What Do You Like In A Boy?

"What do you like in a boy?"

If I were given a hundred pesos for every time this question is thrown at me, I can probably get me new a iPhone. Haha that's a stretch, but you get the drift. When people find out that I'm single and not dating, they feel compelled to run up their list of boys and try to match them to the boy that I will be describing.

The thing is, every single time I am thrown this question, I find myself just looking out the window and spacing out. The words choke me out. (It doesn't really help that on one of the times I was asked this, the boy I wanted to describe was seated across me, so I most definitely choked. If that's not awkward, I'm not sure what iz). For some reason, I am drowned in embarrassment and I feel a little too naked to be talking about THE boy.

So this time, I'm writing this down. Next time I get asked, I will come prepared. Also, this is me throwing it out there that this is THE boy that I like. I trust in the powers that will eventually (hopefully sooner than later) bring me and this boy together. Naks!

Photo Credit: bradley.chattablogs.com

Let's get to the boy in question. Even when I choked the last time, this much I was able to say - he has to be tall, and taller than me even when I'm in heels. Broad shoulders are a must and hopefully he is well-built, too. I remember having this conversation with a friend about how big girls always like men that are bigger than them. I think it's this perennial paranoia that has to do with your your boy being to envelope you and make you look like a small, can-pass-for-a-damsel-in-distress kinda girl.

I want a scruffy boy. Much as this is getting all nit-picky, since I'm throwing this out there, then might as well. I want THE boy to be good looking enough to pull off the "dirty look" -- requisite 5 o'clock shadow and that easy, I-didn't-think-about-this-but-I-look-put-together kinda style. Heee. Oh, and he has to look smashing in a pullover. (Okay, I think the boy I like now is falling off from my THE boy list! :p haha)

My boy has to be able to talk well. I am sucker for great conversations and if you can't give me that, that would be a deal breaker. I've tried hanging out, not necessarily on a date, with really pretty boys who can't carry their own on small witty banters and I really found myself turned off. Apparently, I can tolerate less-pretty-but-witty than I can tolerate pretty-but-no-wit. Great conversations are a must.

I also want someone who is someone his family and friends will vouch for and say is a good person. I've known quite a lot of people and those generally well-vouched for are usually the ones that have a good grip on their values. I can't be with someone who does things just because they're cool. I guess 24 (or older) is just too old to be doing things that way. I need someone who can stand his ground and who knows, or at least has a good idea, of why he's doing what he's doing.

I need someone fun and can be spontaneous. I've lived all my life always walking on the safe side and always being scared of breaking the rules. I'm too scared of breaking the rules I end up going about day in and day out just thinking about the rules. I'm not saying I want someone who is a rule-breaker. What I'm saying is I want someone who knows the rules, knows how to play the rules, and knows how to toe the boundaries. Because yeah, if you're not living on the edge, you're taking up too much space :p

I want someone that's fun to travel with. Or better yet, I want someone that's just fun to be with.  I know I'm having fun when I have no care for whatever's around me or wherever I am. If things around me stop to matter, then I'm having the best time :) I need someone who can make me feel that.

I need someone who wants to take care of me. That's never really been my strong suit but I'm working on it. So in the meantime that I'm a work in progress, I hope THE boy takes care of that department. And well, even when taking care of people becomes my strong suit, I still want THE boy to take care of me.

There will be more things I like in a boy. Maybe one post just isn't enough :p Oh, and before I forget, THE boy's hand should feel just right to the hold. This I don't know how to describe, but I'm pretty sure when we get there, I will just know :)

Waking Up Happy

Today I woke up happy. And it felt gooood. Haven't known this feeling in a while and I'm all too happy to be reacquainted.

No, there's no boy making me wake up happy. Neither is there, I don't know, a new car perhaps, making me wake up happy. Corny as this may sound, I got me new perspective :)

It's amazing how just a change in perspective makes a world of a difference. Now I'm drunk with possibilities, reeling from all good things that all this positivity is bringing in, and excited at all the great things I am looking forward to. My world just opened up to a whole host of many many things wonderful.

I am grateful and my heart is filled with joy. I am perennially smiling. And again for the first time in a long time, it's not to hide some pocket of loneliness I feel inside but an actual manifestation of happiness. I am amazed at the downpour of love and life and laughter from new and old friends alike simply because I opened myself up to it.

Apparently sometimes, you need to say yes a bit more :)

Goodbyes Are The Suckiest

Boo goodbyes. I feel so sucky right now I don't even know how to call this feeling. I feel a little pathetic too because I know that it's such a short trip for me to be throwing this fit. And there's Facebook and Skype and everything else I need to stay connected, so there's no way I won't be able to talk to Tet again.

But yeah, I guess goodbyes are sucky in that whether the sucky feeling is merited or not, it still is awful. I know this will shake off soon enough but for now, I'll wallow. BLERG.

Ties that Bind Halfway Across the World aka The "Moses Flies To The Philippines One Random Monday" Story

The Picking Up At the Airport Part
It was a sleepy Monday afternoon when, from out the blue, I got a tweet from Tet asking me if I could, and I quote, "scoop me up at the airport on Tuesday around 10?"

What do you say to that? I haven't seen him in  years! Of course the answer is , YES I absofrickinlutely CAN. I was too giddy all I ever got to type was - OMG. ARE YOU KIDDING ME. YOU BETTER NOT BE.

A flurry of tweets in between and the next one I got was, "I got the tickets!!!" and the rest of that crazy Monday was a blur of stupid smiling to myself and random bursts of OMG. I CAN'T BELIEVE TET'S FLYING OUT. Long story short, I got to the airport on Tuesday and scoop him up I did.

Here's how the Twitter exchange on the spontaneous trip between me and Tet look like.

Just a little side story on how I almost did not see him and picked up another guy that wasn't Tet. Here goes: I got to arrivals a little later than expected because traffic at the service road was crazy. To amp the excitement some more, my phone lovingly died on me. So yay!

First attempt to pick up Tet, I scaled the whole arrivals looking for Moses. I must've walked Bays 1 to 20 about three times but still no signs of Tet. There was this guy though, in a very uncharacteristic boring black shirt and non-descript white baseball cap. I felt Tet wouldn't show in those clothes but the guy looked eerily like Tet so I was positive that must've been him.

I got fooled once, so I ended up shouting "Tet!" thrice with my beaming omg-I-have-not-seen-you-in-five-years! smile while walking to said guy in black shirt. I called out with a loud voice but I was four feet away and he still wasn't flinching. Doubt swept over me and I walked away still not knowing whether Black Shirt guy was Tet or not. Even more exciting, since my phone died so I have no way of ringing him to check.

 I got whistled at by the guard, which means I have to bring the car around again. Second round at the arrivals and who should I see.. Black Shirt guy still there with all four taped up boxes neatly stacked on his trolley. I said to myself I'd go around the arrivals one more time and if still no one, I'd poke said guy in black.

So I turn around to walk to the other side and SURPRISE! Tet was right behind me! I was so surprised/flustered/ecstatic/relieved/unbelievably happy to see him, 2 seconds after seeing him, I hugged him so tight, it broke any ice there was. I let go of him, to check if it really was him, and then I hugged him again. I lost count of how many times I said "Ohmygod".

We sat in the car for about 5 minutes kind of soaking it all in. The whole 5 minutes was pretty much just me saying, "Omg. I can't believe you're here" and then holding his arm to kind of assure me that he really IS here, skin and bones and flesh. I have no words for I felt that night :)

Next up: The 24-hour Kat+Tet Marathon and The Fake Engagement and the Fake Pregnancy Scare

Today I Am Reminded That Life Is Beautiful :)

I am reeling. I haven't been this happy in a long time. I will remember this moment as a small pocket of happiness I will go to when I am asked to go to my happy place.

I am now taking a minute, to soak in the beauty of this moment. My heart is bursting to the seams from this happiness and I have this stupid smile on my face I cannot seem to wipe off. I have these tiny bursts of electricity coursing through my body that feels like a celebration of the happiness. Like fireworks! :)

I will make a mental note to remember this day, this moment, when everything felt right with the world. My body is sore but my heart is full from the happy Sunday of laughter from all the activities of the LD Olympics yesterday. There's this interesting person who reminded me that people can be kind just because. And and... my best friend is flying halfway across the globe to see me! Best-est Monday ever!

As far as my 24-year old heart, this is a moment in my life I'd like to remember for a very long time. Thank you for reminding me that life is beautiful :)

It's You Again, Non-Phantom Person

15 May 2011
As much as I’d like to not admit it, I spent considerable time this week waiting for {insert favorite day} to come.

I got to {insert place} a little before 1PM. I went to my usual parking lot and who should I see marching towards the open lot but {insert name}. As I was backing up {insert name} was making his way to his car, parked incidentally in the same lot. I smile to myself and thought, how’s that for waiting all week?

As I watched him walking, I apparently said out aloud, “Did I really like this guy?”

I was looking at him and he just looked painfully shy, although I know he wasn't. He looked unsure to me, too, although I know he wasn't. All of I sudden, I wondered to myself if this was the guy I wrote a boatload of random stuff in word documents about. It just oddly felt like another person.

I put all my things together, dabbed on my smudging eyeliner, put a little bit more blusher, and made my way out. I enter {insert fast food} and I see him there in {insert where he was}. He immediately says something about which table I could take. I settle down in one of the booths, and make sure I can see him from where I was seated.

We never made conversation that day. Well two, if a "hey" and a "I'll leave my computer here yeah?" counts. I never saw any of the awesome things I thought he was that day. He felt like a totally different person from the one I remembered a week ago.

Yeah, I think there is the real live {insert name} and my phantom person. Two different people. Oh well. I’ll see him again {insert day when I'll see him again}. Let’s see how that pans out.

You, Person, You

11 May 2011
I’m more than surprised that up until today you’re still staying rent-free inside my head 2 weeks after that fateful day when you were so sweet you {insert that secret sweet thing you did}. I haven’t seen you for over a week and I have actually forgotten your face; I have forgotten how you look like. All I remember is how you have a preference for plaid and how I think you really need a haircut.

I have also not forgotten how terribly nice of a person you are and how likeable you are to everyone. And more than anything, I also will never forget the great cheesy irony of how I feel about you – how awkward I feel around you but at the same time how right at home I feel with you. Whoah. That WAS cheesy.

I’m a little confused with this, I don’t know what this is. I know I like the idea of you but I’m not sure if I like you you. You are excellent on paper and my biggest fear is that I have projected all these winning qualities on you, given I have written a shitload about you. Thoughts not necessarily of facts about you but more of thoughts of how I think you are. I’m scared that I’m liking a phantom person; made of all the awesome things I badly want you to be.

But I guess I’m too giddy to pay attention to that now. I’m too drunk with possibilities to actually consider how loud a thud this would make if it ends up falling apart. Today, all my head cares about is how I’m liking how this is turning out in my head. What I’m sure of is how when I got hit on by this someone with that {insert weird compliment} , all I could think about was how much I like you.

This is getting scarier and scarier as I put more and more blocks on top of this {insert name} tower. I keep pulling blocks from behind my ear as I watch the tower grow. Some of it real, none of it real; I don’t really know, I can’t really tell.

Or it could be just as simple as me liking someone. But I refuse to see it as that. Because even if this can get scary, all this creation of a phantom person, all the endless possibilities, it’s infinitely funner than just calling it what it exactly is – simply liking someone. Let's roll with it for now.

Very Vague Thoughts for the Sake of Novelty

It's 10AM on a beautiful Monday morning and in the middle of completing my weekly reports, I'm shuffling in-between browsers. I'm trying to sneak in a morning journal entry to try to put to writing some thoughts and things.

I've been wondering, looking for a way to write this that doesn't call much attention to. Yeah, and I kinda figured that's exactly the way to call attention to it. So, let's just pretend I didn't write that and roll with the Monday thoughts, yeah?

***
There is no feeling, only thinking. Do you know "The Cheklist"? I've been ticking a lot of those boxes on my own checklist. It's a little scary because I haven't stopped thinking about this since the checklist gods went to work. If you don't know "The Checklist" I'm sorry, I can't tell you.

I am trying my best to be vague, to give away a teeny tiny bit so you get an idea (I hope) of what I'm saying but not give away too much that it cheapens the whole thing. You know how when you talk about something too much the novelty runs away faster than the Kenyan marathoner? That's the last thing I want to happen, especially since nothing has really happened. At best, it's a beginning I don't want to jinx. At worst this is but just me and my wandering mind.

So for now, I will leave it at that. Maybe some entries here and there, entries that will be very very vague they may be annoying. Or adorable, can't really say. But consider yourself warned. In the meantime, l let it linger.

Sometimes my GodWhispers Email Subs are too Spot on

Today, I opened my gmail subscription and it read this (I feel compelled to paste everything; the whole thing is too true!)

Good morning dear reader! Whether you went to this blog on purpose or you stumbled upon it by accident, this message may be for you, too! :)

***

Dear Katrina and You-who-are-reading-this,
You’re too critical. Towards others. Towards yourself. Katrina, lighten up. Life is too beautiful to remain cranky, complaining, and unforgiving. See the love I have for you. It’s everywhere around you. Love yourself. Forgive yourself.

I love you,
God
PS. Enjoy life, Katrina. Enjoy yourself. If you don’t, no one else will.

***

It always never hurts to lighten up a bit, take less offense and be a teensy bit happier than you normally are :)

Thought Catalog on Loneliness Hitting and Where it Hurts

I stumbled upon this article on Thought Catalog by Shalene Gupta about loneliness and being alone. I'd do the piece injustice if I try to describe is "nice" or "well-written". But this much I will say - it hits where it hurts.

I know loneliness pretty well. While I don't wear it proud like a badge, I recognize that I've struggled with it for a long time. And every now and then, actually sometimes more often than I can handle, I still do. It's not just sad. It's that feeling of being alone and hard as you try, not being able to do anything about it.

I'm posting direct quotes from the article which made so much sense to me, I'm pretty sure I have the exact same sentiment written down in my personal journal. Props to Shalene. Read the whole article here

People are Asleep, Abed, Abroad

Even in the event of minor tragedies, the hour when you wanted someone to hold your hand and say nothing but “I understand”, it is difficult to find someone. People are asleep, abed, abroad.

***

This is Friendship, This is Love

There are so very many things that are never talked about. Instead you shut your eyes, you tell yourselves this is friendship and this is love, and you never say, where were you when I needed you, and you never wonder why you are attacked by sudden, terrible bouts of loneliness.

***

When the Sky Falls Down, at Least Someone Will Know it Fell Down on You

And it is even harder to look up from this loneliness, to see how everyone else is surrounded by packs of people, and then you wonder, what you did, why it is you have gone wrong. Sometimes, the loneliness is so terrifying all you can do is rush from one party to another, anxious to meet more and more people, so that when the sky falls down, at least someone will know it fell down on you. Paradoxically, when you rush from party to party, you become lonelier than ever. You can not meet people at parties. Too much noise for conversation.

***

Lucky, not Lonely

Or you cling. You leap frog from relationship to relationship, preferably romantic, and maybe it is bad so you get out, but, worse, maybe it’s good, good but a little off, a few streaks of something sour, a couple discordant notes, but it’s good enough, so you stay, and you stay, and you tell yourself you are very lucky and you are not lonely. Of course you are not lonely. Lucky. The words are book-ended by the same letters, but the substance of their centers is completely different, do not confuse the two. Lucky, not lonely.

I Wonder How it Feels Like

I caught the Royal Wedding on TV with my folks at home. We were flipping channels for a while and finally settled with the BBC coverage. We caught the whole thing. We started watching when Prince William boarded his Royce and made his way to the Westminster Abbey with Harry (who btw, looked super in that very princely outfit). And then Mrs. Middleton, then Prince Charles and Camilla, and then the Queen and Prince Philip - and finally Kate, in her beautiful (understatement) Alexander McQueen gown  :) She looked glorious!

Little Grumpy Flower Girl totally steals the Royal Couple's thunder --
while still being totally adorable!

I think Kate lost considerable weight. I would think some of it she lost on purpose but some of it because of the stress and pressure from all the planning. But she looked divine! I was just so fascinated at how everything looked polished, in place and yes, perfect, if you may. It seemed like an alternate reality!

Everyone looked on TV like they were wearing exactly the right thing. Like there was a "costume director" that called out the clothes so they'd all look appropriate on TV. With the exception of the two princesses behind the Queen who looked a bit confused with their hats, everybody looked TV-ready. There was not a flower not in place. The timing of the entrances was flawless. Heck, even the two priests in black who pulled out the cushions where the Prince and Kate knelt were in perfect harmony!

While of course I was riveted to the ceremony with pretty much the rest of the world, I couldn't stop thinking how different these people's lives are from the common folk. The whole time I was preoccupied with thoughts about being born into royalty, having a last name with unbelievable stun value (or not having to use a last name at all) and hobnobbing with only all the beautiful, the powerful and the wealthy of the world.

I'm one of the very few little girls who never really dreamed of becoming a princess. I read a lot of fairy tales growing up but I kind of never got to relate to the blonde girl in the book who gets into a lot of trouble with witches and always gets saved by the dashing young prince form the nearby castle. Watching this wedding though, made me seriously wonder how all that'd feel like. Hmm.