Monday, May 16, 2011

You, Person, You

11 May 2011
I’m more than surprised that up until today you’re still staying rent-free inside my head 2 weeks after that fateful day when you were so sweet you {insert that secret sweet thing you did}. I haven’t seen you for over a week and I have actually forgotten your face; I have forgotten how you look like. All I remember is how you have a preference for plaid and how I think you really need a haircut.

I have also not forgotten how terribly nice of a person you are and how likeable you are to everyone. And more than anything, I also will never forget the great cheesy irony of how I feel about you – how awkward I feel around you but at the same time how right at home I feel with you. Whoah. That WAS cheesy.

I’m a little confused with this, I don’t know what this is. I know I like the idea of you but I’m not sure if I like you you. You are excellent on paper and my biggest fear is that I have projected all these winning qualities on you, given I have written a shitload about you. Thoughts not necessarily of facts about you but more of thoughts of how I think you are. I’m scared that I’m liking a phantom person; made of all the awesome things I badly want you to be.

But I guess I’m too giddy to pay attention to that now. I’m too drunk with possibilities to actually consider how loud a thud this would make if it ends up falling apart. Today, all my head cares about is how I’m liking how this is turning out in my head. What I’m sure of is how when I got hit on by this someone with that {insert weird compliment} , all I could think about was how much I like you.

This is getting scarier and scarier as I put more and more blocks on top of this {insert name} tower. I keep pulling blocks from behind my ear as I watch the tower grow. Some of it real, none of it real; I don’t really know, I can’t really tell.

Or it could be just as simple as me liking someone. But I refuse to see it as that. Because even if this can get scary, all this creation of a phantom person, all the endless possibilities, it’s infinitely funner than just calling it what it exactly is – simply liking someone. Let's roll with it for now.

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