psycho babble

i hate it when i have to tiptoe around certain people. yes i understand people have issues, because if there's anyone that understands issues and sensitive treading ground, i can say i know without battting an eyelash.what i don't don't understand is that why the crackling of broken eggshells under my toes always happen to get to the most sensitive of people -- even when i am extremely careful. don't anger the gods they say, i always do in the weirdest, most unintentional ways. and what i hate more is that i can't just dismiss these people as psychos, cos they hold a weird form a leverage against me.

i hate it that they act the way they do. and i hate it that they complicate things when we all very well know it can be easy. i don't get it why there are things we don't laugh at when we just can. i don't get it why eveything is blown out of proportion, when things are dealt with violently when they can be resolved in better ways. i don't see the point of freaking out all the time. i'd understand if after the hissy fit we're all laughing and friends again. i don't get it why hissy fits are becoming a regular thing.

i hate making money an issue. it's just plain icky. it's probably that weird thing about me being an escapist. in denial, blind, bonkers, call it whatever you want. there are many things i know are happening but i'd rather not talk about. recognize even. and i hate myself too, for that.

and You, in your power and control, why don't You at least show some support. i know its always your call, and i truly respect that. i am just saddened by the absence of a refuge when i need it most. even if i call on You, i don't find answers. i don't find comfort. and i hate it that i know it's my fault. i need you most now. please help me sort.

why is the empty house beginning to feel like

a permanent thing in my life?

take me away.

i sit by the window and hope in my heart that you hear.

i know you do.