Katrina is unemployed

It's been 7 days since my last day at the office. And so far, it's been a flurry of Facebook pages, Multiply photos, Avid's comics, and no blog entries for me. I've been itching to get a free day to get to write the many thoughts swimming in my head -- why I decided to leave, the confusion as to whether I made the right decision, if the move was bold or plain stupid, and whatever it is that I want to do now. But 7 days down, no blog entry of deep thought, my room which I've been planning for the longest time to put in order is still a mess, and the contacts my Dad's been asking me to call, are still by the table, untouched. I'm guessing this is my I Am Getting In Touch With The Reality That I Am Unemployed post. Maybe it's high time I get my butt moving.

I think I'm still in my transition bubble. Everything still feels surreal, like the bosses were just kind enough to give everyone a really long weekend, and that's why I'm home. The rest part is still pretty good, I get to sleep til 9 in the morning, and I still don't hear anything from my Mum. Things are laid back and I'm guessing are still a few weeks away from becoming boring. I have trips to the gym to look forward to, I don't know though how long it will stay exciting, but I'm happy to have something to write on my imaginary planner. Things are still easy and nice and there's no pressure. Yet. What kills me is that at the back of my mind, there's this tiny voice telling I am unemployed, in an annoyingly sarcastic way. I can live with it for now -- I just hope I get a job by the time it becomes unbearable.

My parents have been really cool about it, laying off the pressure of me getting a job. They have been really supportive of my decision to leave and very considerate about my "timeout". I am very thankful about how they have been the entire time and I just hope I get things going before anything ugly comes out of it. If I haven't said it enough yet, I really am very thankful.

Anyway, before this becomes sobfest, let's do something um, non-value adding :P Because Katrina is unemployed, she has a ton of time in her hands. Here's how she used her time yesterday: writing 25 random things about herself! And because the attention hog in her can't get enough of it in Facebook, she's reposting it here as well

25 Random *Because I have so much time in my hands* 1:09pm

1. I am very, very (to some point annoyingly) fickle. It takes me very long to decide between which clothes to buy, shoes to wear, what movie to watch, what to order (ask PV, it took me about an hour to pick out dinner at that Vietnamese place), heck even what to write on a profile page.

2. I am very picky eater. I'm not a fan of sauce (on the food or as a dip), I can tolerate very little pasta (maybe a few spoonfuls of carbonara), I eat very little fish, and I dislike vegetables in general. I can eat chicken on a daily basis, though.

3. I think How I Met Your Mother is by far the funniest sitcom. Ever. I've seen all episodes AT LEAST twice and I still find myself genuinely laughing at the punchlines. And I quote heavily from this show -- it helps that not a lot of people watch it yet :P

4. I can still distinctly remember how each of my friends from my high school barkada smelled like. I may have a knack for remembering the way people smell.

5. Impressive communication skills, humor, and easy confidence make my knees weak :P (It wouldn't hurt if your hot with broad shoulders and really nice teeth. Hehe)

6.I have freaky internet stalker skills. Sometimes even I get creeped out at the creativity.

7. I think I write nonfic because my imagination is boring.

8. I miss UP a lot lately.

9. My favorite artist would have to be Avid Liongoren. He is by far the wittiest person I've read. Pop over Project 365 at http://project365.multiply.com/ to see his work :) I am so watching his movie Saving Sally when it comes out!

10. I find men doing pushups really sexy. Err, or maybe you have to at least be remotely attractive for it to be sexy. I don't know, pushups make men look really strong and in control. TMI? Hehe.

11. I miss my best friend a lot. It's just sad he remembers me only when I remember him. Haven't been writing him and sadly, not a letter from his side. It's my birthday in 16 days and I'm crossing my fingers he remembers (I'm not counting on it though).

12. I have been crushing on this instructor who teaches Friday nights. He's really hot and he's good at what he does. He likes boys though so, hohum. He oddly looks like my crush from grade2.

13. I still secretly wish to be a drummer for a band. Is 25 too old to do this?

14. I've always wanted to drive a pick up truck. Throwing it out to the universe: I will be driving one in a year's time. I'd like a shiny black Nissan :)

15. I've been talking to myself a lot lately. Not in the strange demented one-person conversation way, but more of repeating lines from my favorite shows or practicing things I would've to someone, bitchy or otherwise.

16. I keep thinking how things would've been if I joined a theater company in college.

17. I love the scent of vanilla.

18. I gravitate towards people who write well.

19. Window shopping is really fun. Carrying shopping bags wouldn't hurt though :P

20. Sometimes I wish I had siblings. It's always friends or parents for me when I need to talk to someone. Siblings for me are a cross between the two -- easy banter with friends your age and genuine concern of a blood relative. I would've totally been cool if a had a brother and a sister.

21. I really don't like receiving forwarded text mesages. Maybe save for a few ones that are witty or intelligent, that I can forgive. But endless whining about love and how it hurts? Camown.

22. I have bad memory. Totally inconvenient for exams but more inconvenient for when you're having a bad day. My mind chooses the bad things and leaves out the fun parts making for a really, really horrible time. End of the month PMS's are baaaad.

23. On my second year in Business School, I seriously considered shifting to Biology to, wait for it, pursue a career in Medicine. PGH was the delusion of choice. I don't remember how I got over it.

24. The Biology shift reminded me of another um, confusion. In my freshman year in college, I seriously considered becoming a Anthropologist courtesy of the good time I had in Antho 10. (Hello Sir erm, I forgot your name. Son of a famous historian and lugs a huge bag pack all the time). I forgot all about becoming an anthro guy when I learned I'd have to live at least 2 years with a tribe. No thank you, I love my toilet a lot. Hehe.

25. You know Yo cards? They're free postcards with cute pictures or writings you get from those metal stands in malls and eating places. I'm not sure if they have it elsewhere, but the old Eastwood Mall has them. I collect them, I have tons in my cabinet :) If you happen to pass by some, toss them to meeee!

I shall write again :)

Drop and Give me 50!

*(A little background story, I started the new year by rocking the stable boat that is my sweet permanent job. More on how my professional decision was turned into an emotional preference on a later post.One more thing, I am rewriting a scratch paper scribble from Saturday -- which means "yesterday" is Friday.)

Yesterday wasn't a good day. I am being given a pseudo-cold treatment and being slowly eased out from the system (understandably, i guess), and my heart is breaking from having happy conversations with people who I have no balls to break the news to. Plus overstretched hamstrings on my right leg are giving me a weird limp. It's an emotional cloudy day and the limp isn't helping. I just knew it was a bad day when even in Combat class, right smack in front of the instructor I have been drooling over for the longest time, the gloomy feeling doesn't go away.

On a totally different note, even in the midst of my sad day, some hot instructor doing really hot tricep push ups made me smile -- the same one teaching the Combat class, whom I have been drooling over since the day I saw him teach, who oddly looks like my crush from grade 2, and who, sadly, is attracted to boys too. While I was also rejoicing the fact that I am now able to actually do a push up (err, not really -- a half push up, more like it, but yay! still because that is biiiigg improvement from my not-push up three months ago), someone else doing push ups made my day. Is it odd and is it just me? Men doing push ups are just sexy :) Or maybe it makes men look really strong and very much in control. Whichever way it works my psychology, men doing push ups are a way to brighten a sad day :P

Excuse me while I wipe off drool. I'm sorry but the thought of combat boy doing his set is enough to make me smile writing about it. Til next Friday R :P

Happy stories to start the new year :)

Turning over a new leaf emotions-wise, this entry marks my saying goodbye to brooding and sad. 2008 has seen my lifetime quota of sad stories, rants, and whiny-slash-needy versions of myself, so say hello to a happier version of writing. (I just heard the first Boo! from Friendcess and today, I choose to look away. Haha!)

Holiday Loot
Show off me couldn't resist bragging my new "toys". I call them my Holiday loot :) Cheap boxing gear - white hand wraps and a badass kusot punching bag. I'll save some Robitusin in my medicine stash, might need it after I get all the saw dust into my lungs. Hehe.

Forgive the photos. The kiddie excitement got the better of me. Never leave a kid with new toys alone with a self-timer camera. Hehe.


(I can totally see the "huh?" look on your face, Friendcess. I shall explain. You Should thank me, this post has given you a lot of airtime!)

Let's back up a bit. About 3 months ago, I said to myself, "Life feels boring. I wake up in the morning, punch in at 8 in the office, slave away for 8 hours, and then go home to perennially arguing parents, watch bad TV, and then hit the sack feeling like tomorrow's going to be just like today. Ooh, why don't I join a gym?" The rant on the template days are true, but I also wanted to lose weight. Hehe. So I walked into a gym that's a 5-minute walk from the office, played gullible kid to the "sales associate" who explained how if I join that day I'll get to save so much than if I postpone it to next day. Then she started mentioning savings in the area of over ten thousand and I just had to give in. Sweet. Now I have saved over ten thousand and am gym member. Having the words me and gym in the same sentence felt weird. Hehe, took me more than a month to get used to the idea.

Oh, back to the hand wraps and the punching bag. So yeah, I've been hitting the gym for quite a while and I've taken to fancy this mixed martial arts class called Body Combat. It fuses boxing, Muay Thai, Tae Kwondo, Capoeira, Tai Chi, among other martial arts and condenses it into an hour long class. A few weeks into the class looking stupid with my funny kicks and punches has paid off I think, as I can now give mean stares to the newbies who look funnier than me. Mwehehe. Suffice it to say, I took to liking the class a lot I wanted my own gear so I can do stuff even when I'm in the house. So in a moment of weakness yesterday at Toby's in Galleria while waiting for my mother-sponsored pedi to dry, I gave in. I bought the punching bag and the hand wraps as I'd like to call it, Holidays treats for the self :) Yay! to Christmas bonuses and the gall turn a blind eye to savings accounts that haven't seen deposits in a long time. Haha!

Random, have I mentioned that the Friday Combat instructor is hot? Haha. This is why Friday's are much awaited :) Went to the class early this evening and the he just came back from roughly a full month's absence. So yeah, Happy new year -- if you know what I mean. Haha!

MMFF and the Foursome
What Christmas season is complete without getting your fill of the Tagalog movies brought to you by film companies, "bilang pamaskong handog sa mga Pilipino"? Watched Desperadas2 last night at Eastwood with high school boys and girls, and excuse me while I fight back a mini vomit at the thought of having to fork over P156 to watch it. I've always been extra forgiving of Tagalog movies because I love Aga Muhlach and John Lloyd and Bea. But this last movie left our heads spinning. It was much like watching classroom skits from high school in that it relied heavily on the supposedly funny acting and threw any semblance of a story out the window. They just threw in girls with big boobs, and crossed their fingersthe audience finds it funny. Let's not even get to the script.

Ooh, turning a new leaf entry. Wait, I'll save the rants. Err, maybe squeeze in a few after the happy photos :P


My heart goes to Jamie for the extra frustrating job of putting together get togethers for the barkada. Yesterday, in a desperate attempt to make sure we go out before we go back to school and work, the 4 of us, Jamie, Cho, Bri, and I, went out. Save for the initial tension, it turned out happy. Cho was nice enough to buy dinner for us, squeeze in the bad movie, and then there was coffee after, and plenty of stories about boys and girls and how difficult it is for them to be together.

I'm excited for the Saturday encore :)

Unannounced semi-hiatus over -- ooh, and Happy New Year! :)

It's been (checks date of last post...) two whole months since I last wrote. And as you would have guessed me say, a lot has happened since. I figured I haven't written anything about "work" formally, just snippets of car shows and pretty much teenager rants about little inconveniences (because I'm whiny like that). Hehe.

And now, the year is coming to an end, like literally. As I type, it's roughly an hour and twenty minutes to twelve midnight -- pretty much a blog entry away from the new year. I'm never really sentimental about things like the new year, but I'd like to give special shoutouts to the year that was 2008. It's a pretty big year for me. This year was the year I got out of college, got thrown into the "real world", got a job, and then another job, throw in a number of family drama, more friendship melodrama, and a lot of conversations inside my head about neverending "issues". More of that in a later post.

This coming year, I will be making resolutions, a first ever in my 21-year old life. It's only 3 simple things which I seriously think will make my life immensely happier and more satisfying. One, be more grateful. I think gratitude was sorely missed in my vocabulary this year. This wasn't an easy year, but I won't make any excuses for not seeing the good things. So yes, next year I'd like to hear more "thank you's" from myself. Two, quit not liking people from mere prejudice. Give new people a chance to prove themselves worthy -- of affection or hatred. Hehe. Because come on, it's a little too stressful pressuring yourself to like someone when the person has given you enough reason to not like him/her. But yeah, back to the thought of Resolution #2, quit the prejudice on the superficial. There's too much negativity around already, why bother adding to it with useless, and oftentimes pointless, ill will towards others. And three, be more decisive. This was the year that showed me that the grownup life requires a lot of decisions that often don't give you much thinking time. I'll add "make smart decisions and have the balls to take risks" to Resolution #3.

Remind me of this list 2 months into the new year :)

BTW, 2 exciting things from the past 2 weeks: Baguio Christmas with the family and EK with high school classmates. I'll post a photoblog for both.

If anyone's reading, Happy New Year! Have a good one :)

Not bright and shine-y

Alone time has been in abundance for the past months. Had alone time been clothes money, I would've had a dozen closets bursting to the seams. I've always been a fan of alone time, gives you decent thinking time, to mull over important and non-important things, to sort feelings and thoughts, and sometimes to just break free from everyone else. It's supposed to be a break. I guess things are different when the break becomes the regular grind. That's how it's been for me lately. I guess alone time's like chocolate -- good in small amounts and the occasional binge, but gets you a little nauseous when taken a little too much.

But even if I'm complaining about a little too much alone time, it still does me good somehow. I drown in my own thoughts and I learn about myself. From the mooshy gooshy reflections, I just figured how much of a dark person I am. I kind of already know that optimism's not really my thing, but I never really realized how much aversed I am to being all hopeful and bright.

I figured It's kind of odd that my thoughts are more inclined dark side considering I'm all bright and shiney in conversations. A little too bubbly for strangers, my friends would say. But left on my own, my mind is a dark hole of non-positivity.

Err, maybe I just need decent conversations.

A week ago, I decided to try positivity and happiness because i figured it's all in the mind. I thought if I focus my energies on trying to see the bright and happy, I'd get to see it. It was more difficult than I thought. Dunno, I guess old habits really die hard. So now just a few days after that "decision" non-positivity has taken over again. Maybe I could use a mini cheering squad to give pep talks on positivity. Or maybe to bring real sunshine.

It's on Autopilot Overdrive

It's Day 2 today of the show in SMX. I barely completed 8 hours of sleep for the past two days combined. But tonight, I decide to kill more brain cells by staying up late, trawling the internet for err, things. As if my brain isn't damaged enough from "rarely talking" -- according to Pastor's text on brain damaging habits.

I've been thinking a lot the past week, about my decisions, plans for the coming year, and my 21-year old life in general. The kind of thinking I've been doing on autopilot hasn't been giving me any more clarity. Not saying I have clarity of thought now.

I'm physically exhausted and when I think about it, my brain's kind of tired, too. Doing a lot of thinking without getting to resolve anything is a betch.

Dear God, I know you know our hearts even before we tell you things in prayer. You know my heart more than I do, and you know how confused it is. I've said what I think will give it clarity more times than I care to count. I've said it in prayer, and now I'm saying with a blog entry. Internet's supposedly faster in heaven, isn't it?

***

My hands are shaking from carrying this torch, from carrying this torch for you.
~ Sondre Lerche

Wuss twice over

Yesterday, I tried the cycling class for the first time. From outside the glass walls of the room, it all looked normal and do-able -- I thought to myself, heck, I biked a lot when I was younger, how difficult could it be. Apparently, conceit has its costs. 5 minutes into the class and I was proven wrong, very wrong, into thinking that just because you biked as a kid you can survive a cycling class.

The class requires you to bike standing up pretty much the whole hour. Not to mention that while biking standing up, you have to do all these crunches and dance moves. They all look pretty easy, but when done on a bike, pedaling while standing up makes you writhe in pain. I tried standing up the first part of the class. For one, because I wanted to follow the instructor and two, it's a group class so every person that deviates from the norm is given mean stares with thought bubbles that say WUSS in all caps. But less than 5 minutes into trying to be obedient, my legs were crying out in pain. The pain was a killer, my legs feel like they just want to fall off my knees.

So I sat on the seat, and tried to recover. But every time I try to stand up, the sensation comes back and I am forced to sit. And well, take the mean stares and judging looks. Total wuss. What made it all the more embarrassing was I raised my hand when the instructor asked for first timers at the beginning of the class. So she kept asking me all throughout the class if I was doing okay. I give a weak smile and an unsure nod.

I really wanted the cycling class cause they make for killer legs. But gah, it kills you first before you get to the killer legs part. And I thought, falling asleep in yoga class was embarassing enough.

Anyhoo, since wuss is rad (at least with my life now), here's a scratch paper scribble on a moment of weakness :P

Had you been an ass, it would've been easier to tell if you felt the same. You can be something else to everyone and be this poster kid for nice for me. You are nice and well-mannered and pretty much everything I wanted a guy to be. It's just that, you're like that to everyone. You're nice to everyone, you look genuinely interested in everyone, and you make yourself really easy to like for everyone. If I put shades of meaning to how you are to me, I become the ass of a feeler, pretty much. I wish things were as easy as coming up to you, telling you that I like you, asking you if you like me back, and getting an answer. If your answer were yes, I'd be badass happy. If you're anwer were no though, we could still go on like usual and I can just drop the whole thing altogether. I'd figure you're not into me and we'd both move on and not be awkward.

But really, I can cross my fingers for three lifetimes and still not have that happen, the no part at least. I know I said the magic has gone along with the butterflies in the tummy, but that's just egotistical me trying to put on a winning face because a month into it and you still haven't shown clear signs that you're into me. As much as I'd want to be not into you anymore, I still am. And it sucks that I'm not sure about you. Bah, have dinner with me :|

Month-end Reports and Olats Boys

I came home early tonight. By 8PM i was through with dinner. I hurriedly went up the stairs and plugged my computer to the internet. 8PM just feels so early cos last night I got home 1030, all sore and embarrassed for having fallen asleep in the middle of yoga class.

Anyhoo, now I look up the clock on the wall in front of me and I figure it's almost 11. One window has Friendcess, birthday girl in a little over an hour's time and is cramming an end month report like crazy -- and may I add, contemplating on doing feasib all over again if that's what it takes to ditch the month end report. That bad.

In the middle of this conversation of work, and that passion word yuppies ever so carelessly throw around, and random stuff sleepy people talk about, I brag about my freaky stalker skills. And then there was sharing of photos and first impressions. All of a sudden, Friendcess says the word olats and debunks this thing about me and the scruffy men. It's just weird. All this time, I thought I knew what I liked. Haha.

For the uninitiated, scruffy in real person version is Vince Chase of Entourage -- facial hair, no-fuss hairdo, and overall laidback look. I like this on guys because if you can still look hot even you are "dirty-looking" with all the facial hair, then you must be something. Scruffy is always good for me.

I thought Bboy was a fluke. And then Friendcess with the newsflash, Hey KatC You Have a Radar for a Certain Type of Boys -- the quiet, friendless, and perennially brooding ones. Hmmm.

Ooh, Almost Happy Birthday Friendcess! :) Cheers to party lines! Woot woot!

What do you really want.

I remember Ted Mosby saying, if you're really honest with yourself with what you want out of life, life gives it to you.

What happens to those who are clueless? Please don't say they get screwed.

***

Today is a happy day. For the most part, I got what I wished for. Oddly though, the more I got to know, the more I figured it was turning out differently from how I thought it would. I guess that is the magic of not knowing, this really ideal version with pretty much everything you hoped for. I asked a lot of questions today and I got answers to pretty much all of them. I never said I liked all the answers I got, but asking questions are fun. I just wish everyday was as easygoing as today.

Knowing takes out the magic, but I think today took out just the right of amount of magic -- fun with the butterflies in the tummy, but homey and comforting as well :)

To my favorite Kleenex boy

In a weird and twisted off chance that you might be reading this, here’s a little piece of my mind,

You make my heart race. You make me smile even when I’m alone. You make look like an idiot because I talk about you to no end. You make me squeeze every teeny detail about you whenever I can, it’s impossible to miss that I’m into you. Time flies when I’m with you, and we seem to have a knack for turning the mundane (not to mention the crappy and nonsense) to interesting conversation. You make me think about you so much I have to write everything so I remember your little eccentricities cause I don’t want them to slip me. I don't know, you make me believe in the fairy tale version of destiny, in the magic of perfect timing, and the realness of happy endings again -- because in that kiddie part of my brain I'd like to believe this is all serendipity :P And even if you’re (insert deal breaker here) it’s still nice to have known you. It sucks that you’re leaving. It sucks more that the day you leave is the end of all this. I won't text you, no nothing from me cos I know that's just going to ruin the magic of it all. And I just know it's not just because you're frickin hot :P

***

The last time you were here, I was holding back like crazy -- I only mustered a single, lame and super short conversation and well, 2 attempts to see you. Short visits to the room you were in, hidden behind loosely disguised attempts to ask the boss legit work questions. The room which, by the way, smelled insanely like you. I hate that smell. Everywhere I go, it finds its way to my nose and I am reminded of how madly I want to be with you. I don't remember anything you did to wow me, I was just drawn to you. I guess that's the magic of this whole shebang.

So yeah, given the abrupt hello and goodbye, I guess that's it for us and this insane drumming in my chest. Goodbye little BBoy.