Saturday, December 01, 2007

counting down the days

Maybe it's the inexistent sembreak. Maybe it's all the stress from this sem plus the graduation woes. Or maybe it's just me -- the lazy ass.

roughly a month into the sem and am still not, you know, in the zone, whatever zone that is. Feasib's not going anywhere,at least from where i see it *cough i shall reasearch soon, really cough* and then THE orgs. i took a lot of responsibility, because i know this is the only way i can shape up. oh no, not physically. i meant, responsibility shit and all that. that thin line between raising up your hand to own up responsibility and getting that fat ass of the cozy chair and actually starting working. hay, me and my things.

and here i am, typing away, happily ensconced in this makeshift chair in my room, drumming my fingers to beatles songs i stayed up late last night downloading. why do i do the things that i do. and i ask this question everytime i write -- even after twenty repetitions, i still dont know the answers.

Holiday today, means finally getting to write Neng's yearbook piece (yes, the one i still have no idea what to write about), writing the marketing things for the marketing responsibility i took for AIESEC, and accomplishing all those things i typed up in that pathetic little notepad. that notepad of hopes -- hopes of really accomplishing things.

i figured a have so skillfully mastered this deadpan form of writing, that dry, jaded way of pouring out my feelings. i feel like a really old, sad person now that i am reading through what i wrote. this an unneccessary disclaimer, but one i will make, nonetheless -- i am a happy person :) *requisite smiley there*

on other non-academic responsibility, so many things coming up, clouding my kiddie comprehension. i think i remember this time when i actually asked for real meaty stuf, the one adults worry about, just to assure me i was actually growing up. kaboom, i am reminded of being careful of the things you wish for lest you get them. now, i am flooded by things i thought i wanted, and i now i realize i am so not ready for any of them. too much adult resposibilty -- definitely more than i could handle (random shit sorry: i just have to say i totally love typing in this laptop. makes me feel like like i know my keys. weee! anyhoo, moving on...). now the things i worry about are the ones i once thought were the big words thrown around by OTHER people. the kind of people you read from magazine stories, the ones who are so different from you, that their sadness if poetic. the ones you think are so surreal, you wonder if they actually are true. and then the things you read about, they come to your life, popping in front of your face to tell you YES (in big bold capital letters) that they are real things. the ones real people worry about. wow, i feel like a real adult. i just am not so sure, if am very happy about this. whoah, hello real life, please at least knock when you're coming to show yourself to me.

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