Some Days You Just Kinda Need A Hug

One of those 'some days' is today. Today I kinda just need a hug. One big bear hug to engulf all of me and make me feel like everything is going to be alright. Alright because all the dark and heavy clouds of sadness hovering around my head, all the worries and concerns, all the pain and anger, all the issues and insecurities I have held on to for so very long and unconsciously refuse to let go of will be taken away. I need one big bear hug to tell me that.

Photo credit: Unknown

(This photo came out in the wake of the infamous 8.9 Japan earthquake, a Panda refusing to let go of rescuer's leg because of  fear from the earthquake and the subsequent aftershocks)

I need a hug to be my go-to place right now. I need a hug because all the thinking isn't helping and all that sadness keeps winning. I need a hug because I am so tired of being sad. I really really really need a hug.

How To Be Boring

An excerpt from an interesting article on Thought Catalog, "How To Be Boring". Read full article here.

If you’re boring, it means you’re not paying enough attention. After all, life is too insane to be boring. Life is “Are you fucking kidding me? Let’s fight for this!” Life is “I feel things all the time. I’m interested in everyone’s story.” It’s not, “I love french fries and not knowing how to talk to people and I really think Josh Duhamel is a good actor.”

Running High!

I crammed running mileage tonight. I know that it's a bad idea but between two evils, not logging running mileage and cramming running mileage, I think I chose the lesser evil of the two.

1.1k     warm up walk/jog
8.8k     steady pace run
1.1k     cool down walk
-------------------------
11k

Hey, Not too shabby for a jumpstart. I was just targeting 2 rounds at the oval (4.4k) just to see how (not) ready my body was for Sunday's 10K. I tried pushing to 3 rounds, and then next thing I know, I was running my 4th round. I just kept running until my feet felt like they were about to break. Haha. On the upside though, I felt like tonight's run jumpstarted my legs back to running :) Maybe no PR's for Sunday, but I hope I at least get to finish the 10K strong.

The UP Acad Oval at around 10PM

Tonight's run wasn't very easy. I felt jiggling um, "jelly" (as in, "I don't think you're ready for this jelly" jelly...) in many many places. My butt was jiggling, my tummy was jiggling and I really felt the brunt of the weight, especially during the first 2km/first round. But I just kept running, in the hopes that I will eventually (by eventually, I meant tonight) break out of this "non-running" phase. I am happy to report that I did break out of the phase :)

As I was pushing kilometer 5, I felt that familiar spring in my step and I remembered why I fell in love with running. My mind was very clear, my head was set on training and that familiar thought of pushing to run longer distances went for a happy visit. I was in my happy place again :)

10K on 2K Training Mileage and Some ISO Things

It's 6:21 PM and I am crazy tired. We just wrapped up a whole day of ISO Internal Audit. For the uninitiated,  ISO is a standard by which you get certified after complying with a set of standards on organization management or  environmental protection or both. An ISO certification means you meet way too many times about anything and everything in the company and use way too much paper than Mother Earth can tolerate. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for ISO cos it's a good thing for putting order in organizations, it's just that... all that paper work is a bitch.

We started meeting at 9AM this morning, met til lunchtime, had a 40-minute break for lunch, resumed audit, moved audit locations, audited some more, moved audit locations back to the office again, audited some more, before we finally finally, thank the Lord, called it a day. I am drained beyond comprehension. (Okay, that may be an exaggeration, but I'm sticking with it cos it sounds good on the blog).

Now am gearing up to run my usual Thursday night run and I have no idea where to get the energy to run AT LEAST 5K. If it were an ordinary Thursday, I would've bailed on myself and totally gone home to NOT run. Maybe grab a 2-piece Chicken Joy on the way home. But I have a 10K on Sunday and so far this week, I have only logged 2K of running mileage and some wimpy cardio. There's no way I could survive my 10K by just 'winging it'.

So now, I'm gonna rest a bit, watch some Mr Sunshine, and then haul my ass out of the office and FORCE myselft to run. With only 2K training mileage, I don't think there's any other option.

Just to put it out there, I miss running. I haven't run in a while and I miss the whole routine of pounding the pavement, getting some solid alone time and feeling awesome after a good few rounds at the Acad Oval. I dread running tonight cos I am SO tired. But I really really WANT to and I really really HAVE to run tonight.

Alrighty, enough yakking for now. Resting a bit and then off I go to UP. This is me cheering myself on >> You go, kid!

The Pretty Boy Hiding Under The Dirty Camos

So last Saturday, me and Dad went to watch, are you ready for this... "World Invasion: Battle Los Angeles." (Can you really expect a movie with that title to be at the least, good?) Dad wanted to see it, me not so much. But as a dutiful daughters go, I went out to watch with him. It was a "meh" movie at best and a little too much testosterone for my taste. At some point I got a headache from all the machine gun shooting and camera panning and zooming.

It would've been a waste of over two hours of time but our friends from Columbia Pictures sure know how to make you think, "not so bad".  Some twenty minutes into the movie and out pops this pretty boy onscreen. Meet, Lieutenant William Martinez of the US Marines aka Ramon Rodriguez in real life.

Photo credit: www.cinemovie.tv

This baby boy puts a whole new different meaning to pretty. Look at that face. And that hair. And omg those eyes. And that five o'clock stubble. This boy is "werkin it" without even trying to. Heee. Just sharing new eye candy. Swoon time, all together now :p

How Awesome is 10,015 Hits? :)

We've officially been visited 10, 015 times! What up!

I just want to give a shout out to the very very random people who drop by the blog and take a few minutes to read my two cents worth on also very very random stuff. While I'm very happy just posting entries and "throwing it out to the internet black hole" for release, it gives me a good feeling to know there are other people who appreciate the writing.

Photo credit: http://cristycrossphotography.blogspot.com

I was really wary of the comments in the chatbox before. Some of the links were pretty weird so I started thinking that "robots" aka spammers have infested my chat box. But after a few kind words from some very patient readers, who were very gracious to post hi's, hello's and some very nice things about the blog, I am now convinced I have real, actual people readers! Trust issues? Hahaha!

Also, my friend PV (Hello you! So you'll feel special when you drop by here again :) Lemme know it it's okay to reveal you identity here hahaha) gave me some blog "audience" advice. He said to talk back to the readers who take time to post greetings on the chatbox. So if and when I become an "international blogging sensation" *cough in the next 2 years cough* (dreams are free so, dream big yeah?) I have this guy to thank for teaching me to "talk to my audience" :)

As a first time effort, I'm saying hello to Anne, Cynthia, Sophia,  Drew Ranger and Blogobo from the chat box! Cheers to you guys who appreciate the quirky and the weird! Hahaha. Let's keep this blog online longer, shall we?

Lovely Day, Ugly Feeling

I skipped work today due to light fever and a nagging cough. Yesterday, I went home early due to light fever and a splitting headache. I feel a little off skipping work because I just came from a 4-day work leave to for my Bangkok vacation. Feeling like an unprofessional notwithstanding, I cannot find the energy in me to go to work.

The feeling is ugly. It's a lovely sunshiny day outside, a full day with endless possibilities, yet I choose to stay in and nurse this small sickness. I have so much work backlog, partly from bad time management, but I'd also like to think, largely because of the very large scope of my job. I get dizzy thinking about all the work to do. It doesn't help that all I've been getting this week are bad news from everywhere.

I think my head is spinning in part because of the upcoming events this Thursday and Saturday. And just like the past 2 years, I have no one but myself to run to, and well, to berate, when things go awry. I just want to throw it out there... it is REALLY VERY TIRING.

But because this is real life, adults can't just run away and forget about it. Well, technically I can, but just the thought of the chaos (and the world of pain -- bad blood and all) it will bring me, I know the smart decision is to choose not to. I will have to clean up the messes (is there a plural for 'mess'?) and soldier on til it's clean enough to exit.

Oh, real life.

Things I Lift In Prayer

I am one with the rest of the world in prayer for the tragedy that befell Japan. It is indeed very sad to hear of the damage it has wreaked all over the country caused by the nightmare 8.9 magnitude earthquake and the horrendous tsunami. I would think the vivid photos and the videos all over the news and the internet do little to approximate the horror of being unfortunate to experience it.

My heart goes out to the families who lost their houses and belongings, more so to those that lost loved ones. My heart also goes out to people everywhere in the world who have friends and loved ones in Japan and who had to go through the pain of locating them and asking whether they are dead or alive. My heart also goes out to those who are still currently trying to find ways and means to contact Japan.

I, too, am going through my own personal turmoil, although definitely not as great and as grave, as these very unfortunate incidents in Japan. Not to be insensitive to the grief and sorrow of those in Japan, but I just feel like I feel the gloom, not just on the outside -- from the news on  Japan, but also inside, with my own personal woes. As a matter of personal conviction though, I feel it a little inconsiderate to rant about my small issues in the midst of this great tragedy that many people, not just in Japan but all over the world, have to soldier through.

I offer a moment of silence for the pain, the agony, the horror, the trauma and the loss of these poor people. May God bless you with enough grace for the days ahead and the tenacity to move forward from this. I hope my small prayer of request be one with the rest of other prayers for Japan. May the Father find favor in these prayers and bless those we pray for.

It's a Sad Day, It's Bye Bye BKK Day

I am sitting by my lonesome in an almost empty hotel room, waiting for Mum to call me to go down to bring the stuff. Yes folks, it's the last day of the Bkk vacay (hey, that rhymes!) and while a Friday is always something to be thankful for (at least when you're on your ass 9 to 5 -- or in my case, 8 to 6 -- on a regular work day) today it's a bit different. Today we leave to fly back to the Philippines -- or as the Thai call it, Filipin.

It's been an awesome 4 days of broken English, hand/sign language and a motley of different feelings ranging from fascination, exhaustion, a little bit of frustration sometimes, but since it's my first time here, mostly excitement at the next "attraction".

We've been duped by a taxi driver, "flew" on tuktuk and walked and walked til our lower backs gave up. I've haggled like a heartless person, giggled at the funny way the locals talk, made some pretty stupid purchases and and... wore my cross trainers with jeans -- so yeah, I guess we've had the "full" tourist experience. Today we bid Bkk bye bye. I am to be leaving but also happy to be coming home. Yeah, and other funny crap like that.

Full Bkk photoblog soon! (Or at least when my free sked and writing hand agree at a time) Hee. Here's a snippet of what's to come (mostly photos of me, hahaha) in  "the" photoblog.

Pretty Thai girl (with pretty Pinay friend, hahaha)

Laterz, Asian brothers from another mother! Khap kun kha!

The Airport Ceiling Has Rust Spots

I am sitting and waiting by the international airport and then there's free wifi! Score! So let me ramble a little to help me while away til boarding time.

Today we fly to Bkk :) Yay! Dad's flying for an official convention and my Mum made a good case on why we SHOULD tag along. So here we are, with one of Dad's business colleague, my cousin and Uncle, Bkk-bound in a few! Woop!

Anyhoo, I knew I was gonna kill around 2 hours worth of idle time so I said I was gonna be productive and update my resume. It's been over an hour since I first opened the resume file but I can't find it in me to get a headstart on the writing. Blerg. My head's in the clouds alreadyyy. Well, I kinda knew this would be an exercise in futility. Heee. So now, am blogging.

Oh, now I remembered! I have thank-you-for-your-birthday-greetings entry to write! Be back in a bit :)

I Wonder What They'll Say On My Eulogy

Came home just about an hour ago from a wake. Dad's cousin died of a stroke at the very young age of 35. The crowd was pretty big, mostly family and close and distant relatives.

The mood was morose and pensive. I would think friends and family alike are thinking to themselves what this death means them, how the dead touched their lives and how they will move forward after this.

I can't help but think to myself, I wonder how things would be like if I go? Will my wake have many guests? Will the mood be morose and pensive? Who will say my eulogies and what stories will they tell? Will people say I touched their lives? Did my life really matter?

I'm kind of  embarrassed at the vanity of my thinking about myself in the midst of someone else's death, in the midst of someone else's loss. But I guess there's really just something about other people's deaths that make you think about your own. Not that, I want to know the answers to my questions now or any time soon, that can wait um, a hundred more years :p

I guess the hope is that I live a life that matters. More importantly, a life that matters to the people that matter to me. I want to find out that I touched the lives of those around me. That those I loved like crazy loved me also like crazy. And that my life and my love and my friendship made a difference. Pretty ambitious stuff, huh? Dream big, eh!

This may have been a little morbid, talking about my own death and all that dark stuff. But really, all that talk about death and dying really points you back to assess what kind of living you are doing. I think this means I gotta start living bigger now -- to make sure I get awesome eulogies :) Hahaha!

Chutzpah Isn't In The Genes?

"People think chutzpah is in the genes. It isn't.. it's in the needing and wanting and being willing to fall on your face. It isn't fun.. who wants all that rejection, but life is sweeter if you make yourself do uncomfortable things."

- Helen Gurley Brown

My Morning Validation :)

After coming out of that pretty dark place that is February (yeah yeah I know, birthday month and all, separate post for this), I jump at pretty much every and all opportunity for validation. Today's validation came in through my GodWhispers email. It was so nice I literally got "kilig" -- I tried, but I just can't find the exact English equivalent to encapsulate the whole gamut of feelings captured by "kilig" :)

Without further ado, here's my pocketful of sunshine:

Dear Katrina,
So what great, wonderful, phenomenal thing will you do today?
Best,
God

P.S. Katrina, just being you, sitting there and existing in my world, makes me dizzy with delight. You have no idea how happy you make me.
***
I can't believe how I am reeling at this :p Just the thought that someone is "dizzied with delight" at the thought of me, I can't help but beam with pride at myself! Dear whoever is reading this, I want you to know that, someone somewhere is dizzied with delight at the thought of you :) You, yes you, are AWESOME!

***
P.P.S. We're watching Kaos tonight! Hello beautiful albino tiger, later! :)