Let's Call You Benetton

So there's this boy. He goes the gym. He has no friends so he hangs out with his personal trainer. That's this boy in a nutshell. And ooh, he does handstands beautifully!

Why do we care about this boy again? Well for starters he's cute. And then he's super likeable -- at least from afar :P AND AND he holds these staring contests with me.

So this boy, let's call him Benetton. A month into the staring contests and I still don't know his name. I tried asking around but to no avail. Popular gym kid, fail :P We call him Benetton because of the colorful jerseys he wears to the gym in um, Benetton colors. Think yellow and red and green and orange and sometimes two at the same time. Actually before Benetton, it was Brazil. But Benetton rolls of the tongue better :)

It all started one lazy Sunday afternoon, I was walking by the lounge after yoga class. I was scoping for friends, deciding whether to get water or orange soda or coffee and shaking off the yoga pagod all at the same time. And then there was this boy who stared. It was flattering, the stare, cos he was cute. A few Sundays after, still the same staring spree. Then Sundays turned to Mondays, then Wednesdays, and then Fridays. He finally registered into my consciousness as the cute guy who stares. And then he became the guy I look for when I hit the gym.

It's been fun. It's the kind of fun that comes with cute butterflies fluttering about in your tummy and blushing and school girl giddiness. I never get used to staring, I get giddy every single time. The fun-nest part is when you feel that someone is looking at you, you turn around and you see the one you like staring back at you. And for me, that's you Benetton :) Hahaha. I also think his uncanny resemblace to Gabe Bondoc gets me extra giddy. The real deal Gabe's all the way in Cali, but hey fret not, my very own local "Gabe" is here -- no guitar in hand but hey, he does headstands :P

I love it that he looks all nice and clean and mabango. Most of all he 'looks' smart. In the month or so of the staring contests I my have attributed so many things to create this swoon boy. In my head he's some UP Engineering dude who sings in his spare time, has weird interests like maybe collecting original albums of cool indie bands, and makes really interesting conversations. Yeah, there's a mascot in my head and it's name is Benetton.

Enter clincher. I had a nagging suspicion he might be gay. And ooh, one team mate ever so casually confirmed that he IS. Heart break.

Oh, Adulthood

It's always nice to know you're not alone in the confusion (via @timirose)

***

THE QUARTER LIFE CRISIS
It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are many things about yourself that you didn’t know and may not like.You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now. You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren’t exactly the greatest people you ever met; the people you have lost touch with some of the most important ones. You also start to realize that it is truly amazing when two strangers become the best of friends, but it is truly devastating when the best of friends become two strangers. What you don’t recognize is that they are realizing that too, and aren’t really cold, catty, mean, or insecure, but that they are as confused as you.


You look at your job and it is not even close to what you thought you would be doing. Or maybe you are looking for a job and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and that scares you. Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and are constantly adding things to your list of what is acceptable and what isn’t. One minute you are insecure and the next, secure.

You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away, and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward.

You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved so much could do such damage to you. Or you lie in bed and wonder why you can’t meet anyone decent enough that you want to get to know better. Or maybe you love someone but love someone else too and cannot figure out why you are doing this because you know that you aren’t a bad person. One night stands and random hookups start to look cheap. Getting wasted and acting like an idiot doesn’t seem as fun. You go through the same emotions and questions over and over, and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision. You worry about loans, money, the future, and making a life for yourself and maybe for someone else…and while winning the race would be great, right now you’d just like to be a contender. What you may not realize is that everyone reading this relates to it in some way or another. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure the whole thing out. “Life is not measured by the amount of breaths we take but by the amount of moments that take our breath away.”

—Unknown Author

If you’re going through this, know that you’re not the only one. <3>

***

I am amazed at how it turned my confusion into a poetic struggle :P But yeah, there's so much comfort in not being the ONLY one at it. Here's to the confusion and the hope that we shall all come out of this, look back, and able to say "it's all good."

I Should Totally Get Tumblr

I don't have Tumblr. YET. I know I said soon, but the queen of excellent time management couldn't find it in her to sit down and finally get signing up done. I tried a few days ago, but then came the screen name part. And I, naturally um, hesitated.

But even without a Tumblr, I still go on trawling other Tumblrs. One of my favorite ones is Timirose's. She has all these interesting random things, thoughts on the mundane, and love, and life and they are all entertaining in the right kind of way. Lemme share one of her posts that really struck a chord in me -- right amount of honesty and candor and reason. Iloveit. I am reposting it here but if you like, you may see original post here.

***

WAIT.
Wait for the person who pursues you, the one who will make an ordinary moment seem magical, the kind of person who brings out the best in you and makes you want to be a better person.

Wait for the person who will be your best friend, the only person who will drop everything to be with you at any time no matter what the circumstances, for the person who makes you smile like no one else and when they smile you know they need you.

Wait for the person who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats and a t-shirt, but appreciates it when you get dressed up for them.

And most of all, wait for the person who will put you up at the center of their universe, because that’s where you belong.

Trust me, the wait is worth it.

***

Nice. I should totally get Tumblr. So I can follow her. So I can just reblog easier :P

Screw flowers, write meee songs :)

I don't want to paste song lyrics until I have written a swoony fan girl post about Gabe Bondoc, complete with a photo montage and accompanying videos. But I can't help it. I can't wait for that post. So yeah, this is me preempting myself with the Gabe Bondoc swoony fan girl post, and going right ahead with lyrics of his song.

Enter Gabe Bondoc, the YouTube star. This boy is my favorite boy today :) He is the boy in my head personified. He's scruffy in the right funky way. He has a funny/cool looking 5 o'clock stubble that will prolly sweep me off my feet even he didn't write any songs :P I will save my swoon-y thoughts to go along with the photo montage. Haha.

One of the best ways to make me weak in the knees is good writing. Well-written love letters blow me away. The power of words over me is just inexplainable. Even with songs -- most especially with songs. Gabe's songs are all well-written, well- thought of, and heartfelt, listening to them makes you feel all warm and squishy inside. Mighty fine song writer and all-around good guy -- his songs just give him away.

Here's a snippet of Gabe's song "Whether or Not." This boy has an amazing way with words.

Whether or Not
Gabe Bondoc

In a complicated world
You bring simplicity
Cause when everybody's talking
You're just listening

I've dreamed a thousand dreams
And still nothing compares
To the feeling that you give me
While you're standing here
I don't care if it's fair

And I'll wait til forever is through
Whether or not you love me
I'll be loving you
I'll wait til forever is through
Whether or not you love me
I'll be loving you
I'll be loving you

***

I'd totally marry this boy :P

Epiphany huh?

Photocredit: PostSecret

I wish it comes soon. Or, do I ask if it is ever coming? I can see a quarter life and work woes post. The only sure thing for now is that I know for a fact I shall open a Tumblr in a few :P

Happy Anniversary!

Okay, so I am 17 days late.

You might be wondering who the greetings are for. Tadah! for um, me :P Belated greetings supposedly for October 1st. Three weeks ago marked my year one milestone in the gym :) Yay! Okay okay, so maybe results-wise I am not exactly your poster kid for a buff gym-going person. But this means more to me than just losing weight. (Ooh, but now I have a defined jaw line to brag about. Hahaha). Most of my reasons I'll save for my personal journal, some of them a little too emotionally naked to post on this one. Lemme say that again, happy anniversary!

What better way to celebrate than with a nice gift -- a really nice gift. I wish a could say new Nike trainers, unfortunately not :P But as far as me, this is bigger, better! I mark my first year with my qualifying to the Eastwood Tribe for the Muay Thai Wars for 209! Double yay!

Training number 1 was yesterday, and I'd have to say I feel good about this. Will be seeing more of the "tribesmen" in the next month. FInals on the 21st November. I'm totally psyched!

Moving Out of my "Un-happy" Place

It's been a tough run for the past few weeks for me. I wasn't on top of my game, mostly because my head's spinning from the number of things I have to attend to. I'm overwhelmed, and being the organization freak that I am, I can't start working until everything is in place. In a lab experiment, yes that's the ideal. But in the work place, never happens. I am still trying to wrap my head around this interesting fact of the working life in the hopes of trying to afloat. And hopefully, to eventually be the boss of the tasks and not a whining slave to it. No, I take back my "eventually". I need it soon.

Suffice it to say, it's been pretty gruelling for me to be in this place. You want to do things, but you can't quite pin down how to do it most effeciently and of course effectively. I've been a mess at work, some days I feel like my brain's just mush. I would say even today still. Getting by, getting by.

My salvation apparently was just a little clearing of the head.

What I tout to be, my cleansing experience

Thank heavens I had to be rolling around Laguna yesterday. I needed this. Like I said to my Mum, this was a cleansing experience. I was dead tired from all the driving. Put together all the kilometers I covered yesterday can bring to Baguio. Seriously. But it's all good.

I won't trade that clarity, even if it may be short lived, even if it comes with soreness. There's something about driving away, on your own, that clears you up inside. Even if it's for work. It's as if somebody was blowing away all the bad vibes, all the pent up anger. It was good to be away outside for a full day.

As if that wasn't good enough, I um, found the location where YCML shot the last scene! Forgive the pop culture fiend in me, but this really made my day :P

Happy to say that I may be slowly moving out of my dark cloud :)

Wouldn't it be cool?

Without any intention of being sacrilegious nor blasphemous...

I really seriously wish my God would be someone I can sit with, tell stuff to, no judgment, no pretentions. I earnestly wish with all my heart we can do this sometime, God. Genuine no judgment must be awesome.

Photocredit: PostSecret

This Weekend: I Like :)

This week was a pretty stressful week. In terms of tasks and brain activity, this week would be on top of the imaginary ranking of work weeks. It doesn't exactly help that there was no gratification of any sort gotten from this week's client calls. I just wasn't working it. So since very early this week, my head was already in the weekends. I just wanted to sleep it all off, snuggle in bed, maybe watch FRIENDS, and try to shut off work for a while.

But hey, somehow things managed to put themselves together and I have all these things to go to :) Gad, I just wanted to see other people and talk about myself (heehee) and share a good laugh. So, yay for PV making it a hobby to fly to Manila on regular basis.

Dinner at Pasto, Fort

Friday with PV and Friends

This dinner almost didn't push through. PV was um, out of reach. P was waiting by 6750 for for Rach to hitch to Fort. Rach was apparently waiting for PV, makiki-hitch din daw sya to Fort. Which brings us back to PV, who was nowhere to be found. And me? I was sitting by the car inside Eastwood parking, eating leftover cookies, waiting for someone to go to Fort so I don't have to wait alone -- which defeats my purpose cos well, I am sitting by the parking lot waiting by myself. PV almost cancelled cos he was already super sleepy, P almost headed to Timog to meet other friends, Rach I think almost fell asleep sa house, and I almost headed home. So long story short, PV resurfaced back to the telecom world, I left Eastwood, and everyone started moving. We all got to Fort at 11-ish, by which time we were all sleepy.

Thank God we were all attention hogs. By the time we were all seated, everyone wanted all the airtime to themselves! It got all chaotic in the table and well, all the drowsiness went away. At least for a while. Sorry to the other patrons who found us too rowdy and/or noisy :P We had a little too much life and/or work life and/or career issues to keep it all calm and cool and collected. Sorreee.


Saturday+work

Then Saturday. Ran errands because I'm gunning for employee of the year :P Went to meet Carlo to get the cookies which were unbelievably good! Not a fan of crispy cookies, now Imma convert. He gave us thin and crispy cookies that were chewy. Sarappp! then headed home after. Ate a quick lunch and tried to sleep of a headache. Went to bed at 3PM. Dude, woke up at 6AM the next day! That's what I call restful slumber :)


UAAP Cheerdance Sunday!

Then Sunday. Woke up to a text from Mahal quoting me an insane price for patron tickets for the UAAP cheerdance compet. Some texts, some calls, and then I am taking a bath rushing to go to Mahal's. Good call :)

Warming up!

Front and center, baby!

Amazing crowd, as always :)

Thank you, for finding us tickets! You'da best :)

I said I was looking for a high. This may have been the adrenaline rush I was looking for, maybe. UP may have lost, but yeah I guess it's still all good. It's just that times like non-victory err, loss make you think. UP Pep may have lost but you still get envious of that something that they have for what they do. They cried over winning third place only because they found something they'd give their all to. Hay. Maybe I should write a separate entry for this.

But yeah, the almost-foiled dinner and the UP third place thingum notwithstanding, this weekend was outstanding :)

So 09-09-09 huh?

There's something about this day that was supposed to be lucky, the same way 08-08-08 last year was supposedly super lucky according to number enthusiasts. Not that I believe it or anything, but I just didn't expect too much hassle on this supposedly "lucky" day. Ahente tells her story.

So yesterday was errand Wednesday. Not entirely a smart idea to be shuttling from the South to the North in the same day, but yeah um, just did. Crazy route schedule follows. Step 1, take SLEX, then service road to Taguig. All this while afternoon classes for grade school and high school kids have been happily cancelled. Now that I think about it, I don't think it was exactly a smart idea to be running around the Metro while bagyong Maring was in raging fury. For the young and naive, it was just a "fun and really cold day" but I would think real grownups would call it um, un-smart *cough stupid. Step 2, go straight to the north via EDSA and visit the boundary of Maynila and QC. Ooh, step 1.5, exercise your heart by causing it to palpitate while watching your fuel gauge go blink blink while you traverse the seemingly endless C5 and fret about how you can gas up when there is no cash in your wallet and there is no way you're braving the ATM in rains pouring heavily like that. But yeah, kid finds ways, so woot woot :)

I should just say, no lunch break for hardworking kid! And this is where all the action begins. From QC, I go to Cainta, stopping by a nearby Mcdo to grab a caramel sundae, justifiably so because I didn't have lunch -- at least no sit down lunch, but I had medium fries, i just like playing up hunger :P So kid gets all excited diggin into the delicious caramel sundae, puts it down on the cup holder and goes on driving. One more look at the cup and ooh, there still are caramel smudges on the sides of the cup, prolly wouldn't hurt to scrape it all clean. Kid takes too long looking at the bottom of the cup, forgets driving for a wee bit and oh, itsa Lancer in front, and whaaat, I almost rear-ended it. Thank you dear Lord I missed it even just by a hairline. Odd thing was, what I worried about more that paying for the damaged front and back bumpers. I got really eep-ed out thinking about my answer for when my boss asks me why I hit the poor little Lancer's rear bumper -- Um, sorry boss I was scraping the last of my caramel sundae so I got distracted. Diba?

One's never enough, so let's get to the two other hassle stories of 09-09-09. Heaved sigh of relief for the non-occurence of the rear-ender, grateful the front bumper's all good. Oh wait, what I scraped the hub caps? Oh yes, I did. I was waiting for the security guards at this company to issue my ID pass, so I tried parking the car. Damn, cement stepsss. Now the front right caps come with tiger stripes and they're not pretty.

Third and last, my Shang parking trifle. Am not a Shang regular so I got a little confused with the elevated parking. Kid gets in, finds her way to slot, goes inside the mall buys things on her list, and then goes back to the car. Now the tricky part is getting out. I was looking around intently like an idiot trying to find my way out when I didn't notice that I drove past the ticket booth. The carpark guard had to flag me and tell me I forgot to pay. Oyeh, imagine my embarrassment. it would've been funny with friends, but when you're all alone, it's just um, stupid and un-funny.

That's the 09-09-09 story.