monday night

happy birthday Dianne Miranda! :D twenteen is fun :)
i hope i get to see you guys reaally soon :D

***

i have so much to do.

• 3 individual papers for OpMan, one for each speak up
• OpMan company audit with my econ group
• ocean spray case for global marketing
• Total in Sudan case for cross cultural
• French report on friday/tuesday that's a reaally huge chunk of my cross cultural grade
• php82-worth readings for WC which i need to read faaaast
• friday is workshop piece deadline *dies*

but i get to blog. this is me and my thing with proscratination. pft, i just cant do eeet.

***

caught Ratatouille last saturday with the folks. it was fun, errr... kinda. yeah, funny. i was just prolly off somewhere, space cadette signing off. haha. anyhoo, we came in early for --- *drumroll* the trailers! :D i wanna watch everythingggg.

• evan almighty -- steve carell is a hit :) i need happy thoughts. haha.
• license to wed -- and again, robin williams i a sure hit :) and yeah, everyody could use some mush.
• enchanted -- patrick dempsey. nuff said :P but really, in my attempt to use words and not just onomatopoeias (spell right?), it's a story book set in new york where random production numbers like those in Grease are laughed at on the streets. things dont meld perfectly because there are bikers on the street and people doing their things. looks like a fun watch.
• national treasure + somethingsomething -- i think my dad wants to watch :D i might get to see it for freeeee :) weeee.
• no reservations -- catherine zeta-jones and this italian person with the cleft chin in the kitchen as chefs. so this was the movie tet wanted to see. and now i want to see it, too -- with him. screwmeermscrewhimnlangormaybescrewus. pft.

***

i need break. a really looong one. this is bad. am graduating in two sems time and i dont feel like an adult. i should be thinking grand plans of conquering the world by storm, like any normal, dreaming college kid. but no. am here, doing non-value adding things and NOT dreaming. pft. am weirdly happy though. am just not sure if that's a good combination -- NOT dreaming and happy. life expects so much of me and am scared i just might not deliver.

all in a day

forget all the things i said about BA being sucky. my love for BA is so thick now, i can freakintouch it :D caught Stratmark for the first time, and it was just what i needed -- win high is so effing good for the soul :)

the Stratmark team was brilliant, i was beaming like a proud mom. haha. i just had to be there when the Taco Bell dude said, "Universiteeeh of the Philippineessssuh!" we all knew we were gonna win, but the affirmation still saw us ecstatic like anything. i love the hooting part -- haha yes, am uncultured like that :P we were only a handful, but the energy was so high we drowned out everyone else. UP Fight! never felt this goood :D

(clockwise from top left: 1) while waiting for the annoucement 2) the stage 3) with our fourfreakinhundred ticket.. ow 4) win high! :) but yeah, with the high and all -- (even if my broke) am goood :D)



and as if the Stratmark in high was not enough, i get my happines dose from Writer's :D even without the warnings (threats, haha) about not deferring were given me left and right, i'll stick by this. WC makes me happy :)

the acquaintance party was a riot :) i was late (coming from the Stratmark in Araneta), we werent able to pack CNB 211, the decor was sparse (almost nonexistent :P) and the food wastn spectacular, but there was something in there that made the place roar with laughter -- everything else dint matter. i think i love WC now :)

(clockwise from top left: 1) the dr. Quack quack kebs-sa-buhol-we-shall-pose casualties with the smokey effect 2) WC's Lau+Anj+Surot+April 3) the dr. quack quack mess again 4) apps Pola+France+Jaevee+Bernadete+Selah+Lei)


***
yes, pride is getting in the way.

shine down on meeeeee :D

thank you God for taking note of my cranky version of me yesterday and sending me these cute things to say You still care. yes, even when i think you are really faaaar, sometimes. and again, yes i still believe in You even when moving up to that part of this existence that is a lot closer to You (errr... dying in lay terms) seemed very inviting. because even when i was feeling down and out and miserable, there was still this part of me that said i have solace -- even then when i couldn't seem to find it.

so yeah, today heaven was smiling at me and gave me cute reasons to smile after that good cry:

1. Laughing my lungs out in Brand Management class because of this boy classmate who reported on Modess
2. Getting free chocolate from Sir and seeing my classmates' excited eyes as the boxes were being passed around
3. Biting into the Kinder chocolate bar and reading thought bubbles that said, "shet, whammos!"
4. getting free points for going to stratmark tomorrow. weee! yuuuh peeeeh foyt!
5. That look :D
6. Attempting to stalk Mike after class and figuring out i cant catch up cos he walks reaaaallly fast
7. the Babaylan person in AS walk telling me, "ate yellow, come join UP Babaylan and complete the colors of the ranbowww! (pointing to the v. colorful backdrop their booth had then)" -- which left me feeling really gay. *hmm, must be the screaming yelow top*
8. seeing Jess H and being told i am missed :D and then answering back, "i know" then after two seconds realizing its sucha ditzy thing to say ang then shouting back, "missyoutoo" at the FC walkway.
9. Francis and his speech about out-ing to his nanay
10. Being the kiss ass app to April and going to the dean's office with her -- and if it still isn't obvious, i like her :D (in the straight friend way :P)
11. seeing a national artist :) -- passed by Bienenido Lumbera on the way back to the WC tambayan. i dont really know him, tehee. i just love the bragging rights the thing gives you, i.e, someone asks you where you've been, you go ditzy and say "ooh, nothing really, just hobnobbing with some national artist". oyeh :)
12. Anj asking me, "wala ka dalang cookies?"
13. walking with Nat on my way back to BA
14. that 175 meeting and conversations about why BA is such a money making machine and why the college sucks *yes, diss your college at your own risk*
15. having that light airy feeling tahdhay.

okay. must. get. back. work. 105. exam. tomorrow. aaaaaa!
****
maybe anger is hurt trying to look tough...

my eyes are sore. they're puffy. they hurt.

Mark Lim was at the CAP TAJA earlier. he talked about how he got his promotion in three months, why going for non-traditional fields is a good idea, and his love for the academe and debating. ooh, and his french. i hate it that he loves what he does so much, he tells us it's difficult but it comes off poetic. i get issues, and they're tiring -- not the least bit poetic.

ooh, and he remembered me as this kid who "i think comes from the Debate Society". he pointed at me and started the UPDS shameless plug and he gets away with it. and then at this point in time i feel regret welling up inside me. and then i ask myself why my life has always been the things that i am scared of. i follow up with the question on why some people learn love and commitment and loyalty so thick you can touch it. and then i start wondering why i cant. i went on to conclude that, err... it was pointless, aimless ranting about life and the freaking way it works.

***

PMS has just gone from bad to worse. i figured iw as askign myself whether this was PMS really... OR quarter life crisis. am twenty. am aimless. and am freakin angry. i cant let this monster eat me up. i want to be the bigger person, but it's harder than anything.well yeah whoever said life will let you get away unscathed.

i must go. my eyes really absofreakinlutely hurt. and i have to finish that 177 paper. which is due tomorrow at 8. and i dont have ink. ill print my homwork on fuschia ink. wow, thanks. what was the last thing i needed.

blogger = solace

and thanks to kristel's multiply for this meme :)

1) What side of the heart do you draw first?
~ right

2) Can you dive without plugging your nose?
~ hmm, its been really long.

3) What color is your cellphone?
~ black

4) Who will repost this after you?
~ dunno. baka wala.not much meme fans here.

5) Who would you want to be tied to for 24 hours?
~ ooh, si transformers dude, we'll laugh our asses off :D

6.) Where are you right now?
~ pretty lost.

7.) How do you feel about carrots?
~indifferent. not a veggie fan.

9) Who is the best Spice Girl?
~ posh -- because she has becks :P

10) Do you know what time it is?
~ 12-ish

12) What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator?
~ panic, attempt to think happy thoughts, scream for help -- in no particular order.

15) Do you have a crush on anyone?
~ my favorite SMB :)

16) Do you use words that people dont know the meaning to?
~ wala ko maisip eh, but maybe.

17) Do you like to sleep?
~ yes

19) Do you know the song Total Eclipse of the Heart?
~ shempre pa.

20) Do you want a total makeover?
~ i'd love a new hair color :) and yeah, maybe new hair altogether.

21) What's something you've always wanted to do?
~ be certain.

24) Would you rather swim in the ocean or a lake?
~ id rather walk

25) Do you wear a lot of black?
~ i tend to. my default color.

26) Describe your hair?
~ messy

28) Are you an adult?
~ i try to be

31) Are you a television addict?
~ i can be.

32) Do you enjoy spending time with your mom?
~ yes, just not on bad hormones days.

33) Are you a sugar freak?
~ i can be. ice cream, cake, and all things sweet. hay :)

34) What is your favorite movie?
~ cant hardly wait(?).. just because i saw it earlier.

35) Who's your last crush?
~ si favorite SMB parin

36) Where do you wish you were right now?
~ faaaar away.

37) What are the places you've been to today?
~ dito lang sa bahay

38) Do you know how to use chopsticks?
~ not really

39) What brand of shirt are you
~ are you... wearing? parang walang brand to eh.

okay. work. now. pft.

explosm.net

because when i needed pick-me-uppers anjan si insan, err.. long story but parang ganun :) i found this link from danica's friendster. the stutter boy was the ultimate benta :D too bad i couldnt find it.here are some strips from explosm.net :D


Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net


Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net


Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

and from this ad same site, that sell vintage tees: i wish my lawn was emo so it would cut itself :D haha.

i want to think it's just the estrogen

before anything, UP's playing UST in the UAAP for the 4pm game today. last i looked, it was a 1-point gap in favor of the freakintigers. and and.. Mike's the ultimate, mehn :) i read Collegian yesterday and his foto was in the sports section and he was basically what the article was about. dude, twentyfreakinfour points from game3 :D am proud :) een after the third straight loss, there's still a glimmer of hope in me they'll smash UST today. tehee. and faith in the team. yehess, blind sticky fans is what school spirit's for :)

checked again, UP Pep Drummers played for halftime. my drummer boy on tv :) *haha, ditzy boy-crazy person -- spotted. am seriously not, eye candies are just ffffun :D* and then i checked again, shet tambak na UP by 12. aaaa! and noo, they took Mike out. pft. and infernes kay Joe Lipa, his last words according to the courtside reporter were 'let's make our first victory memorable'. talk about faith. that's the faith, dude :D

checked again, 12 parin. Mike's back. haha, natatawa ko, as if by this show of support mananalo kame. anyhoo, if in case (by some twist of faith :P) manalo Maroons today, i'll forever love Mike na :) haha.

***

super random thought from two weeks ago: i think short men/boys (SMB from hereon :P) are interesting. i just figured, i have never been floored by a tall person/boy(TPB from hereon :P) >>random UAAP update muli: tambak's down by 10, thanks to Mike :D 4th quarter coming up! -- it's shameful how UP people are happy with a "mere" 10-point lead, from the other team, haha) i think the more interesting ones were SMB's i have known/met. i heard someone say, SMB's think they more to prove than the next average TPB. *cough* there are some though that overrrr compensate and end up being really rude and arrogant and ginormous airheads *cough* but yeah, interesting how i say my vote goes to TPB's, but find the SMB's more endearing :)

***

this is scary. ive never blown my top off like that. something must be terribly wrong with the hormones. ive been a little too testy the past days err... no weeks. i always say my patience is one for the books, but lately, iv'e been angry more than usual. hay Lord, my PMS is getting scary.

BA third front

am now on Rach's lappy here in the lobby. i wait for her while she gets the car from law from her sister. i sit here in solitude err.. not exactly, kanina ka was here and ermm.. i have clover ships and a bottle of c2 for company :) and now friendcess is here :D -- asking about harry for tom :)

***

the worst thing in the world -- poopy and sleepy and helpless about it. and friendcess says yes :P we were at gia's last night working our asses off for that 102 report on celebrity endorsers. and no sleep. lemme say that again, NO SLEEP. no freakinshuteye. well i kinda had, twentyfreakin minutes. dude, ive been awake for 31 hours! ayayay. goodbye dreams about good skin. and rach is here -- and si friendcess papasok na. and rach says yes about the poopy-ness. yes, like Rj Ledesma says, there's weird humor about bodily excretions.

the 102 report was kinda okay. and for me, i talked to much. like the way i always do when i try to cope with extreme pressure and stress that i cant run away from. err.. like that report earlier. i felt like a running faucet that i couldnt turn off. you can just imagine how frustrating that was -- and no, contrary to popular belief, i wasnt, i repeat WAS NOT grandstanding. who would grandstand that way when i couldnt even get good grip of the words i use. arhgh, that bxtch of stuttering. die you freakin thing, die!

***

i figured i was really very tense earlier because iw as literally hurling invectives at every possible inanimate object. and then later, the i couldnt stop saying the g-word, and the f-word, the s-word said the UP way and all those amateur badmouthing. i am not ususally panicky, at least i'd like to think am not, but this morning i was jumpy like crazy. and let me just let this thing out --- shiyeet.

eveything to day was a bad blow to my ego. and no, this is not about some random person fxckxng the day out for me. it's an ego issue thing. pft. when things cdan freakin go wrong, they always freakin do.

and no am not an angry kid. just an angry writer today :)

everyday things :D

blue top. that's the new theme for the next 102 report. unfortunately, my very small corporate closet collection doesnt have anything blue. were pretty lenient for this one, no bouts with color blindness while scouring malls, because we actually agreed to go with ANY shade of blue ( i dont understand though, why bluegreen doesnt count. the fact that its BLUEgreen makes it a shade of blue, right?)

this search for the blue top has taken me places -- Glorrietta, SM Makati, Shang plus that little (or big?) scuffle with the cabbie who stole our fiftyfreakinpesos (can you just freakin imagine, we were charged php50 for that trip from shang to that tiny street that goes left after San Miguel Ave, the one where the old Medical City building used to stand -- fiftyfreakin pesos for just about 10 meters of movement. wtshushu), then this afternoon Metro East and Sta. Lucia. hello sore feet. but yeah, a bit of it was me being stubborn about my choices and not wanting to buy anything unless i got to "tour" the entire place.

after twenimilyen stores, i finally settle for an aqua top from Plains and Prints. now am pretty broke because it is pretty expensive -- putting it in blunt-er terms, shet naubos na pera ko. but i dont know, i kinda feel weird about my purchase. hindi ecstatic hapy eh. may be because i thought it was too expensive. or maybe because had i not been told to buy blue, i wouldn't. ermm, Mum says i SHOULD like my purchase.

***

i went to school again today with the blue adidas backpack. and because i still unfortunately do not have a car at my disposal, i have to lug all my things around when i go places before going home, like my mall trip earlier. here's a teeny story about me when i went to BigR:

Kuya Guard: *mutters some incomprehensible message to me*
Me: *removes earphones* anu yon kuya?
Kuya Guard: Fitness First?
Me: ermm.. no. umm.. shopping?
Kuya Guard: okay.

and then i go in baffled. Fitness First? (of course in reference to the relatively new branch in BigR) hmm.. does that mean i look really fat that Kuya thinks i go to FF, or is it that i look trim (which i very highly doubt :P) i look like someone from FF? Mum says it's just the backpack, and yeah implicitly tells me am extremely paranoid :P

***

tibaks in the house

Stand-UP was in the WC tambayan, in time for the buddy bidding, to talk about why HSA was a bad idea to begin with. then i start missing debsoc and nonpartisanship, among all other things. thats me assuming WC has tight ties with LFS and other affiliated orgs with similar thrusts and freaking out about me -- then the red light inside my head lights up and says, "wrong choice, honey" and gives me that impulse to start moping about not thinking about thaaat. until one smart one smart kid (who happened to be part of DS) piped in asking about WC's political stance. Moki saves the day by saying, WC's neutral, nonpartisan and encourages its members to have their own set of opinions. nobody forces anything to anyone :D and i thought it was really dumb of me to not ask and start moping.

fridayis tibak night still. were all going to the Stand UP-hosted kapihan at the Hardin ng mga Diwata for a cultural night. just when i was thinking about not coming and all, April says, dapat ngayon palang nagpapa-good shot na kayo samen. okay. and then i decide i should come. but yeah, am not too freaked out about friday night. i kinda want to go to the poetry reading din :)

***

i just had to write about this :D 105 today is speak up day and the group brought two people from BPI. yeah yeah, there has to be no comparison... but i just had to say it it because it is working for me :D Krip(?) is from the Ateneo and Lesther is (woot!) from UP and from Ma'am GVT's 106 class. and to justify this, i say the comparison is inevitable :) Lesther definitely outperformed the Aboy :) and yes i know it is not a god idea to gauge school's by listening to one member of the population, butsill :) haha, give this to me, it made my day :)

hello Monday morning

it's not a Monday morning anymore -- itsa Monday afternoon na. i was supposed to write before 102 this morning, so i get to feel how it is to blog in class. haha. but i dint get to, cos when i was about to begin, class started na.

***

third attempt to finish this entry -- time in: 11.20p. so much for blogging in class. me and my weird things :P i felt like such a bibo kid, shuffling from BA to AS and back. i was finishing my survey quota and i had to bring it to school pa because the thirty-and-above people were kulang. i had to survey the BA librarians then later harass the AS101 staff pa. thank you to everyone that gave time for our survey :)

i felt bibo because i helped set up the AS walk Aiesec booth :) my hands got weird dark spots from all the alikabok i had to deal with from the dusty tarp and the straws. and to up my bibo-ness, am manning the booth tomorrow pa with jerick. yey :D

***

buddy bidding :D today i officially love WC :) i was thinking the entire weekend about whether i should push through with the application. and i was like, i have to decide before the buddy bidding tonight because bidding for a buddy (nice ring :P) is kind of like semi-committing to the application. i dint even get to think. this afternoon i just started walking to the tambayan like it was the most normal thing to do.

the weird part about it was before going through the motions of the bidding, April was like, do any of you still have apprehensions about the application? i seriously wanted to raise my hand. i dint raise my hand because am even if am a freakinsenior already, am still a shy loser like that.

had i raised and had she asked me, i'd give her three reasons -- 1) am no serious writer 2) the authors they rattle off dont ring bells to me and i feel a sort of literary-inferiority, yes i am good at making up complexes :P -- and i realize lame excuse to cos i know my zizek, chomsky, err, yun lang pala 3) and third, ermmm... because my paranoia eats me up? heck, i can give fifty more reasons why i shouldnt push through... but but but -- *drumroll* i am pushing through with this :D

***

even rach said i should take April for a buddy. she's really funny, benta mga hirit nya bigtime, and matapang enough for deliberations to make sure i get in. haha, and i just realized how wrong my criteria are :P i dint get to have her though cos shes execom and WC has this no-execom-buddy rule. then they made us pick partners. i ended up with Vincent who knows almost everyone in the org, i thought he was WC already. Vincent wanted Anj (more funny kwento later) cos he said super okay daw and really goodm -- that was what he said when i asked. he seemed so bent on Anj i couldn't pipe in and say i want Nat or Moki. weirdly though, when Nat went up for the bid, Vincent asked me if i want Nat, and when i said yes, we both bid for him. i was thinking seriously whether i did somethng with my face that conveyed that subliminal message about Nat. and yey, we got Nat :)

Anj is the ultimate benta! :D tawa lang ako ng tawa when she came to the tambayan in this weird character which i guessed wasn't her real speaking voice. she kind of spooked me out because she was talking with the voice half the time and i never heard her realreal voice. they said she was theater, and there was nothing more entertaining than she was! :) i kinda felt bad we didnt get to get her -- but but, am really happy with THE nat :D

ohyes, i think i love WC now :D

***

picked up Mahal in mascom. we decided to walk from there to the Katip terminal. it was pretty far, but i nver really felt tired. i was all too happy to see Mahal :) and and.. we're jogging AND shopping tom! weee :)

i was just thinking, of all the promises that i got about staying and being there for me, Mahal's was the only non-promise that delivered :) i guess that's what the real thing's made of -- no fluff, real stuff (ooh rhyming) :P

knew you were for keeps :) thanks mahal, labyu! yikeee.

and so the sem begins

sunny Sunday morning today, and even with all the tasks on top of my head, i get to blog. i do have a pretty valid reason for this though -- waiting for the survey answers while my and that buzz to tell me they're done. btw, thanks to Raissa -- suki :P, Wahr, Debbie, Nicolo, Markie, Mahal, Nica, and RJ :) really big help. 8 down, 42 to go. yes, fortyfreakintwo more.

EDIT (9:06 pm): dint get to finish writing this morning because just when i was about to go into my next paragraph, Mum tells me its late and that we have to get going. and now am writing again while i wait for my survey answers. and and.. my love goes out to Tet Grajo for making sure i hit the 50-respondent quota by giving me all the addies i can possibly need. haha. thanks Tet. i will make sure i'll be first in your favor-giver list :D

on another survey note, i felt like a total shxthead after reading Nicolo's paper. he even left a note to say we should've used 'sex' and not 'gender'. and to up that feeling of shxthead-ness, Tet had to tell me he is the god in crafting surveys. pft. Tet and i were laughing cos as i was saying, i had apprehensions because hes psych and all -- and he delivered :P haha. i dont really feel badbad about it, heck i dint even make the survey. it's a perception thing.

***

on with my recounting of the last few days.

Friday
i got to bully Rach to go with me in the Writer's Club orientation. and we were both erm... surprised -- in a good way. people in WC are different in an interesting way and i like that. but i dont know, am still apprehensive about pushing through with my application. maybe because am a senior -- and that can mean a lot of things and i wont go into them, maybe because i dont think i have time, maybe because i dont really write, maybe because i dont think i am getting in for the beautiful reasons like loving writing so much i cant live without it. but another part of me is excited about getting in -- new friends first and foremost because my set is getting kinda boring (but but.. i love my girls to bits :D ermm, did i just say it that way? :P haha), i like the WC people and i think there will be very interesting conversations, writing and the idea of getting better at it, and resolving that thing i have about commitment. am still thinking. tomorrow's buddy bidding and i think i shall go. hrmm, rach says i should. maybe i should.

we had pre-birthday dinner at Jack's Loft in Eastwood. i haven't uploaded fotos because i dont have the time -- and i think am being really responsible for not getting into multiply while i do my surveys :D

Saturday
Happy Birthday Rach! :D here's to secret secrets, secret getaways, chismis, breakfasts+lunches+dinners, life issues, small talk, Dairy Queen, your (our) hidden thingum for foreign students :P, and the B's Club -- whatever it's supposed to be called. thank you :D and and.. i shall eat at your house before we graduate, para bati na kame ni Jan :)

and Friendcess, i hope you dont make fighting with cabbies a regular thing. haha. remember, you do the fighting, i do the crossing :D and and.. am working on that meanie part of me. thank you for reminding me of that vicious cycle that i am unwittingly creating. and yes, i think you are a keeper because you remind me to do what's right :) yeah, it's kinda eew, but am not taking it back.

***
yes, i think i kinda get it -- that fixing one thing doesnt justify ruining another. it's hard. it's sofreakinhard but i think i want to be the bigger person. pft. i shall think long and hard. i hope i get to do the right thing.

one (freaking) report down :D

today is a happy-sad day. but no worries -- happy wins :D

today is Sir Capili 's (yes, the one i wrote that i-was-floored entry about :P) last SEA 30 day. it's sad cos he's one of the happy reasons for my Mondays and Thursdays -- sometimes even the only happy reason :P i guess his i-will-make-your-self-esteem-better pep talks were working, at least at making my day. haha. the novelty of the entire thing kinda faded nung day2, but i guess when you're genuinely having fun, novelty or no novelty, the kick's still there :) oh how i will miss all the UP wisecracks and how winning basketball is not everything and how the la salle boys NEED to be good at bball and my absent classmates rolling in the lagoon and all those eng'g and masscom people making out in CAL and all the popular friends and yes, even Cambrige and Tokyo U and Aus U. hay Sir, you will be missed. and and.. i've never wished this hard i could take CW10 *sigh*

just to make the memory a happy one, and so that i have some happy thought i could pick out on bad days, here are some of Sir's oft-quoted lines that make my day. yes, i wrote them with in my notebook :) *nerd*

• from day1 -- some stellar advice: know what you want, know your strength
• remember: aggressively repulsive -- Sir on being confident but never overboard
• quoting Wang Gungwu on the people in UP: when you are unaccepting of their quirks, you are out of place :) very well said :D
• to be happy, you have to know what's best for you
• the first rule in life is that there are NO rules
• never let anyone tell you you're not beautiful, not intelligent, or that you can never make it -- prove them wrong. *rawr, there goes my self-esteem up by thirty points :)*
• life is like a beauty pageant, it's all about learning to camouflage your flaws and playing up your assets
• never allow negativity to eat you up :) -- thanks Sir for saying this right when i was in the middle of a bad bout with PMS, when all the world's a b*atch :)
• know your strengths and capitalize on them -- because in life you will always find people who are more beautiful, smarter and better than you are
• quoting NVM Gonzalez THE national artist: to succeed in life, there has to be some fire within you -- while pointing to Mike for reference about opting to be a Fighting Maroon over becoming a Blue Eagle.
• and although i hate it when Sir says it, for the sheer cliche (plus the it-sounds-like-the-guidance-counselor-talking factor): your brain is the sexiest part of your body. wuh, but then again, for all the winner lines and punchlines, he's forgiven for this argh-but-useful chant :)

so yeah, suffice it to say, i lovelovelove Sir Capili for all that 3weeks worth of attendance checking we did in that Literature class. hay.

***

on the happy-er note, 175 case was a success :) that was a freaking hard case. we took three days and twnimilyen revisions before we got our problem statement right. whew! we still got some flak though for going over-macro and not taking even a wee bit of a micro-point to help explain the point further. i say it's the 3-page cap that's to be the scapegoat. mwahaha :P but yeah, i think it kind of limits the report in a substantial way, especially this one we did on Coke&Pepsi in India.

and and.. the ads were a hit :D yay to me youtube newbie-turned-junkie. and again, am sorry about the grandstanding part. i never really intended to do that. i din't know you guys were all reading pala -- and i kind of felt the case went really fast and you know me and my paranoia, parang debate na baka may minus points for undertime :P i was seriously thinking kase baka they might think it's a really qick case and fault us for that. haha. sheah, sorry about that. i didn't really mean to hog all the airtime and the attention :P sorreeeee.

and thanks for the happy working time :D we had such bad down times and brainfry from all the data we had to take in from the case, but still. i really think this is one of the more functional groups i've worked with. thank you to Hannah -- the clicker dude, haha, Debbie, Grace, Pepper, Mavic and Wahr. i had fun. til the next case :)

EDIT (16July2007, sunny Monday morning, BA 303): i got this foto from our y!group and decided to put it up the memory of that report sits with me :) haha. this is us on report day, after this foto ma'am asks us bakit may fotoshoot :P

it's shuffle time :D

1.) How am I feeling today? people are people -- d'sound
(i am the one who believes in all that you say, i am the one that never wants to define herself... uhh, okay.)

2.) How will I feel getting married? i wish you were here -- incubus. hrmmm :P
(i lean against the wind pretend i am weightless, and in this moment i am happeh.)

3.) What is my best friend's theme song? foerever you and me -- lighthouse family. ay, high pala title neto :P
(haha -- Cause even the impossible Is easy when we got each other, impernes parang J&J besties :P)

4.) Highschool is? falling in love again -- eagle eye cherry.
(You got to tell me If you're gonna break my heart Cause I don't wanna take the chance-- whokei)

5.) I am... happy face -- destiny's child
(weee! :D I woke up this morning, the sunshine was shining I put on my happy face I'm living, I'm able, I'm breathing, I'm grateful To put on my happy face, Woke up and realized this world's not so bad after all Looked at it through a child's eyes, and I saw these beautiful Things :) yey! )

6.) How is today? cool with you -- jennifer love hewitt
(You had a way that always left me here with a smile...)

7.) What is in store for this week? save tonight -- eagle eye cherry
(well we know am going away, and how i wish i wish it weren't so...)

8.) What song best describes my parents? right where i belong -- 3 doors down
(inpernes, haha --Cause sometimes it feels so wrong But despite of all this weatherI know why we are together And I swear right now I'm right where I belong)

9.) How is my life going? sembreak -- eheads
(naalala kita pag umuulan SEMBREAK naalala kita pag giniginaw SEMBREAKnaalala kita pag kakain na SEMBREAK naalala kita ilang bukas pa babago tayo ay magkita -- hmmm:P)

10.) What song will they play at myfuneral? get busy -- sean paul? whut.
(how twisted exactly will people get? grieving 60 years from now -- house music at funerals?)

11.) Is this going to be a good year? jeggae -- brownman revival
(Sala sa lamig, sala sa init Tila baga may gusto kang ipahiwatig, Mga hindi mong may ibig sabihin)

12.) What's your love life like? cool with you (ulet?)
(that old flame will never be the same until you come back here and rekindle it -- boo! :P )

13.) What's your favorite? apple pie a la mode -- destiny's child
(galeng ah)

14.) Best bored activity? - sweet escape -- gwen stefani

15.) Favorite quote? honey - mariah carey
(huh?)

16.) Song played in your wedding? are you in -- indcbus
(wedding march :P -- It's so much better When everyone is in Are you in?)

17.) What is yourboyfriend/girlfriend's theme song? learning to breathe -- switchfoot
(hala, very telling of things to come -- will i be that emotional vampire again? :P)

18.) The song that best described yourchildhood days... dreams -- the cranberries
(Lalalaah lalalah lalalaah la la la I want more impossible to ignore -- haha, galeng :P)

19.)The song that keeps playing in your mind... i believe -- blessed union of souls

20.) The song that will make me happy... electric blue eyes -- the cranberries


guess from who's blog i filched this off :P
i shall do this again :D ang galeng, ansayaaaa :D

on pain and a random song

i was pretty surpirsed when i found this song on my iPod. yes, i kinda remember having downloaded Maria Mena songs, but this song was more like i-like-maria-mena-i-will-download-her-songs than i-reaally-like-this-song-i-will-download. haha, get it? i like Maria Mena a lot for the kind of emotion that is found in all her songs. her best is basically the ones on pain, and am guessing she wrote them herself. she's high up there in the realreal heartfelt songs with Saving Jane. they know their pain well. haha.

i was really about to write about this song a few days ago but i never got to. i was still thinking how to go about writing it without sounding like something i dont want to sound like :P and shyeah, this morning i found this article by Lucy Gomez in the Star (my favorite lifestyle writer next to Celine Lopez :D) and i thought what she wrote would meld perfecly with the Maria Mena song.

here are excerpts of her article "What I know about pain":

"...We have all experienced pain, for many reasons, in varying degrees and through different seasons in our personal journey. And what I have learned to respect is that always it is relative -- what breaks the heart of one may not be as crushing to another, what disables and numbs me for three months may merely be a one-week emotional injury for you...

... My blue jacket was a very sad reminder of a very sad time in my
life, but for some strange reason I could not let it go. I am very sentimental
that way...so why did i make it a mission to deal with a worn-out blue jacket
that I have every reason to banish from my sight and life forever? Why was it so
hard to put away? I did try, countless times. But i would always pick it up
again from the pile, hang it again in my closet. Maybe I felt, at that time,
that putting it out of my sight would not necessarily put the sad situation out
of mind. maybe I was afraid that tangibly weeding the path before me of anything
that reminded me of something sad was unrealistic and escapist, and that the
sadness would, in due course, chase me down in more vicious run if I did not
deal with it then and there. maybe i was trying to numb myself, to be immune to
something so pretty and rise above little things like shapeless blue jackets
reminding of bigger things like pain. I really do not know for sure. I just know
that was what I did then....

...it is very difficult to write about pain when you
are sitting in the midst of it because the tendency is for the tears to tumble
out even faster than the words but writing about it much later, at a happier
time in your life, makes you see it through different eyes, and with the wisdom
that was meant to be absorbed more than the sorrow that came along with it

... So what do i know about pain? I know it has to be treated with respect. Feel it and
get to know it, because only then will you be able to let it go. Know you are
entitled to your one last cry and make sure that happens on your own terms; let
no one tell you, you are grieving too much or too little. Be true to yourself
and what you feel but while at it, wait expectantly for healing to come because,
trust me, it will come. All wounds heal in time. We knew that as children then,
we have to believe that as adults know...

...Why do I still keep my blue jacket?
Because it reminds me that the time does come when you can actually talk, even laugh about something that once made you cry."

What I know About Pain by Lucy Gomez

Sunday Lifestyle, The Philippine Star

8 Jul 2007

and this is Maria Mena's song, Miss You Love:

I've run out of complicated theories
So now I'm taking back my words
and I'm preparing for the breakdown

Your t-shirt's lost its smell of you
and the bathroom's still a mess
remind me why we decided this was for the best
Because I miss you love

I know the distance is a factor
but I stretch as often as I can
My goal is to reach your hands anyday now

Please don't blame me for trying
to fix this one last time
I have a hard time as it is
Because I miss you love

Don't act like you don't know me
It's still me, I never changed
I'll be here when you come back
And I miss you love

and no, i wrote not because i am still in pain. am good :D really. this thing just got me thinking. naisip ko lang, back then, pride really got in the way. i was trying to show eveyone that i was good. i was putting up this show even with myself, because yes, i had pride issues that bigggg. haha, i think i actually still have them :P

i was just wondering, what would have happened kaya if i seriously thought abuot my issues and let the course of grieving(?) or whatever ang tawag dun. like had i not jumped at certain steps in the process, would i have come out better? random thoughts. but then again, i know i can say confidently that i trust the Master Plan and that whatever happend SHOULD really have happened. but yeah, i must admit, sometimes it really is difficult to try to make sense out of the events. but then again, i take comfort in the fact that i KNOW for a fact that, all is well AND will end well :D

so where did my magic go again?

i miss having something to feel so passionately about. i was watching UAAP season 70 opening ceremonies earlier and there was something about sports and its fan that struck a cord. i thit home bad -- left me wishing i had something to feel very strongly about. i have written stuff on this a number of times before, and maybe until now i still haven't found that somethingsomething. back then i thought it was debate, sadly my thing fizzled out even before i could say POI. pft like that. i will find that ( and i hope real soon.)

nagkalat. big time. yan ang ginawa ng Fighting Maroons on the first basketball game of the 70th season. am no basketball fan but this season, am watching :) i have SEA30 classmates who are playing for the Fighting Maroons and shyeah, tha's pretty compelling reason to keep me glued on the tube. or maybe even Araneta :D haha.

anyway, i was probably so expentant and hopeful about the game earlier cos i feel some uncanny affinity to the team -- well the guard and the center were part of my GE class, so i guess that's some affinity. hehe. i wached the thing like from the opening ceremonies to some parts of the game. i caught the first quarter and the last. and good gahd, it took the maroons like 8mins before they scored their first basket. hrm, i figured kahit pala hindi ko classmate yung players ma-disappoint parin ako :P i realized it was weird anyway for me to expect a win (from comebacking La Salle) because the basketball "title drought" (as the anchors put it) has been on for 21 years. breaking it for the UP centennial? pretty long shot.

***

on another UP note, i signed up for the UP Writers Club lst Friday. i had to walk from BA to CAL with rach (pretty far considering my feet were sore) to prove to myself i was serious about wanting to get in. Orientation's on Wednesday/Friday. am still thinking if i really want this. and again, i heard about this org from my SEA30 class -- and no, contrary to what i might have implied with this post, i HAVE a life outside of my SEA30 class :P

i was actually considering reaff-ing in DebSoc -- not on my own though. i stumbled upon Neng one fateful day at Phan on my way to my SEA30 class (nooooooo! :P) and she told me about her DebSoc comebacking status. that was late June when we met up, and i figured (just now, err maybe a few days ago) that it was weird of me to hope i could get away with reaff-ing at that point in time. she was telling me about the new DebSoc lot and how she like them as a group. that was kind of the green light to that voice inside my head that said "go." damn that voice. haha. so yeah, it was kinda a rollercosater for the next two days for me while i wait for Jess H. to tell me about my status and my chances of getting in again. and like Friendcess said, it was a weird a idea to get into there again because Neng got in -- lame idea daw, in blunt terms. i counter by saying, iba ang dynamics ng DebSoc membership. i still believe am right, but at this point it is a useless fact. suffice it to say, i wasn't able to be that "comeback kid".

i feel better now. no i didn't really throw a tantrum (at least inside me, not that i'd throw my weight around... i don't even know who:P) over not having my way. yes i was disappointed, because when Neng told me about her coming back, i was already seriously planning inside my head my plan of action for my reintegration i.e., times of tambay, my level of friendliness, and other ways to be an exemlplary non-DQ mem. it took me two days to plan the entire thing inside my head, and well, around two days to get over my grand plans :P am better now. and i figure, i probably didn't want it in the first place. Neng was an important factor in the DebSoc equation -- which isn't totally bad at all. it's just that, i probably need more compelling personal reasons for the things that i do.

and and.. i get to fulfill my combacking kid thingum in Aiesec :D i really really want to stick by this decision. no half-hearted member this time. and and.. i have two comebacking kids with me -- Rach, the Aiesec-er from Cebu (who was btw part of the Josh-and-friend Aiesec imports from Cebu) and Friendcess, the i-am-a-snob-i-am-friends-with-the-Aiesec-members-already app. i really hope things work for us :) and my commitment thingum? it's kind of being put to the test already. and yes, i rememeber telling my self it is NOT going to be easy. and my reality is telling me it is NOT. hay. i can do this :D
*that's me pep talking myself*

***

i wanna see High School Musical -- the theater version now running in Meralco Theater :D i haven't seent the entire TV thing on Disney even after 20 gajillion replays. am not really so hung up on the thing. but i read this review from the Lifestyle of Phil Star yesterday that the play has one of the most creatively choreagraphed curtain calls (of all time daw -- and i kinda take his word din cos the writer's a theater person daw). i just think theater has this magic and it's all so different when you watch it there. i wanna go see :D

***

hmm on a very emotional note, i miss having something/one to call home. you know, that something/one to go back to at the end of the day, your happy thought, the one you save yourself for, the one you can't wait to tell something about (ay super nagiging someone :P), err the one you love the most (ay yan pwede yang passion, like music or basketball, diba? diba?). i miss having the best friend. not necessarily MY (that one) best friend, but that idea of home. yang all of the above and more. but sometimes i don't. haha. anyone pwede? :D

***

PS: it's 5p and ihaven't started on anything academic for today. i was ecstatic about jogging this morning pa naman becausei told myself i'll be more productive. so much for exercise and a better schedule :P

ooh one more. i just remembered, we ate out last night at Power Golf in Ortigas at this coffee shop that's named Firenze. it was cozy and warm and homey, it was a really pretty place. i had tiger prawns in mustard sauce and it was gooood :D i juat had to put that memeory down para may happy thought na ko :)

and and.. we went out to look for a laptop din last night. i know we were tight on the budget so i wasn't exactly excited about getting my own lappy. until i saw this black compaq presario ata yun. i love it na :D it was kinda over the range my mum set for me, but i guess a little urging from Kuya and i can get my hands on that hot thing :) malakas loob ko cos my dad was pretty convinced about getting that one. the others models kase were cheaper but on close scrutiny it gets pretty expensive din because walang OS and kulang yung memory and really huge. Lord, can i please get that black one? please? :)

there goes my wednesday morning

in true blue ADD fashion, i have again wasted another half day (which i supposedly allotted for reading my overdue homework) doing random, non-value adding activities i.e., friendster-ing, blogspot-ing, multiply-ing, and catching up with people i think i can spread some love to. that was a mouthful. there goes my 4++ hours. hay. anu pa ngaba, like am not getting used to it :P

i slept pretty late last night -- that's considering i go to bed a wee bit earlier than i used to. i took a bath at 12.ish and that's later than usual. and i was *drumroll*.... on ym with gen and mark :D high school was pretty much about that -- gen and our friends, and mark and our friends. they are seriously two of the funniest people i know. ang riot nga kagabi, laughtrip all the way :D i had to say bye to gen and markie at 12.ish cos i was really getting dizzy, like woozy-in-the-head dizzy.

i have been drowsy since my 10am class yesterday. we went home pretty late monday night because of that spoiled trip. we didn't get anything, but we still came home late. am not whining, though :D dad got me a new lock &lock baon box and now i don't have to worry about my lost pink baon box :) and and.. i got i think it's called gummy strawberries and cream. from the makers of gummy bears, yung pink and white kinda sour stretch-y candy na may suger glazing. yummmiiii :D my favoritefavorite since second grade :)





and and... HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my favorite pinsan, DANICA :D <-- and thats purple foyouuu! :D
lovelovelove her to bitsssss :D cos we do it the engua way, baybeh :D
labyu pinsan!

**********************

and now, my overdue entry :)

restless me. it's been four weeks (i think) since school started and i've been to two movies already with two coming up in the next three or so weeks -- but i have not one finish chapter to brag about for any of my subjects. seriously. i tried counting and if i remember if right, we're done with 6 chaps for OpMan, 3 chaps for Global Marketing, and an inch thick pile for Cross-Cultural. wow. i don't know. i don't do it intentionally. i seriously want to read and i find myself scheduling reading times for myself. the past weeks have seen me attempting to work in the econ lib, and slaving away for three hours -- attempting being the operative word. i either get drowsy and give in to sleep (if i don't sleep i'd get a really big headache), or just plain restless. i just can't sit still and it's sad. hay. shake shake shake off the summer lethargy.

anyway, since i enjoyed the movies the naman lets talk about them :D i have been watching boy movies as of late. the first one we caught was Fantastic Four II (rise of the silver surfer -- kelangan talaga kasama yun :P) which was kinda boy movie. i liked it. well cos Mr. Fantastic was exactly what his name says of him :D he was old, the crow's feet on both his eyes were dead giveaways, butstill :D and this latest one we saw (at Galleria, which got both me and Friendcess crap from the parental units for going home late and asking on short time's notice) Transformers! it was worth all the flak i got for watching :P hahaha. the Even Stevens guy was... amazing. even i dont understand, pero laughtrip yung movie saken. i was laughing the entire time, even during the robot right scenes. hay, funny guys are hot talaga :)

i am no robot fan, but i liked the movie still. during the fight scenes i was asking myself if i was enjoying cos i dont feel any fascination sweeping over me -- weird considering that the movie's CGI's were amazingly blended and so un-cartoon-like. yung tipong you know they spent for it and got all the geeks in the universe to work on them robots. haha. i wasnt floored by the robots, i think i liked the movie for its awww- quality. it's a fun movie, might watch it again. am hoping for a dad-sponsored movie in teh next coming weeks. haha.

i have two other things to write about eh. it slips me as of the moment. will write again later. am dizzy. ive been here since 8.30 -- seriously. i went out for a while for lunch. butstill. rawr, i need changes. hayhay.