Sunday, January 07, 2007

my belated am-starting-the-new-year-right entry

i have , for the past week or so, been trying to shove the idea of the new year back up my brain as just another holiday. just today i realized, last year was something. it was a show of a lot of things about myself i din't know of. yeah, including this overly emo side :P

last year was a mandatory you-have-no-choice-but-to-grow-up year. yes, the bitter falling out was all part of it and caused a lot of other things i didn't think was part of me. there was being part of a team, a special partnership hehe, my bad realtionship skillls and how i strangle anybody am with.. and well, how i drive them nuts :P, loss, denial, anger, hatred, trying to get over, pretending to be alright even when it was killing me inside, finally getting over and moving on, and picking up the pieces again and finding the resilience i had inside of me. i din't know i had that kind of strength inside me. thank you Lord for sustaining me :)

there was also Tet leaving, moving out of the country. and their family did this just when i started thinking i found that person i was looking for in all the friendships i've been in. there's me trying to get over and growing up, and knowing life doesn't happen the way you want it to. even when you plead God -- cos more than anything, His plan's bigger, better, and way out of the ordinary. tops mine all the time, and yeah, i don't take it against Him when His prevails :P

the bad things helped me find my real love -- writing :) i have been writing since i first learned about sentences and how to put them together, and i have screaming bad, icky gradeschool diaries to prove that. i kinda took writing seriously (according to me :P) last year, opened new blogs, and started sharing my compositions for the entire online community to see. if not for all those icky things that happened, i wouldn't have found out about that lovely feeling i get when i read the things i write -- usually after a bad bout with pms. haha.

i write when am happy, i write when i feel bad, i write when am angsty, i write when am mad. i thank God i found out about the joys of writing last year. ranting is so much fun when done in writing, wonderful stress reliever as well. thank you to you, too, for all those horrible things i had to endure. because of you i turned to writing -- never been happier :)

last year, i found new friends, saw the happy part of college, tried working harder -- and playing harder :P, learned about myself so much, realized values on love + relationships -- and mind you, they're not all about romance :) i learned so much about friendships, working relationships, and my family.

but just like any other year, there also was much to be said about the wrong turns i took, and the wrong choices i made. for one, i was too involved emotionally, and then later too angry to be rational. i also had bouts with being stuck with the wrong priorities and not knowing how to get out of the rut i got into. so after the realizations, here's my hope list for the new year, fingers crossed for a better me, better year:

  • stop cussing -- forget about those ugly words, scrap them outta ze vocab. in my head, or out loud -- its just the same.
  • be more tolerant of everything -- this year also saw me losing patience over other people's differences. i became too idealistic, not making room for errors, and fussing over everything. ending? i am the most pissed being in the universe. this year, am hoping to be happier by not being to sissy.
  • see more beauty -- its an option you know :)
  • be more dedicated in all things
  • pray more -- err.. pray :P and read the bible.
  • be a happy thought fairy -- angsty is killing me. thinking all the time about anything and everything is tiring, especially hen they're bad thoughts. draining.
  • know when too many issues mean to much -- haha mahirap to!
  • give more love -- wuwi, came out too cheesy. but yeah, someone's gotta do it :P
  • give out more compliments
  • be happy company -- don't you just hate it when people's kwento are always depressing rants about everything? i don't wanna be.

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