I've been in a weird place emotionally lately. It feels like I don't have a good grip of myself and been pooping around uh, emotionally. Sorry for the graphic, even I don't quite know what that means.
Sunday (aka vegetate-in-the-house day) was a quintessential case example. I was sitting on the couch, mindlessly channel surfing, hoping to catch reruns of New Girl/HIMYM/Cougar Town on Star World. I chance upon "Got to Dance UK" which, as literal as it gets, is about dance. I group of 8-year-olds in red hoodies gave a surprisingly good number and wowed the judges. As they were congratulating the group and their 16-year-old choreographer, fat tears were rolling down my cheeks. The kids weren't hamming up the show with sob stories or anything. It was just a group of kids who were great at dance. And there I was... crying. (WTF)
Then I caught a good chunk of Bridesmaids on HBO. I probably don't even need to write it anymore cos I really think you will have guessed it yourself without any help from me. My shirt got a wee bit too wet from wiping my cheeks dry. Lost thirty-something lady, breaking down right smack in the wake of her best friend's impending wedding. That's a little too easy.
I've never been one to find comfort in retelling these kinda stories of feelings, in person. I'm the kinda person that waits for the perfect moment/setting/timing/person to do this with. The thing is it never comes. So I'm stuck nursing the ugly feelings my myself, or having YOU read it over this blog -- sucks to be either of us haha.
It's taking all of me to NOT wallow, to NOT swim in this "seemingly" poetic pool or weird sadness and unidentified feelings. (Okay, okay, this post IS wallowing). So I have decided to veer away from the melancholy and think about the things I want, the things I know will make me happy right abouts now.
Conversation
Good fucking conversation. I would love to meet someone new, or rediscover an existing friendship, pick their brains over coffee, and just go WHOAH. I haven't had that in a loooong time.
I wanna talk about the idiosyncrasies of Sheldon Cooper, why I love driving in the rain, how I feel about being 25 and how it's both exciting and scary at the same time. I wanna talk in long winding sentences. I wanna word vomit all the pent up feelings my brains been holding in for so long.
I wanna use 'naive', 'oxymoron', 'juxtapose', 'schaudenfreude', and 'chutzpah' in my sentences. I want verbal calisthenics exchange and not feel weird about it. I want to bring out fancy words from the vocabulary arsenal and just use them for show.
I want to hear about a different way of looking at the world. I want to know about life with siblings. I want to know about growing up traveling the world -- about seeing the Disneyland at 7 years old and trying to understand French over a colorful macaron in the park. I want to hear about movies I haven't seen and why I should see them. I want to hear about books I never thought about reading and why I should read them.
I want to spend a rainy Tuesday afternoon drinking coffee by the store window swimming in gratefulness at the gift of this kindred soul. Dear Lord, please make it happen :)
Long Drive
Haven't had the chance to enjoy the great SLEX highway in a while. Driving the superhighways have a way of calming me and clearing my head. I remember back in my old job when I was very happy I had to drive to Laguna on a regular basis.
It was still so vivid to me how I would leave the office at 10 in the morning, all worked up, creases on my forehead literally from grown up office stuff (said like real 3-year old haha) to head on out to drive down South. I get on the car and as soon as I go past McKinley and legally drive and cruise at 100kph, it's as if the open roads have a power to uh, "ease the blues away" haha.
Then, at around 4 in the afternoon, as I head up back North, my head is clear and my thoughts more neat than when I started out in the morning. This time though, if I have my way, I'd like to drive down South not for work. I'd love to take to the highways, go up to Tagaytay, and settle in a Starbucks and just stare out at the lake. I know that kinda sounds straight out of a cheesy Tagalog movie haha. But what can I say, good coffee and a steady afternoon are for me a good enough reason to spend on gas and and brave the highways.
Oh, the joys of a long drive :)
Good Movie
If you ask me what my idea of a good time is, it may be a different list every time, but I'm very sure all my lists will include time spent inside a good movie house.
I haven't seen a movie in the movie house in a while. And I miss it like crazy (OA haha). Pero in fairness, I actually do miss being inside a movie house. Plush seats, cold aircon, a warm hoodie and movie house chow -- WOW. Haha, it takes little make me happy. Someone take me to the movies! *hint*
I have yet to see The Amazing Spiderman and I'm really looking forward to it. Just you wait Garfy, just you wait. Tin and Lai and Mahal, Friday? :)
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Just writing about these kinda makes up for the way my screwy hormones have been acting out lately.
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