I'm equally embarrassed and giddy. Now that I just wrote that, I think I'm a little more embarrassed than giddy. I've been giving my mind a little more leeway lately to wander off into an unknown future ehem.. a "shared" future.
I live in the predominantly Catholic (attempting to be modern but surprisingly still very sexist and double standard) Philippine society where it's kind of given that women have to marry. I'm 25 and I think whether I like it or not, there is a proverbial countdown timer plastered on my forehead -- counting down til the day I find a suitable mate to marry. That, or my egg cells are counting down haha.
So here's a naked admission. I've been spending a lot of time and brain space lately wondering how my "suitable mate" looks, feels, and sounds like. It must be because it's a long time coming. Or maybe also because half of me is wondering (more like wishing and hoping haha) whether this "suitable mate" might be in the person of this very interesting boy that is now in the horizon.
Hold your horses, no intention has been expressed. No clues have been given. Only my wandering eyes and overly imaginative mind giving life to this not-yet story. Real life hasn't measured up to "my" stories in my head yet but the giddy and the fun of the guesswork (regardless of the real life answer) has made this not-story something I keep coming back to.
Indulge me this one time (okay, this won't be the only time haha) about how I hope this "shared future" looks like.
There is a lot of talking. We're so fond of each other. Fascinated.We talk about the bottoms of our ice cream cones, my perfect parallel parking, how the tie went perfectly with the striped shirt. We talk about small things, about mundane things and talk about them in a way like they are important. I'm always interested with what he has to say, he's the same.
There is a lot of laughing. Because we are funny together. And we are fun together. Because the world is always more beautiful with a little more laughter.
We rock lazy Sunday. We like it laid back and we do laid back like a boss. No rush, no hurry to catch our movie. Snuggled in the cold comfort of the plush movie house seats. Steady night cap over coffee and some thoughts on our movie. Quiet drive home.
We are fun company to our friends. We are accommodating when we are in a group and never make anyone feel awkward with unnecessary and outrageous displays of physical affection. We are still two different people not one giant hug-gy blob.
We are dreamers. We lie under the stars and talk about the future. We get to laugh at each other's secret dreams as we celebrate the absurdity of some of our dreams. But we keep dreaming anyway. We talk in vivid colour and we dream in detail. And we're grateful for the gift of another person who understands dreaming dreams and dreaming together.
We are voracious learners. We are obsessed with getting better. We grow together.
We are good together. I am my best when I'm with him and I pray that he
is, too. Our friends say we are good together and genuinely wish we end
up together for a really long time. We radiate a quiet steady,
happiness.
There is magic. Something inexplicably beautiful.
