Monday, December 24, 2007

the holidays

I just have a few (non-happy) holiday thoughts. Nope, i don't do it on purpose to coincide the cranky betch on supposedly happy days. It just happens. Blame it on the uh, weather? Haha, labo. Basta. Venting ahead.

Okay, let's start listing. One, the lazy pwet (oh, that's mine, btw) isn't moving. Immobilized by what else, monster P. Two, there's a feasib i have to write and the deadline's looming like monster under a kid's bed. Three, i just want to get out of here. Four, there's no one to call -- i think i badly need them now. Five, i need my rest and i can't have it if everything around me feels too tight and ready to explode. Six, menopause is a bitch. Seven, I've been watching a lot American TV series and it makes me wish really hard that talking to adults was just as easy as they do it. am beginning to hate how we do it here. Oh, and eight, little brothers and sisters aren't exactly welcome, but there are times i hate the one-kid household thing.

Random thought, the women of Private Practice have really beautiful and tight arms *envy*. Am loving Private Practice for the hot arms and that cute receptionist. Gahd, Kate Walsh is unbelievably beautiful. And even when she does that weird expression on her face when she acts, she's still amzingly pretty. Still the same Addison, just minus the lovesick and vengeful ex-Missus Derrick Shepherd. Oh, and am loving Cooper Freedman -- the puppy-dog eyes, the secret love and the endearing helplessness, it's sexy :P

Oh yeah, that's what's taking up my all my time -- American TV series. Rach gave me all these series and they're all funnn :) Private Practice, Friends, Gossip Girl -- omg, Dan and Serena aaaa! and whut, it's Nate and Blair uh-gain -- and finally got around to fixing the busted Grey's Anatomy cd :)

Oh and on another random thought, you can't blame people who leave when you keep pushing them away, can you? It sucks when it's such a bad habit you can't shake off. Pushing people away is addicting.

I figure am turning out to be a cranky betch on a regular basis. Not good, not good. I need my happy thought fairy. I hate the way college has turned me into a rational prick. Yes, i still am that messy emotional person but my thinking has changed a lot. No magic for me anymore, and it sucks. I need love. Haha, labo. But on second thought, maybe i do. Dan Humphrey? You coming soon? :P

P.S. (random thought sana lagay ko, but andami na :P) the last time i had the uh, visitor, there was amazingly no PMS. I think the happy thoughts and the secret smiles from that secret had something to do with it. The wit and charm are simply amazing and sometimes it makes me sick when i realize how much i love it. You're too hot, you're distracting. Haha. It kinda sucks how with women, looks are at the bottom of the priority list. It's amazing how we manage to appreciate wit and charm and smarts and personality and let go of that physical ideal. Oh well, You are a lucky plucky :)

Friday, December 07, 2007


Haven't read anything for this sem yet. The closest i got to reading was browsing through the (pathetic) Business Comm readings. I don't take down notes in class. First, it was because I lost my black Pilot retractable. And then when i finally got hold of a new black Pilot retractable, I dont bring my notebooks to class because um, they're heavy. Or that the bag am bringing for that day has enough space only for the planner, alcogel, tissue, and that tube of liquid I put in my hair.

Oyeh, this coming from a kid who's supposed to be graduating in four months time. Ask me what I do and I tell you this -- I sit on the computer at home, that's the lappy plugged to the internet cable, with my limewire window open. And then I type up all these songs they made when I wasnt even born yet. And then I wait with my googly eyes til the darn thing finishes to download. And then when it's done, I find more things to type up and wait for. And because (I act like) I have all the idle time in the world, I open the window to this page that (makes me really happy but) eats up all my time. And then I sort my pictures and then I put them in this webbie that eats up all the meager time I have left, which should've been for studying really.


Wednesday, December 05, 2007

Musings of the Pensive Kid

The Headache
It's been a number of mornings that I wake up with a bad headache. The kind that makes you wish for sleep to come again. Although it's not as bad as real migraines are , it's bad enough to piss you off so early in the morning. But then again, before I start getting ticked off and then ruining my day in the process, I remind myself it is not without cause. I have been sleeping at obscene hours as of late. When you think about it, is not acceptable, considering that it still is actually school season. So me acting like a wasted kid in the middle of sembreak is a big, fat N-O. no no.

The Massage --nope, not the sleazy ones, the ones who sends girls in scrubs to your house
I got a massage saturday night. I was really looking forward to it because i have weird stuff growing on my back. Kidding. My shoulders were getting really stiff, it kinda gets freaky. Mum says its from stress and too much time on the computer. Its beginning to hurt so i get the help of a masseuse. I thought it would help. Now am sore all over. The "lamig" ate masseuse calls it is gone -- now its 'sakit". Dude, my back hurts like crazy. I cant lean back on solid surfaces, cos it freakin hurts. Okay, i am grateful my mum paid for it. But that's about what am thankful for.

I am currently hung up on 60's music. My music folder is loaded with I Dont Know How Many Beatles songs. Well, for one i am tryin got make my dad happy from all the cd's ive been showering him with all these bob-your-head tunes. Its weird, its fun. the music's happy, and so am I -- huh, labo. Anyhoo, am weirdly liking it. Like, my lss's are from the 60's now.

The Messy Hair -- this time not mine
It's haunting me. Its weird cos I get the 2d images in my um, dreams. Maybe thats the sign that this thing is twisted. The 2d says it all, not healthy.

Thank You
Thank you for making me smile. That one goes out to my cryptic you. Its been a while since I last went to bed with a grin. The funny quips are a hit with me, keep 'em coming cos I'll be needing the laughs :)

Get Your Pwet of that Chair. I need to shut up you know. Am talking er, typing too much. Like I said, theres so much to do but so little resovle to actually start working. Boo procrastination.

Saturday, December 01, 2007

counting down the days

Maybe it's the inexistent sembreak. Maybe it's all the stress from this sem plus the graduation woes. Or maybe it's just me -- the lazy ass.

roughly a month into the sem and am still not, you know, in the zone, whatever zone that is. Feasib's not going anywhere,at least from where i see it *cough i shall reasearch soon, really cough* and then THE orgs. i took a lot of responsibility, because i know this is the only way i can shape up. oh no, not physically. i meant, responsibility shit and all that. that thin line between raising up your hand to own up responsibility and getting that fat ass of the cozy chair and actually starting working. hay, me and my things.

and here i am, typing away, happily ensconced in this makeshift chair in my room, drumming my fingers to beatles songs i stayed up late last night downloading. why do i do the things that i do. and i ask this question everytime i write -- even after twenty repetitions, i still dont know the answers.

Holiday today, means finally getting to write Neng's yearbook piece (yes, the one i still have no idea what to write about), writing the marketing things for the marketing responsibility i took for AIESEC, and accomplishing all those things i typed up in that pathetic little notepad. that notepad of hopes -- hopes of really accomplishing things.

i figured a have so skillfully mastered this deadpan form of writing, that dry, jaded way of pouring out my feelings. i feel like a really old, sad person now that i am reading through what i wrote. this an unneccessary disclaimer, but one i will make, nonetheless -- i am a happy person :) *requisite smiley there*

on other non-academic responsibility, so many things coming up, clouding my kiddie comprehension. i think i remember this time when i actually asked for real meaty stuf, the one adults worry about, just to assure me i was actually growing up. kaboom, i am reminded of being careful of the things you wish for lest you get them. now, i am flooded by things i thought i wanted, and i now i realize i am so not ready for any of them. too much adult resposibilty -- definitely more than i could handle (random shit sorry: i just have to say i totally love typing in this laptop. makes me feel like like i know my keys. weee! anyhoo, moving on...). now the things i worry about are the ones i once thought were the big words thrown around by OTHER people. the kind of people you read from magazine stories, the ones who are so different from you, that their sadness if poetic. the ones you think are so surreal, you wonder if they actually are true. and then the things you read about, they come to your life, popping in front of your face to tell you YES (in big bold capital letters) that they are real things. the ones real people worry about. wow, i feel like a real adult. i just am not so sure, if am very happy about this. whoah, hello real life, please at least knock when you're coming to show yourself to me.
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