Friday, October 31, 2008

Not bright and shine-y

Alone time has been in abundance for the past months. Had alone time been clothes money, I would've had a dozen closets bursting to the seams. I've always been a fan of alone time, gives you decent thinking time, to mull over important and non-important things, to sort feelings and thoughts, and sometimes to just break free from everyone else. It's supposed to be a break. I guess things are different when the break becomes the regular grind. That's how it's been for me lately. I guess alone time's like chocolate -- good in small amounts and the occasional binge, but gets you a little nauseous when taken a little too much.

But even if I'm complaining about a little too much alone time, it still does me good somehow. I drown in my own thoughts and I learn about myself. From the mooshy gooshy reflections, I just figured how much of a dark person I am. I kind of already know that optimism's not really my thing, but I never really realized how much aversed I am to being all hopeful and bright.

I figured It's kind of odd that my thoughts are more inclined dark side considering I'm all bright and shiney in conversations. A little too bubbly for strangers, my friends would say. But left on my own, my mind is a dark hole of non-positivity.

Err, maybe I just need decent conversations.

A week ago, I decided to try positivity and happiness because i figured it's all in the mind. I thought if I focus my energies on trying to see the bright and happy, I'd get to see it. It was more difficult than I thought. Dunno, I guess old habits really die hard. So now just a few days after that "decision" non-positivity has taken over again. Maybe I could use a mini cheering squad to give pep talks on positivity. Or maybe to bring real sunshine.

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