Scratch Paper Thoughts

I think it's been over a month since I last took time out to vent to the great Internet black hole. I wouldn't say I've been running out of issues, maybe just running out of time. More than any other time, today is that time when issues of all sorts, shapes, and sizes abound. And I'd say not one of them lay dormant and ignored. When you don't have the time, energy, and resolve to sit down and type up your thoughts into a neat blog entry, grab some scratch paper, and scribble away. My office table is teeming with teeny bits of paper, and torn up notebook pages of very random thoughts and um, feelings. Hehe. So before I lose the papers one by one, I shall share my thoughts.


21 August 2008, Thursday (third day in the office) ~For grade school/high school kids, this means Linggo ng Wika. For me, the working kid (not the use of kid and sense the denial), today means means wading through mountains (err, not really, more like ant hills) of dirty data. Dear hands, let's get ready to roll. Heeere we go.

~Ooh, today is third day at work and second day being late. Yesterday was first and pretty excusable cause it was raining cats and dogs. But today was sunshine-y and very bright -- so why the hell am I late? And oh, it doesn't feel good. A bunch of calculator-holding, "slacks"-wearing office mates are staring me down and am pretty sure judging me -- said the paranoid girl.

~The stay at the hospital served as a reset button for me, if not all of us. Suddenly we all missed each other and we're a lot nicer. Before the hospital episode, we were all breathing down each other's necks. Mom was on Dad's case pretty much all the time, Dad bears the brunt of it all, Dad doesn't understand why Mom's upset, which makes Mom all the more upset. And me, totally acting like a teenager -- hating my parents just minus the door slamming and the answering back. Am happy we're back. And no, I don't think this is the calm before the storm. Really. (28 September 2008 EDIT: I say the reset expired already)

~The holiday can't get here fast enough. Rawr. I am not such a sleepyhead but today, shyeah. And um, pretty much everyday at 1PM. Same time, same struggle.


26 August, Tuesday
~Today I missed high school. I remembered the 920AM recess and how we would sit together by the long table, then eat dirty ice cream from Manong Del Mundo.

~Forgive the cheese, but love then was refreshing, uncomplicated, and intoxicating. Naivete was fun and forgivable. I miss being 15 and stupid.

~ I googled "turnover", that term we used a lot in .1 and .2. Today, BA made perfect sense. Oddly, I missed studying. I kinda wish I read more in college.

~ I was drowning in excel, typing like a crazy clerk in some decrepit government office. I had to type "Caloocan" way too many times and I remembered Tet. I miss him. 3 years just seems too long to start counting. 3 years at best, and it's not even sure.


28 August, Saturday
Dear Tet,
Our lives have taken us both different directions. Some of us, err one of us, towards the far West, to the States. It's been pretty difficult. I mean, you finally realize you've met your soul mate/best friend/missing sibling and two days later he has to fly some 20,2000 miles away. It's like getting the rug pulled from under you. It sucks. There's this odd feeling in you tummy, like there's this little fire inside of you that's been put out. Nothing life-altering in a big major way the way death is, but things just aren't the same -- not as happy.


2 September 2008, Tuesday
~The really difficult thing about being in a new environment, fish out of water style, is that you don't know your limits. The ground you stand on is pretty shaky. You do things and you're cheeky and inconsiderate, or so says the "pioneers"/old-timers. You don't do things and you're a lazy bastard. Any which way, there's no getting on the good side. Can't wait for the day when the lines will be defined and the things I say will hold water because I said them and not because I was told to say them. I used to always say I'm screwing my comfort zone because it's old, boring, and cowardly. I screwed it for the daring, new, and untreaded. Bravery has its costs -- and it's not cheap. I miss old, boring, cowardly, and snug.

~ I miss Ted and Robin together and Barney and Marshall and Lily. New episodes Season 4, September 29! I hope it's as bad ass funny as Season 2. I think I miss Barney more, the lame catch phrases. Sometimes I wish life was as easygoing as a sitcom -- booze, good friends, funny problems -- and over in under 20 minutes.


18 September 2008, Thursday
Why is it that when I found someone who makes decent -- I take that back, I mean really adorable, really amusing conversation, who's hot enough to send my heart racing, with really sexy shoulders they're distracting, someone I really could like for the long haul, he turns out to be... (EDIT: I don't really i can write my two descriptions of this person. Let's settle for hints: the first one has the word practicing, and the next one has the words full-blooded).


19 September, Thursday
My heart is beating like mad, I feel like a hundred horses decided to launch a parade on my chest. It's tough how when you have something really good going for you, and something really scary about to happen and all send your heart into a beating frenzy, it's crazy. You have crazy zaps of electricity going through the tips of your fingers, it's unnerving.