life jitters

1) i love my dad. well,there were times i get totally frustrated with him -- exasperated even. i was seriously thinking he's gone bonkers with all the hormones they shot him with. sometimes his logic is incredible, incredibly nuts. then his temper -- totally driving me and mum crazy. but when he told me he will support me if i want to study four more years -- i realized he was still the same old dad who loves me for real :) no one else gets my strategy than he does. i loved him more when he said he wants to equip me for the battle ahead of me -- even if it means sacrifices for him, four more years of tuition, and for me too, opportunity loss for earning. but yeah, he gets it. couldn't have said it any better :)

dad and i @mcdonalds Tagaytay

2) two of the things i totally loathe are (a) waking up really early and (b) doing math. so yeah, you can just imagine how appalled i am at my 7am 182 class. am thankful though, that sir kinda makes it worth waking up early and doing math thaaaat early. ooh, almost fogot the bibo factor. it's slowly getting to me, both in the good and in the appaling way. am disgusted at the thought, but yeah it's pushing me to read and study more. i won't say am liking it, but yeah -- it's doing me some good.

3) tuesday was last Law reporting day for my group. and yes, i learned what i should learn. like a said, a thousand more chances. i hope i learn that emotions should not get in the way next time. better days are ahead :)

4) everything i do points to one disgusting thing -- i suck at commitments. all kinds, man, all kinds. i always see the bad in everything. basta, i always end up disappointed, laging wanting. i don't like doing dirty work, i just want to see the glossy side of everything. i always forget, the good things are fruits of hard work. so yeah, i guess unless i learn to get down and dirty, i have zero rights to be in any form of commitment. prolly in time i'll learn, i hope.

5) i am swept with this weird sense of responsibility over my life, and it's overwhelming me more than i could handle. in months time i have to decide about the kind of career i want to take on. and gahd, if in case i get off school and start working i'll be like a realreal adult. i'd have to fend for myself, make mature decisons, and generally be responsible for my life and however it turns out to be. i could be just bonkers AND going extremely paranoid. Lord, increase my faith :)