Friday, October 23, 2009

Oh, Adulthood

It's always nice to know you're not alone in the confusion (via @timirose)

It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are many things about yourself that you didn’t know and may not like.You start feeling
insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now. You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren’t exactly the greatest people you ever met; the people you have lost touch with some of the most important ones. You also start to realize that it is truly amazing when two strangers become the best of friends, but it is truly devastating when the best of friends become two strangers. What you don’t recognize is that they are realizing that too, and aren’t really cold, catty, mean, or insecure, but that they are as confused as you.

You look at your job and it is not even close to what you thought you would be doing. Or maybe you are looking for a job and realizing that you are going to have to
start at the bottom and that scares you. Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and are constantly adding things to your list of what is acceptable and what isn’t. One minute you are insecure and the next, secure.

You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life.
You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away, and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward.

You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved so much could do such damage to you. Or you lie in bed and wonder why you can’t meet anyone decent enough that you want to get to know better. Or maybe you love someone but love someone else too and cannot figure out why you are doing this because you know that you aren’t a bad person. One night stands and random hookups start to look cheap. Getting wasted and acting like an idiot doesn’t seem as fun. You go through
the same emotions and questions over and over, and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision. You worry about loans, money, the future, and making a life for yourself and maybe for someone else…and while winning the race would be great, right now you’d just like to be a contender. What you may not realize is that everyone reading this relates to it in some way or another. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure the whole thing out. “Life is not measured by the amount of breaths we take but by the amount of moments that take our breath away.”

—Unknown Author

If you’re going through this, know that you’re not the only one. <3>

I am amazed at how it turned my confusion into a poetic struggle :P But yeah, there's so much comfort in not being the ONLY one at it. Here's to the confusion and the hope that we shall all come out of this, look back, and able to say "it's all good."

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