Maybe it's the inexistent sembreak. Maybe it's all the stress from this sem plus the graduation woes. Or maybe it's just me -- the lazy ass.
roughly a month into the sem and am still not, you know, in the zone, whatever zone that is. Feasib's not going anywhere,at least from where i see it *cough i shall reasearch soon, really cough* and then THE orgs. i took a lot of responsibility, because i know this is the only way i can shape up. oh no, not physically. i meant, responsibility shit and all that. that thin line between raising up your hand to own up responsibility and getting that fat ass of the cozy chair and actually starting working. hay, me and my things.
and here i am, typing away, happily ensconced in this makeshift chair in my room, drumming my fingers to beatles songs i stayed up late last night downloading. why do i do the things that i do. and i ask this question everytime i write -- even after twenty repetitions, i still dont know the answers.
Holiday today, means finally getting to write Neng's yearbook piece (yes, the one i still have no idea what to write about), writing the marketing things for the marketing responsibility i took for AIESEC, and accomplishing all those things i typed up in that pathetic little notepad. that notepad of hopes -- hopes of really accomplishing things.
i figured a have so skillfully mastered this deadpan form of writing, that dry, jaded way of pouring out my feelings. i feel like a really old, sad person now that i am reading through what i wrote. this an unneccessary disclaimer, but one i will make, nonetheless -- i am a happy person :) *requisite smiley there*
on other non-academic responsibility, so many things coming up, clouding my kiddie comprehension. i think i remember this time when i actually asked for real meaty stuf, the one adults worry about, just to assure me i was actually growing up. kaboom, i am reminded of being careful of the things you wish for lest you get them. now, i am flooded by things i thought i wanted, and i now i realize i am so not ready for any of them. too much adult resposibilty -- definitely more than i could handle (random shit sorry: i just have to say i totally love typing in this laptop. makes me feel like like i know my keys. weee! anyhoo, moving on...). now the things i worry about are the ones i once thought were the big words thrown around by OTHER people. the kind of people you read from magazine stories, the ones who are so different from you, that their sadness if poetic. the ones you think are so surreal, you wonder if they actually are true. and then the things you read about, they come to your life, popping in front of your face to tell you YES (in big bold capital letters) that they are real things. the ones real people worry about. wow, i feel like a real adult. i just am not so sure, if am very happy about this. whoah, hello real life, please at least knock when you're coming to show yourself to me.
Showing posts with label everyday. Show all posts
Showing posts with label everyday. Show all posts
Saturday, December 01, 2007
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
meanwhile
i am stalling sleep on a monday night buying time in front of the pc. i should really be doing 198 now, tomorrow's deadline is looming. but i cant. am writing/stalling, instead of sleeping or attempting to be productive. my next tick box reads -- watch Greys. and i have every plan of checking my box.
twelve hours of today was spent inside Room 301 for 177 for the final presentations -- some of it for reporting but for the most, part for palpitating. waiting for your turn sucks -- especially if you cant help the hyperventiations everytime you think it's your group up next. yesterday's was draw lots, so your chances of getting picked are just about as good as the others. and well, the more mundane woes like not looking smashing. it was crazy. and tiring. more on that when i feel like writingwriting.
anyhoo, today is... *drumroll*
PMS, crabby days, smashing/smashed reports, baaad groupmates, secrets, life issues, catfights, bad internet & ym windows that hang, shoes we drool for and never get to buy and so much life shit than we care to deal with -- thanks for sharing :) the you-rach-and-meee trio is till my favorite :)
here's to more sleepovers, great reports and an unbelievably smashing resume *cough* chinese boys for you and scruffy boys for meee *cough*! haha. ooh, and more gossip girl! i wish you a grand time :D
xoxo, with love from me to you :) haha.
***
bye, Lola.
twelve hours of today was spent inside Room 301 for 177 for the final presentations -- some of it for reporting but for the most, part for palpitating. waiting for your turn sucks -- especially if you cant help the hyperventiations everytime you think it's your group up next. yesterday's was draw lots, so your chances of getting picked are just about as good as the others. and well, the more mundane woes like not looking smashing. it was crazy. and tiring. more on that when i feel like writingwriting.
anyhoo, today is... *drumroll*
HAPPY BIRTHDAY FRIENDCESS! :)
PMS, crabby days, smashing/smashed reports, baaad groupmates, secrets, life issues, catfights, bad internet & ym windows that hang, shoes we drool for and never get to buy and so much life shit than we care to deal with -- thanks for sharing :) the you-rach-and-meee trio is till my favorite :)
here's to more sleepovers, great reports and an unbelievably smashing resume *cough* chinese boys for you and scruffy boys for meee *cough*! haha. ooh, and more gossip girl! i wish you a grand time :D
xoxo, with love from me to you :) haha.
***
bye, Lola.
Friday, October 12, 2007
almost there but not quite
sembreeaak. so close you can ALMOST touch it, the deadlines are just getting in the way.
i feel really weak. maybe its the cramps, first day today. maybe its the lack of sleep, all cumulative puyat for the entire sem. and gad, you should see the baaaad breakout on my face. freaky. i feel even weaker thinking about the reqs keeping me from MY sembreak. and it doesn't help that my productivity levels are running way lower than my usual. the feeling kills me.
so today i slept in two bedrooms. not really slept, more like stayed in beds not my own. haha, no am no promiscuous person. ew. we (Rach, Diane and Friendcess who reluctantly spent 160php for cab fare -- and i say i really feel for youuuu *cough* broke hits sembreak *cough*) were at Daren's this morning for our 198 film analysis. at home is an understatement, haha. and you wouldn't believe what we watched -- War of the Worlds. okay i get it, not exactly arsty farsty-sounding nor indie enough to qualify for film analysis, just you wait for our paper and you'll see we will make smashing sense of this commercial crap. did anyone say cultural analysis on white supremacy? oyeh, were hot like that :) and before i forget, thanks Daren for picking us up and then bringing us back again -- you're the best ride, although sometimes i have to close my eyes when youre driving :P erm, well you don't have to know that :) i wont take it against you -- the house, the room, the fine line between privacy and invasion of it, the kick ass gadgets that left us drooling, and well maybe the bag of chips, we're all gooood :) thanks thanks.
we headed to Rach's after. the next bed i harassed, haha. i had bad cramps. baaaaad cramps. thanks for the semi sleep in and the paracetamol. we tried discussing the film, but let's just say... um, we weren't really successful. the happy part was, everyone was so sabog nobody even noticed we weren't making any progress. we were all too busy with our lunches and whatever elses, we all missed the part we were supposed to be doing 198 :p sorry diane :)
and then the happiest part of all -- Gossip Girl! :D gad, we ended up watching 3 episodes. its just the funnest :) now we have new friends. say hi to B, S, Nate and Dan. Dan's the ultimate, think Carev but nerdier. to me that just means -- h-o-t-t-er :D teehee.
if in case anyone's wondering what I've been up to lately: yesterday morning was spent cramming my SEA30 paper and fxcking up my bibliography. and then at 11 fidgeting my way through public transport rides with one hour to spare to be in school at 12p. just one thing from mee -- beating deadlines suck. i ran from Balara to PHAN. dude, not hot. panting with unkempt hair is so not cool, especially if you're not in gym clothes. if i had my way i wouldn't -- but since sir told us about options such as passing the paper on time OR dying, i knew i had no choice. and then he added a really sweet PS to that -- i shall get the papers by twelve sakto. if you swing by at 12.01, kahit umiyak kayo there's no chance i'll take your paper in. and i tell myselft okay, you, ma'am have NO choice.
and then after my bout with my Olympian 400-metre dash, i get a "shit! katC" from Rach. i wondered what i did to her until i read the next line which says "i just woke up" -- at 12 noon. okay so she totally missed the 10a meeting. i head to her house and find her and her sister in their bath towels, trying to start their day at 12 noon. and by this time i was thinnking, maybe we've taken the friendship to the next level with the popping in at houses the homeowners are taking their baths, haha. and then lunch at Tapa King, Libis -- finished up at 2p with little reragrd for the poor soul who's been waiting for us at Starbucks (the one beside Alchemy :P *wink wink*) since 10 that morning. it doesn't hurt that we were eating next table to the ex-Ateneo boys Tenorio, Gonzales and Fonacier. but Rach and Jan didnt know so i squeal in secret :P
and then Starbucks. we spent so long there we were seriously thinking the baristas were checking out our orders. dude, we are so freaking broke. i ordered a drink and fancy bread for staying power and further damage to my meager budget. i think i raised my sugar levels by a hundred points by trying to look nice in Starbucks -- by throwing all my money away for my diabetes investment. hay, the things you have to do for a college degree. anyway, the meeting productivity level was below sea level. PV and i think the baristas were listening to our conversations. but yeah, discounting the fact that we actually had to have output, yesterday was pretty fun :)
and then i get fetched to check Ewood out with my Uncle. the fam is taking him around. looking for hotels and other things to check out when Tita Connie comes around. and then two seconds into Ewood, i find out we're watching a movie. my head was throbbing so you can imagine the torture. it was a low budget venture where retakes werent allowed, hence the bad punchlines and timing, so you can imagine more. and i just have to say, Pinoy film producers think the Pinoy audience have brains smaller than the budgets of their films. hullo, anyone heard of witty dialogues? but heck, i can forgive the movie -- Pokwang saved the day :)
and the other day i remember, Monday that was again spent in Starbucks -- no wonder am so broke. we tried (please see operative word, it says "tried")to study for the 198 essay exam for Tuesday. wow, Rach and i ended up watching an ep of Grey's season four. it was so wrong, it felt good :P hay, why does stalling feel this goooood.
i think i know this sem's theme -- stalling. um, no make that STALLING.
i think i shall not write for 198 tonight. (yes, that subject requires so much, it took half my lifetime to complete the reqs). i shall go to sleep now. g'night :)
i feel really weak. maybe its the cramps, first day today. maybe its the lack of sleep, all cumulative puyat for the entire sem. and gad, you should see the baaaad breakout on my face. freaky. i feel even weaker thinking about the reqs keeping me from MY sembreak. and it doesn't help that my productivity levels are running way lower than my usual. the feeling kills me.
so today i slept in two bedrooms. not really slept, more like stayed in beds not my own. haha, no am no promiscuous person. ew. we (Rach, Diane and Friendcess who reluctantly spent 160php for cab fare -- and i say i really feel for youuuu *cough* broke hits sembreak *cough*) were at Daren's this morning for our 198 film analysis. at home is an understatement, haha. and you wouldn't believe what we watched -- War of the Worlds. okay i get it, not exactly arsty farsty-sounding nor indie enough to qualify for film analysis, just you wait for our paper and you'll see we will make smashing sense of this commercial crap. did anyone say cultural analysis on white supremacy? oyeh, were hot like that :) and before i forget, thanks Daren for picking us up and then bringing us back again -- you're the best ride, although sometimes i have to close my eyes when youre driving :P erm, well you don't have to know that :) i wont take it against you -- the house, the room, the fine line between privacy and invasion of it, the kick ass gadgets that left us drooling, and well maybe the bag of chips, we're all gooood :) thanks thanks.
we headed to Rach's after. the next bed i harassed, haha. i had bad cramps. baaaaad cramps. thanks for the semi sleep in and the paracetamol. we tried discussing the film, but let's just say... um, we weren't really successful. the happy part was, everyone was so sabog nobody even noticed we weren't making any progress. we were all too busy with our lunches and whatever elses, we all missed the part we were supposed to be doing 198 :p sorry diane :)
and then the happiest part of all -- Gossip Girl! :D gad, we ended up watching 3 episodes. its just the funnest :) now we have new friends. say hi to B, S, Nate and Dan. Dan's the ultimate, think Carev but nerdier. to me that just means -- h-o-t-t-er :D teehee.
if in case anyone's wondering what I've been up to lately: yesterday morning was spent cramming my SEA30 paper and fxcking up my bibliography. and then at 11 fidgeting my way through public transport rides with one hour to spare to be in school at 12p. just one thing from mee -- beating deadlines suck. i ran from Balara to PHAN. dude, not hot. panting with unkempt hair is so not cool, especially if you're not in gym clothes. if i had my way i wouldn't -- but since sir told us about options such as passing the paper on time OR dying, i knew i had no choice. and then he added a really sweet PS to that -- i shall get the papers by twelve sakto. if you swing by at 12.01, kahit umiyak kayo there's no chance i'll take your paper in. and i tell myselft okay, you, ma'am have NO choice.
and then after my bout with my Olympian 400-metre dash, i get a "shit! katC" from Rach. i wondered what i did to her until i read the next line which says "i just woke up" -- at 12 noon. okay so she totally missed the 10a meeting. i head to her house and find her and her sister in their bath towels, trying to start their day at 12 noon. and by this time i was thinnking, maybe we've taken the friendship to the next level with the popping in at houses the homeowners are taking their baths, haha. and then lunch at Tapa King, Libis -- finished up at 2p with little reragrd for the poor soul who's been waiting for us at Starbucks (the one beside Alchemy :P *wink wink*) since 10 that morning. it doesn't hurt that we were eating next table to the ex-Ateneo boys Tenorio, Gonzales and Fonacier. but Rach and Jan didnt know so i squeal in secret :P
and then Starbucks. we spent so long there we were seriously thinking the baristas were checking out our orders. dude, we are so freaking broke. i ordered a drink and fancy bread for staying power and further damage to my meager budget. i think i raised my sugar levels by a hundred points by trying to look nice in Starbucks -- by throwing all my money away for my diabetes investment. hay, the things you have to do for a college degree. anyway, the meeting productivity level was below sea level. PV and i think the baristas were listening to our conversations. but yeah, discounting the fact that we actually had to have output, yesterday was pretty fun :)
and then i get fetched to check Ewood out with my Uncle. the fam is taking him around. looking for hotels and other things to check out when Tita Connie comes around. and then two seconds into Ewood, i find out we're watching a movie. my head was throbbing so you can imagine the torture. it was a low budget venture where retakes werent allowed, hence the bad punchlines and timing, so you can imagine more. and i just have to say, Pinoy film producers think the Pinoy audience have brains smaller than the budgets of their films. hullo, anyone heard of witty dialogues? but heck, i can forgive the movie -- Pokwang saved the day :)
and the other day i remember, Monday that was again spent in Starbucks -- no wonder am so broke. we tried (please see operative word, it says "tried")to study for the 198 essay exam for Tuesday. wow, Rach and i ended up watching an ep of Grey's season four. it was so wrong, it felt good :P hay, why does stalling feel this goooood.
i think i know this sem's theme -- stalling. um, no make that STALLING.
i think i shall not write for 198 tonight. (yes, that subject requires so much, it took half my lifetime to complete the reqs). i shall go to sleep now. g'night :)
Monday, October 01, 2007
i get weird dreams in the morning
beautiful sunday morning. that thing hapenned again -- me waking up earlier than i intended to, and then going back to sleep. and getting dreams about... um, that.
so, is this like a sign? dunno. it's just weird how things feel so... um, real. i dunno if its just me or i really am in for a big surprise. i really dunno. but yeah, what the heck, if it's the surprise part, bring it on! :D waw, antapang! haha.
must go now. hafta be somewhere for surveys. hallo housewives, please be kind :P
ooh, writers induction! i'll write about it soon -- swimming in duster shirts, picking up "poop" from toilets (ew), and moaning like porn stars! ayayay! :P
gotta get going! bye! :)
so, is this like a sign? dunno. it's just weird how things feel so... um, real. i dunno if its just me or i really am in for a big surprise. i really dunno. but yeah, what the heck, if it's the surprise part, bring it on! :D waw, antapang! haha.
must go now. hafta be somewhere for surveys. hallo housewives, please be kind :P
ooh, writers induction! i'll write about it soon -- swimming in duster shirts, picking up "poop" from toilets (ew), and moaning like porn stars! ayayay! :P
gotta get going! bye! :)
Thursday, September 27, 2007
good days, bad days and in betweens
hola. i just woke up. happy wednesday morning (plus a little stiff neck) :D this entry is long overdue ( yes everything's just overdue -- along with my MME fotos :P). but before we get to that, my dream from earlier was jut too freaky to pass up writing.
i woke up at 7-ish, but on Wednesday mornings, it's just obscene to wake up that early, so i go back to sleep. i didn't know i'd get more obscene images from sleeping again. but as much as i'd hate to admit, it was kinda cute. please note that no names shall be mentioned, so youre guess is as good as anyone else's. haha, i dont think am telling :P its too cute, it's yucky :D
i forget how the dream started. what i rememeber is that we were in some bad spinoff of Amazing Race that entailed too much running inside this posh place. Jamie was there, and Ming, and someone i really like (who ended up boarding this really fly gold convertible at the end. wow), someone i dont really like, and a handful of extras, including a flock of salesladies. i couldnt make it out whether we were in a mall or a hotel -- but that's immaterial. anyhoo, we went on with the race, endless running and giggling. and then the last part. for some weird reason we ended up climbing this wall to get to the final gathering of all the participants because *dont look at meee* it was raining (ftw? yeah, we climbed the wall because it was RAINING. even i dont get it, so dont ask me). ooh, i also finished the game first but for again some weird reason, i didnt have the booklet youre supposed to have stamped at every station. so i dint win.
on with the wall climbing, some of the contraptions started giving in. so like a hundred of us stuck to the wall started panicking. the climbing walls part didnt entail any bungee ropes or anything, we were just clawing our way to the top. not exactly the way Spidey did it, there were these metal/ropey structures that looked like scaffoldings and we were making our way up with those. i dont know how we got out, basta we all ended up safe on the ground. weirdly though, when we got down and it wasnt raining anymore.
and it just gets weirder. this other someone, the one mentioned earier that i dont really like, started doing things, acting like we actually were friends -- and no, not normal friends, the other kind of friends, the kind you'd have to italicize. this person started putting an arm around me, and then later hugging me in front of everyone. and no one was cheering, as if it was the most normal thing for him to do. this part i was apprehensive, taking the hands off of me. and then the next thing i knew, we were talking like friends with this person's hands on my waist and my hands on this person's waist -- and wasnt embarrased. in the dream i was weirdly happy about this entire thing. and then i woke up.
***
on with the ovedue entry.
i think all the anger and the badmouthing caught up with us. is was Poopoop with a capital P. mabe getting away with an ill-prepared report one time is good. going for another one and hoping to get away with it again is pushing it too far. i dont really know what happened, it just pft-ed in front of our noses. really baaad.
you know you're on a bad report when people offer "charity comments". i dont know if you notice, but when reports crash, the kind classmates raise their hands and defend you from the others who grandstand at your expense. you hear things like "in defese to the group..." and youre not even friends. its just pathetic -- not the charity comment-er, but the group with the baaad report. it kinda means you cant fend for yourself, someone has to save you. it's an ego thing. thank you to the charity comment-ers, but this group has tons of pride issues so we cant muster appreciation at the moment.
sorry to my two-crushed egos hoping to get solace from this report. i know you guys had a really tough time from the report the day before, and i somehow had a hand at making you guys feel better -- at least through a smashing report. i feel sorry i didn't deliver, but i feel more sorry that i lost that chance to make you guys fel better. i knew you guys were counting on me to keep the thing afloat, but i just lost it. when i crossed my arms after the first comment, maybe that was me giving it up already. i feel really bad, sorry.
its jsut tough when you now you've managed through so much and you get by. and then all of sudden you just feel really helpless because you are. nope, am not making BS-ing a regular thing, it's just that beofre, i manage to make sense. it just ticks me off that just when i badly neede to make sense, because my life depended on it, i just fail miserably.
okay that's the overdue baaad day. on with the good. *shake shake shake off* haha :D gia and kat were (not very subtly) hinting me about why i should go to culminight. they said i'd get my much-need ego boost from the dinner, i'd forget about my crushed ego. and they were pretty right :P
yay to the All Stars! :D woot! woot! thing is, i really seriously thought we wouldn't win, so until i got my hands on the havaianas (and the undies, haha) i really dint let the win sink. cheers to Vicks Throat Drops! (sucha bitch to pronounce, but heck got us a champion cert! :D)
fotos from the MME jump:
oyeh All Stars :D weeee, we did it!
were missing AC here. sayang.
i woke up at 7-ish, but on Wednesday mornings, it's just obscene to wake up that early, so i go back to sleep. i didn't know i'd get more obscene images from sleeping again. but as much as i'd hate to admit, it was kinda cute. please note that no names shall be mentioned, so youre guess is as good as anyone else's. haha, i dont think am telling :P its too cute, it's yucky :D
i forget how the dream started. what i rememeber is that we were in some bad spinoff of Amazing Race that entailed too much running inside this posh place. Jamie was there, and Ming, and someone i really like (who ended up boarding this really fly gold convertible at the end. wow), someone i dont really like, and a handful of extras, including a flock of salesladies. i couldnt make it out whether we were in a mall or a hotel -- but that's immaterial. anyhoo, we went on with the race, endless running and giggling. and then the last part. for some weird reason we ended up climbing this wall to get to the final gathering of all the participants because *dont look at meee* it was raining (ftw? yeah, we climbed the wall because it was RAINING. even i dont get it, so dont ask me). ooh, i also finished the game first but for again some weird reason, i didnt have the booklet youre supposed to have stamped at every station. so i dint win.
on with the wall climbing, some of the contraptions started giving in. so like a hundred of us stuck to the wall started panicking. the climbing walls part didnt entail any bungee ropes or anything, we were just clawing our way to the top. not exactly the way Spidey did it, there were these metal/ropey structures that looked like scaffoldings and we were making our way up with those. i dont know how we got out, basta we all ended up safe on the ground. weirdly though, when we got down and it wasnt raining anymore.
and it just gets weirder. this other someone, the one mentioned earier that i dont really like, started doing things, acting like we actually were friends -- and no, not normal friends, the other kind of friends, the kind you'd have to italicize. this person started putting an arm around me, and then later hugging me in front of everyone. and no one was cheering, as if it was the most normal thing for him to do. this part i was apprehensive, taking the hands off of me. and then the next thing i knew, we were talking like friends with this person's hands on my waist and my hands on this person's waist -- and wasnt embarrased. in the dream i was weirdly happy about this entire thing. and then i woke up.
***
on with the ovedue entry.
i think all the anger and the badmouthing caught up with us. is was Poopoop with a capital P. mabe getting away with an ill-prepared report one time is good. going for another one and hoping to get away with it again is pushing it too far. i dont really know what happened, it just pft-ed in front of our noses. really baaad.
you know you're on a bad report when people offer "charity comments". i dont know if you notice, but when reports crash, the kind classmates raise their hands and defend you from the others who grandstand at your expense. you hear things like "in defese to the group..." and youre not even friends. its just pathetic -- not the charity comment-er, but the group with the baaad report. it kinda means you cant fend for yourself, someone has to save you. it's an ego thing. thank you to the charity comment-ers, but this group has tons of pride issues so we cant muster appreciation at the moment.
sorry to my two-crushed egos hoping to get solace from this report. i know you guys had a really tough time from the report the day before, and i somehow had a hand at making you guys feel better -- at least through a smashing report. i feel sorry i didn't deliver, but i feel more sorry that i lost that chance to make you guys fel better. i knew you guys were counting on me to keep the thing afloat, but i just lost it. when i crossed my arms after the first comment, maybe that was me giving it up already. i feel really bad, sorry.
its jsut tough when you now you've managed through so much and you get by. and then all of sudden you just feel really helpless because you are. nope, am not making BS-ing a regular thing, it's just that beofre, i manage to make sense. it just ticks me off that just when i badly neede to make sense, because my life depended on it, i just fail miserably.
okay that's the overdue baaad day. on with the good. *shake shake shake off* haha :D gia and kat were (not very subtly) hinting me about why i should go to culminight. they said i'd get my much-need ego boost from the dinner, i'd forget about my crushed ego. and they were pretty right :P
yay to the All Stars! :D woot! woot! thing is, i really seriously thought we wouldn't win, so until i got my hands on the havaianas (and the undies, haha) i really dint let the win sink. cheers to Vicks Throat Drops! (sucha bitch to pronounce, but heck got us a champion cert! :D)
fotos from the MME jump:
with Trina, my favorite teammate :D
certificates from the MME heads *and i learn its Ate Gru and NOT Glu* :)
oyeh All Stars :D weeee, we did it!
were missing AC here. sayang.
with Rach, who came for moral support :D thankyouuuuu :)
***
am not sucha fan of last day parting words. but i just learned to love Ma'am Talavera so much, i didn't really care. her word stuck like glue, and i think i shall be keeping them with me. and i quote, "find a job that you love, and be there where you will have the most impact". and since those words, i figured, i shall never settle again :)
P.S. i got in for Writer's! :D am up for induction this Friday, and it creeps me out really. haha, pretty scary.
P.S. i got in for Writer's! :D am up for induction this Friday, and it creeps me out really. haha, pretty scary.
Monday, September 10, 2007
my ego took big blows this week. ow.
first off, the workshop. I've never been to a workshop, ever. I've heard things about workshops from people who've been in them -- like Gia who introduced me to Sir Capili (and the "happy" writing classes he holds) and a handful of WC people who i asked about how workshops go. and that was the closest i got to a workshop, mere second-hand accounts.
last Wednesday was my first. i was pep talking myself, telling me it will be as informal as informal can get and that I'd be good. of course i knew i was scared shxt inside, i just didn't want to admit it because i knew I'd be overwhelmed by it. i was practicing my best poker face, the one that looked appreciative and grateful, and not that only serious look i can muster which looks too defensive for my own good.
so i was read, and then given the requisite comments. i knew i wasn't exactly headed to the right direction with my piece, considering the workshop head, Jomar, was someone who's very keen on social issues. what i did was a very shallow, humorous piece on everyday commuting and the travails of the commuter who wipes drool and sweat from her sleeve. i wanted it to be funny, unfortunately for me, my readers didn't exactly see my piece that way.
for starters, i was told it was immature and lame. the piece, as they see it, set a very elitist tone, they didn't find it funny. i was told wanting to have a car, as an end of the essay was totally shallow and that there are more pressing issues to write about -- other than well, casual everyday observations inside jeepneys. for another, i was told i didn't get to exhaust the rich material observations inside jeepneys provided. there was so much story inside the jeep and my very limiting (and shallow) piece didn't get to capture the more important issues.
but then i was told, i have a pretty good command of the language. and that i have control over the tone and direction of the piece. it was just that, i wasn't exactly taking it to the direction that spoke of depth and maturity. am in such a lost at how to rewrite my piece. hay.
and then another, the resume. Kat and Gia have been trying to talk me into joining the MME they've been working really hard on. my slot was pretty sure, and the all-expenses paid tag the event has was the come on they were waving at my face. and well, the other is that it will make my resume look better, because yes, it adds one additional line to the "seminars attended" part. and finally, after a good number of days' worth of bugging through text and email and all other means and ways of harassment, i give in.
it was the night of the deadliest deadline that i start working my application form and the resume. i was saddened by the very... um, sparse contents of my resume. i figured i haven't been doing a lot the past four years of my college. maybe i was just coming and going to school, drifting through the days and not exactly doing any growing up, at all. it was too much for my PMS-y ego to take. um no, no suicide is happening at all. just some verbal diarrhea to let the bad feeling out.
and because this is sour graping, MY sour graping, i just have to say, it doesn't help that someone gets to play basketball with Kobe and that that someone is a freaking freshman. no, it doesn't help at all. it makes me feel worse, that while i am wallowing in this (self-made) pit (I'd like to call, monthly self-pity), someone's basking in the glory of getting handpicked by THE Kobe Bryant to sweat together and share Gatorade. never mind that his grandstanding never won them any game in the last 13 sets. i hate it more that that makes him too good for the self-pity-ing broken ego person. oh dear.
***
i thought there was a lot of wisdom in six-ear old Seth's question for Pastor. the boy goes "Pastor, how come goals are important?" and all ten of us, with jaws wide open, get floored at the sheer wit that little boy spews out ever so casually. Pastor answers matter-of-factly that goals are important because they keep you focused. and it was just one of the best non-verse quotes he had to make.
in another floored experience that witty little boy gave us, he answered Pastor's question on life goals. Seth goes, "My goal is to be a very smart boy" and we all clap in amazement at the purity and innocence of the statement. i am both happy and saddened at the boy's certainty of his life goal. i am happy that at six, he knows where he's headed. yes, maybe it can change and, for a fact i know, it will change when he grows older. but still, i am happy at six he knows what he wants.
i am saddened because at twenty i feel like i am just letting the tide take me to wherever. i feel out of axis, just spinning with the groove, out of control. and six-year old Seth knows what he wants, thankyouverymuch. i need a goal, i need focus and i dont know where to start. twenty, six months away from college graduation and about to write my resume isn't a good time to be clueless. oh Lord.
last Wednesday was my first. i was pep talking myself, telling me it will be as informal as informal can get and that I'd be good. of course i knew i was scared shxt inside, i just didn't want to admit it because i knew I'd be overwhelmed by it. i was practicing my best poker face, the one that looked appreciative and grateful, and not that only serious look i can muster which looks too defensive for my own good.
so i was read, and then given the requisite comments. i knew i wasn't exactly headed to the right direction with my piece, considering the workshop head, Jomar, was someone who's very keen on social issues. what i did was a very shallow, humorous piece on everyday commuting and the travails of the commuter who wipes drool and sweat from her sleeve. i wanted it to be funny, unfortunately for me, my readers didn't exactly see my piece that way.
for starters, i was told it was immature and lame. the piece, as they see it, set a very elitist tone, they didn't find it funny. i was told wanting to have a car, as an end of the essay was totally shallow and that there are more pressing issues to write about -- other than well, casual everyday observations inside jeepneys. for another, i was told i didn't get to exhaust the rich material observations inside jeepneys provided. there was so much story inside the jeep and my very limiting (and shallow) piece didn't get to capture the more important issues.
but then i was told, i have a pretty good command of the language. and that i have control over the tone and direction of the piece. it was just that, i wasn't exactly taking it to the direction that spoke of depth and maturity. am in such a lost at how to rewrite my piece. hay.
and then another, the resume. Kat and Gia have been trying to talk me into joining the MME they've been working really hard on. my slot was pretty sure, and the all-expenses paid tag the event has was the come on they were waving at my face. and well, the other is that it will make my resume look better, because yes, it adds one additional line to the "seminars attended" part. and finally, after a good number of days' worth of bugging through text and email and all other means and ways of harassment, i give in.
it was the night of the deadliest deadline that i start working my application form and the resume. i was saddened by the very... um, sparse contents of my resume. i figured i haven't been doing a lot the past four years of my college. maybe i was just coming and going to school, drifting through the days and not exactly doing any growing up, at all. it was too much for my PMS-y ego to take. um no, no suicide is happening at all. just some verbal diarrhea to let the bad feeling out.
and because this is sour graping, MY sour graping, i just have to say, it doesn't help that someone gets to play basketball with Kobe and that that someone is a freaking freshman. no, it doesn't help at all. it makes me feel worse, that while i am wallowing in this (self-made) pit (I'd like to call, monthly self-pity), someone's basking in the glory of getting handpicked by THE Kobe Bryant to sweat together and share Gatorade. never mind that his grandstanding never won them any game in the last 13 sets. i hate it more that that makes him too good for the self-pity-ing broken ego person. oh dear.
***
i thought there was a lot of wisdom in six-ear old Seth's question for Pastor. the boy goes "Pastor, how come goals are important?" and all ten of us, with jaws wide open, get floored at the sheer wit that little boy spews out ever so casually. Pastor answers matter-of-factly that goals are important because they keep you focused. and it was just one of the best non-verse quotes he had to make.
in another floored experience that witty little boy gave us, he answered Pastor's question on life goals. Seth goes, "My goal is to be a very smart boy" and we all clap in amazement at the purity and innocence of the statement. i am both happy and saddened at the boy's certainty of his life goal. i am happy that at six, he knows where he's headed. yes, maybe it can change and, for a fact i know, it will change when he grows older. but still, i am happy at six he knows what he wants.
i am saddened because at twenty i feel like i am just letting the tide take me to wherever. i feel out of axis, just spinning with the groove, out of control. and six-year old Seth knows what he wants, thankyouverymuch. i need a goal, i need focus and i dont know where to start. twenty, six months away from college graduation and about to write my resume isn't a good time to be clueless. oh Lord.
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
the college kid, poetry and checking you out
happy birthday to my Dad :D cheers to my favorite golden boy, weeee! i love you Dad :)
***
hoorray to proscrastination :D *not that itsa good thing in itself* but today, all my wishing paid off -- the SEA30 exam and the 175 midterms moved to thursday :) weeeeee!
*thinks again* and i just realized it got put off, but am still taking it in two days time. howell, whoever said you can have your cake and eat it, too. *there goes my cliche quota fulfilled for the day :)*
***
i seriously think my SEA30 teacher was wearing eye liner earlier. waw, watta way to start my day, Sir. thanks. okay, with that out of the way, lets go. when i came to class, that one was looking. before i sat down, that one was looking.when i turned back, that one was looking. and then before that one left, he looked my way as if to telepathy the bye (erm, that was just meee :P). now am still thinking whether that one gave me that look. i need like two more days to check to see. rawr, i make it sound like rocket science this entire checking out thing. yesyes, i do have a life, i just get a kick outta this. gimme this one :)
had lunch with Ming earlier and laughed our heads off talking about my person she calls, "not so true love". iiick we know, we get it. weve made a long list of our cast of characters following this iick theme. dig in: (1) si Asian teddy bear athletic classmate -- it used to have the words chinese and basketball until we figured it was such a giveaway. and then the bear series (2) grizzly athletic bear -- who is not a classmate and managed to get into our conversation and (2) the cute and cuddly koala athletic bear classamte, who i, btw, love to bitsss :)
[/edit] today caught me staring like crazy (cuh-rey-zeeeh for the effect). i was in such a "good" position that i can look without getting caught (or so i think, says friendcess -- and uh, this is soo gradeschool, but am liking it :P). he was effortlessly adorable. and um, cute. and um, really endearing to look at --- erm, wrong, sounded so mommy. but really, it was fun looking and trying not to get caught. haha. and then i got caught - just once, and friendcess says if he caught me looking, then he must be looking, too (iick. eew. aaack. sorreh). haha, this is getting too detailed it's making me gag. but yeah, he isnt really beautifulbeautiful but hes fun to look at. and that disarming stare. and he looks clean. maybe hes mabango, too. iiick, may perv factor na yun sorreh. yeah, you can tell i like him :)
***
this afternoon was WC reading session. we read two poems which were brilliant in their own rights. "Father", the free verse with the "enjamb"-ed parts, and the Jorie Graham "I was Taught Three" which sent us spinning. and well, feeling like very small, uncapable writers. haha. the entire thing was fun. Moral of the entire thing: read more, and uh, according to me, reading with other people around reading with you is way fun-ner and more exciting.
uhm, why do i get the feeling that i write better in the wee hours of the morning? i liked my previous entry better thatn this, uh, very gradeschool diary-sounding thing i am publising... NOW.
***
[/edit. uh, yes again]
i found Pon and Zi in the internet the other day :) i just need some show and tell space :)
***
hoorray to proscrastination :D *not that itsa good thing in itself* but today, all my wishing paid off -- the SEA30 exam and the 175 midterms moved to thursday :) weeeeee!
*thinks again* and i just realized it got put off, but am still taking it in two days time. howell, whoever said you can have your cake and eat it, too. *there goes my cliche quota fulfilled for the day :)*
***
i seriously think my SEA30 teacher was wearing eye liner earlier. waw, watta way to start my day, Sir. thanks. okay, with that out of the way, lets go. when i came to class, that one was looking. before i sat down, that one was looking.when i turned back, that one was looking. and then before that one left, he looked my way as if to telepathy the bye (erm, that was just meee :P). now am still thinking whether that one gave me that look. i need like two more days to check to see. rawr, i make it sound like rocket science this entire checking out thing. yesyes, i do have a life, i just get a kick outta this. gimme this one :)
had lunch with Ming earlier and laughed our heads off talking about my person she calls, "not so true love". iiick we know, we get it. weve made a long list of our cast of characters following this iick theme. dig in: (1) si Asian teddy bear athletic classmate -- it used to have the words chinese and basketball until we figured it was such a giveaway. and then the bear series (2) grizzly athletic bear -- who is not a classmate and managed to get into our conversation and (2) the cute and cuddly koala athletic bear classamte, who i, btw, love to bitsss :)
[/edit] today caught me staring like crazy (cuh-rey-zeeeh for the effect). i was in such a "good" position that i can look without getting caught (or so i think, says friendcess -- and uh, this is soo gradeschool, but am liking it :P). he was effortlessly adorable. and um, cute. and um, really endearing to look at --- erm, wrong, sounded so mommy. but really, it was fun looking and trying not to get caught. haha. and then i got caught - just once, and friendcess says if he caught me looking, then he must be looking, too (iick. eew. aaack. sorreh). haha, this is getting too detailed it's making me gag. but yeah, he isnt really beautifulbeautiful but hes fun to look at. and that disarming stare. and he looks clean. maybe hes mabango, too. iiick, may perv factor na yun sorreh. yeah, you can tell i like him :)
***
this afternoon was WC reading session. we read two poems which were brilliant in their own rights. "Father", the free verse with the "enjamb"-ed parts, and the Jorie Graham "I was Taught Three" which sent us spinning. and well, feeling like very small, uncapable writers. haha. the entire thing was fun. Moral of the entire thing: read more, and uh, according to me, reading with other people around reading with you is way fun-ner and more exciting.
uhm, why do i get the feeling that i write better in the wee hours of the morning? i liked my previous entry better thatn this, uh, very gradeschool diary-sounding thing i am publising... NOW.
***
[/edit. uh, yes again]
i found Pon and Zi in the internet the other day :) i just need some show and tell space :)
arent they the cutest? :) i love the "this is how you make my tummy feel". my that one still doesnt make me feel that. um, you, where exactly are you? :) haha.
Saturday, August 04, 2007
because i think am writing again :)
today's the day i think writing came back :)
i was into poetry when i was nine. i even sent my work to the then Junior Inquirer, and got a cap for my published poem. i wrote a lot of poetry then cos i headed the school paper and yeah, that grandstand-er in me wnated more paper space, so i wrote poetry. but since high school, i've stopped. it just din't make sense to me -- the whining through ryhyming became tedious and i became a child of the prose. it was prose for me since then.
and then today. not in my imagination did i think i'd get to write poetry in my tags. but i just did :D and yeah, thanks to you for this.
so yeah, this is me dabbling in poetry again -- after eons. nothing fancy. my first in a reeally long time. bear with the comebacking poet/pwet. haha.
***
Fan girl
You were okay
You weren’t too beautiful
You weren’t bad looking at all
Definitely not
You were short, which was bad
Since I dig tall men
But you kept me glued
There was something about you
That was mysterious
You were interesting
You had that weird flair
That seemed to call on to me
That look,
It was telling me that you were someone
More than I think you are
And that
It was that conversation
And it wasn’t even ours
I was meant to hear it
It was for everyone
And you just wowed me
Without even trying
It was that fire
It was within you
I knew everyone felt that
It was the passion
It was so thick
I could touch it
I knew since day one I’d like you
You feel different
You were quiet, and alone
And unlike them
You didn’t invite attention to yourself
And I like that
It was probably that
and you got me hooked
And I didn’t even notice :)
i was into poetry when i was nine. i even sent my work to the then Junior Inquirer, and got a cap for my published poem. i wrote a lot of poetry then cos i headed the school paper and yeah, that grandstand-er in me wnated more paper space, so i wrote poetry. but since high school, i've stopped. it just din't make sense to me -- the whining through ryhyming became tedious and i became a child of the prose. it was prose for me since then.
and then today. not in my imagination did i think i'd get to write poetry in my tags. but i just did :D and yeah, thanks to you for this.
so yeah, this is me dabbling in poetry again -- after eons. nothing fancy. my first in a reeally long time. bear with the comebacking poet/pwet. haha.
***
Fan girl
You were okay
You weren’t too beautiful
You weren’t bad looking at all
Definitely not
You were short, which was bad
Since I dig tall men
But you kept me glued
There was something about you
That was mysterious
You were interesting
You had that weird flair
That seemed to call on to me
That look,
It was telling me that you were someone
More than I think you are
And that
It was that conversation
And it wasn’t even ours
I was meant to hear it
It was for everyone
And you just wowed me
Without even trying
It was that fire
It was within you
I knew everyone felt that
It was the passion
It was so thick
I could touch it
I knew since day one I’d like you
You feel different
You were quiet, and alone
And unlike them
You didn’t invite attention to yourself
And I like that
It was probably that
and you got me hooked
And I didn’t even notice :)
Sunday, July 22, 2007
i want to think it's just the estrogen
before anything, UP's playing UST in the UAAP for the 4pm game today. last i looked, it was a 1-point gap in favor of the freakintigers. and and.. Mike's the ultimate, mehn :) i read Collegian yesterday and his foto was in the sports section and he was basically what the article was about. dude, twentyfreakinfour points from game3 :D am proud :) een after the third straight loss, there's still a glimmer of hope in me they'll smash UST today. tehee. and faith in the team. yehess, blind sticky fans is what school spirit's for :)
checked again, UP Pep Drummers played for halftime. my drummer boy on tv :) *haha, ditzy boy-crazy person -- spotted. am seriously not, eye candies are just ffffun :D* and then i checked again, shet tambak na UP by 12. aaaa! and noo, they took Mike out. pft. and infernes kay Joe Lipa, his last words according to the courtside reporter were 'let's make our first victory memorable'. talk about faith. that's the faith, dude :D
checked again, 12 parin. Mike's back. haha, natatawa ko, as if by this show of support mananalo kame. anyhoo, if in case (by some twist of faith :P) manalo Maroons today, i'll forever love Mike na :) haha.
***
super random thought from two weeks ago: i think short men/boys (SMB from hereon :P) are interesting. i just figured, i have never been floored by a tall person/boy(TPB from hereon :P) >>random UAAP update muli: tambak's down by 10, thanks to Mike :D 4th quarter coming up! -- it's shameful how UP people are happy with a "mere" 10-point lead, from the other team, haha) i think the more interesting ones were SMB's i have known/met. i heard someone say, SMB's think they more to prove than the next average TPB. *cough* there are some though that overrrr compensate and end up being really rude and arrogant and ginormous airheads *cough* but yeah, interesting how i say my vote goes to TPB's, but find the SMB's more endearing :)
***
this is scary. ive never blown my top off like that. something must be terribly wrong with the hormones. ive been a little too testy the past days err... no weeks. i always say my patience is one for the books, but lately, iv'e been angry more than usual. hay Lord, my PMS is getting scary.
checked again, UP Pep Drummers played for halftime. my drummer boy on tv :) *haha, ditzy boy-crazy person -- spotted. am seriously not, eye candies are just ffffun :D* and then i checked again, shet tambak na UP by 12. aaaa! and noo, they took Mike out. pft. and infernes kay Joe Lipa, his last words according to the courtside reporter were 'let's make our first victory memorable'. talk about faith. that's the faith, dude :D
checked again, 12 parin. Mike's back. haha, natatawa ko, as if by this show of support mananalo kame. anyhoo, if in case (by some twist of faith :P) manalo Maroons today, i'll forever love Mike na :) haha.
***
super random thought from two weeks ago: i think short men/boys (SMB from hereon :P) are interesting. i just figured, i have never been floored by a tall person/boy(TPB from hereon :P) >>random UAAP update muli: tambak's down by 10, thanks to Mike :D 4th quarter coming up! -- it's shameful how UP people are happy with a "mere" 10-point lead, from the other team, haha) i think the more interesting ones were SMB's i have known/met. i heard someone say, SMB's think they more to prove than the next average TPB. *cough* there are some though that overrrr compensate and end up being really rude and arrogant and ginormous airheads *cough* but yeah, interesting how i say my vote goes to TPB's, but find the SMB's more endearing :)
***
this is scary. ive never blown my top off like that. something must be terribly wrong with the hormones. ive been a little too testy the past days err... no weeks. i always say my patience is one for the books, but lately, iv'e been angry more than usual. hay Lord, my PMS is getting scary.
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