I am Tired

I am overwhelmed by this unshakeable need to run. And to run away far.

I am tired of many many things and my heart just screams for the new, the uncharted. While I have this great love in my heart for my family and friends, I feel this need to run away. I feel like the only way to turn the page is by running away.

I am tired of waking up every morning at 6, taking a very quick, very rushed shower, running to work and guessing and second guessing whether I'll make the time. I'm tired of sitting by my desk trying to make productive use of my day. I am tired of a vacillating superior who keeps changing minds and leaves me hanging. I am tired of trying to make what I do matter and swimming in all that frustration at the end of the day. I am tired of flailing and not getting any help. I am tired of not knowing what to do and I am more tired of not knowing where to go.

I am tired of I am tired of making excuses and I am also tired of hearing excuses. I am tired of underperformance and I am tired or being okay with underperformance. I am tired of being where I do not want to be anymore. I am tired of wishing and I am tired of me not doing anything about it. I am tired of being tired of this shit every single day. I am tired of wanting to run away.

I want to be somewhere I want to be. Maybe I should give in this unshakeable need to run. I'll be tired but then I won't be so tired.