Saturday, July 26, 2008

Regression is the path of least resistance

Post-college, that part where you're unemployed, not earning, the part I am in now, is confusing. Part of me wants to rush into, you know, "the world", and prove I am that young thing and I am out to stake my claim in the big baad world of business. But in the same breath I say also that another part of me wants to go back to UP, reclaim that steady life I used to lead just a meager 5 months ago. It probably isn't steady the way, you know staying home is laidback, but steady the way you know how the next weeks, months even, are going to figure. I loved that life. It was exciting and both predictable and unpredictable -- the greatest oxymoron of all time, at least in my 21-year old life.

In that life, I wake up at 8, exactly how things are supposed to be, and then find my way 10 minutes late to my 10AM class. I have lunch at the caf, on more exciting days Mcdo Katip, and then go on with the day's remaining classes. At 5.30 I walk my way to CAL, past the Sunken Garden, past the sweaty joggers, my fingers crossed hoping I stumble into Mike in his sweaty glory (which, by the way, never happened, unfortunately), past the AS steps, and then Kuya Taho, and then find my way to Spanky, that purty WC abode. We laugh our lungs out at WC until we have to light candles because darkness has set in. And then we have to leave because the CAL mosquitoes are going to eat us alive if we don't.

I thought if I went back to the uni, things will feel pretty much the same. The last time I did, I felt like an alien. I was walking the very same pavements but things just aren't the same. I didn't know anyone and I couldn't gloat about knowing half the CSSP population. It was just, different. This thing came like a big bong in the head,telling me that this just isn't how things roll anymore.

I'm being pulled at both ends -- looking forward, looking backwards. Optimism's not my best trait, maybe that's why I am regression's poster kid. Gah.

Anyhoo, because I like things themed (and I love that title up there :P) my musical preferences have been going back to the 90's. The last week saw me filching off the internet OPM 90's style, that familiar band-y sound of angsty teenagers whose songs I didn't know the titles to, back in third grade. Those bands back in grade school I pretended to know because that was what's cool. Hehe. Taking regression to the next level, I go back to the glory days of OPM in the 90's. This Eraserheads song (H'wag Mo Nang Itanong) got me stuck and thinking about some crunchy food for thought:
Field trip sa may pagawaan ng lapis
Ay katulad ng buhay natin
Isang mahabang pila
Mabagal at walang katuturan

I miss the 90's. I miss UP, too. Gah.

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