Lurkers and Friends

Sometimes I wonder who gets to read this blog. There are times I'm relieved I don't know who gets to read my secret thoughts. There are entries here that make it mortifying to find out who else knows what shit I put here. There are times though, that I am overcome with curiosity. Whoever actually gets to read this blog?

We are Actually 4 Years Old?!
This blog for the longest time has kind of been just a sounding board. This has never been one of those blogs that I "advertise" for people to "hit it up" or "drop by". In the 4 years of this blog (Whoah! It's been 4 years?! I should prolly celebrate a blog anniversary or something!) this has always been my secret personal space on the interwebs, my tiny little corner where I can bitch, swoon, and do things without others poking their metaphorical finger on my metaphorical personal bubble. This has also been that place I tell my friends about when we don't see each other and I want them to know about my life. It's also kind of my personal therapist, my free personal therapist, who gets front row center seats to my two cents worth on everything.

The Parable of the Hit Counter
Interestingly, every time I check, the hit counter keeps jumping. Which I would think, means that there are people (other than me hahaha) who go through the blog. Most of these people are lurkers, though. You know, just going around and looking, no comments, no hi's or hellos. The people who regularly comment, on the other hand, are some of my really close friends who I would've no problem telling these stories to in person.

The chat box is another story altogether. Either the robots have attacked and taken hold of that chat box or I really have that many fans going gaga over this blog. I can't really decide where to put my money on. But you know, whether robots or rabid fans, it still tickles that vain little kid inside me with all that validation, real or imagined.

Roll Call!
So in the spirit of curiosity, I'd fancy a little experiment. Can the readers of this blog post a comment on this post? I kinda wanna know who else gets to read my shit. (If no one says anything, it's kinda just pathetic, don't you think? Hahaha)

Can all the cool people in the house (err, blog) put your hands up? Show some love! :) Who knows, we can probably have brunch one Saturday morning. Or not. Who's to say? :p

Blerg

While I do not want to ruin the recently happy mood of this blog, I think this may be the best avenue for this um, thing. I have no intention of announcing this um, thing to the world for audience. I just want to let the frustration out cos well,  it sucks to keep it in.

Some things suck -- even when you know it's a fact of life and even if you know it's out of your hands. I guess it takes a lot of growing up to understand that not everyone around you will like, heck even understand, some things you do. Sometimes no malice is intended, sometimes no ill will is meant, but some people chose to read into it. Some people chose to put color into a perfectly valid choice.

This is not to say I am scot-free. I just made a choice, I just decided what things I like and what things don't like. I never expected to get applause for it but I also never expected to be persecuted for it. We all make choices and while I made mine, I guess others made theirs, too. Mine was to rid myself of unnecessary virtual information and theirs was to pass judgment on my choice.

It sucks but I guess this just is one of the ugly things of real life. Just live with it, I guess. That is not to say though, that it doesn't irritate and frustrate me or give me this ugly feeling, because it does. And it sucks a bit more cos I stand here unable to do anything, cos this choice is the one that does the least damage. Blerg.

Me and The (Plastic Balloon) Dog

You know those plastic balloon dogs with paper feet at the bottom? The ones 3-year old kids bug their Moms to get for them which they then drag by the floor as if it were a real, living, walking dog? I finally bought me mine today!

Meet Tiger. Yes, he has a name ;p

I've always wanted to get one of these drag-me-like-I-walk-for-real plastic balloon dogs. I've known about them since early last year, and think whatever you want, but I've always wanted one for myself :p For some reason, I never got around to buying. I knew it was cute, but I think a part of me thought it was stupid for a grown woman to be walking around dragging a dog balloon she obviously owns. I never mustered enough balls to buy one for me until today!

We were at SM Taytay earlier, as I tagged with the folks for some Saturday errands, when I saw the spotted plastic dog hanging by the balloon stall. I guess it's because it's my birthday tomorrow that's why I'm extra brave and extra confident I'd get away with it. No one ever failed with, "But it's my birthday!"

And for the full experience, I really did drag "Tiger" (yes, this balloon dog has a name!) all over the mall! I walked around the mall, into the department store, and all over most probably looking like a retard with this fake dog that's pretend-walking. But it was fun!

I was most popular with kids. I have 3-year olds and baby infants craning their necks for a look at Tiger. The adults were a different lot. I had a merry mix of adults who felt differently about the Tiger thing. Some were fascinated with the schtick, some were surprised at the adult with the balloon dog and some were just confused. Along with the dragging of the balloon dog, part of the fun was looking at people's reactions!

The novelty of the walking balloon dog still makes me smile. It's just too cute! Who knows, I might take Tiger for another day at the mall :)

Prelude to the Birthday Weekend

A little over 24 hours from now, I will be turning 24 :) And to jumpstart my birthday weekend, I have Mum to thank for my freshly changed new bed linens!

I am looking at a pretty uneventful weekend. And nope, I don't say that with a sigh. I say that with a quiet, happy smile :)

On Saturday, I will not wake up to the sound (or for my busted phone, to the vibration) of my alarm. I will wake up when my body wants to, look at an empty schedule, open for whatever calls on to my fancy. I will make time for "visioning" (yes, finally!), writing on my journal, watching all the TV I want, lounging around like an islander, maybe a haircut and a massage. No hurried schedule, no rush, no time-squeezing, only a leisurely considering of what to do next. Oh, the joy!

Now that I've come to terms with the fact that I really am a homebody, I will milk this weekend of all things that make a homebody happy. We're rocking this birthday weekend, domestic style! Hahaha!

Then Sunday, my actual birthday, small lunch with parents, maybe some shopping, and more leisurely wandering. This weekend will be good, I just know.

Happy birthday to meeee :)

P.S. On a totally unrelated note, I apparently have a standing invite to speak at the TUMCS Recognition Ceremonies. I told Dan I was gonna think about it over the weekend but really, I wanna do this. Heeee. Now the order of the day is -- to think up things to shake up to-cool-for-school 16-year olds. I'd love to be able to tell them things I wished my 16-year old self knew back then. This should be awesome :)

Thank You, Sweet!

Thank you Sweet for being that person from 10 years ago, who always reminds me how it is to be happy and carefree and trusting. Thank you for being that someone who reminds me how it is to be 17 again :)

At Promenade after "Just Go With It"
aka the-DEYM-Hawaii's-so-friggin-pretty movie :)

(um, ew sa double chin - kaso eto lang picture namin eh. Hahaha)

You have no idea how much that Wednesday date did for me! I am not kidding, I literally felt the heaviness from my shoulder go away :) Thank you for listening and being that other "only child" who gets it gets it. You don't know how much it means to me, thank you.

Thank you for bringing back that giddy feeling inside only old friends are able to give you. Cheers to many more stupid stories and grown up issues and everyday things. Cheer's to milestones and to achievements and to heartaches and heartbreaks we will weather, hopefully together.  Here's to many many many more years of friendship. You know I love you :)

I Think I Need A Good Cry

There,  I said it.

This serves as a fair warning to my friends. I can totally see it coming I just don't know exactly when. At this point, I would like to solicit all the love you can find in your heart to spare me. If I break down in front of you, please have the heart to sit it out with me.

I'd go all details on whatever shit this is if I could, but you know how sometimes, you're too hurt to even make sense of it. Sometimes, it just hurts, and that's all you know.

Also, I've never been the talk-y kind with my issues. So if I am entitled to any love from the goodness of your heart/merit of our friendship, I'd appreciate if you don't force me to vomit out stories. It's not that I don't want to tell you. It's just that, sometimes I really have nothing to say.

Let it be said though, that I'd never say no to a hug.

My First 10K @ Condura 2011 :)

(Hallo, today is the 15th of Feb already and my run has been a good 9 days ago. Only publishing today because of uh, the lazy writer's hand. Heee)

On Sunday, I ran, AND FINISHED, my first 10K! It's an incredible feeling and I am still amazed at the feat. Not to pat my back or anything, but more of because I am thankful I am able to do this now :)

What an awesome feeling to wear that
finisher's medal! Woop! :)

November 2010, plans for JR's Broacay Birthday floated. As soon as I booked tickets to Bora, I also registered for the Condura 10K. This was to get back into running, but also to force me to run to lose weight for Bora -- now that's another story. Haha.

The move to register for 10K was a bold one for me. I've never ran that long. I said pretty long shot, but what the heck. I knew I wouldn't graduate to longer distances if I don't push it. And Condura looked like  a good start. I started training in December break my feet in back into running, and well, to fight off the holiday weight gain, too.

I stuck to my gym schedule and tried to run thrice a week: Tuesdays on the treadmill after Pump, Thursdays alone in UP (which is such a wonderful experience altogether, I'll write about it in another entry), and Sunday mornings, sometimes alone, sometimes with the folks,  also in the UP acad oval. No PR-beating concerns yet for me, all I was training for was stamina to finish my 10K strong and injury-free.

Come race day, I was up at 3:30 A.M. and was walking the streets of Ayala by 4:15 P.M. I bumped into Mav and her friend Iola (hello, Iola!) and it was crazy how we were laughing so loud at 5 in the morning!

With Iola, Lace and mav, post-10K :)

We were batch F, which meant that we were the 6th batch to be released at the start line after the first gun start. Come 5:40 AM, we made our way through the 10K course. I started with an easy pace, a light jog I knew I can keep up for the next hour or so til I finish all of the 10 kilometers. My goal was to keep running all throughout the 10 kilometers and stop to walk only after the finish line.

I loved that moment when I started pounding the ground. I felt so strong and able, it was a beautiful moment :) It was dark when we started running and we were enveloped in a sea of people all bursting with energy, so very early in the morning. I ran the first kilometer with Mav and Iola. They wanted to walk a little after the kilometer 1 mark and told me to run ahead, so I did.

I went off to go up the Skyway alone. It was a really awesome feeling! I peaked right around kilometer 3 after the Skyway turnaround. I had this big (stupid) smile on my face and at that moment, I felt like nothing can bring me down.

Thanks to the Condura Skyway Marathon Facebook page for the photo :)

Right around the end of the Skyway pushing to Buendia, I said a short prayer of thanks for my able legs, for the ability to run, and for that beautiful, poignant moment. It took all of me not to cry. I cannot explain the kind of gratitude I felt in my heart at that time. I will always remember that moment to be one of the happiest moments of my life :)

The sun was rising as I approached Buendia. I knew I had enough energy to finish the race but right around this time, the strain of the past half hour is starting to creep up on me. But I was there for a reason, to run all of 10 kilometers, so I soldiered on. You will finish this race and you will finish strong, I told myself.

The Ayala crossing marked Kilometer 5 and I remembered my last run (Rock & Run - in the rain! Awesome, awesome time!) where I only ran 5K. I was so elated that I am now running double that distance that day so I LITERALLY pat myself on the back! Hahaha! I kinda felt stupid doing that, but a bigger part of me felt mighty proud!

A little past Kilometer 6, I had to give in to a bathroom break. I was debating whether I should or should not pee. But not stopping to pee would mean I probably wouldn't be able to finish my race from holding it in, so I had to go. I wanted to berate myself for not mastering my fluid intake and well, my teeny tiny bladder. And then like a friend playfully hitting you on the head, I realized, hey this is my FIRST 10K! Why act all 'competitive triathlete' when all you are now is a 'fun runner'? Hahaha! And that my friends is the story of how I went from "Damnit you freakin bladder, control yourself!" to "Eeh, first long run. Charge it to newbie runner experience" and then kept on running.

Just a few steps away from the finish line! Woop!
(My ONLY running photo. Just half of me, pero thanks Dad!)

Kilometer 7 was when the struggle began. We started to make our way through the Bel-Air flyover to cross EDSA on the way to BGC. It was a steep ascend (or maybe looked steeper cos I was already pretty tired) and it felt really long before we hit the top of the flyover. I switched between walking and running, hoping to get through the ascend a little faster through the momentum. And then the descend... finally BGC! Last 2 kilometers!

Right around a bend to the finish line, there was a drum and bugle band! I could hear the drums from half a kilometer away and I couldn't be happier! Then there was this poster that read, "crossing that finish line will change your life forever."I don't mean to be overly cheesy, but running does have it's way of doing exactly that :)

Again, credit to The Condura Skyway Marathon Facebook page
for this very beautiful photo :)

As I made the turn to the street leading to the finish line... goosebumps. I was very very close to finishing my first 10K! I could see the finish line now! And even though I was tired, I felt like there was more bounce to my step now, that it ever had the past 9 or so kilometers. I can feel my very own orchestra playing in my head as I approached the finish line. The close the finish line gets, the stronger I feel I get. It was as if I hadn't been running the past hour. 50 meters.. 30 meters... 10 meters... 3 meters... FINISH LINE. THE FEELING WAS GLORIOUS.

I went straight to the claim booth, got my water with my loot bag and medal! I hurriedly unpacked the plastic, untangled the medal and proudly wore it over my chest! It probably was a little tacky to wear the 10K medal around the 21K and full mary finishers, but I just couldn't care any less :)

It may have taken me close to an hour to look for them (Oh yeah, I didn't bring with me any cell. And when I called using Lace's phone, surprise! My dad didn't bring his phone, too!), it doesn't make my gratitude feel any less. Thank you Mum and Dad! Thank you for waking up at 3 in the morning on a beautiful Sunday morning, driving me to Fort and waiting for me to finish running all of 10 kilometers!

And as a bonus, phot op with Rovilson. Heee, I just had to put this up. Meet my new "running friend" Hahaha!

Check out how AWKWARD I was! Now I understand when Marsall says,
"What do I do with my hands? What do I do with my hands before?"

My takeaway from this race? I want to run 21K in CamSur on September this year! Dream big, yeah? :)

Sometimes You Wish It Were As Simple As - Leave If You're Miserable

But yeah, being an adult means it's more fucking complicated than that.

Note to Self

To those who have given up on love: I say, “Trust life a little bit.

Maya Angelou (via xstereolovex)

(Source: quote-book)

Gabe X Ramiele

This is the kinda love you hold out for :)

I read this tweet on my newsfeed and I was reduced to pieces. I seriously had to take a moment to gather myself. I was floored at the announcement, awed at the genuine love and left pining. Heee. It's always been this kind that I've been looking for. Ah, beautiful :)

I love how Ramiele and Gabe are beautiful together. There's this awesome quiet and steady about them you can tell they're doing something right. The hope is that they know how lucky they are to have found this beautiful thing :)

And for those still looking, let us all practice (prayerful) patience, keep our fingers crossed and know with quiet assurance that we are holding out for something beautiful :)

You Live A Charmed Life

My GodWhispers today read:

Dear Katrina,
Just dropped in to tell you that you live a charmed life.
Wink,
God


P.S. I know. Sometimes, you forget, Katrina. So I'm reminding you. Just do what's right and relax. Everything will fall in place.

***
To the very kind Mr Bo Sanchez, you have no idea how helpful these little trinkets of love are. Some days you just need someone to tell you. Thank you, thank you for your kindness.

Be patient

Photo credit: PostSecret

Bora Preview

THE LIFE -- A book and a drink by the beach and friends' laughter in the background. I can live like this :)

Photo credit: Claire Ericta