school so far

• since i got myself very involved (i.e., seriously going through readings, pondering ideas) in the social sciences (i.e., last summer for socio10), BA doesnt seem to make sense anymore to me. i need my BA groove back. sems starting, in a few days we will swamped with an overwhelming school load, hence i have very little time to go and ponder BA making sense. gimme back my BA magic :(
• i dont know what happens and why it happens -- but i get seriously pissed whenever my dad tells me to "budget my time" and "fix my study habits". i know he means well, but i feel looked down at. it gives me the feeling that i have no control over the use of my time and that i need constant reminders to get right on track. its an issue i have yet to settle. hrmmm.
• i was freaking scared about meeting my OpMan groupmates. i transferred classes and missedfirst day in my new class. at the GVT room, i was handed 3 index cards and made to choose the group i wanted to join. the first two each gave me reason to not go there. the third pink card was a group of names that dont ring a bell, at all -- not even a teeny ring. it was a leap of faith (or the lak of choice:P) that made me sign the card. i was in -- i memorized one name, Fatima Zuniga, and prepped myself for looking for her and meeting the group. Friday came and i was in a frenzied, anxiety attack (nope, i just wanted to type that that :P).i came in, looked for Fatima, introduced myself, and they took me in -- just like that :) my happiness was ineffable :D yey! five more introductions later, am officially part of that group *pats myself -- good choice. good choice :)*
• i felt like a total doofus in EL50 class. totally helpless doofus. we were told to find groups, bring colored markers, and that there was a "floor" activity next meeting. who would have thought we would be asked to draw the Western Europe map? i will not even be able to find Greece within five seconds in a world map -- wt*, much less draw. everyone in my group was like Germany's right here, then Italy's shaped like this, and SPain's big, and where's Portugal again? gaaaaaahd. i am soo going to go through my map. seriously. i will know where Lituania is and where United Kingdom is. i will. and i can tell my next group where the freaking border is dividing Africa and Europe -- if in case we will drawing again, anytime soon. anyhoo, my group's map kind of went through a continental drift and we kind of zapped countries off the Europe map, so i wasnt that thaaaat bad. competing in tanga-ness is never a consolation though. ugh, pathetic.
• i have a problem. a biiiig problem. i just figured SEA 30 doesnt count as an MST. now am in deep shit. i have EL50 for AH sana, and then SEA30 for MST. now that i have 2 AH subjects and no MST, i'd have to go 21 freaking units next sem, to make room for the MST i missed -- on the freaking sem that i am 129-ing. fate is a big bxatch. carelessness an even bigger bxatch. gah, what am i to do. pft. that was how my plans went.
• i dont write when am emotionally unstable -- like when am angry, feeling pathetic, PMS-ing, grieving, or anything that disturbs my emotional stability/balance (assuming i actually have that). i just figured taht out last night.
• i have stopped crushing on *ermmmm..*. ambilis nga nag-fade ng novelty, sad. i probably should have taken easy on the stalking. haha :P i need a new one. anyone? :) nyahaha..
• the magic is gone. seriously this time, at hindi lang emote na para kunwari may emo shxt ako. i dont think the conversations i make can still make this one happy-er/better. we have probably sucessfully eased out each other from our systems. and no one is to blame, really. it was nobody's fault, and nobody's really wanted this -- ermmm, at least for me. but yeah, i am sad -- at least that's what i am supposed to feel from the logic of friendship -- but life goes on. ganun talaga eh.