hello cosmos?

why is it that everytime i look crappy/wrong, all the men that i totally adoreD (see the past tense indicator? importante yun :P) show up to my face? all the friggin time. all the friggin time i go to Tropical Hut for our groceries, they all manage to show up. and since it's somehow a 'neighborhood' grocery store, i don't really attempt to get dolled up. wrong choice. very wrong.

am either in the wrong tops/clothes OR like earlier, in my super grunge house clothes. huway? well, not that it really matters. mej feling angsty teenager mode lang ako today :P

anyway recounting of my favorite boylets who see the me who got up on the wrong side of the bed: 1) my super kadooper hottie back when i was in fourth grade, si Kuya Joevert (note the big kuya -- he was really old.like i was ten and he was 20+) ang inaakalang salvation ng mga homos sa mga bible studies na ina-attend-an nya :P he's so warm, in the friendly way, and the boyish grin is a kadooper hands down. ooh, and he's really really nice. 2) my freshman high school reason for going to school, PI. hot. 'nuff said. and hello cosmos, wala man lang bawi. all the friggin time, mehn.

if you care to know what's up with me..

1) been eating bread all day. don't even ask me how many i've had for today. breakfast + lunch + snack. my insides full of flour -- and no, not the one with petals, the powdery kind. they're super good with peanut butter OR butter, Anchor sarap!

2) can't get past five pages with Finance. Translation = very bad. first friggin' exam's looming over me, on the 11th, which incidentally is the day after my cousin's (grand :P) wedding. if you still can't get the subtext, lemme get it to you -- i can't, in any way, cram the day before the exam cos i'll be busy sauntering with my green ball dress and nice earrings to think of my exam the next day. effectively, i should be studying now and stuffing myself full with aaaalll the formulas cos a week from now, i'd be too busy and excited with walking down the aisle -- for my cousin's wedding .

3) am happy with the gradual change in my wardrobe choices. been kinda into flowing 'woman' clothes as of late -- and loving it :) i love the empire cut and how it's super madaya. no pressure on trim tummies with the benefit of glam girl written all over. got one in white and one in black. *happeeeeeee :)

4) being bombarded with crazy thoughts -- and dreams. i can't tell though whether am liking or loathing it. rational thinking piping in: loathing it more like should be. for one, i have resolved on it being totally impossible -- brought to you by your friendly rational thinking again. and for another, it's super friggin' complicated and stressful -- i know in my heart am happy the way i am now (although am having bouts with mush and sentimentality a wee bit too much, they're pretty manageable still)

ooh, i just have to say i felt really quotable about that thing i wrote in the post before this. the one about growing up and rationality. lemme indulge: growing up means knowing rational doesn't always feel good. haha, vanity feels sooo gooood. it slides in the mouth, but then again when you think about it, requires soo much backbone. (feeling grey's anatomy level ang quotable-ness :P)

5) am kinda disappointed with Freakonomics. sbi nga sa marketing, customer satisfaction is about matching perceived value to perceived performance. v. premature comment considering i've only been through 50+ pages. i think i blew the entire thing too much cos it got every rave i could hear of. am hoping it will up itself in my performance-delivery scale. not as witty as i would like it to.

6) did my share for the local movie industry and caught the Juday+Ryan starrer last christmas day. benta! :) humor was crisp, realistic, close to home, and perfectly timed. add to that Ryan's ultimate hottie factor. mum counters, though saying Ryan looks very haggard with mile-deep eyebags. i wouldn't say i love it, but i more than like it -- naks parang relationship label:P i like Juday a lot, she's really good, such a natural. *hala, nag feeling movie critic nako -- alavet :P

7) am thinking of getting the MJ blige super collection and the Happy Feet soundtrack, strain on the budget nga lang. if made to choose, i'd pick mj over the penguins.

8) i've been trying to get people to go out with me -- date. NOT. movie with friends will never get into the crazy holiday schedule. whoever said you can have your cake, and eat it, too. who said you can gather enough people to go out when you have a really long happy vacation. well i think holidays for the family, and i just have to stop sms-ing anyone about ever going out before going back to school. wuh, Lord please give me friends with 1) plenty of time to spare 2) houses that are close to mine so i can bug them 3) plenty of money to say yes to anything i propose 4) willingness to be friends :(expectation is the mother of disappointements. NEVER expect anything. EVER.

9) i skipped dinner. for one, i feel really guilty about all those tasty bread slices i gobbled up for today. and and, i see the green gown all the friggin' time, hanging by the steel rod in my room. i need a waistline to speak of this january. haha.

so.

this is all too familiar treading ground. i tried to be really unaffected and uninvolved. but home still feels like home -- you try indifference but things come back to you and you still can't help but feel comfortable, just like an old shoe. many things have changed since, especially for me. but i guess some things just never will.

you know that inkling you have, when there's that nagging something at the back of your head, but you brush it off because your mind tells you it won't work? that was just how it was. i was fighting the terrible urge to feel right at home, but i know in my heart it will be there, however hard i try to mask it. it was hard, but i know all too well that that is what's good for me, for us.

i said it v. right, gago. my blatant reminder to myself that i have learned. i felt terribly uneasy but then i reminded myself that the big changes are made by uncomfortable little steps. am happy we did that.

after playing the tough unaffected person, am still such a sentimental mush at heart. i opted to not stay friends because i know myself so much better now. i know how vulnerable i am emotionally, and how i suck at limits. my famous statement was, it took me a year to get over, and i wouldn't want to get into the same hassle of moving on AGAIN. in time, i probably could get into a more personal relationship other than causal acquaintances, but until i learn and unlearn the important things, i have to do my best to shield myself from grounds i know i still cannot tread.

i miss the old times. but then again, growing up means knowing rational doesn't always feel good.

i miss you.

but at the rate things are going,

that's just about it.

speaking of christmas...

this year's counts as the most un-christmas-y as of date. i still can't pin down the general mood i had for this holiday season. i was out of tune, not in the zone. i felt really tired.

P.S. ooh, one happy thing. got my planner on christmas day :)

i miss the old blue car.

christmas wish list

am one sticker away :) woot!

we were at Mega earlier today and i got my second to the last sticker from there. i was second in line and barista sounded weirdly... weird -- in a cute way. when i was my turn, i froze. he wasn't cute cute, but he was hot in his own way :) his voice sounded.. haay :) this article is starting to sound every bit perv-ie. haha.

hot barista: what would you like?
me: gingerbread. frap :) * big grin -- hand payment and promo card.
ooh, he was staring in the eye. imagine my happiness. it wasn't exactly great though, cos he's way too short for me.

hot barista: ooh, you're almost done * while on to the sticker in my "sticker book"*
me: yeah, one more *and i totally fought the urge to wink at him*

and then i step off the coffee joint and i smile to myself :)

for today: painted my toes black, pedi courtesy of mum.

the things on my wishlist are coming off my list one by one :)

if only they can cover up for all the crap rotting inside me.

howell, i've settled it myself: neurons over that thing in the cardiac cavity.

haha, pseudo-intellectual crap.

pathetic

sucky. icky. sad.

i hate wanting -- especially when my fucking feelings are not reciprocated.

what the heck happened to getting over?

why the emo crap?

wuh. this is soo over.

my holiday so far

i've seen three days of my christmas vacation -- five if you count the two-day weekend i both spent out with my balikbayan cousins. and yes, much to my dismay, albeit not surprising, i haven't crossed out a single thing off my to-do list. if you count calling sponsor contacts for the @ march event, then that's one. but all the other more important things, like studying for my first Finance exam on January, or doing my 182 homework -- mehn, zero progress.

among the other non-priductive things i've done so far were: 1) tried the face mask that's been sitting in my dresser drawer for more than a year now, and boy was it good!:) it took out those teeny eyebrow hairs between my eyes i couldn;t get out with twezers. and ooh, my cheeks feel soft. it was a nice (cheapo) treat :) 2)tried (with unseccessful results) to bring high school people --well through jamie :P, to got to uste and watch fireworks display, and to generally see each other and hang out. and again, nothin new, people backed out last minute. and and again i was the only unhappy soul 3) uploaded fotos of the tiende jump 4) talked with Tet over y. well, thas about it.

among other things that ate up my time, the UP TFI quite stood out. BA being the only college that approved of the De Dios Committee Proposal the elistist banter was all over the place again. but reading various material about it proved the BA stand warranted. now that it's been approved, i say am happy things turned out that way. together with the proposal is of course a huge opportunity to "forward the welfare of masses" as the leftist always say. unfortunately, for the lack of better justification of their belief that the TFI is unwarranted and discriminatory, they have resorted to going way below what is socially acceptable. these barbarians, excuse the term but no other seems more apt, are wreaking havoc and letting the non-thinking ways of mob mentality rule.

here's a written statement of the Law Student Government about the chaos and anarchy these leftist rallyists led by no other than the egg-pelter, USC chair himself brought to Malcolm Hall.
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/MacroTP/message/200

there's another article by Boo Tiangco, a UP graduate, shich he featured in his column in the Philippine Star explaining why there's apressing need for the tuition hike and how it beter forwards the welfare of more students and UP aspirants.
http://www.philstar.com/philstar/show_content.asp?article=293037

happy thoughts :)

two of my most favorite things in the whole world are grocery shopping and driving at night. mum and dad made me tag along this evening and i loved every minute of it. even they both said they especially loved tonight's shopping and it felt v. laid back and relaxed. ooh, and riding cars at night, my endorphins are jumping for joy! :)

got home 10-ish and ate pizza that dad made. a wee bit short on the sausages, but good nonetheless. tonight's a happy evening. it felt weird though cos pinoy dream academy's already out. it's been such a staple in our evening time table. even my dad gets up from bed when pda's on. and now 10's not such an exciting time anymore. pda airs at ten and runs for an hour. then at 11, the house is all quiet. it's just weird cos we've been on it for the past four months. sometimes i realize it's all emo crap but i still end up watching. voyeur is so much fun.

springboarding from the emo show that pda is, i now move on to emo kwento. tet's back :) friday was when i first heard of him after his hiatus. we din't get to talk much though cos my cousins are here and he's off to work. he even called the other day, and our lucky stars are still not on us cos i was out for pampanga that sunday morning. and this afternoon, found him online. bitin, but better than nothing. am happy to hear from him again cos i seriously thought he was gone for good. howell.

anyway, just when i thought i'd say goodbye to mediocre dial up connection, the broadband thingum was a total joke. they had wires in the house sitting in the computer room for the past three days. my mum's been shouting her lungs out over at the smart call center all morning, barking angry customer demands at whoever the operator on is. poor thing -- thas the operator. a few more fits and a squabble with even my dad after, some mr. technician came over to the house early this evening. he tinkered with the computer and the wires and announced thirty minutes after that the antenna from which our connection is supposed to get signals from IS STILL NOT ACTIVATED. wow. so there, no internet connection. not in the very near (a week from now) future.

the grocery shopping and evening car ride more than compensate, though :)

not feeling v. christmas-sy

haven't been writing much as of late. for one, end of classes and i was weirdly busy -- with school work, just in case your thought bubbles reads random, mundane preoccupations. anyway, the bigger kwento was that my aussie cousins went to sleep over in the house. danica and ej are in the P.I. for two full months to spend their uni(thas college for us here) holidays. for once, it felt like there were three of us siblings in the family. it was fun, although it left me kinda wishing i had real ones, too.

day one was spent at Tiende. first stop was Starbucks (random sidebar: i got four free stickers.) went semi-shopping, looking for cheap gifts. dinner was at Eastwood at, as my mum cals it, ham n' eggs. angus was gooood, and had this huge waffle we all shared. we were even supposed to wait til around 9 to see Gary V. perform, but we were done with dinner by 7p. by 8p, we decided we're not such Gary V. fans and drove home. btw, i was asked to drive sleek Silver (parang getting-to-know-you with the car, cos i was supposed to drive for the saturday lakad) to Eastwood and from there to home. unfortunately, performance anxiety got the better of me, and it weirdly felt like it was my third or so time at the wheel. my engine got off more than three times and i had to deal with two backseat drivers. it took us about two hours to get home and by that time, my left leg was numb from the stepping on the freaking clutch.

day two, was the super shopping day. we left home at around 10 and went to auntie's first for her famed lugao. needless to say (but yes, i still will) i din't drive for the saturday trip -- thanks to my laudable performance the previous night. by 12, we were at greenhills and started to scour the two million stalls they have there. 12.30 my hips were sending me signals dysmenorrhea's about to sign in. and after twenimilyen steps we finally sat for a quick rest at 1p. my semi-bratty fit landed us to lunch -- my pick :) fifteen minutes later we were served pizza hut lunch. it was prolly that hot really good soup. maybe it melted whatever it was that was causing the frigging hip and tummy pain i was having. plus we had FIC, and two minutes later i totally forgot i even mentioned about having D. next stop was Megamall, and wow we were given a grand total of an hour to shop. i ask, what can two fickle girls get from an hour of walking? and the answer inside my head proved itself right. we were fetched at 4p, and they had zero shopping bags from mega.

day three they were off to Pampanga. we shufflled from home, to Pamapanga, and from there back. by 5p my mummeh was tired to the bone. i was kinda tired, but since am only nineteen, half a day's car ride should not tire me :P

fotos of the jump:

other random kwento:

1) day three sunday, after the Pamapanga trip we passed through Katipunan. we stopped over to grab something by Greenwich. off i went for coffee to get my third to the last sticker. i was happy because a) i got a sticker and b) my hair somehow realized that day that i owned it and that it din't have a right to have a mind of its own, and in one of those rare times -- i actually liked my hair that day. but the cosmos, of course having me as always a favorite favorite person just went kaboom on me. on my way out of the coffe joint, as i stepped off the gutter, my left foot failed me and before i knew it, i was on all fours. hoho, good thing i was not in a ponytail and my hair came in handy, cos all of it went into my face and covered my from the five or so people who saw me. my foot hurt like crazy but i totally ingnored its screams of pain and walked straight to National Bookstore and feigned ignorance of the whole thing.

2) my favorite glam langaw shades broke :( i don't exacly know what happened, but am thinking prolly from my incriminating fall at Katipunan ave.

3) last night i was up late watching random shows on the tube. backgrounder: i was excited to get home quick cos when we left, repairmen were at home installing lovely (fast) internet. but when i came home, nothing was working. i was supposed to write last night, but since fast internet connection was a total joke, i ended up watching tv instead. anyway, caught aga and sharon's movie fo the n X nth time. wala lang, aga's super hot. i flick to channel 2, and there is a showcase of the fat aga with his wife doing emcee work. he still has hot points, but the fat kid in him overwhelmed the fanatic in me, so off i went back to Cinema One. i prolly was super happy about seeing his hotness aga mulach, that i was flushed when i saw myself in the mirror in my room. it was a nice blush, and i ended up taking fotos inspired by vanity.

3) i was watching Game Knb this morning and they had Eric Fructuoso playing :) he's my super quintessential scruffy guy. you prolly guessed my next word, just please let me indulge -- hot. *hyperventilate. if i see men looking like him on a daily basis, then life would prolly be so much sunnier. haha.

4) old kwento: my mum got me the maryjanes i was eyeing. it's really really nice, and i know my mummeh was v. reluctant about getting it for me. generous matenal instincts got the better of her and now my smile is so much brighter.

5) make me smile wider: limkewire songs, white bayo watch, white round keds slip ons, evian atomizer mini, Devil wears Prada soundtrack, Happy Feet soundtrack, house mix compilation (a steal at P300!), freakonomics (yes v. passe i know),a nice huge leather bag. make me smile waaay beyond: white iPod foto/video, red moto RIZR(?) OR a thin slide nokia, a sleek lappy, a black A/T getz :)

psycho babble

i hate it when i have to tiptoe around certain people. yes i understand people have issues, because if there's anyone that understands issues and sensitive treading ground, i can say i know without battting an eyelash.what i don't don't understand is that why the crackling of broken eggshells under my toes always happen to get to the most sensitive of people -- even when i am extremely careful. don't anger the gods they say, i always do in the weirdest, most unintentional ways. and what i hate more is that i can't just dismiss these people as psychos, cos they hold a weird form a leverage against me.

i hate it that they act the way they do. and i hate it that they complicate things when we all very well know it can be easy. i don't get it why there are things we don't laugh at when we just can. i don't get it why eveything is blown out of proportion, when things are dealt with violently when they can be resolved in better ways. i don't see the point of freaking out all the time. i'd understand if after the hissy fit we're all laughing and friends again. i don't get it why hissy fits are becoming a regular thing.

i hate making money an issue. it's just plain icky. it's probably that weird thing about me being an escapist. in denial, blind, bonkers, call it whatever you want. there are many things i know are happening but i'd rather not talk about. recognize even. and i hate myself too, for that.

and You, in your power and control, why don't You at least show some support. i know its always your call, and i truly respect that. i am just saddened by the absence of a refuge when i need it most. even if i call on You, i don't find answers. i don't find comfort. and i hate it that i know it's my fault. i need you most now. please help me sort.

why is the empty house beginning to feel like

a permanent thing in my life?

take me away.

i sit by the window and hope in my heart that you hear.

i know you do.

freakeh

it freaks me out really.

i can feel somethings wrong cos you still do things to me even when you dont do a thing. shoulda been non-issues for v. long now -- operative word v. long.

i love/hate movie trailers

finally saw the tap-dancing penguins!:)))) weee!

before i get into my movie fan fix and/or issues, lemme get to *zero creative juices as of this moment* hmmm, forget creative crap -- i was just trying to get to the trailers.


Trailer #1: Mano Po 5(?) -- angel locsin and richard gutierrez. not very watchable, but part of long list of options -- list title: movies to squander christmas money on.


Trailer #2: rob-b-hood -- its a jackie chan movie which naturally is action/ martial arts and happily includes a v. cute little baby in the cast.


Trailer #3: Norbit -- an entirely eddie murphy movie about a nerd who got a BIG problem (in the form of a huge angsty wife with an attitude problem.) ooh, comedy ito.


Trailer #4: Museum at night (or something) -- ben stiller comedy. about a museum and how things get alive at night. pretty lame but heck, put it in the big screen and even story-less movies are deemed acceptable.

Trailer #5: Spiderman3 -- tobey and kirsten. yun lang.

Trailer #6: flushed away -- the leeches, the cute little mice. plus it's animation. that alone makes me wanna watch :)


andami palang trailers. i was in the car and i was thinking of the clips i saw. cos i was planning to write about them and say how i love and hate at the same time because they show it. its always fun to look forward to movies that you wanna see and think about the people you wanna see it with. but then again, think about how many times you have to cancel or not plan at all because of lack of (a) time (b) funds (c) friends.


talking about preempted movies many times over, i finally saw Happy Feet :) can you imagine, tap-dancing penguins with life and relationship issues. haha.


i kinda freak myself out when i realize happy movies (even the animated ones) make me sad. i don't know, makes me think about life and how things really happen sans the videocam. how movie characters, however impossible and hopeless their persons seem to be always find success in the end. real life's like not that.


*brushes turning-emo entry aside*
totally had fun. thank you to you two. you have no idea how fun FUN is. *brushes emo entry aside -- NOW* juicy juicy's are the best. haha.

sorreh can't help it, felt surreal when i realized yest was the last day am seeing you guys for the year. have fun kung nasaan man kayo -- guess which tagalog movie :P
*flang flang flang flang*

i dont get it how you manage to ruin the happy mood.

it's always been that way.

am crossing my fingers i get it.

it kinda gets tiring sometimes, though.

happy birthday mum! (greeting three days late)

to that one person who stood by me when everyone else left, hormonal imbalance, pms and all, i love you a lot mum :)


that one that made me see faith at its finest, the resilience of the human spirit, and makes me believe to this day the insitution of marriage. and yes, mother-daughter relaltionships are never perfect -- we also had our share of neuroses from each other's quirks. to this day my mummeh still does not understand why i can't wake up early,
and i still don't get it why there are things that are okay with me but are big issues to her. but yeah, it's all part of the happy bundle. i love you with all my heart mummeh. and thanks for promising you'll be a good mother-in-law. yes noted, no meddling. haha :P



i've been putting writing off since wednesday. for one, econ exam this morning (more later) and for another, marketing on monday. and yeah, as convention would have it, the week should (have been) be spent studying -- okay, and worrying.


let's recap:
monday -- coffee at katip then lunch at kfc. was supposed to be at the BA lib reading for finance. am waaaay way behind. but no, just one sms from them about eating at Tapa King and am done. no more finance. ended up late for class. and ended up with a recitaion assignment for thursday. ooh, Tapa King was close -- and never opening again, i think.

tuesday -- was supposed to read for econ during my 9-11a break. don't know what happened, and yeah, din't get to read. 1-4 classes were suspended. ended up i the econ lib with friendcess and kc at the discussion room. and yes, we discussed. and again, no econ progrees.

wednesday -- happy birthday mummeh! :) danica and ej came over for mum's birthday lunch. of course i shoulda been loaded for econ by this time, but then (please see preceeding paragraphs) and visitors ARE visitors even if they happen to be your cousins. come on, they flew 10++ hours and they get a cranky hostess for welcome. and besides, they were sorely missed ! :) spent the entire day at lola's, and made random kwento. can't wait for the 15th!:)

thursday -- came in sakto. prepped for my finance recitaion at the lib (thanks wahr, i felt smashing explaining my interpolation!) and again, (kunwari helpless na naman ako :P) ended up at starbucks after class with rach. ooh, juicy juicy! anyway, met ming there and got a free ride home :)

friday -- i was brought to school by mum and dad,and woot! came in 182 first!:) 9-11a break semi successful. read half of chapter three. econ class + charity review class and then aeisec OC meeting. went looking for everone. i sms wru? and i get -- eastwood :) they left me. din't feel very bad though, cos wala din akong pera :P so off i went to the econ lib, and hoho found jess there. hot juicy vain kwento! alavet. tried waiting for law, encouraged by the perfect attendance incentive, and as expected -- no prof.again, for some weird reason ended up in Bo's coffee, this new coffee joint in katipunan -- with baristas with bad english and diction. gave my professorial chair lecture to my two-man audience. ooh, and i was fetched by dad -- again:) went off to get mum, ended up home a little before 1a saturday.

today -- woke up at 7 and for some weird reason felt totally un-ADD. i was still for an hour reading continuously without looking up. off the house at 9. almost go lost in econ looking for the frigging room 114. took the macroecon exam and kaboom.

p.s. goodbye blue :)

patapon

pms, angsty-teenager mode, and whatever else you may want to add, take your pick. whatever the reason may be doesn't change the frigging irritating feeling. again let's do data mining -- bad fit, wrong fit, very very wrong fit, and it-kinda-feels-right-but-it-turned-out-so-wrong fit. i never fit in. i either end up with the very wrong *bleep, or i end up the very wrong *bleep.

i am in a frigging bad mood, stating the obvious. i just have to -- in case it still is not apparent. and to add insult to the injury, i had a super in your face bitter argument loss. i had to shut up and eat my words. the worst thing on earth. screw that feeling. eartheatmenowpleasenow.


my only consolation is that econ is making sense. yun lang. i can't even make myself feel any better by loading on inspirationals (whatever you call those thingums), good essays about life and the niceties, emo music is not working. say jaded and every possible power on earth seems to me like working together to prove that right.

plus that one is trying to prove something. i don't know if am just paranoid, but things are kind of working together neatly, very much like it was an orchestrated something. think -- person 1 is online and the status is announced by this annoyingly happy smiley. i log in and sudenly the fat yellow smiley is gone and out pops a new, very meaningful foto. wow, how circumstancial. the gall to think that!

am v. tired.

sana i can go away.

somewhere far.

someplace where i don't have to explain myself.

no part timing

church today was an astounding wake up call. pastor's first line after the prayer was like a bullet that shot right through me. the moment we all opened our eyes, he fired the question, "how are our prayer lives?' inside me, the unwitting answer was, 'what the heck, what prayer life?'


EXACTLY. i have not been praying for as long as i can remember. which only means, something is VERY wrong.


we just finished studying the the last installment of the Calvinist fundamental belief in TULIP, and wrapped things up. things couldn't have been said any better when pastor said, with all the grace that's been shown us, what is the least that we can do?

answer: share.
answer: gratittude.
answer: if you're the real thing, it should show.
answer: be an active doer, and not a pasive non-doer.

mehn, this is hard.
*voice inside my head: nobody said it was easy.

it's such a struggle to get by without the certainty of control. screw the future and the uncertainty that comes with the territory. screw rational thinking and the way it's driving me nuts.

i guess i should have subscribed to this sovererignty immediately after the lipservice i gave it. paranoia is tiring. rational thinking is so, um rationsal?, especially that it flies everywhere you use it, and very convenient. i mean nobody condemns anyone for thinking rationally.

and yes, i can go on with mile long lists about why it is unbelievably hard, but nothing justifies part timing. no such thing. it's hot OR cold. no such thing as tap. it's black OR white. no grays. must make up mind.

the choice of course is yes to the hard life + grace:)
*voice inside head butts in again: nobody said it was easy.

no penguins

this is embarrassing -- din't get to see Happy Feet yesterday :( went to galleria and texted markie and rach on my way. i was bragging about finally getting to see the penguins. i was so psyched about going, i din't really mind waiting. was upposed to see it with ming and kate after their recording. we were supposed to see the 7.30 showing but i was there 4-ish. for one i was getting my mum a birthday gift, and for another i brought my marketing book in the hopes of getting into it during coffee.

went on with my birthday gift hunting and ended up with a Side A collection for my mum and a Luther video for my dad, pasalubong cos he was kind enough to send me off with movie money :) after the gift hunt, i was off for my coffee fix. then, after what seemed like three years, i finally landed a couch seat and started reading (and eating my pringles baon, haha). that was when i got a call from Ata telling me to get to Shakey's to meet Kuya Rodge and get to their spot. so i did.

got to the 7/11 building and watched them do their recording. to lessen the agony of the preempted penguin go-see, to cut the story short (what could be more cliche than that?) they ended at 10p. the last full show starts at ten, and we actually can still go, but we din't anymore.

i was really sad cos i badly wanna see the penguins and din't get to. pero looking back, keri narin cos recording was kinda fun. now am excited for the january wedding :) i was happy to see that Ata found a match in her Kuya Rodge. they look adorabe together :) and for another, it was prolly about time i spend some QT with the family, the one that's outside my nuclear bunch. so yeah, i guess am okay, happy even, kahit na i din't get to see the cute penguins.

ooh, there's also a story about my birthday gift and how the surpirse was preempted AND how i ended up bawling about it :P but nah, entry too long.

i hate it that i hold on to people.

i hate it that i still care.

screw feelings.

shiyet, screw pride.