I just realized today I am so much happier now - I guess, than I was ever was before :)
It's a breakthrough. I was the girl who nursed her sadness - swaddled it like a baby, and "took care" of it. I was the girl who thought my sadness made me cool and my life appear "storied." I carried my sadness like a badge, with pride. But at the end of the day, when I'm alone in my room, I would kick myself for not knowing how to be truly happy.
I don't know what happened. I was just going about today like my regular Sunday, and while I was mopping the floor of my room in the heat of the midday, it struck me. It was so random, I wished it was more special haha. I just realized that this time last year, I was so confused, and lost, and wandering aimlessly.
Things still aren't perfect. I still have a lot of weight to lose. My bank account still has yet to hit my target. The love of my love still has yet to find his way to me. But somehow, things just are making sense - all the waiting, all the working, all the struggling, all the heartache. I haven't arrived at my destination but oddly, things feel like they're right where they are supposed to be. There is this burning certainty in my heart that when I look back, the dots will connect.
I am still a work in progress, but thank you! The progress is "painful," sometimes nakakainip - but today, I found that joy in me. I found the joy in the journey. Cheers to happiness!
