Monday, July 09, 2007

on pain and a random song

i was pretty surpirsed when i found this song on my iPod. yes, i kinda remember having downloaded Maria Mena songs, but this song was more like i-like-maria-mena-i-will-download-her-songs than i-reaally-like-this-song-i-will-download. haha, get it? i like Maria Mena a lot for the kind of emotion that is found in all her songs. her best is basically the ones on pain, and am guessing she wrote them herself. she's high up there in the realreal heartfelt songs with Saving Jane. they know their pain well. haha.

i was really about to write about this song a few days ago but i never got to. i was still thinking how to go about writing it without sounding like something i dont want to sound like :P and shyeah, this morning i found this article by Lucy Gomez in the Star (my favorite lifestyle writer next to Celine Lopez :D) and i thought what she wrote would meld perfecly with the Maria Mena song.

here are excerpts of her article "What I know about pain":

"...We have all experienced pain, for many reasons, in varying degrees and through different seasons in our personal journey. And what I have learned to respect is that always it is relative -- what breaks the heart of one may not be as crushing to another, what disables and numbs me for three months may merely be a one-week emotional injury for you...

... My blue jacket was a very sad reminder of a very sad time in my
life, but for some strange reason I could not let it go. I am very sentimental
that why did i make it a mission to deal with a worn-out blue jacket
that I have every reason to banish from my sight and life forever? Why was it so
hard to put away? I did try, countless times. But i would always pick it up
again from the pile, hang it again in my closet. Maybe I felt, at that time,
that putting it out of my sight would not necessarily put the sad situation out
of mind. maybe I was afraid that tangibly weeding the path before me of anything
that reminded me of something sad was unrealistic and escapist, and that the
sadness would, in due course, chase me down in more vicious run if I did not
deal with it then and there. maybe i was trying to numb myself, to be immune to
something so pretty and rise above little things like shapeless blue jackets
reminding of bigger things like pain. I really do not know for sure. I just know
that was what I did then.... is very difficult to write about pain when you
are sitting in the midst of it because the tendency is for the tears to tumble
out even faster than the words but writing about it much later, at a
time in your life, makes you see it through different eyes, and with the wisdom
that was meant to be absorbed more than the sorrow that came along with it

... So what do i know about pain? I know it has to be treated with respect. Feel it and
get to know it, because only then will you be able to
let it go. Know you are
entitled to your one last cry and make sure that happens on your own terms; let
no one tell you, you are grieving too much or too little. Be true to yourself
and what you feel but while at it, wait expectantly for healing to come because,
trust me, it will come. All wounds heal in time. We knew that as children then,
we have to believe that as adults know...

...Why do I still keep my blue jacket?
Because it reminds me that the time does come when you can actually talk, even laugh about something that once made you cry."

What I know About Pain by Lucy Gomez

Sunday Lifestyle, The Philippine Star

8 Jul 2007

and this is Maria Mena's song, Miss You Love:

I've run out of complicated theories
So now I'm taking back my words
and I'm preparing for the breakdown

Your t-shirt's lost its smell of you
and the bathroom's still a mess
remind me why we decided this was for the best
Because I miss you love

I know the distance is a factor
but I stretch as often as I can
My goal is to reach your hands anyday now

Please don't blame me for trying
to fix this one last time
I have a hard time as it is
Because I miss you love

Don't act like you don't know me
It's still me, I never changed
I'll be here when you come back
And I miss you love

and no, i wrote not because i am still in pain. am good :D really. this thing just got me thinking. naisip ko lang, back then, pride really got in the way. i was trying to show eveyone that i was good. i was putting up this show even with myself, because yes, i had pride issues that bigggg. haha, i think i actually still have them :P

i was just wondering, what would have happened kaya if i seriously thought abuot my issues and let the course of grieving(?) or whatever ang tawag dun. like had i not jumped at certain steps in the process, would i have come out better? random thoughts. but then again, i know i can say confidently that i trust the Master Plan and that whatever happend SHOULD really have happened. but yeah, i must admit, sometimes it really is difficult to try to make sense out of the events. but then again, i take comfort in the fact that i KNOW for a fact that, all is well AND will end well :D

1 comment:

  1. heya... :)

    i actually read that's a really nice article..not really a fan of her column but i found myself reading it as well this morning.

    but it's prety long rin, 'no?hahaha!


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