knew the exasperation was showing on my face. My Monday police officer was hinting at a bribe. He was like, "kung masyadong mahirap para sayo, dito nalang tayo. Ikaw na lang bahala sa kin". Damn, that was a really delicious offer. I'll shell out more than the Php 700, BUT I wouldn't have to be "reeducated", and I don't have to file a leave/ absence without pay and head out to Makati. Sounded pretty fair. Err, or pretty sneaky. Gets you off the hook, just like that.

But yeah, the feeling was ugly with my run ins with the law and I just knew doing something like this wouldn't make the feeling go away. I knew it wouldn't sit well with me. So I mumbled something about following the law and being okay with the hassle cos I got myself into this. I think those were the magic words. My officer just said, "okay na, sige na. Baka naman sabihin mo masyado akong mahigpit" and then he let me go, just like that. You don't know how much relief washed over me after that.

Thank heavens for giving me my chance back. I shall not be reckless on the streets. No more proud driver. I am sorry. And to the two officers who almost apprehended me, thank you for being nice and reasonable. I shall be a very obedient driver from now on. Even when you guys aren't looking.

What if?

Photo Credit: PostSecret