*(A little background story, I started the new year by rocking the stable boat that is my sweet permanent job. More on how my professional decision was turned into an emotional preference on a later post.One more thing, I am rewriting a scratch paper scribble from Saturday -- which means "yesterday" is Friday.)
Yesterday wasn't a good day. I am being given a pseudo-cold treatment and being slowly eased out from the system (understandably, i guess), and my heart is breaking from having happy conversations with people who I have no balls to break the news to. Plus overstretched hamstrings on my right leg are giving me a weird limp. It's an emotional cloudy day and the limp isn't helping. I just knew it was a bad day when even in Combat class, right smack in front of the instructor I have been drooling over for the longest time, the gloomy feeling doesn't go away.
On a totally different note, even in the midst of my sad day, some hot instructor doing really hot tricep push ups made me smile -- the same one teaching the Combat class, whom I have been drooling over since the day I saw him teach, who oddly looks like my crush from grade 2, and who, sadly, is attracted to boys too. While I was also rejoicing the fact that I am now able to actually do a push up (err, not really -- a half push up, more like it, but yay! still because that is biiiigg improvement from my not-push up three months ago), someone else doing push ups made my day. Is it odd and is it just me? Men doing push ups are just sexy :) Or maybe it makes men look really strong and very much in control. Whichever way it works my psychology, men doing push ups are a way to brighten a sad day :P
Excuse me while I wipe off drool. I'm sorry but the thought of combat boy doing his set is enough to make me smile writing about it. Til next Friday R :P
Monday, January 12, 2009
Friday, January 02, 2009
Happy stories to start the new year :)
Turning over a new leaf emotions-wise, this entry marks my saying goodbye to brooding and sad. 2008 has seen my lifetime quota of sad stories, rants, and whiny-slash-needy versions of myself, so say hello to a happier version of writing. (I just heard the first Boo! from Friendcess and today, I choose to look away. Haha!)
Holiday Loot
Show off me couldn't resist bragging my new "toys". I call them my Holiday loot :) Cheap boxing gear - white hand wraps and a badass kusot punching bag. I'll save some Robitusin in my medicine stash, might need it after I get all the saw dust into my lungs. Hehe.
Forgive the photos. The kiddie excitement got the better of me. Never leave a kid with new toys alone with a self-timer camera. Hehe.
(I can totally see the "huh?" look on your face, Friendcess. I shall explain. You Should thank me, this post has given you a lot of airtime!)
Let's back up a bit. About 3 months ago, I said to myself, "Life feels boring. I wake up in the morning, punch in at 8 in the office, slave away for 8 hours, and then go home to perennially arguing parents, watch bad TV, and then hit the sack feeling like tomorrow's going to be just like today. Ooh, why don't I join a gym?" The rant on the template days are true, but I also wanted to lose weight. Hehe. So I walked into a gym that's a 5-minute walk from the office, played gullible kid to the "sales associate" who explained how if I join that day I'll get to save so much than if I postpone it to next day. Then she started mentioning savings in the area of over ten thousand and I just had to give in. Sweet. Now I have saved over ten thousand and am gym member. Having the words me and gym in the same sentence felt weird. Hehe, took me more than a month to get used to the idea.
Oh, back to the hand wraps and the punching bag. So yeah, I've been hitting the gym for quite a while and I've taken to fancy this mixed martial arts class called Body Combat. It fuses boxing, Muay Thai, Tae Kwondo, Capoeira, Tai Chi, among other martial arts and condenses it into an hour long class. A few weeks into the class looking stupid with my funny kicks and punches has paid off I think, as I can now give mean stares to the newbies who look funnier than me. Mwehehe. Suffice it to say, I took to liking the class a lot I wanted my own gear so I can do stuff even when I'm in the house. So in a moment of weakness yesterday at Toby's in Galleria while waiting for my mother-sponsored pedi to dry, I gave in. I bought the punching bag and the hand wraps as I'd like to call it, Holidays treats for the self :) Yay! to Christmas bonuses and the gall turn a blind eye to savings accounts that haven't seen deposits in a long time. Haha!
Random, have I mentioned that the Friday Combat instructor is hot? Haha. This is why Friday's are much awaited :) Went to the class early this evening and the he just came back from roughly a full month's absence. So yeah, Happy new year -- if you know what I mean. Haha!
MMFF and the Foursome
What Christmas season is complete without getting your fill of the Tagalog movies brought to you by film companies, "bilang pamaskong handog sa mga Pilipino"? Watched Desperadas2 last night at Eastwood with high school boys and girls, and excuse me while I fight back a mini vomit at the thought of having to fork over P156 to watch it. I've always been extra forgiving of Tagalog movies because I love Aga Muhlach and John Lloyd and Bea. But this last movie left our heads spinning. It was much like watching classroom skits from high school in that it relied heavily on the supposedly funny acting and threw any semblance of a story out the window. They just threw in girls with big boobs, and crossed their fingersthe audience finds it funny. Let's not even get to the script.
Ooh, turning a new leaf entry. Wait, I'll save the rants. Err, maybe squeeze in a few after the happy photos :P
My heart goes to Jamie for the extra frustrating job of putting together get togethers for the barkada. Yesterday, in a desperate attempt to make sure we go out before we go back to school and work, the 4 of us, Jamie, Cho, Bri, and I, went out. Save for the initial tension, it turned out happy. Cho was nice enough to buy dinner for us, squeeze in the bad movie, and then there was coffee after, and plenty of stories about boys and girls and how difficult it is for them to be together.
I'm excited for the Saturday encore :)
Holiday Loot
Show off me couldn't resist bragging my new "toys". I call them my Holiday loot :) Cheap boxing gear - white hand wraps and a badass kusot punching bag. I'll save some Robitusin in my medicine stash, might need it after I get all the saw dust into my lungs. Hehe.
Forgive the photos. The kiddie excitement got the better of me. Never leave a kid with new toys alone with a self-timer camera. Hehe.
(I can totally see the "huh?" look on your face, Friendcess. I shall explain. You Should thank me, this post has given you a lot of airtime!)
Let's back up a bit. About 3 months ago, I said to myself, "Life feels boring. I wake up in the morning, punch in at 8 in the office, slave away for 8 hours, and then go home to perennially arguing parents, watch bad TV, and then hit the sack feeling like tomorrow's going to be just like today. Ooh, why don't I join a gym?" The rant on the template days are true, but I also wanted to lose weight. Hehe. So I walked into a gym that's a 5-minute walk from the office, played gullible kid to the "sales associate" who explained how if I join that day I'll get to save so much than if I postpone it to next day. Then she started mentioning savings in the area of over ten thousand and I just had to give in. Sweet. Now I have saved over ten thousand and am gym member. Having the words me and gym in the same sentence felt weird. Hehe, took me more than a month to get used to the idea.
Oh, back to the hand wraps and the punching bag. So yeah, I've been hitting the gym for quite a while and I've taken to fancy this mixed martial arts class called Body Combat. It fuses boxing, Muay Thai, Tae Kwondo, Capoeira, Tai Chi, among other martial arts and condenses it into an hour long class. A few weeks into the class looking stupid with my funny kicks and punches has paid off I think, as I can now give mean stares to the newbies who look funnier than me. Mwehehe. Suffice it to say, I took to liking the class a lot I wanted my own gear so I can do stuff even when I'm in the house. So in a moment of weakness yesterday at Toby's in Galleria while waiting for my mother-sponsored pedi to dry, I gave in. I bought the punching bag and the hand wraps as I'd like to call it, Holidays treats for the self :) Yay! to Christmas bonuses and the gall turn a blind eye to savings accounts that haven't seen deposits in a long time. Haha!
Random, have I mentioned that the Friday Combat instructor is hot? Haha. This is why Friday's are much awaited :) Went to the class early this evening and the he just came back from roughly a full month's absence. So yeah, Happy new year -- if you know what I mean. Haha!
MMFF and the Foursome
What Christmas season is complete without getting your fill of the Tagalog movies brought to you by film companies, "bilang pamaskong handog sa mga Pilipino"? Watched Desperadas2 last night at Eastwood with high school boys and girls, and excuse me while I fight back a mini vomit at the thought of having to fork over P156 to watch it. I've always been extra forgiving of Tagalog movies because I love Aga Muhlach and John Lloyd and Bea. But this last movie left our heads spinning. It was much like watching classroom skits from high school in that it relied heavily on the supposedly funny acting and threw any semblance of a story out the window. They just threw in girls with big boobs, and crossed their fingersthe audience finds it funny. Let's not even get to the script.
Ooh, turning a new leaf entry. Wait, I'll save the rants. Err, maybe squeeze in a few after the happy photos :P
My heart goes to Jamie for the extra frustrating job of putting together get togethers for the barkada. Yesterday, in a desperate attempt to make sure we go out before we go back to school and work, the 4 of us, Jamie, Cho, Bri, and I, went out. Save for the initial tension, it turned out happy. Cho was nice enough to buy dinner for us, squeeze in the bad movie, and then there was coffee after, and plenty of stories about boys and girls and how difficult it is for them to be together.
I'm excited for the Saturday encore :)
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Unannounced semi-hiatus over -- ooh, and Happy New Year! :)
It's been (checks date of last post...) two whole months since I last wrote. And as you would have guessed me say, a lot has happened since. I figured I haven't written anything about "work" formally, just snippets of car shows and pretty much teenager rants about little inconveniences (because I'm whiny like that). Hehe.
And now, the year is coming to an end, like literally. As I type, it's roughly an hour and twenty minutes to twelve midnight -- pretty much a blog entry away from the new year. I'm never really sentimental about things like the new year, but I'd like to give special shoutouts to the year that was 2008. It's a pretty big year for me. This year was the year I got out of college, got thrown into the "real world", got a job, and then another job, throw in a number of family drama, more friendship melodrama, and a lot of conversations inside my head about neverending "issues". More of that in a later post.
This coming year, I will be making resolutions, a first ever in my 21-year old life. It's only 3 simple things which I seriously think will make my life immensely happier and more satisfying. One, be more grateful. I think gratitude was sorely missed in my vocabulary this year. This wasn't an easy year, but I won't make any excuses for not seeing the good things. So yes, next year I'd like to hear more "thank you's" from myself. Two, quit not liking people from mere prejudice. Give new people a chance to prove themselves worthy -- of affection or hatred. Hehe. Because come on, it's a little too stressful pressuring yourself to like someone when the person has given you enough reason to not like him/her. But yeah, back to the thought of Resolution #2, quit the prejudice on the superficial. There's too much negativity around already, why bother adding to it with useless, and oftentimes pointless, ill will towards others. And three, be more decisive. This was the year that showed me that the grownup life requires a lot of decisions that often don't give you much thinking time. I'll add "make smart decisions and have the balls to take risks" to Resolution #3.
Remind me of this list 2 months into the new year :)
BTW, 2 exciting things from the past 2 weeks: Baguio Christmas with the family and EK with high school classmates. I'll post a photoblog for both.
If anyone's reading, Happy New Year! Have a good one :)
And now, the year is coming to an end, like literally. As I type, it's roughly an hour and twenty minutes to twelve midnight -- pretty much a blog entry away from the new year. I'm never really sentimental about things like the new year, but I'd like to give special shoutouts to the year that was 2008. It's a pretty big year for me. This year was the year I got out of college, got thrown into the "real world", got a job, and then another job, throw in a number of family drama, more friendship melodrama, and a lot of conversations inside my head about neverending "issues". More of that in a later post.
This coming year, I will be making resolutions, a first ever in my 21-year old life. It's only 3 simple things which I seriously think will make my life immensely happier and more satisfying. One, be more grateful. I think gratitude was sorely missed in my vocabulary this year. This wasn't an easy year, but I won't make any excuses for not seeing the good things. So yes, next year I'd like to hear more "thank you's" from myself. Two, quit not liking people from mere prejudice. Give new people a chance to prove themselves worthy -- of affection or hatred. Hehe. Because come on, it's a little too stressful pressuring yourself to like someone when the person has given you enough reason to not like him/her. But yeah, back to the thought of Resolution #2, quit the prejudice on the superficial. There's too much negativity around already, why bother adding to it with useless, and oftentimes pointless, ill will towards others. And three, be more decisive. This was the year that showed me that the grownup life requires a lot of decisions that often don't give you much thinking time. I'll add "make smart decisions and have the balls to take risks" to Resolution #3.
Remind me of this list 2 months into the new year :)
BTW, 2 exciting things from the past 2 weeks: Baguio Christmas with the family and EK with high school classmates. I'll post a photoblog for both.
If anyone's reading, Happy New Year! Have a good one :)
Friday, October 31, 2008
Not bright and shine-y
Alone time has been in abundance for the past months. Had alone time been clothes money, I would've had a dozen closets bursting to the seams. I've always been a fan of alone time, gives you decent thinking time, to mull over important and non-important things, to sort feelings and thoughts, and sometimes to just break free from everyone else. It's supposed to be a break. I guess things are different when the break becomes the regular grind. That's how it's been for me lately. I guess alone time's like chocolate -- good in small amounts and the occasional binge, but gets you a little nauseous when taken a little too much.
But even if I'm complaining about a little too much alone time, it still does me good somehow. I drown in my own thoughts and I learn about myself. From the mooshy gooshy reflections, I just figured how much of a dark person I am. I kind of already know that optimism's not really my thing, but I never really realized how much aversed I am to being all hopeful and bright.
I figured It's kind of odd that my thoughts are more inclined dark side considering I'm all bright and shiney in conversations. A little too bubbly for strangers, my friends would say. But left on my own, my mind is a dark hole of non-positivity.
Err, maybe I just need decent conversations.
A week ago, I decided to try positivity and happiness because i figured it's all in the mind. I thought if I focus my energies on trying to see the bright and happy, I'd get to see it. It was more difficult than I thought. Dunno, I guess old habits really die hard. So now just a few days after that "decision" non-positivity has taken over again. Maybe I could use a mini cheering squad to give pep talks on positivity. Or maybe to bring real sunshine.
But even if I'm complaining about a little too much alone time, it still does me good somehow. I drown in my own thoughts and I learn about myself. From the mooshy gooshy reflections, I just figured how much of a dark person I am. I kind of already know that optimism's not really my thing, but I never really realized how much aversed I am to being all hopeful and bright.
I figured It's kind of odd that my thoughts are more inclined dark side considering I'm all bright and shiney in conversations. A little too bubbly for strangers, my friends would say. But left on my own, my mind is a dark hole of non-positivity.
Err, maybe I just need decent conversations.
A week ago, I decided to try positivity and happiness because i figured it's all in the mind. I thought if I focus my energies on trying to see the bright and happy, I'd get to see it. It was more difficult than I thought. Dunno, I guess old habits really die hard. So now just a few days after that "decision" non-positivity has taken over again. Maybe I could use a mini cheering squad to give pep talks on positivity. Or maybe to bring real sunshine.
Saturday, October 25, 2008
It's on Autopilot Overdrive
It's Day 2 today of the show in SMX. I barely completed 8 hours of sleep for the past two days combined. But tonight, I decide to kill more brain cells by staying up late, trawling the internet for err, things. As if my brain isn't damaged enough from "rarely talking" -- according to Pastor's text on brain damaging habits.
I've been thinking a lot the past week, about my decisions, plans for the coming year, and my 21-year old life in general. The kind of thinking I've been doing on autopilot hasn't been giving me any more clarity. Not saying I have clarity of thought now.
I'm physically exhausted and when I think about it, my brain's kind of tired, too. Doing a lot of thinking without getting to resolve anything is a betch.
Dear God, I know you know our hearts even before we tell you things in prayer. You know my heart more than I do, and you know how confused it is. I've said what I think will give it clarity more times than I care to count. I've said it in prayer, and now I'm saying with a blog entry. Internet's supposedly faster in heaven, isn't it?
***
My hands are shaking from carrying this torch, from carrying this torch for you.
~ Sondre Lerche
I've been thinking a lot the past week, about my decisions, plans for the coming year, and my 21-year old life in general. The kind of thinking I've been doing on autopilot hasn't been giving me any more clarity. Not saying I have clarity of thought now.
I'm physically exhausted and when I think about it, my brain's kind of tired, too. Doing a lot of thinking without getting to resolve anything is a betch.
Dear God, I know you know our hearts even before we tell you things in prayer. You know my heart more than I do, and you know how confused it is. I've said what I think will give it clarity more times than I care to count. I've said it in prayer, and now I'm saying with a blog entry. Internet's supposedly faster in heaven, isn't it?
***
My hands are shaking from carrying this torch, from carrying this torch for you.
~ Sondre Lerche
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Wuss twice over
Yesterday, I tried the cycling class for the first time. From outside the glass walls of the room, it all looked normal and do-able -- I thought to myself, heck, I biked a lot when I was younger, how difficult could it be. Apparently, conceit has its costs. 5 minutes into the class and I was proven wrong, very wrong, into thinking that just because you biked as a kid you can survive a cycling class.
The class requires you to bike standing up pretty much the whole hour. Not to mention that while biking standing up, you have to do all these crunches and dance moves. They all look pretty easy, but when done on a bike, pedaling while standing up makes you writhe in pain. I tried standing up the first part of the class. For one, because I wanted to follow the instructor and two, it's a group class so every person that deviates from the norm is given mean stares with thought bubbles that say WUSS in all caps. But less than 5 minutes into trying to be obedient, my legs were crying out in pain. The pain was a killer, my legs feel like they just want to fall off my knees.
So I sat on the seat, and tried to recover. But every time I try to stand up, the sensation comes back and I am forced to sit. And well, take the mean stares and judging looks. Total wuss. What made it all the more embarrassing was I raised my hand when the instructor asked for first timers at the beginning of the class. So she kept asking me all throughout the class if I was doing okay. I give a weak smile and an unsure nod.
I really wanted the cycling class cause they make for killer legs. But gah, it kills you first before you get to the killer legs part. And I thought, falling asleep in yoga class was embarassing enough.
Anyhoo, since wuss is rad (at least with my life now), here's a scratch paper scribble on a moment of weakness :P
Had you been an ass, it would've been easier to tell if you felt the same. You can be something else to everyone and be this poster kid for nice for me. You are nice and well-mannered and pretty much everything I wanted a guy to be. It's just that, you're like that to everyone. You're nice to everyone, you look genuinely interested in everyone, and you make yourself really easy to like for everyone. If I put shades of meaning to how you are to me, I become the ass of a feeler, pretty much. I wish things were as easy as coming up to you, telling you that I like you, asking you if you like me back, and getting an answer. If your answer were yes, I'd be badass happy. If you're anwer were no though, we could still go on like usual and I can just drop the whole thing altogether. I'd figure you're not into me and we'd both move on and not be awkward.
But really, I can cross my fingers for three lifetimes and still not have that happen, the no part at least. I know I said the magic has gone along with the butterflies in the tummy, but that's just egotistical me trying to put on a winning face because a month into it and you still haven't shown clear signs that you're into me. As much as I'd want to be not into you anymore, I still am. And it sucks that I'm not sure about you. Bah, have dinner with me :|
The class requires you to bike standing up pretty much the whole hour. Not to mention that while biking standing up, you have to do all these crunches and dance moves. They all look pretty easy, but when done on a bike, pedaling while standing up makes you writhe in pain. I tried standing up the first part of the class. For one, because I wanted to follow the instructor and two, it's a group class so every person that deviates from the norm is given mean stares with thought bubbles that say WUSS in all caps. But less than 5 minutes into trying to be obedient, my legs were crying out in pain. The pain was a killer, my legs feel like they just want to fall off my knees.
So I sat on the seat, and tried to recover. But every time I try to stand up, the sensation comes back and I am forced to sit. And well, take the mean stares and judging looks. Total wuss. What made it all the more embarrassing was I raised my hand when the instructor asked for first timers at the beginning of the class. So she kept asking me all throughout the class if I was doing okay. I give a weak smile and an unsure nod.
I really wanted the cycling class cause they make for killer legs. But gah, it kills you first before you get to the killer legs part. And I thought, falling asleep in yoga class was embarassing enough.
Anyhoo, since wuss is rad (at least with my life now), here's a scratch paper scribble on a moment of weakness :P
Had you been an ass, it would've been easier to tell if you felt the same. You can be something else to everyone and be this poster kid for nice for me. You are nice and well-mannered and pretty much everything I wanted a guy to be. It's just that, you're like that to everyone. You're nice to everyone, you look genuinely interested in everyone, and you make yourself really easy to like for everyone. If I put shades of meaning to how you are to me, I become the ass of a feeler, pretty much. I wish things were as easy as coming up to you, telling you that I like you, asking you if you like me back, and getting an answer. If your answer were yes, I'd be badass happy. If you're anwer were no though, we could still go on like usual and I can just drop the whole thing altogether. I'd figure you're not into me and we'd both move on and not be awkward.
But really, I can cross my fingers for three lifetimes and still not have that happen, the no part at least. I know I said the magic has gone along with the butterflies in the tummy, but that's just egotistical me trying to put on a winning face because a month into it and you still haven't shown clear signs that you're into me. As much as I'd want to be not into you anymore, I still am. And it sucks that I'm not sure about you. Bah, have dinner with me :|
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Month-end Reports and Olats Boys
I came home early tonight. By 8PM i was through with dinner. I hurriedly went up the stairs and plugged my computer to the internet. 8PM just feels so early cos last night I got home 1030, all sore and embarrassed for having fallen asleep in the middle of yoga class.
Anyhoo, now I look up the clock on the wall in front of me and I figure it's almost 11. One window has Friendcess, birthday girl in a little over an hour's time and is cramming an end month report like crazy -- and may I add, contemplating on doing feasib all over again if that's what it takes to ditch the month end report. That bad.
In the middle of this conversation of work, and that passion word yuppies ever so carelessly throw around, and random stuff sleepy people talk about, I brag about my freaky stalker skills. And then there was sharing of photos and first impressions. All of a sudden, Friendcess says the word olats and debunks this thing about me and the scruffy men. It's just weird. All this time, I thought I knew what I liked. Haha.
For the uninitiated, scruffy in real person version is Vince Chase of Entourage -- facial hair, no-fuss hairdo, and overall laidback look. I like this on guys because if you can still look hot even you are "dirty-looking" with all the facial hair, then you must be something. Scruffy is always good for me.
I thought Bboy was a fluke. And then Friendcess with the newsflash, Hey KatC You Have a Radar for a Certain Type of Boys -- the quiet, friendless, and perennially brooding ones. Hmmm.
Ooh, Almost Happy Birthday Friendcess! :) Cheers to party lines! Woot woot!
Anyhoo, now I look up the clock on the wall in front of me and I figure it's almost 11. One window has Friendcess, birthday girl in a little over an hour's time and is cramming an end month report like crazy -- and may I add, contemplating on doing feasib all over again if that's what it takes to ditch the month end report. That bad.
In the middle of this conversation of work, and that passion word yuppies ever so carelessly throw around, and random stuff sleepy people talk about, I brag about my freaky stalker skills. And then there was sharing of photos and first impressions. All of a sudden, Friendcess says the word olats and debunks this thing about me and the scruffy men. It's just weird. All this time, I thought I knew what I liked. Haha.
For the uninitiated, scruffy in real person version is Vince Chase of Entourage -- facial hair, no-fuss hairdo, and overall laidback look. I like this on guys because if you can still look hot even you are "dirty-looking" with all the facial hair, then you must be something. Scruffy is always good for me.
I thought Bboy was a fluke. And then Friendcess with the newsflash, Hey KatC You Have a Radar for a Certain Type of Boys -- the quiet, friendless, and perennially brooding ones. Hmmm.
Ooh, Almost Happy Birthday Friendcess! :) Cheers to party lines! Woot woot!
Tuesday, October 07, 2008
What do you really want.
I remember Ted Mosby saying, if you're really honest with yourself with what you want out of life, life gives it to you.
What happens to those who are clueless? Please don't say they get screwed.
***
Today is a happy day. For the most part, I got what I wished for. Oddly though, the more I got to know, the more I figured it was turning out differently from how I thought it would. I guess that is the magic of not knowing, this really ideal version with pretty much everything you hoped for. I asked a lot of questions today and I got answers to pretty much all of them. I never said I liked all the answers I got, but asking questions are fun. I just wish everyday was as easygoing as today.
Knowing takes out the magic, but I think today took out just the right of amount of magic -- fun with the butterflies in the tummy, but homey and comforting as well :)
What happens to those who are clueless? Please don't say they get screwed.
***
Today is a happy day. For the most part, I got what I wished for. Oddly though, the more I got to know, the more I figured it was turning out differently from how I thought it would. I guess that is the magic of not knowing, this really ideal version with pretty much everything you hoped for. I asked a lot of questions today and I got answers to pretty much all of them. I never said I liked all the answers I got, but asking questions are fun. I just wish everyday was as easygoing as today.
Knowing takes out the magic, but I think today took out just the right of amount of magic -- fun with the butterflies in the tummy, but homey and comforting as well :)
Friday, October 03, 2008
To my favorite Kleenex boy
In a weird and twisted off chance that you might be reading this, here’s a little piece of my mind,
***
The last time you were here, I was holding back like crazy -- I only mustered a single, lame and super short conversation and well, 2 attempts to see you. Short visits to the room you were in, hidden behind loosely disguised attempts to ask the boss legit work questions. The room which, by the way, smelled insanely like you. I hate that smell. Everywhere I go, it finds its way to my nose and I am reminded of how madly I want to be with you. I don't remember anything you did to wow me, I was just drawn to you. I guess that's the magic of this whole shebang.
So yeah, given the abrupt hello and goodbye, I guess that's it for us and this insane drumming in my chest. Goodbye little BBoy.
Sunday, September 28, 2008
Scratch Paper Thoughts
I think it's been over a month since I last took time out to vent to the great Internet black hole. I wouldn't say I've been running out of issues, maybe just running out of time. More than any other time, today is that time when issues of all sorts, shapes, and sizes abound. And I'd say not one of them lay dormant and ignored. When you don't have the time, energy, and resolve to sit down and type up your thoughts into a neat blog entry, grab some scratch paper, and scribble away. My office table is teeming with teeny bits of paper, and torn up notebook pages of very random thoughts and um, feelings. Hehe. So before I lose the papers one by one, I shall share my thoughts.
21 August 2008, Thursday (third day in the office) ~For grade school/high school kids, this means Linggo ng Wika. For me, the working kid (not the use of kid and sense the denial), today means means wading through mountains (err, not really, more like ant hills) of dirty data. Dear hands, let's get ready to roll. Heeere we go.
~Ooh, today is third day at work and second day being late. Yesterday was first and pretty excusable cause it was raining cats and dogs. But today was sunshine-y and very bright -- so why the hell am I late? And oh, it doesn't feel good. A bunch of calculator-holding, "slacks"-wearing office mates are staring me down and am pretty sure judging me -- said the paranoid girl.
~The stay at the hospital served as a reset button for me, if not all of us. Suddenly we all missed each other and we're a lot nicer. Before the hospital episode, we were all breathing down each other's necks. Mom was on Dad's case pretty much all the time, Dad bears the brunt of it all, Dad doesn't understand why Mom's upset, which makes Mom all the more upset. And me, totally acting like a teenager -- hating my parents just minus the door slamming and the answering back. Am happy we're back. And no, I don't think this is the calm before the storm. Really. (28 September 2008 EDIT: I say the reset expired already)
~The holiday can't get here fast enough. Rawr. I am not such a sleepyhead but today, shyeah. And um, pretty much everyday at 1PM. Same time, same struggle.
26 August, Tuesday
~Today I missed high school. I remembered the 920AM recess and how we would sit together by the long table, then eat dirty ice cream from Manong Del Mundo.
~Forgive the cheese, but love then was refreshing, uncomplicated, and intoxicating. Naivete was fun and forgivable. I miss being 15 and stupid.
~ I googled "turnover", that term we used a lot in .1 and .2. Today, BA made perfect sense. Oddly, I missed studying. I kinda wish I read more in college.
~ I was drowning in excel, typing like a crazy clerk in some decrepit government office. I had to type "Caloocan" way too many times and I remembered Tet. I miss him. 3 years just seems too long to start counting. 3 years at best, and it's not even sure.
28 August, Saturday
Dear Tet,
Our lives have taken us both different directions. Some of us, err one of us, towards the far West, to the States. It's been pretty difficult. I mean, you finally realize you've met your soul mate/best friend/missing sibling and two days later he has to fly some 20,2000 miles away. It's like getting the rug pulled from under you. It sucks. There's this odd feeling in you tummy, like there's this little fire inside of you that's been put out. Nothing life-altering in a big major way the way death is, but things just aren't the same -- not as happy.
2 September 2008, Tuesday
~The really difficult thing about being in a new environment, fish out of water style, is that you don't know your limits. The ground you stand on is pretty shaky. You do things and you're cheeky and inconsiderate, or so says the "pioneers"/old-timers. You don't do things and you're a lazy bastard. Any which way, there's no getting on the good side. Can't wait for the day when the lines will be defined and the things I say will hold water because I said them and not because I was told to say them. I used to always say I'm screwing my comfort zone because it's old, boring, and cowardly. I screwed it for the daring, new, and untreaded. Bravery has its costs -- and it's not cheap. I miss old, boring, cowardly, and snug.
~ I miss Ted and Robin together and Barney and Marshall and Lily. New episodes Season 4, September 29! I hope it's as bad ass funny as Season 2. I think I miss Barney more, the lame catch phrases. Sometimes I wish life was as easygoing as a sitcom -- booze, good friends, funny problems -- and over in under 20 minutes.
18 September 2008, Thursday
Why is it that when I found someone who makes decent -- I take that back, I mean really adorable, really amusing conversation, who's hot enough to send my heart racing, with really sexy shoulders they're distracting, someone I really could like for the long haul, he turns out to be... (EDIT: I don't really i can write my two descriptions of this person. Let's settle for hints: the first one has the word practicing, and the next one has the words full-blooded).
19 September, Thursday
My heart is beating like mad, I feel like a hundred horses decided to launch a parade on my chest. It's tough how when you have something really good going for you, and something really scary about to happen and all send your heart into a beating frenzy, it's crazy. You have crazy zaps of electricity going through the tips of your fingers, it's unnerving.
21 August 2008, Thursday (third day in the office) ~For grade school/high school kids, this means Linggo ng Wika. For me, the working kid (not the use of kid and sense the denial), today means means wading through mountains (err, not really, more like ant hills) of dirty data. Dear hands, let's get ready to roll. Heeere we go.
~Ooh, today is third day at work and second day being late. Yesterday was first and pretty excusable cause it was raining cats and dogs. But today was sunshine-y and very bright -- so why the hell am I late? And oh, it doesn't feel good. A bunch of calculator-holding, "slacks"-wearing office mates are staring me down and am pretty sure judging me -- said the paranoid girl.
~The stay at the hospital served as a reset button for me, if not all of us. Suddenly we all missed each other and we're a lot nicer. Before the hospital episode, we were all breathing down each other's necks. Mom was on Dad's case pretty much all the time, Dad bears the brunt of it all, Dad doesn't understand why Mom's upset, which makes Mom all the more upset. And me, totally acting like a teenager -- hating my parents just minus the door slamming and the answering back. Am happy we're back. And no, I don't think this is the calm before the storm. Really. (28 September 2008 EDIT: I say the reset expired already)
~The holiday can't get here fast enough. Rawr. I am not such a sleepyhead but today, shyeah. And um, pretty much everyday at 1PM. Same time, same struggle.
26 August, Tuesday
~Today I missed high school. I remembered the 920AM recess and how we would sit together by the long table, then eat dirty ice cream from Manong Del Mundo.
~Forgive the cheese, but love then was refreshing, uncomplicated, and intoxicating. Naivete was fun and forgivable. I miss being 15 and stupid.
~ I googled "turnover", that term we used a lot in .1 and .2. Today, BA made perfect sense. Oddly, I missed studying. I kinda wish I read more in college.
~ I was drowning in excel, typing like a crazy clerk in some decrepit government office. I had to type "Caloocan" way too many times and I remembered Tet. I miss him. 3 years just seems too long to start counting. 3 years at best, and it's not even sure.
28 August, Saturday
Dear Tet,
Our lives have taken us both different directions. Some of us, err one of us, towards the far West, to the States. It's been pretty difficult. I mean, you finally realize you've met your soul mate/best friend/missing sibling and two days later he has to fly some 20,2000 miles away. It's like getting the rug pulled from under you. It sucks. There's this odd feeling in you tummy, like there's this little fire inside of you that's been put out. Nothing life-altering in a big major way the way death is, but things just aren't the same -- not as happy.
2 September 2008, Tuesday
~The really difficult thing about being in a new environment, fish out of water style, is that you don't know your limits. The ground you stand on is pretty shaky. You do things and you're cheeky and inconsiderate, or so says the "pioneers"/old-timers. You don't do things and you're a lazy bastard. Any which way, there's no getting on the good side. Can't wait for the day when the lines will be defined and the things I say will hold water because I said them and not because I was told to say them. I used to always say I'm screwing my comfort zone because it's old, boring, and cowardly. I screwed it for the daring, new, and untreaded. Bravery has its costs -- and it's not cheap. I miss old, boring, cowardly, and snug.
~ I miss Ted and Robin together and Barney and Marshall and Lily. New episodes Season 4, September 29! I hope it's as bad ass funny as Season 2. I think I miss Barney more, the lame catch phrases. Sometimes I wish life was as easygoing as a sitcom -- booze, good friends, funny problems -- and over in under 20 minutes.
18 September 2008, Thursday
Why is it that when I found someone who makes decent -- I take that back, I mean really adorable, really amusing conversation, who's hot enough to send my heart racing, with really sexy shoulders they're distracting, someone I really could like for the long haul, he turns out to be... (EDIT: I don't really i can write my two descriptions of this person. Let's settle for hints: the first one has the word practicing, and the next one has the words full-blooded).
19 September, Thursday
My heart is beating like mad, I feel like a hundred horses decided to launch a parade on my chest. It's tough how when you have something really good going for you, and something really scary about to happen and all send your heart into a beating frenzy, it's crazy. You have crazy zaps of electricity going through the tips of your fingers, it's unnerving.
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