subtitled: on death, the Pinoy wake culture, the tenacity of my Mother (the unbelievably strong woman) and some annoying old relatives on the side
the sem ender and the death of my lola was a killer (no puns intended). very bad combination. i just had to let that out.
i think this thing would be a series of random, incohesive thoughts about the dazy week last week has been.
i think death will always catch us by surprise, however prepared we think we are. the kind of preparedness that comes from death bed woes. even if we know that death is impending, it still surprises. maybe because it never is a welcome thing. maybe because even with its inevitability, at some remote recess of our mind, there is that glimmer of hope that it is possible to evade it.
when real life hits you, it hits you hard. when it happens very close to home, it's simply difficult to comprehend. a week into my Lola's death and still hasn't occurred to me that she is really gone. it just feels like another long interval between visits. that we got too busy and we put off going to her house. that come next weekend, we pop into her house and we see her again. to me it doesn't feel like a long term thing. i still don't get it, the thought of death is very foreign to me. maybe next week, maybe next month, in the future i will understand.
the tenacity of Mother is one for the books. there are days when we couldn't make sense of her high-strung self, we remind our selves that death is difficult, and then we go back to awe. she is just amazing.
i think i shall not talk about the annoying relatives. it's tiring, so let's not get into that.
the turnout of visitors in my Lola's wake was just amazing. there were so many people who came to share the grief. the family is grateful.
and you two, thank you very much for sharing awkward moment # 560. i am deeply touched :) the Mother wishes to thank you two and wants me to let you know that she is also very deeply touched by the gesture.
i guess that's it. goodbye Lola.
Monday, October 22, 2007
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
meanwhile
i am stalling sleep on a monday night buying time in front of the pc. i should really be doing 198 now, tomorrow's deadline is looming. but i cant. am writing/stalling, instead of sleeping or attempting to be productive. my next tick box reads -- watch Greys. and i have every plan of checking my box.
twelve hours of today was spent inside Room 301 for 177 for the final presentations -- some of it for reporting but for the most, part for palpitating. waiting for your turn sucks -- especially if you cant help the hyperventiations everytime you think it's your group up next. yesterday's was draw lots, so your chances of getting picked are just about as good as the others. and well, the more mundane woes like not looking smashing. it was crazy. and tiring. more on that when i feel like writingwriting.
anyhoo, today is... *drumroll*
PMS, crabby days, smashing/smashed reports, baaad groupmates, secrets, life issues, catfights, bad internet & ym windows that hang, shoes we drool for and never get to buy and so much life shit than we care to deal with -- thanks for sharing :) the you-rach-and-meee trio is till my favorite :)
here's to more sleepovers, great reports and an unbelievably smashing resume *cough* chinese boys for you and scruffy boys for meee *cough*! haha. ooh, and more gossip girl! i wish you a grand time :D
xoxo, with love from me to you :) haha.
***
bye, Lola.
twelve hours of today was spent inside Room 301 for 177 for the final presentations -- some of it for reporting but for the most, part for palpitating. waiting for your turn sucks -- especially if you cant help the hyperventiations everytime you think it's your group up next. yesterday's was draw lots, so your chances of getting picked are just about as good as the others. and well, the more mundane woes like not looking smashing. it was crazy. and tiring. more on that when i feel like writingwriting.
anyhoo, today is... *drumroll*
HAPPY BIRTHDAY FRIENDCESS! :)
PMS, crabby days, smashing/smashed reports, baaad groupmates, secrets, life issues, catfights, bad internet & ym windows that hang, shoes we drool for and never get to buy and so much life shit than we care to deal with -- thanks for sharing :) the you-rach-and-meee trio is till my favorite :)
here's to more sleepovers, great reports and an unbelievably smashing resume *cough* chinese boys for you and scruffy boys for meee *cough*! haha. ooh, and more gossip girl! i wish you a grand time :D
xoxo, with love from me to you :) haha.
***
bye, Lola.
Friday, October 12, 2007
almost there but not quite
sembreeaak. so close you can ALMOST touch it, the deadlines are just getting in the way.
i feel really weak. maybe its the cramps, first day today. maybe its the lack of sleep, all cumulative puyat for the entire sem. and gad, you should see the baaaad breakout on my face. freaky. i feel even weaker thinking about the reqs keeping me from MY sembreak. and it doesn't help that my productivity levels are running way lower than my usual. the feeling kills me.
so today i slept in two bedrooms. not really slept, more like stayed in beds not my own. haha, no am no promiscuous person. ew. we (Rach, Diane and Friendcess who reluctantly spent 160php for cab fare -- and i say i really feel for youuuu *cough* broke hits sembreak *cough*) were at Daren's this morning for our 198 film analysis. at home is an understatement, haha. and you wouldn't believe what we watched -- War of the Worlds. okay i get it, not exactly arsty farsty-sounding nor indie enough to qualify for film analysis, just you wait for our paper and you'll see we will make smashing sense of this commercial crap. did anyone say cultural analysis on white supremacy? oyeh, were hot like that :) and before i forget, thanks Daren for picking us up and then bringing us back again -- you're the best ride, although sometimes i have to close my eyes when youre driving :P erm, well you don't have to know that :) i wont take it against you -- the house, the room, the fine line between privacy and invasion of it, the kick ass gadgets that left us drooling, and well maybe the bag of chips, we're all gooood :) thanks thanks.
we headed to Rach's after. the next bed i harassed, haha. i had bad cramps. baaaaad cramps. thanks for the semi sleep in and the paracetamol. we tried discussing the film, but let's just say... um, we weren't really successful. the happy part was, everyone was so sabog nobody even noticed we weren't making any progress. we were all too busy with our lunches and whatever elses, we all missed the part we were supposed to be doing 198 :p sorry diane :)
and then the happiest part of all -- Gossip Girl! :D gad, we ended up watching 3 episodes. its just the funnest :) now we have new friends. say hi to B, S, Nate and Dan. Dan's the ultimate, think Carev but nerdier. to me that just means -- h-o-t-t-er :D teehee.
if in case anyone's wondering what I've been up to lately: yesterday morning was spent cramming my SEA30 paper and fxcking up my bibliography. and then at 11 fidgeting my way through public transport rides with one hour to spare to be in school at 12p. just one thing from mee -- beating deadlines suck. i ran from Balara to PHAN. dude, not hot. panting with unkempt hair is so not cool, especially if you're not in gym clothes. if i had my way i wouldn't -- but since sir told us about options such as passing the paper on time OR dying, i knew i had no choice. and then he added a really sweet PS to that -- i shall get the papers by twelve sakto. if you swing by at 12.01, kahit umiyak kayo there's no chance i'll take your paper in. and i tell myselft okay, you, ma'am have NO choice.
and then after my bout with my Olympian 400-metre dash, i get a "shit! katC" from Rach. i wondered what i did to her until i read the next line which says "i just woke up" -- at 12 noon. okay so she totally missed the 10a meeting. i head to her house and find her and her sister in their bath towels, trying to start their day at 12 noon. and by this time i was thinnking, maybe we've taken the friendship to the next level with the popping in at houses the homeowners are taking their baths, haha. and then lunch at Tapa King, Libis -- finished up at 2p with little reragrd for the poor soul who's been waiting for us at Starbucks (the one beside Alchemy :P *wink wink*) since 10 that morning. it doesn't hurt that we were eating next table to the ex-Ateneo boys Tenorio, Gonzales and Fonacier. but Rach and Jan didnt know so i squeal in secret :P
and then Starbucks. we spent so long there we were seriously thinking the baristas were checking out our orders. dude, we are so freaking broke. i ordered a drink and fancy bread for staying power and further damage to my meager budget. i think i raised my sugar levels by a hundred points by trying to look nice in Starbucks -- by throwing all my money away for my diabetes investment. hay, the things you have to do for a college degree. anyway, the meeting productivity level was below sea level. PV and i think the baristas were listening to our conversations. but yeah, discounting the fact that we actually had to have output, yesterday was pretty fun :)
and then i get fetched to check Ewood out with my Uncle. the fam is taking him around. looking for hotels and other things to check out when Tita Connie comes around. and then two seconds into Ewood, i find out we're watching a movie. my head was throbbing so you can imagine the torture. it was a low budget venture where retakes werent allowed, hence the bad punchlines and timing, so you can imagine more. and i just have to say, Pinoy film producers think the Pinoy audience have brains smaller than the budgets of their films. hullo, anyone heard of witty dialogues? but heck, i can forgive the movie -- Pokwang saved the day :)
and the other day i remember, Monday that was again spent in Starbucks -- no wonder am so broke. we tried (please see operative word, it says "tried")to study for the 198 essay exam for Tuesday. wow, Rach and i ended up watching an ep of Grey's season four. it was so wrong, it felt good :P hay, why does stalling feel this goooood.
i think i know this sem's theme -- stalling. um, no make that STALLING.
i think i shall not write for 198 tonight. (yes, that subject requires so much, it took half my lifetime to complete the reqs). i shall go to sleep now. g'night :)
i feel really weak. maybe its the cramps, first day today. maybe its the lack of sleep, all cumulative puyat for the entire sem. and gad, you should see the baaaad breakout on my face. freaky. i feel even weaker thinking about the reqs keeping me from MY sembreak. and it doesn't help that my productivity levels are running way lower than my usual. the feeling kills me.
so today i slept in two bedrooms. not really slept, more like stayed in beds not my own. haha, no am no promiscuous person. ew. we (Rach, Diane and Friendcess who reluctantly spent 160php for cab fare -- and i say i really feel for youuuu *cough* broke hits sembreak *cough*) were at Daren's this morning for our 198 film analysis. at home is an understatement, haha. and you wouldn't believe what we watched -- War of the Worlds. okay i get it, not exactly arsty farsty-sounding nor indie enough to qualify for film analysis, just you wait for our paper and you'll see we will make smashing sense of this commercial crap. did anyone say cultural analysis on white supremacy? oyeh, were hot like that :) and before i forget, thanks Daren for picking us up and then bringing us back again -- you're the best ride, although sometimes i have to close my eyes when youre driving :P erm, well you don't have to know that :) i wont take it against you -- the house, the room, the fine line between privacy and invasion of it, the kick ass gadgets that left us drooling, and well maybe the bag of chips, we're all gooood :) thanks thanks.
we headed to Rach's after. the next bed i harassed, haha. i had bad cramps. baaaaad cramps. thanks for the semi sleep in and the paracetamol. we tried discussing the film, but let's just say... um, we weren't really successful. the happy part was, everyone was so sabog nobody even noticed we weren't making any progress. we were all too busy with our lunches and whatever elses, we all missed the part we were supposed to be doing 198 :p sorry diane :)
and then the happiest part of all -- Gossip Girl! :D gad, we ended up watching 3 episodes. its just the funnest :) now we have new friends. say hi to B, S, Nate and Dan. Dan's the ultimate, think Carev but nerdier. to me that just means -- h-o-t-t-er :D teehee.
if in case anyone's wondering what I've been up to lately: yesterday morning was spent cramming my SEA30 paper and fxcking up my bibliography. and then at 11 fidgeting my way through public transport rides with one hour to spare to be in school at 12p. just one thing from mee -- beating deadlines suck. i ran from Balara to PHAN. dude, not hot. panting with unkempt hair is so not cool, especially if you're not in gym clothes. if i had my way i wouldn't -- but since sir told us about options such as passing the paper on time OR dying, i knew i had no choice. and then he added a really sweet PS to that -- i shall get the papers by twelve sakto. if you swing by at 12.01, kahit umiyak kayo there's no chance i'll take your paper in. and i tell myselft okay, you, ma'am have NO choice.
and then after my bout with my Olympian 400-metre dash, i get a "shit! katC" from Rach. i wondered what i did to her until i read the next line which says "i just woke up" -- at 12 noon. okay so she totally missed the 10a meeting. i head to her house and find her and her sister in their bath towels, trying to start their day at 12 noon. and by this time i was thinnking, maybe we've taken the friendship to the next level with the popping in at houses the homeowners are taking their baths, haha. and then lunch at Tapa King, Libis -- finished up at 2p with little reragrd for the poor soul who's been waiting for us at Starbucks (the one beside Alchemy :P *wink wink*) since 10 that morning. it doesn't hurt that we were eating next table to the ex-Ateneo boys Tenorio, Gonzales and Fonacier. but Rach and Jan didnt know so i squeal in secret :P
and then Starbucks. we spent so long there we were seriously thinking the baristas were checking out our orders. dude, we are so freaking broke. i ordered a drink and fancy bread for staying power and further damage to my meager budget. i think i raised my sugar levels by a hundred points by trying to look nice in Starbucks -- by throwing all my money away for my diabetes investment. hay, the things you have to do for a college degree. anyway, the meeting productivity level was below sea level. PV and i think the baristas were listening to our conversations. but yeah, discounting the fact that we actually had to have output, yesterday was pretty fun :)
and then i get fetched to check Ewood out with my Uncle. the fam is taking him around. looking for hotels and other things to check out when Tita Connie comes around. and then two seconds into Ewood, i find out we're watching a movie. my head was throbbing so you can imagine the torture. it was a low budget venture where retakes werent allowed, hence the bad punchlines and timing, so you can imagine more. and i just have to say, Pinoy film producers think the Pinoy audience have brains smaller than the budgets of their films. hullo, anyone heard of witty dialogues? but heck, i can forgive the movie -- Pokwang saved the day :)
and the other day i remember, Monday that was again spent in Starbucks -- no wonder am so broke. we tried (please see operative word, it says "tried")to study for the 198 essay exam for Tuesday. wow, Rach and i ended up watching an ep of Grey's season four. it was so wrong, it felt good :P hay, why does stalling feel this goooood.
i think i know this sem's theme -- stalling. um, no make that STALLING.
i think i shall not write for 198 tonight. (yes, that subject requires so much, it took half my lifetime to complete the reqs). i shall go to sleep now. g'night :)
Monday, October 08, 2007
gah
tonight, when am supposed to:
the wind blows softly from outside the window -- just perfect for curling up by the bay window and watching til my eyes hurt. want to but can not. boo.
- cram/study for the BPE 102 3-hour finals tomorrow that involves 5 30-page powerpoint presentations and twenimilyen PDF files for coverage
- cram/read the reading for my SEA 30 socially-relevant paper about a maid in Singapore being spooked out by the dead maid she replaced, and beat out my classmates by turning up a really fabulous paper
- cram/write a sem-assessment paper again for SEA30, screw GE's
- cram/think about my schedule and when i can possibly squeeze in the extra credit work for 198, which btw is not exactly optional for me given our very incoherent -- and am being nice -- last report.
- and basically just be productive because so many major things are looming in my academic life
the wind blows softly from outside the window -- just perfect for curling up by the bay window and watching til my eyes hurt. want to but can not. boo.
Thursday, October 04, 2007
wednesdays
i always tell myself on tueday evenings i'd watch all the TV i want because there's wednesday anyway. and it's deja vu all over again every wednesday because surprise surprise, i dont get to do anything. um, am not really complaining :P
today the best thing happened to meeee -- Cadbury Crunchie! :D the ultimate best, believe meeee :) i say the best things come in purple wrappers. when i first saw it in the bag, i thought it was the Nestle Crunchy, the one with the rice crispies. am no fan of rice crispies so i was like, it's still Cadbury so what the heck. until i opened it this morning... wow :D
it's the same Cadbry bar that comes in the big bar with the small squares, only it has the Crunchie honeycomb teeny pieces inside :) ah, love. love love love eet :)
today the best thing happened to meeee -- Cadbury Crunchie! :D the ultimate best, believe meeee :) i say the best things come in purple wrappers. when i first saw it in the bag, i thought it was the Nestle Crunchy, the one with the rice crispies. am no fan of rice crispies so i was like, it's still Cadbury so what the heck. until i opened it this morning... wow :D
it's the same Cadbry bar that comes in the big bar with the small squares, only it has the Crunchie honeycomb teeny pieces inside :) ah, love. love love love eet :)
Monday, October 01, 2007
i get weird dreams in the morning
beautiful sunday morning. that thing hapenned again -- me waking up earlier than i intended to, and then going back to sleep. and getting dreams about... um, that.
so, is this like a sign? dunno. it's just weird how things feel so... um, real. i dunno if its just me or i really am in for a big surprise. i really dunno. but yeah, what the heck, if it's the surprise part, bring it on! :D waw, antapang! haha.
must go now. hafta be somewhere for surveys. hallo housewives, please be kind :P
ooh, writers induction! i'll write about it soon -- swimming in duster shirts, picking up "poop" from toilets (ew), and moaning like porn stars! ayayay! :P
gotta get going! bye! :)
so, is this like a sign? dunno. it's just weird how things feel so... um, real. i dunno if its just me or i really am in for a big surprise. i really dunno. but yeah, what the heck, if it's the surprise part, bring it on! :D waw, antapang! haha.
must go now. hafta be somewhere for surveys. hallo housewives, please be kind :P
ooh, writers induction! i'll write about it soon -- swimming in duster shirts, picking up "poop" from toilets (ew), and moaning like porn stars! ayayay! :P
gotta get going! bye! :)
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