monday night

happy birthday Dianne Miranda! :D twenteen is fun :)
i hope i get to see you guys reaally soon :D

***

i have so much to do.

• 3 individual papers for OpMan, one for each speak up
• OpMan company audit with my econ group
• ocean spray case for global marketing
• Total in Sudan case for cross cultural
• French report on friday/tuesday that's a reaally huge chunk of my cross cultural grade
• php82-worth readings for WC which i need to read faaaast
• friday is workshop piece deadline *dies*

but i get to blog. this is me and my thing with proscratination. pft, i just cant do eeet.

***

caught Ratatouille last saturday with the folks. it was fun, errr... kinda. yeah, funny. i was just prolly off somewhere, space cadette signing off. haha. anyhoo, we came in early for --- *drumroll* the trailers! :D i wanna watch everythingggg.

• evan almighty -- steve carell is a hit :) i need happy thoughts. haha.
• license to wed -- and again, robin williams i a sure hit :) and yeah, everyody could use some mush.
• enchanted -- patrick dempsey. nuff said :P but really, in my attempt to use words and not just onomatopoeias (spell right?), it's a story book set in new york where random production numbers like those in Grease are laughed at on the streets. things dont meld perfectly because there are bikers on the street and people doing their things. looks like a fun watch.
• national treasure + somethingsomething -- i think my dad wants to watch :D i might get to see it for freeeee :) weeee.
• no reservations -- catherine zeta-jones and this italian person with the cleft chin in the kitchen as chefs. so this was the movie tet wanted to see. and now i want to see it, too -- with him. screwmeermscrewhimnlangormaybescrewus. pft.

***

i need break. a really looong one. this is bad. am graduating in two sems time and i dont feel like an adult. i should be thinking grand plans of conquering the world by storm, like any normal, dreaming college kid. but no. am here, doing non-value adding things and NOT dreaming. pft. am weirdly happy though. am just not sure if that's a good combination -- NOT dreaming and happy. life expects so much of me and am scared i just might not deliver.

BA third front

am now on Rach's lappy here in the lobby. i wait for her while she gets the car from law from her sister. i sit here in solitude err.. not exactly, kanina ka was here and ermm.. i have clover ships and a bottle of c2 for company :) and now friendcess is here :D -- asking about harry for tom :)

***

the worst thing in the world -- poopy and sleepy and helpless about it. and friendcess says yes :P we were at gia's last night working our asses off for that 102 report on celebrity endorsers. and no sleep. lemme say that again, NO SLEEP. no freakinshuteye. well i kinda had, twentyfreakin minutes. dude, ive been awake for 31 hours! ayayay. goodbye dreams about good skin. and rach is here -- and si friendcess papasok na. and rach says yes about the poopy-ness. yes, like Rj Ledesma says, there's weird humor about bodily excretions.

the 102 report was kinda okay. and for me, i talked to much. like the way i always do when i try to cope with extreme pressure and stress that i cant run away from. err.. like that report earlier. i felt like a running faucet that i couldnt turn off. you can just imagine how frustrating that was -- and no, contrary to popular belief, i wasnt, i repeat WAS NOT grandstanding. who would grandstand that way when i couldnt even get good grip of the words i use. arhgh, that bxtch of stuttering. die you freakin thing, die!

***

i figured i was really very tense earlier because iw as literally hurling invectives at every possible inanimate object. and then later, the i couldnt stop saying the g-word, and the f-word, the s-word said the UP way and all those amateur badmouthing. i am not ususally panicky, at least i'd like to think am not, but this morning i was jumpy like crazy. and let me just let this thing out --- shiyeet.

eveything to day was a bad blow to my ego. and no, this is not about some random person fxckxng the day out for me. it's an ego issue thing. pft. when things cdan freakin go wrong, they always freakin do.

and no am not an angry kid. just an angry writer today :)

school so far

• since i got myself very involved (i.e., seriously going through readings, pondering ideas) in the social sciences (i.e., last summer for socio10), BA doesnt seem to make sense anymore to me. i need my BA groove back. sems starting, in a few days we will swamped with an overwhelming school load, hence i have very little time to go and ponder BA making sense. gimme back my BA magic :(
• i dont know what happens and why it happens -- but i get seriously pissed whenever my dad tells me to "budget my time" and "fix my study habits". i know he means well, but i feel looked down at. it gives me the feeling that i have no control over the use of my time and that i need constant reminders to get right on track. its an issue i have yet to settle. hrmmm.
• i was freaking scared about meeting my OpMan groupmates. i transferred classes and missedfirst day in my new class. at the GVT room, i was handed 3 index cards and made to choose the group i wanted to join. the first two each gave me reason to not go there. the third pink card was a group of names that dont ring a bell, at all -- not even a teeny ring. it was a leap of faith (or the lak of choice:P) that made me sign the card. i was in -- i memorized one name, Fatima Zuniga, and prepped myself for looking for her and meeting the group. Friday came and i was in a frenzied, anxiety attack (nope, i just wanted to type that that :P).i came in, looked for Fatima, introduced myself, and they took me in -- just like that :) my happiness was ineffable :D yey! five more introductions later, am officially part of that group *pats myself -- good choice. good choice :)*
• i felt like a total doofus in EL50 class. totally helpless doofus. we were told to find groups, bring colored markers, and that there was a "floor" activity next meeting. who would have thought we would be asked to draw the Western Europe map? i will not even be able to find Greece within five seconds in a world map -- wt*, much less draw. everyone in my group was like Germany's right here, then Italy's shaped like this, and SPain's big, and where's Portugal again? gaaaaaahd. i am soo going to go through my map. seriously. i will know where Lituania is and where United Kingdom is. i will. and i can tell my next group where the freaking border is dividing Africa and Europe -- if in case we will drawing again, anytime soon. anyhoo, my group's map kind of went through a continental drift and we kind of zapped countries off the Europe map, so i wasnt that thaaaat bad. competing in tanga-ness is never a consolation though. ugh, pathetic.
• i have a problem. a biiiig problem. i just figured SEA 30 doesnt count as an MST. now am in deep shit. i have EL50 for AH sana, and then SEA30 for MST. now that i have 2 AH subjects and no MST, i'd have to go 21 freaking units next sem, to make room for the MST i missed -- on the freaking sem that i am 129-ing. fate is a big bxatch. carelessness an even bigger bxatch. gah, what am i to do. pft. that was how my plans went.
• i dont write when am emotionally unstable -- like when am angry, feeling pathetic, PMS-ing, grieving, or anything that disturbs my emotional stability/balance (assuming i actually have that). i just figured taht out last night.
• i have stopped crushing on *ermmmm..*. ambilis nga nag-fade ng novelty, sad. i probably should have taken easy on the stalking. haha :P i need a new one. anyone? :) nyahaha..
• the magic is gone. seriously this time, at hindi lang emote na para kunwari may emo shxt ako. i dont think the conversations i make can still make this one happy-er/better. we have probably sucessfully eased out each other from our systems. and no one is to blame, really. it was nobody's fault, and nobody's really wanted this -- ermmm, at least for me. but yeah, i am sad -- at least that's what i am supposed to feel from the logic of friendship -- but life goes on. ganun talaga eh.