Friday, January 07, 2011

The Holiday Fuzzy Feeling Conundrum

(You can tell I has alotta fun putting up that title! My most recent The Big Bang Theory episode just finished downloading, so if you're wondering where the heck that title came from, there goes your answer.)

I'm not such a fan of the holidays, that much I know about myself. I still haven't gotten to the bottom of it (let me get back to you on that after I discuss it with my shrink -- after I find me a shrink) so no elaborate explanations yet from me.

This year though may be monumental in that it marks the first year that went by without me "feeling the season". I was surprised about not getting that "Warm And Fuzzy *Just Because* It's The Holidays" feeling in the tummy this year, not even once. That's a thing, right?

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Though I am not one to be all jumpy about Christmas, I remember every year since as far as I can remember,  getting that holiday feeling -- from a cold breeze, from seeing all the lights and trimmings, heck, sometimes even from just the Christmassy smell of the air! You know that feeling? It's that moment you have when the sheer happiness of the holidays dawns on you and everything is so rife with cheer that you feel it. The feeling fills you up and you walk with a little bounce on your heels, at least during the height of the season. I'm not the biggest fan of the holidays but I still get a high from "feeling" the holidays.

This year though (2010 I mean), was different. I was waiting for it to hit me. I saw the lights, I got gifts (thank you to all my friends and family who went out of their way to get me something! The "magical" feeling my be gone but I am grateful for all of you!), I felt the cool breeze, but the "magical" feeling never came.  I think this is me officially being ushered into adulthood, albeit in a very unceremonious, a little sad way.

The holidays came and went and my now adult brain tried to make sense of it. Usually, at this time of the year, after getting that holiday high, I automatically shift to pensive and brooding (in a good, reflective way), I become extra nice, and yeah there's that proverbial spring in my step. But this year, I was just my normal self -- sometimes angry sometimes angst-y, but most of the time, I couldn't care less. Oh well.

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